[Zhongzhu Wenye] Medicine specialization is amazing, isn't it?

(four)

When talking about Yosano Akiko, Osamu Dazai seemed to have remembered something, and suddenly became silent and dazed.

He subconsciously let go of his gaze, but this gaze gave me the creeps.Being stared at by such eyes, I felt a strange feeling in my heart——

Such eyes are not like the eyes that a person can have.

"By the way Shen Jun, do you know [book]?" Osamu Dazai seemed to have finally recovered from his daze.He supported his knee with his right elbow, and his chin with his palm, and turned his head to look at me with a smile.

[Book], I actually know.

When I was in contact with Osamu Dazai who became the leader before the age of 16, the memories of the manga "Bungo Stray Dogs" in my previous life came out like running water, and I also felt the same about the plot of the IF line written by the original author. There is only a general understanding... But neither the main drama nor the IF line seems to match the experience of the 16-year-old Osamu Dazai who is looking at me with his chin propped up.

The so-called [book] refers to a thing that as long as you write down the cause and effect of things, the content on the page will be realized in the real world.

So why did Osamu Dazai mention [book]?Have you seen it before?Have you read it?Or... have you used it?

"So you know." Osamu Dazai curled his lips in frustration as if he hadn't sold it, and put his right hand on his lap where he was sitting cross-legged again, "When I was 12 years old, I picked up some other world book of]."

When Ms. Yosano and I were released from prison, our mutual cheating with Mr. Mori also came to an end.

Speaking of which, when Mr. Mori was teaching me as a guardian, he would always mention Akiko Yosano, and then while lamenting why I am not a girl, he tentatively asked me if I should try wearing a skirt.

Even Alice, who was often released to play dress-up games after he killed the previous Hong Kong gangster leader, also referred to Miss Xie Ye's childhood personality.

Tsk, the scumbag really hammered.

In the end, Ms. Yosano followed Mr. Mori’s partner Fukuzawa Yukichi and left. After returning, Mr. Mori expressed his pain to me with a mournful face.

At the age of eight, I might not be able to resist his plea and really put on a skirt, but at the age of 11, I already knew his nature, so of course I justly refused.

Um?What pain do you ask that called Mr. Mori trying to make me dress up?Of course, it was the pain of being taken away by other big bad wolves for the little loli who had developed three views.

did not expect?Hee hee, I didn't think of that either.It was an astonishing surprise, wasn't it?Ah, in this cold world, only the pain of Mr. Mori can make me feel a little bit of reality.

Well, if you really want to say it, you can't say it's the big bad wolf.It should be said that the little fox raised by the big bad wolf.

It is said that when Mr. Fukuzawa and Mr. Mori were fighting for loli, the little fox Edogawa Ranbo brought by Mr. Fukuzawa groped over quietly and took away Mr. Mori's loli.

At this time, Mr. Sen has become the most trusted doctor of the leaders of the Hong Kong gangsters. Most of the suggestions he gave were adopted. His contacts in the organization even allowed him to fight another potential next leader. Almost no one in Heizhong would dare to provoke them.

So the fact that Ms. Yosano finally chose the Armed Detective Agency was a huge blow to Mr. Mori who went smoothly after arriving in Yokohama.

Eh?Smooth sailing should be used here?Well, it’s not bad, by the way, why is your focus so strange?Is it because you are a flower grower?

Ah, because I got used to it, I accidentally dragged it elsewhere.

So forgive me, Shen Jun, next I will try not to talk too much off topic, and tell you about my experience.

"Anyway, I picked up [the book] when I was 12 years old. In the same year, Mr. Mori, with my help, killed the previous leader and became the leader of the PortMafia organization." When Osamu Dazai said here His face is expressionless, his eyes are empty, like a beautifully made doll.

"Speaking of which, the books in our world may not be the same as the books in your world." Osamu Dazai seemed to remember something, his iris eyes suddenly lit up, "The books in our world The [book] is written! It’s not like your [book] is completely blank.”

