I'm playing a big knife at HP

1996. 7, 6

After daybreak, Marciana and Snape found a river and decided to follow the river to find their way out.At dusk, the two camped by the river.

When Snape returned to camp with the two slaughtered and cleaned trout, he found the supposedly dying wounded man brandishing his stolen wand to turn a flat stone into a frying pan, while she There are already piles of dishes and cooking pots beside me.

Marciana took the fish very enthusiastically and praised him for killing it cleanly.

He remembered how she usually praised Tonks like that.As a potions practitioner who could single-handedly remove a toad's heart without injury, Snape suddenly felt insulted.

At this time, there was a little movement in the woods, as if some animals were moving.Snape took out his wand vigilantly, but Marciana cheered up, "Come here, come here!" She called softly, waving for him to put away the wand, "Don't be afraid, do me a favor, okay? "

A young deer came out of the nearby woods and walked slowly in front of her.The little deer looked a little strange, but where the antlers should have been, there were green shoots like twigs.Marciana's palm glowed with light, and the light slowly extended to the deer like flowing water. The deer lowered its head to lick the light belt, and devoured it like eating grass.Marciana laughed and whispered something to the deer.Lu'er nodded and walked away.

"What are you doing?" Snape asked in amazement. "What... did you feed that deer?"

"My magic power is just a little bit. I just found out recently that many magical creatures can eat the magic power released from more powerful creatures. Sharing magic power is a friendly gesture."

As she spoke, she sliced ​​off the flesh of the two fish with her sword—Snape didn't know where she had hidden the sword—then cut the fat from the belly of the fish and set it aside. Divide the fish head and fish bones into a pile.She had just finished all this when the fawn came back with a handful of plants in its mouth.It put the plant in front of her, knelt down, and looked at her tenderly with its big eyes.Marciana lowered her head to sort the plants, and whispered to the deer: "You like this, but we humans don't eat it... dill and wild garlic are good... oh, wild ginger and carrot!" He happily lifted a handful of carrots that were no bigger than a finger.

Snape was even more surprised: "It listens to you?"

"Isn't it natural for witches to subdue animals?" She waved her hand to bid farewell to the deer, and turned her head with a smug smile, "Do you still remember the potion you gave me made with the water of life? It teaches It taught me a lot, among them is the way to communicate with the forest and animals. I was able to survive last night, thanks to you."

Marciana explained in her mouth, but her hands were also very busy.Heat the frying pan on the fire, put the fat cut from the belly of the fish on it and fry out the oil, fry the fish head and fish bones and a few slices of wild ginger until both sides are browned, throw it into the frying pan, add diced carrots, There was a gurgling aroma coming out of the soup pot.On the other side, wild garlic was crushed and rubbed on the frying pan, and the fish fillets were placed on it to fry slowly, and the chopped dill was sprinkled at the end.

The fried fish was placed on a large wooden plate, and she took out a wooden bowl filled with milky white fish soup and handed it to Snape, "I concocted the salt and seasoning with a spell, so the flavor will inevitably be different. Loss, let's try to eat it."

He took a sip, and the soup made after the fish had been treated in this way was not fishy at all, but also had the sweetness of carrots, making it very warm and comforting.Although the fried fish has no sauce, it has the aroma of garlic and dill, which is sweet and tender, which is actually very good.

Even Snape couldn't find fault with this tailored dinner: "If I were me, I'd probably be able to cook the fish well. You're really particular about it."

She took a small sip of the soup bowl and said with a smile: "You don't understand the heart of a desperado like me. I, a person who has just escaped from death, if I don't live every day comfortably, how can I be sorry? The life you picked up?"

Snape thought about it, and felt that it was true.Marciana has a gift for making herself comfortable, no matter the circumstances.Not only that, but she has a knack for making those around her feel at ease.It was the exact opposite of himself, he thought with some self-deprecation—he was the best at making both himself and those around him uncomfortable, and he was even more skilled at the latter.

In Marciana's eyes, it seemed that being alive was a great thing, a great joy, something that needed to be taken seriously, and even worth paying attention to.After staying with her for a long time, even a person like him began to feel that this was indeed the case.

But a person who likes living so much is not so afraid of death.He thought of her injuries, "How's your leg? If it hurts too much, I have painkillers."

"It's okay." She said indifferently, "it's just a bit boring to sit here all the time."

He felt that this requirement could still be met by himself: "I'm just going to cast a warning spell. If you want, I can take you to the river to see the scenery."

Upon hearing this, Marciana nodded with bright eyes, and put her arms around his neck very actively.Snape saw her blushing with joy, and thought that she might be really boring - she was so excited about a river that wasn't worth much.

