The Fall of a Scholar

The next morning, Su Xiaoqian was reciting vocabulary in the library when he received a call from Yan Congzhi.

He came up and asked, "Where are you?"

"library."

"Wait for me to pass."

Su Xiaoqian put down Yan Congzhi's phone, and his heart beat wildly for no reason.There was a row of benches at the entrance of the library, and he was fidgeting and pacing back and forth beside the benches.There is an ancient ginkgo tree next to it with a lush crown. At this time, the grass under the tree is covered with a thick layer of golden leaves.Su Xiaoqian sat down and looked at the direction ahead.After a while, Yan Congzhi came over with a schoolbag on one shoulder, wearing a black down jacket, looking clean and bright.

He came over and sat down next to Su Xiaoqian, looking at him sideways.

"What's wrong?" Su Xiaoqian asked anxiously as he was staring at him with hairs all over his body.

Yan Congzhi reached out and took out the pen case from his bag, and asked, "How much is this money?"

"More than 5000."

"Where are you cheating ghosts?" Yan Congzhi glared at him: "Is this enough for your living expenses for four years?"

Su Xiaoqian looked down at the leaves on the ground, did a quick calculation, it seemed to be, and then said sullenly: "Anyway, the money comes for nothing, and I'm happy when I spend it."

"Why did it come for nothing? The wind blows?"

"I'm not that sensitive to money. If I don't have money, I spend less, and if I have money, I spend more. I can live any life, and I don't have so many demands."

Yan Congzhi breathed a sigh of relief, pondered for a long time, and said: "Yong Ye, you are smart, hardworking, and serious. I have never met anyone who is better than you. You can go abroad in the future, and your future is boundless."

Hearing this sentence, Su Xiaoqian frowned slightly, turned his head to look at him, and saw that under the warm sunshine in early winter, the fine hairs on Yan Congzhi's face were completely uncovered, like an angel, but he said something that made him fall into hell: " I don't know anything except playing games, so I'm not good enough for you."

Su Xiaoqian, who was exquisite and transparent, immediately understood what he said, as if he had been splashed with a basin of piercing ice water from head to toe, completely chilled, he subconsciously said: "You, got it?"

Yan Congzhi lowered his head and said slowly: "Last time you had a fever, I went to see you, and you said to me 'A Gu, don't go' on the bed, I vaguely guessed it then."

This sentence was like a thunderbolt in the clear sky, and Su Xiaoqian was stunned.

Well, isn't that a dream?Is not it?Did he really say it after seeing him in a daze?

Thinking about it again, Su Xiaoqian's blood was about to boil: "So you obviously know that I like you, and you obviously want to reject me, and you didn't say it earlier, so you are still kind to me? Show me what starry sky, and go farther and farther with me?" The closer you are, watch me joke?" He smiled wryly, the corners of his eyes were already red and bleeding, and he squinted at Yan Congzhi.In the past few months, although I haven't shown anything on purpose, in fact, I have long been a naked clown on stage!Thinking of this, Su Xiaoqian felt a piercing pain in his heart.

"I, I didn't see your joke." Yan Congzhi was a little anxious, and was interrupted by Su Xiaoqian if he wanted to continue.

"That is, you treat others the same way?" After Su Xiaoqian said this, his tone was choked with sobs.

"no"

"Then what do you mean?"

"I can't accept that I'm gay." Yan Congzhi's voice was a little hoarse, "I'm sorry."

Hearing this sentence, Su Xiaoqian suddenly felt relieved: "I understand, I am the one who should say I'm sorry." Su Xiaoqian took the bag from Yan Congzhi's hand: "Give this back to me."

After he got up to leave, he turned around and said, "I want to go abroad, and I'm going to prepare for the TOEAT G. I may not have so much time to play games in the future." After a pause, he said, "Actually, I don't I want to tell you, but I'm afraid you'll be in trouble." After speaking, Su Xiaoqian ran into the library, with tears running down his cheeks along the way, and he endured entering the library before raising his hand to wipe them off.

Yan Congzhi looked at his back, but after all, he didn't have the courage to call out to him.

The time has changed again.Su Xiaoqian waited until 10:30 to drive people out of the library, then ran on the playground with headphones on, and returned to the dormitory after turning off the lights at 11 o'clock.