Shen Yuehuan was silent for a while.

He sighed, and looked up at Dazai Osamu's excited eyes.

bring it on.Osamu Dazai said with a look in his eyes, let me see what you will say next?

Is it [so it is] a pretentious and calm statement like [So], or is it the beginning of [What's going on] that seems to be undefended against me, but actually tries to reverse the routine at me?

"Then what." Shen Yuehuan coughed dryly, "I'm a flower grower, you know that."

Dazai was stunned.

After being stunned for a second or two, he clutched his stomach and burst out laughing.He was wearing black gloves on his hands at the moment, and he could touch things in [Border Town] without any scruples, so Osamu Dazai thumped the soft grass, laughing until tears were about to flow from his eyes.

"You're more interesting than I thought." Osamu Dazai's laughter cut off abruptly.He looked at the grass below him, lowered his eyelids, and looked at the lawn intently, as if colorful flowers were blooming on this piece of greenery, "If you haven't served as the leader yet and don't know the existence of Odasaku, you He should be able to become a good friend with me."

"Is that so?" Shen Yuehuan responded calmly, "Then when I can go back, I'll go find the Dazai of our world."

"What are you looking for him for?" Osamu Dazai said softly, "I'm right here, what are you looking for him for?"

"Because you said that I can become friends with Dazai who has not yet become the leader and who doesn't know Odasaku." Shen Yuehuan said, "Actually, I know exactly what you want to say, and I also know what you are thinking. But Dazai, I am fundamentally different from you."

"Different?" Osamu Dazai narrowed his eyes, "I see...have you died? No, it's not just because of the reason you died...So, you have a reason to live?"

"But, Shen Jun, how can there be any reason for us to stay in the illusory dream? Even if there is everything in the dream and you can get everything, but when you wake up, there is only a darkness with nothing."

Shen Yuehuan didn't answer, he frowned and turned to look at Osamu Dazai.

"Dazai, did you really have a dream?"

did you really dream

When the master of the supernatural field I am currently in asked me this question, I suddenly felt chills from behind.

This coolness inexplicably appeared in my heart, like maggots attached to the bones, entangled in my body.

It was the panic of being seen through—I recognized it almost immediately.

I was completely seen by this young man named Shen Yuehuan who is only 14 years old.

The bandages on my back have been permeated by my cold sweat. If someone takes my black coat away from me at this moment, it will be easy to find that the bandages wrapped in layers on my body have become wet up.

In terms of physical dreaming, I have done it.

Although the content of the dream is not clear after waking up, and a little bit of the remembered content quickly disappeared with the sun rising, but the feeling of loss and strong sentimentality because of the experience in the dream is like It surrounds me like air, everywhere.

But if I ask whether I have ever dreamed psychologically, the answer is of course yes.

From the moment I was born in this world, I have been dreaming all the time, and even dreaming in the physical sense is nothing more than a boring brain cortical action like a dream within a dream.

So I grinned the corners of my mouth, and faced Shen Jun who was looking at me with a straight face, I showed a smile that I used to try to be nice to Mr. Mori.

Seriously, since Mr. Mori left office, I haven't smiled at people like this for a long time, and I think my smile must be very ugly at this moment.

Because although Shen Jun still had a straight face and couldn't see anything, there was a little displeasure in his eyes.

"Don't laugh if you don't want to laugh," I heard him say to me. "It's okay if you don't want to answer questions... sorry."

But what are you apologizing for?It was clearly me who was wrong.

It's the fault of me, a disqualified person in this world.

(Fives)

"If we really want to say, we are actually in dreams all the time." I commented after listening to Dazai's words, "If you want to distinguish whether it is a real dream, maybe you will know the truth on the day when death comes. "

"You're right." Osamu Dazai nodded.

The time in [Border Town] has changed from mid-afternoon to dusk at some point.The dusk was sinking, and the blood-red fire clouds added a little ominous meaning to the dusk.