When Snape returned, Marciana was lying on her back on a large rock by the river, holding a glass ball the size of a tennis ball in front of her eyes.Hearing footsteps, Marciana smiled and turned her head: "You are back."

Snape raised his eyebrows, the glass ball looked familiar.

"what is this?"

"A snow globe." Marciana looked up and smiled at him, "Do you want to see it?"

Snape, a little surprised, held out a hand.Marciana didn't throw the ball to him as he imagined, but sat up.He hurried to her side so that she wouldn't move, she reached out and handed the ball to him with great care.

He held up the ball, "It's Hogwarts."

This is an enchanted snow globe that can be purchased at the Diagon Alley gift shop.In the small glass ball, Hogwarts Castle stands under the night sky. The scenery around the castle will change with the morning and evening of the day and the seasons of the year. You can also see students walking in and out, and Quidditch players flying above the court.This small ball is quite exquisite in workmanship, but it looks like an ordinary magic item.He looked up at her, "Just for this, I put you in confinement for a month when you were in the fourth grade?"

Marciana laughed, "Ha! You still remember! That's right, that's it."

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Snape remembered that it was his first year at Hogwarts, his first month, to be precise.That day, when he patrolled the night to the astronomy tower, he heard some very vague sounds, like someone talking or fighting.When he walked up the steps, he only found Marciana LaRosa, a fourth-year Gryffindor, sitting there alone.

"Miss LaRosa, curfew is coming soon. What are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry, Professor," she stood up immediately, "I'll go back to the dormitory right away."

He saw her holding something in her left hand, and remembered the sound he heard just now.

"What's in your hand?" he said suspiciously. "Give it to me."

The female student showed vigilance and resistance on her face, but she still respectfully said, "It's nothing special, Professor."

"Bring it here!" he said sternly at the time, displeased at the young Gryffindor's daring to defy his demands.

"Professor Snape, but..." The female student clenched her lower lip and lowered her eyes, "This is something left to me by my sister, she... you should have heard about what happened in my house... I... I swore I would never let it leave my side..." She raised her face and looked at him pleadingly with her big sparkling eyes.

Snape was about to let her go, but he suddenly noticed her right hand: her right hand was hidden under her sleeve, and although the light was dim, Snape could be sure that her right hand was tightly gripping her wand.

With such respect on the surface and such pitiful words, are you actually guarding against him trying to snatch her little toy?Snape almost laughed, a 14-year-old underage wizard, in order to protect her little secret, actually planned to rebel against him, her professor, a Death Eater who was proficient in the dark arts.For a moment, he really wanted to force her again to see if she really dared to attack him, but thinking of Dumbledore's difficulty, he finally just said, "Ten points will be deducted from Gryffindor for violating the rules of entering the Astronomy Tower. Talk back to the teacher and be locked up for a month."

She didn't get angry or argue as he expected, she just lowered her head and said, "Yes Professor, I'm sorry Professor," and left.

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Now the little ball is lying in his hand.

"You said at the time that this was left to you by your sister."

"Well, good memory. To be precise, it was my Christmas present to her. The last Christmas present," she whispered.

Snape glanced at the ball in his hand, "You've been carrying it with you all these years?"

"always like this."

"I've seen you take it out at night to look at it."

"...That's right. But I'm not looking, I'm listening."

"listen?"

"I put a little magic on it...recorded a Christmas carol for my sister, and a few school legends about Hogwarts. It's like a Muggle tape recorder." She had a look on her face. smiled softly. "She was fascinated by Hogwarts back then."

"So you have to listen to your own Christmas carols every night?" Snape frowned.

"No. It's no longer the original content." Marciana lowered her eyes, and the smile on her face disappeared without a trace.She stretched out a slender hand: "Do you want to listen?"

Snape had a hunch that the recording inside would not be a pleasant memory, but once again his curiosity overcame his caution.He handed the ball to her.

Marciana twisted the base of the ball a few times, and there were sounds of people fighting with spells inside the ball, as well as the sound of chairs being knocked over and porcelain being shattered.These voices sound vague, as if a person is upstairs and listening to the voices downstairs through the floor.Snape carefully identified and recognized a total of six people who cast the spell, five men and one woman.

Snape realized what it was, and suddenly his hands and feet felt cold.

He heard the sound of a heavy object falling to the ground, and then a female voice screamed, "Vitaly! No!!" Then there was an explosion of various spells hitting the furniture, and then another heavy object fell to the ground. sound.He heard the soft, muffled sobs of a child.

He looked up at Marciana, her eyes were already red, her lips were drawn into a thin line like a blade.