One day when the phone ran out of battery and turned off outside, Su Xiaoqian put it on the table to charge it, climbed up to read the Little Red Book by himself for a long time, and his brain hurt badly.

Su Xiaoqian didn't sleep well at night, and in a trance, he heard the landline in the dormitory ringing. The sound of "bell, bell" was especially annoying in the eerie silence of the night.

Su Xiaoqian didn't sleep well at first, and he was the first to hear the bell, and like most people, his first reaction was to curse.However, he immediately remembered that his mobile phone was turned off today, which he usually does not.So all of a sudden the ringtone became scary.

He got up bravely, got out of bed, went to the small living room, and picked up the phone with the mood of waiting for trial.

"Xiaoqian, listen to me, don't worry." Sure enough, it was her mother, Su Xiaoqian listened to her mother's words, and the sixth sense was working at the same time, and a bad feeling permeated the air.

The mother's voice on the phone could not be said to be too anxious, because all the scary tones in this voice were covered up by the mother pretending to be calm, so it sounded like Su Xiaoqian had worse associations.

"Your father is undergoing an operation, and your uncle is going to pick you up. He will be there in a while."

After listening, Su Xiaoqian didn't ask anything, just said: "Oh."

"Don't worry."

"Ah."

"Then I hang up."

"Ah."

In fact, it was a very strange conversation, but the mother and son tacitly neither said much.

My father has a bad heart, and it has been a long time. He went to the hospital for an examination, but nothing was found.But he gets aches and pains occasionally.Su Xiaoqian knew that his father must have a heart problem.

He walked to his desk and turned on the lamp.In the dark and quiet room, there is only a corner of white light, and Su Xiaoqian's heartbeat like a drum.

In fact, at that moment, Su Xiaoqian felt that there was only a one-tenth possibility that his father was undergoing an operation. He couldn't say why, but he just knew that there was only such a little hope.

He turned on the phone.Not long after, my uncle's phone call arrived, and he had already driven to the downstairs of the dormitory.Su Xiaoqian took the necessary things, went downstairs and saw a car parked on the side of the road.Uncle stood beside the car smoking a cigarette, the red light on the cigarette butt flickered in the dark night.

When Su Xiaoqian walked over, his uncle saw him and said, "Get in the car."

After getting into the car, the atmosphere was oppressive, and Su Xiaoqian sat in the passenger seat with a sullen face.After a long time, my uncle asked, "Are you busy recently?"

"good."

There was still endless silence afterwards.

Many years later, Su Xiaoqian recalled this time again, and found that his uncle's silence had revealed the real situation.Because my uncle didn't know what my mother told him.If it was really an operation, he would definitely open his mouth to talk about the situation, but he didn't say anything, that is, there would be no more hope.Father, is dead.

But at that time, Su Xiaoqian's brain was not working well, and he felt that there should be such a [-]% hope.He didn't ask his uncle, because anyway, he would know the result when he got to the hospital soon.

There was no car on the road at night, and the car quickly drove to a hospital that was closer to home.

After getting out of the car, Su Xiaoqian saw his aunt and uncle standing and talking at the door of the building.Seeing him coming, my uncle greeted him, without saying a word, put his arm around his shoulder, and squeezed his big arm tightly, as if to give him strength.

At that moment Su Xiaoqian knew that things must have the worst ending.

After entering the corridor and turning a corner, they came to a room. When the mother saw Su Xiaoqian coming, she hugged her and cried loudly, "Xiaoqian, your father doesn't want us anymore."

Su Xiaoqian saw his father's body lying behind his mother, peaceful as if he was sleeping.

Su Xiaoqian's expressionless mother held her and cried for a long time, and then the whole family went back to rest and prepare for the funeral.

Today's funeral is not so complicated, and the hospital can almost provide one-stop service.The first thing I did when I got home was to find a photo of my father, and wash a big one as a portrait.At that time, Su Xiaoqian discovered that his father hadn't taken a formal photo for a long time, and his mother searched for it for a long time, only to find a photo when he was young.In the photo, my father is in his thirties, young and vigorous, and full of heroism.

It was dawn a few hours later. At 06:30, the familiar alarm on my father's cell phone rang, and my mother burst into tears.