Osamu Dazai is now facing away from the sun that is already half hidden under the peaks in [Border Town].He sat cross-legged on the grass, and stretched out a hand to pick up the weeds with golden light on the edges of the leaves.

The sun went down.

In the sky that has turned into a deep purple-black, a crescent moon rises from the distant horizon behind me.

I know the reason why the moon rises is because Osamu Dazai and I are sitting face to face, and the moonlight shines on his porcelain white face.

"It's so beautiful." Osamu Dazai said suddenly after a while, "I never noticed——"

"Obviously this is just an ordinary sunset and moonrise."

"Do you think this is a dream?" Shen Yuehuan asked.

"I don't know." Osamu Dazai said, "If this is a dream, then why do I have such a beautiful scene in my dream? If it is not a dream, then why can I see such a magnificent beauty?"

"If you know me, you should understand that for me—" Osamu Dazai stopped himself after saying this.

"No," he said, "you'd better not get to know me."

I pondered for a while and agreed with his words.

"Let's put this topic aside and continue with my story." Osamu Dazai said, "Where did we just talk?"

"Speaking of which other world book I picked up when I was 12 years old... right?"

The day I picked up [the book] was exactly the day after my birthday.

I picked up the book on a corner of Saibo Street.

It's strange to say that I was not interested in books at first, even if I usually read various academic books given to me by Mr. Mori, it was just to pass the time in my spare time.

But on that day, I wanted to go into Leibo Street on a whim... Although Mr. Hirotsu who was following me was a little surprised, he followed me into Leibo Street.

To be honest, Leibo Street was not peaceful at that time.Be it the Sheep, the Takase Club, or the GSS, almost all of them chose to start the war on the Leibo Street side with PortMafia, who just changed its leader.

As Mr. Mori's staff officer, after all, I followed him to do a lot of tasks, but I didn't have any offensive abilities.Therefore, in the eyes of this group of people, I am Mr. Sen's best weakness.

So I was not surprised at all when I was surrounded by their three-party elite members.

But in fact, the operation of getting out is also very simple.In a few words, I asked them to fight on their own. After all, their alliance is only a contract maintained by a note, and the sheep is the soft persimmon among the three parties.

An organization full of kids couldn't be easier to handle.

But even now, I feel that there is one thing that is very unreasonable-in the four years before that, [Sheep] grew very steadily after its establishment to the point where it could unite with the other two parties, and even started a full-scale war during this period. None of them have ever appeared, and the most vicious situation is that two children died and the other organization was completely wiped out.

But none of the [sheep] members... have such ability.Seriously, IMHO, they're just a bunch of stupid herbivores.

So there must be someone incredibly powerful protecting them...but I don't remember such a person.

Um?I'm fine... just a little headache.

Don't worry, it's probably because I only slept less than eight hours in the five days before jumping off the building.

... Where did we just say that?I ran away with Hirotsu-san from the melee of the three parties... right?

Then when I was leaving Saibo Street, I saw that [book] full of words in the corner of the sundries.

It's strange to say that I am not interested in those books at all. Although I know the picture books and comics that other children like to read at this age, I don't like them at all.

But I fell in love with the book right away.

That [book] that was stuffed in a corner of the sundry pile by someone, but spotless and tidy as new.

This may have been fate, or it may have been arranged [necessity]... But anyway, I finally picked up the book and took it from the debris to PortMafia's headquarters.

That was the first time I saw the future of "me".

That night, just to wake myself up, I found a river and jumped into it.

In fact, before I was 12 years old, although I had the idea of ​​trying to wake up from this absurd dream, I never implemented it.

One reason is the fear of the father, because he thinks that a son who wants to die must be his shame.If I really tried to make me die, he would surely make me think of the fear he brought me when I thought of death, after the servants stopped me, in a way I don't want to imagine.

At that time, if I want to be free from this world again, I will be so scared that I will break out in a cold sweat, and finally I will move back from the edge of the fall bit by bit.

It was such a pain.So I didn't choose to do that.