Then there was silence.Snape felt a great terror in the silence.He heard the man's heavy footsteps.One of them said, that's settled, let's go.Another person said, wait a minute, look at the toys on the ground, they have children.

He heard the soft breathing, trembling in his ears.

He heard the man's footsteps up the stairs, into the next room, and out a moment later.

The door of the room was pushed open, and heavy footsteps creaked on the wooden floor.The footsteps were getting closer and closer to him, as if they stayed by the side for a while, and then seemed to go in the direction of the door.

Then he heard a baby's thin cry.

The heavy footsteps returned quickly, "I found you!" A man's voice sounded with a smile.

"Please..." A childish voice said in a crying tone. "Please don't hurt me..."

"Avada Kedavra!"

Snape heard his companion ask him, found it?The man said easily that it was resolved now.He heard a man yelling for reappearance, followed by several apparition pops.

Then there is silence.A long, oppressive, suffocating silence.

Marciana held the glass ball in the palms of her hands and rubbed it for a moment, turning it into the size of a thumb belly, and pulled out a thin silver chain from her neck.When the thin chain touched the ball, a few extremely thin silver tentacles stretched out like life to wrap the ball tightly, and then a spell of light flashed, and the ball and the silver chain disappeared around her neck. between.

"What you heard just now was recorded by my sister before she died. She hugged my brother and hid, and quietly recorded everything that happened with a small ball." She sat on a rock with her elbows on her knees , lowered his eyes. "I know it's for me. It's a clue...and evidence my sister left for me."

"She's a smart kid."

"The smartest, she is an out-and-out genius. I have never seen a six-year-old witch who is smarter than her." She laughed at herself, "Every time someone says how talented I am, I I always think, it’s because they haven’t seen my sister.” She lowered her head and unconsciously rubbed the small invisible pendant in the middle of her collarbone with her thumb.

"You did avenge them. You captured Luo Er with your own hands."

"Not yet. There is one last one." Marciana raised her face, her face looked inorganic under the cold moonlight, and her eyes were like the deep sea.

Of course Snape knew who she was talking about.

"Do you—do you often hear this?" He frowned.Just listening to it once, he already felt as if he had been immersed in ice water once.

"Almost every day."

Snape stared at her in disbelief.

"At first, I wanted to identify the enemy by the sound, but later... probably later, it was to remind myself not to forget the hatred."

Snape suddenly understood.

People feel remorse as a strong, bitter, powerful emotion.However, Snape believes that what is more powerful than remorse is habit, the instinctive desire for life: although the former is strong, it is easy to burn out; but the latter is like weeds, which are endless and continuous.Once the latter wins, your mind can make up thousands of excuses to make you forget about the hatred and continue to live like a normal person, or linger on.

Whenever Snape felt that he was gradually relaxing, he would take out Lily's letter and photos to take a look.He draws on the power of pain, nourishes hatred, and diligently pulls out the weed of comfort.He wondered if there were some nights when he was staring at Lily's handwriting and images, Marciana was also holding a glass ball to her ear, listening to the sound of death.

He and Marciana were such different people, yet sometimes they were horribly similar.

"You should erase those recordings," he said abruptly. "You used it to prove Roll's guilt, and you don't need it now. You should forget about it—you can't always live with the death of your family on your back."

Marciana raised her eyebrows and looked over: "How do I remember that we had a similar conversation when I first returned to Hogwarts?"

Snape thought for a while, then laughed: "The result of that conversation was not very good. I still remember that I was busy researching poisons for the next few weeks, and I didn't get enough sleep all the time."

She also smiled: "You said I should forget, what about you? Can you let go of the dead souls of the past?"

"Our situation is different," he replied slowly. "What happened to your family is not your fault. You should be free."

She didn't speak, just put her fingers on her collarbone, silently rubbing the invisible glass ball.

That night, Marciana slept soundly.She has not recovered from her injuries, and she stayed up all night trying to escape for her life the night before. Now she is nestled in a transformed sleeping bag, sleeping like a baby.The moonlight fell on her loose hair through the tent, giving off a satin-like halo.The long hair snaked to Snape's hand, and he couldn't help twisting a lock, and she wasn't awake—he'd camped with her before, knew she was alert, never slept soundly, and today Must be exhausted.

He turned his face away and looked at her face illuminated by the moonlight.

Snape had always sneered at beauty.He believes that among wizards, only impulsive teenagers or ignorant and weak people will be as obsessed with beauty as Muggles. After all, for wizards, as long as a bottle of potion, or a subtle body transformation, no matter how great it is Beauty can be replicated.You see, as powerful as Voldemort and Dumbledore, which one of them has spent a little bit of effort on appearance?Of course, when he was young, he also wondered what the lives of beautiful people like Blake or Lily were like.Like Blake, there are plenty of people who love him for reasons that don't exist without doing anything.At this moment, he finally has some understanding. There are some people who really don’t need to do anything. She just needs to breathe gently there, and she can make people feel infinite joy; With a slight smile, you can't help but let go of your defenses and be as happy as she is.