One after another, relatives came to visit the house one after another in the morning.When a wave of people came and asked about the situation, my mother told the ins and outs and cried once.So although Su Xiaoqian didn't experience what happened the night before, he heard it clearly word by word countless times.He has no appetite, nor is he sleepy. He occasionally squints for a while at night, and sits next to him most of the time.

Many things about his father slowly poured into Su Xiaoqian's somewhat numb mind.

He remembered that some time ago, when he came home occasionally on weekends, he found that his father, who was usually busy with work, fell in love with Doudizhu on the computer.Before Su Xiaoqian told him that he could fight landlords with others online, he must have slowly become addicted.While playing cards, my father said to himself: "This card is amazing", "This person is a SB!".Su Xiaoqian watched him fight with a smile on the side.Later, he wanted to play games, so he robbed his father of the computer. In the end, his father couldn't rob him, so he dropped the mouse and reluctantly left.

Later, I remembered that my father was very busy during the third year of high school, and I didn't see him for more than a month.One day when Su Xiaoqian came home, he saw a note on the table that said "Xiaoqian, I haven't seen you for a long time, Dad misses you so much".At that time, I was surprised that my father, who seemed big and showed little emotion, had such a delicate side.

Thinking of his parents taking him out to buy mobile phones and computers, his mother would choose some moderately priced ones, but his father would deny them in the end.The one his father bought for him must be the best.

Because I have always been his pride.

These clips played in his mind one by one like a movie, and he slept for a while when he was tired, and passed three days in a drowsy state.

In the middle, Su Xiaoqian sent a message to Pu Liang, telling him about his father and asking him to ask for leave if necessary.Pu Liang heard that he was coming to the house, but was rejected by Su Xiaoqian.

The funeral was held on the third day, and I got up at 5 o'clock in the morning to go to the hospital.Many relatives and father's colleagues and friends came.The hospital arranged a simple farewell ceremony for the remains.The uncles and aunts were afraid that my mother would not be able to bear it, so they let her sit in the car all the time.Su Xiaoqian got out of the car and walked into the hall, standing next to his father, seeing that he was wearing a suit, he reached out and shook his hand, feeling bitterly cold.No matter how much heat I have, I can't cover him anymore.

It suddenly occurred to him that growing up so old, he had never kissed his father once in his memory.Like all fathers and sons, both he and his father fell short of such expressions of intimacy.Today is the last chance.

Thinking of this, Su Xiaoqian leaned down and left a kiss on his father's cold cheek.

Not long after, Su Xiaoqian went outside and knelt on the ground. His uncle handed him a flower pot, and he threw the flower pot to the ground with all his strength. The crisp breaking sound resounded in that dark and quiet morning.

When he arrived at the funeral home, Su Xiaoqian was afraid that his mother would not be able to bear it, so he asked her to wait in the car.This was the first time he had come to this kind of place, and he found that the funeral parlor was not deserted at all, it was full of people.He and his relatives went in and waited for his father to be cremated.Each cremation furnace has at least one or two people waiting in line.Crying relatives, chatting friends, old ladies doing homework... so lively.

This is a newly built funeral home, and the service is very good, and relatives can almost participate in the whole process.After the cremation was over, Su Xiaoqian went in and picked up his father's ashes into the urn.

Cremated ashes are actually not ash, but something similar to slag, but the color is off-white.

After picking it up, the staff picked up the ashes with the cloth in the box, and said to Su Xiaoqian, "I'm going to break it up now, or it won't fit in."

"Ok."

Su Xiaoqian saw that he pressed it skillfully for a while, and the slag-like thing was completely turned into powder.

Su Xiaoqian experienced this personally, saw death, and was indeed wiped out.

It was surprisingly cold this day, and Su Xiaoqian's bones ached from the cold.It was still a smoggy day, and the visibility was only 400 meters.Many relatives and friends came, and they drove slowly in a row to the cemetery.After being buried in the ground, Su Xiaoqian carried the heavy urn all the way to the tomb, and stood there for a long, long time, his arms could hardly bear it, the muscles on his arms were so painful that he began to tremble physiologically.The weather was cold and oppressive, and Su Xiaoqian was shivering non-stop.Gritting his teeth until everything was ready, he put the ashes in.

It wasn't until this moment that Su Xiaoqian realized that he hadn't shed a single tear.