Another reason is because of my nature as a human being.

While longing for death, human beings are also afraid of death.I just think about how to die in my head, and after that I think-

What if I do die?

What if I can't really return to the real world after I die?

If I really break away from here and return to the so-called real world, I think this is the real world and the other side is the dream?

The more I thought about it, the more my mind exploded, and I didn't climb into bed dizzy until night.

The suicide of my father was the first [death] I witnessed.

Because he committed seppuku and no one made mistakes for him, his intestines flowed all over the floor, and the expression on his face was distorted in pain, but he still didn't die.

Until Mr. Sen arrived in a hurry a day later.

I saw with my own eyes that he used a scalpel to open the trachea of ​​my father who had been struggling in pain for more than a whole day.

Father pointed at me and closed his eyes after Mr. Mori said he would take care of me.

When he closed his eyes, his expression was peaceful, as if a sinner had finally been relieved, which made people jealous.

So I thought: He just woke up from a dream.

After arriving at PortMafia, following Mr. Mori's climb up step by step, I have also witnessed many deaths.

On the dead bodies, some looked shocked, some looked distorted, and some looked calm, even with a sense of righteousness.

From the bottom of my heart, I feel that the astonished look is because they realize that this is a dream, the distorted look is because they realize that this is just a dream, and the calm and even a bit righteous look is because they know that this is a dream. To find out whether it is another dream or the real world after waking up.

Until I witnessed that Mr. Mori killed the old man under his care.

That is, Mr. Mori's predecessor, the leader of PortMafia.

The PortMafia chief before Mr Mori was an old man dying.

His skin was shriveled, and the veins on his arms and backs of his hands were bulging. When he was lying on the bed, he looked like a withered corpse.

It is also hard for Mr. Mori to extend his life for five or six months by relying on his own medical technology.

But even if he couldn't get out of bed, he still held power firmly in his own hands, like a drowning man grasping his straw.

It is said that before he became the leader of PortMafia, he was just an ordinary gangster. Just because his elder brother was a cadre of PortMafia "died in the line of duty", and because of the guilt of the former leader, he stepped into the sky and set foot on the cadre's footsteps. Location.

Not long after, he used disgusting secret means to kill other cadres, as well as the heir appointed by the original leader, and killed him in one go while the original leader was out.

So far, he is the only cadre left who can serve as the leader of PortMafia.

So this responsibility lasted for decades.

When he was young, he was high-spirited, and when he was middle-aged, he kept his former leader's capital and was complacent. When he was old, he considered himself very high because of his high position... But from the beginning to the end, he was just a poor man with low self-esteem and pride.

He has no mistress, and all he has with him from beginning to end is the authority in the informal organization of PortMafia.

When he was dying, when he thought that his power would fall into someone's hands, he went mad with anger. When he went mad, he wanted to kill the whole Yokohama like a second stroke.

This kind of person is disgusting and pitiful. After all, no one knows whether he will be the next person to be cleared by his rights.

So after the people in Yokohama tasted the bitter fruit caused by the leader's wanton actions, Mr. Mori felt that it was almost the same.

It just so happened that the leader had more trust in Mr. Sen than anyone else.

So while he was examining the leader, he cut his throat with a scalpel, just like he did when he helped my father who was cut into seppuku a few years ago.

"Remember to testify for me." I still remember that when Mr. Sen said this, the old man's blood splashed on his face was dripping down his cheeks.

I watched the scene without saying anything.

Most of the people whose throats were cut were because of suffocation or blood choking into the trachea.The old man coughed and made a "ho-ho-" sound in his throat.

He looked at me with a strange look of malice, and finally stared and stopped breathing.

he died.

I suddenly realized this fact.

Not waking up from a dream.I think this person is really, completely dead.

Then if I die, I will die completely like him.Or will you wake up in a cold sweat in the real world?

I do not know.

But it's easy to know.

I just need to really die.

The author has something to say:

Replace leave stamp.

Thanks to the little cuties who waited for me to come back.