restart breathing

This sleep continued intermittently until the evening.

Chen Fang quietly opened Lu Shiqing's arm and went downstairs to buy food. When he came back, he saw Lu Shiqing standing in the lobby of the hotel, his clothes were wrinkled, his hair was messed up, and the red blood in his eyes appeared again , staring blankly at Chen Fang who just came back from the door.

"...I didn't leave." Chen Fang didn't expect Lu Shiqing to do this, and seemed to know the reason, and raised the plastic bag in his hand at him, "I haven't eaten all day, I just went to buy dinner."

Lu Shiqing's eyes flickered, heaved a sigh of relief, took the things in Chen Fang's hand, and said, "Go back."

The two of them didn't speak while eating, only the sound of chewing, suppressed as if they were afraid of chewing each other to pieces.

Lu Shiqing didn't eat much, went to take a shower, sat on the bed after wiping off, seemed to wake up completely, looked at Chen Fang for a long time before saying: "Live in another place tomorrow, it's cheaper, until school starts."

Breaking faces with his mother is tantamount to cutting off his source of income, and he doesn't want to ask his father for money yet, so he can only save some money.The third year of high school started early, and there was only one week left, so finding a place to live with cheap rent was not too difficult.

"The small hotels in the old street are cheap, but the conditions are very average. I'll take you to have a look tomorrow." Chen Fang said.

"En." Lu Shiqing responded, and lay down on the bed again, leaving Chen Fang's place in his arm.

Chen Fang took the initiative to lean over, staring blankly at the half of Lu Shiqing's collarbone leaking out of Lu Shiqing's neckline. Lu Shiqing spoke first.

The rise and fall of the chest gradually became regular and gentle.

Chen Fang looked up, Lu Shiqing closed his eyes and fell asleep again.

Why make yourself so tired.

At noon the next day, Lu Shiqing settled down in a small hotel opposite Chen Fang's house.It's not the cheapest, nor is it the most cost-effective, but you can directly see the rusty open-air stairs next to Chen Fang's house from the window, and Lu Shiqing insists on living here.

The room is not spacious, and there is a half-sized bed. The sheets are old and yellow, and they are crumpled. They should be washed by hand.There is only half of the door in the shower, hot water is not available 24 hours a day, few floor tiles are complete, and there are cracked slippers on the side.

Chen Fang looked around and didn't think that a city person like Lu Shiqing who just ran from his home in the city could survive in this kind of environment for a long time. After cleaning up the curly hair and water stains, he took out a clean-looking towel and placed it beside the bed for Lu Shiqing to sit on.

Chen Fang also sat down beside him, shook his wet hands lightly twice, and said, "Go buy some daily necessities in the afternoon, toothpaste, toothbrush, towel, etc. Don't just lie on the sheets here, they are just fooling around, they won't Wash it well. I’ll get a clean set when I go home. It’s not new. I’ve slept with it. Don’t think it’s…”

"I don't dislike you." Lu Shiqing interrupted him.

"Okay." Chen Fang replied.

No one spoke again.

The second hand of the clock on the wall clicked and clicked loudly, disrupting the long silence in the air.

"That..." Lu Shiqing spoke first, then turned to look at Chen Fang, "Brother Fang, do you have anything to tell me?"

"The clock is too loud. I'm going to take off the battery. I'm sure I won't be able to sleep at night..." Chen Fang said he wanted to get up to get the clock hanging on the wall, but Lu Shiqing dragged him back by his wrist.

"Not this." Lu Shiqing said.

"Ah." Chen Fang choked and bit his lip.

Lu Shiqing has always wanted to have a good talk with Chen Fang, but the topic can't be explained clearly in a few sentences, and it seems that there are always various unresolved problems in front of him, which makes him lose energy and mind.Settling down now, this pimple is like a stone that finally surfaced, Lu Shiqing couldn't wait, and Chen Fang couldn't avoid it.

