After I became a divine judge [Comprehensive]

To me, falling in love is a very...very mysterious thing.

How should we get along?What should I say?I racked my brains to recall the love games I played, but I couldn't find a game route that could be substituted between me and him, and it was even difficult to find dialogues and options that could be referenced.

I have always been eager to get close to him, to touch him, and I have been struggling and tormented by the feelings of wanting to be closer to him and feeling anxious and inferior.

And now, he's telling me with gestures that I can do that.

He gave me that right.

The rhythm of the pulse beating on his neck was like a curse. It was obvious that he was the one who was holding down the gate of life, but I felt that I was being strangled by the neck and my heart.

I can't use words to describe my feelings at that time and now. The rights are given by others or obtained by myself. The few rights I have in my short life belong to the former, and what he gives is also subtly different from those. , not to mention the subtlety of the reason, it's like... liking him.

Vague and clear, all the reasons are as difficult to grasp as clouds floating in the sky, untenable, but all the admiration seems to be as solid as a rock, reassuring.

"My lord?" Wu Ji's slightly worried voice brought me back to my senses.

"Ah... sorry, I was distracted for a while." I pulled out a smile to comfort him, and unconsciously cast my eyes on the opposite table where Sanriyue was.

Eh, is he there?exist?

he is?looking at me...?I was stunned, and saw him wink at me, and then smiled at me softly.

My face became hot, and I quickly lowered my head to pick up the dishes in the bowl as if nothing had happened. My heart beat wildly uncontrollably, and the chopsticks trembled psychologically. I almost picked up the pickled radish on the table.

shameful.If it was Alice, what would Alice, who is also in love with 'Mikazuki Munekin' do?How to do better?But, is it really love?After both of them said that, are they lovers?I was thinking wildly about stuffing vegetables into my mouth, and I couldn't stop thinking about it until I drifted to the point of "the first time I have someone I like, the first time I have someone who can be friends for a lifetime, two happy things..." Come back with a jolt of sobriety.

Is it time to play White Album 2 again tonight?However, it seems that even that masterpiece can't help me now.

It was an extremely torturous dinner, and I didn't even stay for dessert. After eating the main course, I fled back to the room.

The mood calmed down the moment he closed the door and ran to the corner to squat down.

Why run away?I stretched out my hand to stroke my lips, and reason told me that it was impolite and unnecessary, but the turbulent emotion turned into an undercurrent of disorder, hitting the valve that destroys reason, and a series of disgusting sincerity and suspicion The pain of humbleness and fragility was brought to the surface of the sea, and laid flat in front of me naked.

It's more of a doubt about myself - what can I bring to him?What does he want me to give him?In the education I received, all liking and all the rights I get come at a price, and they all belong to transactions, including liking, admiration and marriage.

No, wait, what do I, I want from him, what do I want from him?I was suddenly a little dazed, I wanted him to focus on me more, to get closer to him, to stare at him for a long time, to stare at the beautiful new moon in his eyes... I want to He, is this also a kind of transaction?So does my anxiety come from the unequal chips between the two?I do not understand.

I am used to being guided, his guidance, his words of affirmation reassure me, but... I still can't stop wanting to think about that question, and think about the questions that I have never thought about in the past derived from that question , In addition to 'yes' and 'no', 'obedience' and 'following', it seems that there are issues that must be considered and explained.

Can feelings really be measured, used to clearly mark the price or used as a bargaining chip?But feelings are really as strong as described in literary works, can they be firmly grasped?As I thought this, I felt something crumbling.

It's like breaking an eggshell, or cracking a silk cocoon.

Is the education that I have been obsessed with for more than ten years must be correct?Is the always correct mother, father, and elder sister necessarily correct?In the final analysis, novels and game works are just the author's own opinion, right?

If you say, if you put aside the surname Sanjo, put aside the novels and games that you believe in, and even put aside the guidance given by Mikazuki, thinking about it as Yuka, how should I do it?What do I think is right?I leaned my head against the wall, feeling drowsy.

……

It seems to be a dream.

I stared at the sky that was too blue above my head, and my mind felt a trancelike clarity.

Suddenly there was a dog barking not far away, I rubbed my eyes and sat up, looked around and finally saw a shaved, pitiful puppy not far away.

Look closely, does it look familiar?I watched it run up to me in a few steps, its pale yellow paws touched my knees, and its pure black pupils were moist, which made me think of someone involuntarily and impolitely.