What good is denial?Hadn't he figured it out last night when Marciana fell into Voldemort's hands?A prudent spy should not go to the opera with her, watch her dance in front of him, teach her so much dark magic and counter-curse, and risk saving her.With luck, he did many things he shouldn't do, leaving a bunch of loopholes that could kill him, because he probably loved her.

perhaps.

What is love?He'd never figured it out, and as he got older, he didn't understand it any more.When he was young, he could say love without hesitation, but after 30 years, he has accumulated a lot of knowledge, but he doesn't know what love is.

Maybe he admired Marciana, and even had some yearning, but it was only natural to admire attractive people.When he was with her, it was a rare time when he could let go of his vigilance and be relaxed and happy, but making everyone around him relaxed and happy is what she is good at.In these two respects, she was no different from any ordinary friend around her.Of course, he has to admit that he is attracted to her, but since she was fifteen or sixteen years old, the opposite sex attracted to her can be lined up from Gryffindor Tower to the gate of Hogwarts, and he is just another one who cannot resist the instinctive temptation people.If anything is special, there is an unspoken trust between them—they share secrets and pasts with each other, and the two tacitly listen, understand, and keep silent.Although this kind of trust is rare, it is just a coincidence in the final analysis. If another person is in my position, I can also build this kind of trust with her, and even do it faster and better than myself.

So all this means nothing.

The only thing that surprised him, even puzzled him, was that she seemed happy when he was with her, she was always smiling, laughing, or laughing, as if she genuinely liked being with him.The smile aroused in him a strange and intense joy.

But is this love?Is that legendary power that surpasses everything, something so precious that you can sacrifice your life, something that is more sacred than everything, and that can even wash away sins, is it composed of such ordinary or even accidental elements?

He sometimes hopes that someone can give him a list and tell him that if he can tick the number of items, it is love-people who live for more than 100 years like Dumbledore and spare no effort to advocate love, always Should there be such a form?

If that thing that warms your chest, makes you brave, makes you vulnerable and soft, makes you happy, and makes you make all kinds of irrational choices is love, then he's willing to admit that he loves her.Love is no big deal anyway.

Love makes you feel as if you have a treasure in your chest and know some precious secret, but objectively speaking, is love really something rare?He loved Lily too, and he certainly loved his parents when he was a child, and he had no doubt that Marciana loved her family, Moody, Tonks, and even Dumbledore.

You can love your friends, can't you?It seemed to make him feel better if he admitted that this love was only the love of friends.He refuses to think of other possibilities because love is daunting.The morbid, hopeless, and destructive love between his parents was the saddest and most terrifying thing he had ever seen in his life.

Besides, he has always believed that unequal love is not shameful-how many people would laugh at a mother who loves her children more than her children love her?Between two friends, or a pair of sisters, one must love the other more.

But love is different.

Unrequited love must invite contempt from the other, no matter how noble and good the other may be.

And Severus Snape could stand hatred, suspicion, misunderstanding - he could stand almost anything! — except for contempt, especially from her.

He lay on his back in the tent, feeling a little strange.Some thoughts that he kept secret in his heart and he was unwilling to face them, now that he has figured them out, he doesn't feel much shame or pain, at most there is some sourness.Anyway, walking out of this forest, he is still a precarious double agent. Anyway, there is nothing possible, and it is useless to think about it.

He spent most of the night convincing himself that love is not a great thing, the value of love is likely to be advocated by Dumbledore and his like, and it should not be very special in itself.And love is nothing more than a dangerous illusion, and it should even be regarded as a disease like a cold and fever, and it cannot have the function of bringing happiness.

So even if you can't get it, it's not such a pity.

Of course, Snape couldn't have known that that same night, before going to bed, Marciana recalled how she felt when she heard his healing spell.She and he came to the same conclusion: oops, I seem to be in love with this person next to me.

And her thoughts on this discovery can be summed up in one sentence: Oops, I am the biggest fool in the world.

Then she turned over, embraced a precious, warm secret, and fell asleep beautifully.

The author has something to say: Si: After a night of insomnia, I thought a lot.

Ma: zzzzzzZZZZZZZ

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S: Look how much Dumbledore pays attention to his appearance!

Deng:? ? ? ? ? ?Are you blind to see my beautiful gown, my stylish hat, and the bow on my beard? ! !fire!fire! !