Of course Chen Fang knew that Lu Shiqing wanted to hear what he had to say. The reason the two of them were awkward back and forth these two days was that after Lu Shiqing's mother exposed their relationship, he left the city and came back here.

What Lu Shiqing wanted was probably just a promise, a promise that Chen Fang would never be a deserter no matter what.Making a promise is actually not difficult. It is not that Chen Fang cannot say it, but he dare not say it, or he is not sure whether this promise will become "just talk" someday in the future.

A promise that is longed for but not guaranteed, whether he says it or not, Chen Fang will be a bad person.

He didn't know either.

"Is it that difficult?" Lu Shiqing seemed unhappy, but suppressed his emotions and patiently said to Chen Fang: "I don't mean anything else, but I suddenly found that our thinking seems to be different. I can't tell you If you think about it, I will be afraid, I always feel that if you walk like this once, you might be... Brother Fang, just tell me what you think, don't coax me, tell the truth."

"...I'm just not sure." Chen Fang sighed, lowered his head and grabbed the thread on his skirt with his hands, "We are two very different people in many ways. Most of the time I feel nothing, but in The longer I stay in your living environment, the more I feel that I am out of place, as if I don't belong there, and I will be eliminated sooner or later. And your mother's side... Didn't you not be so sure about our relationship at the time? I might It's a mess, I feel that even you are not sure, and I have no reason to stay."

Lu Shiqing's eyes softened, and she grabbed Chen Fang's hand that was twisting her skirt and clenched it tightly. After a while, she said: "I... I'm not sure, I just saw my mother and suddenly became afraid subconsciously, afraid that I would be impulsive. I will lose you forever. Now that I have made it clear to my mother, we..."

Chen Fang leaned forward and kissed Lu Shiqing on the lips, interrupting his explanation: "I know. I don't mean to blame you, it's actually my own problem."

"Then if I'm sure, you want to stay, don't you?" Lu Shiqing asked.

"I want to, I've always wanted to." Chen Fang lowered his eyes indistinctly.

Of course he would.But whether to think about it, and whether or not to be able to, may be the same thing for Lu Shiqing, but not for him.This is a gap between them determined by objective factors.

Every time he looked for Lu Shiqing across the ravine like on a single-plank bridge, he never dared to let Lu Shiqing know.But Lu Shiqing lived well on the shore on the other side of the chasm, coming and going freely with flapping his wings, so there was no need to think about his problems.

Maybe one day, he will have a way to bridge the gap, but at least not for now.

Lu Shiqing's mother's attitude is difficult to change, and Chen Fang himself is unlikely to get rid of the bad family. Even if he works hard, it is only a drop in the bucket, and it is far from filling the gap, so we can't treat everything as if the gap doesn't exist. Intend.

"I just want your confirmation. You can leave the rest to me." Lu Shiqing lowered his head to find Chen Fang's eyes, and looked at him, "Didn't you promise me not to take care of everything yourself?"

"Yeah." Chen Fang nodded and smiled, "Don't think about it for now. It's time to go shopping. You won't have time in a while, so you'll have to sleep standing up at night."

"Then won't you accompany me at night?" Lu Shiqing asked.

"Accompanying you can't help you, you are so much wider than me." Chen Fang touched Lu Shiqing's waist with his hand, and Lu Shiqing hugged him.

"Don't be afraid, I'm here." Lu Shiqing whispered in his ear.

Chen Fang opened his mouth, his throat was suddenly blocked by something and he couldn't make a sound. He just stretched out his arms to hug Lu Shiqing, leaned on his shoulder and closed his eyes.

It seems that at this time, the sense of steadfastness derived from a hug can solve many problems that cannot be explained clearly in thousands of words.Always thinking too much and being very tired, Chen Fang temporarily let himself hug and forget.

Even if there are many problems, forgetting does not mean that they do not exist.

Almost unsolvable question, no matter how many times you think about it, there may not be an answer.