It seems, a bit like Alice... I thought back to Alice who was still fluffy in the afternoon, and then looked at the shaved puppy in front of me. I was hesitating whether to bark to try it out, but suddenly I was caught by a mistake. It pounced, and there was a warm touch on the lips.

The next second, Alice with short hair appeared in front of me.

"Good evening, Yuka." She got off of me as if nothing had happened, and stretched out her hand to pull me up from the ground.

"Night, good evening, Alice." Everything happened so quickly that I felt a little blushed and at a loss after a few seconds, but her calm attitude taught that bit of shame to completely overwhelm go down.

This may be a custom in Alice's hometown. I took a sneak peek at her again, and I still had a somewhat undisciplined and indifferent look in my impression. She was obviously delicate and beautiful like a doll for the Doll's Day, but it still made my heart flutter for no reason. yearning and kindness.

"That, that." The kindness and the indescribable sense of dependence brought about by her rescue made me speak impulsively, and my fingers almost pulled the sleeves out of shape: "Alice thinks, what, what? Is that right?"

"This? I don't know." She squinted her eyes and looked at the lake in the distance, her whole body was like a free bird: "But just do what you want."

"Think, do you want to...?" I habitually wanted to lower my head, but she held my face and met her deep pure black pupils.

"It's almost three minutes." She muttered, touched my lips lightly, and messed up my hair when I blushed: "Well, that's what you want, anyway, Yuka you want to do Definitely not a bad thing."

My face was burning right now.

In this way, is it really okay for such a compliment to be placed on me?I was a bit at a loss, but before I could say anything, the Alice in front of me suddenly turned into a blurry picture, and in the blink of an eye, the Alice who was still in front of me just now had suddenly turned into a crescent moon, and the surrounding scenery had also changed. It became my familiar room.

"You'll catch a cold if you sleep here." He half-kneeled in front of me, his fingertips resting next to my face, and after a few seconds, he slowly retracted it as if nothing had happened.

I blinked and grabbed his hand with a speed that surprised me.

"I...want it." I heard my own voice resounding in the silent room, trembling and weak, deep into the bone marrow: "I want more, close to you."

I'm probably still dreaming, all the words are erratic, like the ebb and flow of the wind and rain, the ink blots are rendered in large swaths on the rice paper: "I want you, you have more, look at me."

I grabbed his hand and put it on my heart, and the warmth came through the thin cloth: "I want to touch you, more touch."

"What will I exchange for these?" I looked at his hands, well-knitted, slender and white, and I remembered the feeling and temperature of those hands interlocking my fingers.

He leaned close to me, and the unique fragrance of his body enveloped this small corner: "Use your approach, gaze, and touch."

I looked up and met his eyes full of gentle smile.

"And love." He said.

I grabbed his hand, too hard.I know it's probably painful, but I can't stop or relax.

As long as you hold on tightly, you won’t lose it—I thought this way when I was very young and ignorant, so I always try my best to hold on to the people and things that I think are important, and then I am reprimanded and taken away. It can’t be said to be taken away, just Tell me with reality that I didn't have those at all, and let me learn to let go and recognize my place.

'Because Yuka is very useless, so don't extravagantly think about getting anything from Yuka. ''Being bullied and being robbed of things is because you are useless, so just don't take them at first. ' Mom always said that.

So I was terrified, afraid to fight for anything, and didn't dare to hold on to what was given, because others can give it to you, and it's easy to take it back, and I'm still useless, I can't grasp anything, whether it is Friends are still toys.

But, in this matter, in this matter about Sankayue, I couldn't help it.

He said I could, he said he was also in love with me, he gave me that kind of right, he put his hand in my hand, and gave me that kind of temperature... He made me have the illusion that I own him.

And that kind of delusion gave me the delusion and courage to hold on to him and not be snatched away by others.

possessive.I perceive emotions that are both familiar and unfamiliar.

"Please...don't leave me."

I beg, or perhaps demand.

The author has something to say:

People who have no sense of security will not believe what they can have, so they will keep avoiding and doubting, but once they confirm that they can get it, they will hold on to it... Did you write this feeling?I've been a little impetuous recently, I think I'm not suitable for a big city, and I often feel that I can't look at problems and think calmly in Shanghai... I'll be much better when I go home next week.

And... long time no see everyone!I miss you very much w thank you for tolerating my disappearance from time to time, I will update on time when I get home.