my boyfriend is too random

"Thank you," Ding Zimu said, pulling the corners of his mouth, "but I still want to know what happened."

Yang Yiming took the painting with a signature brush and put it in front of Ding Zimu: "Do you know this painting?"

Ding Zimu stared dumbfounded as if struck by lightning: "I... did I draw it?"

Yang Yiming nodded.

"But... I've seen a similar one, in the orphanage, that..." Ding Zimu was a little anxious as he spoke, he felt that his mind suddenly became confused, and there was even a buzzing tinnitus, and there was a blur in front of his eyes. A little flowery.

"It's okay." Yang Yiming stretched out his hand to hold down Ding Zimu's slightly trembling hand, "It's okay, I'm here."

Ding Zimu took a deep breath, and couldn't hide the panic in his eyes: "I...I remember that painting..."

"I remember too," Yang Yiming said with a smile, "I'll show you a picture." After finishing speaking, he called up the picture taken a few months ago from his mobile phone and handed it over, "Look, it's almost exactly the same, but This one is in color. I think that's because you don't have crayons in your room, so you have to use a signature pen."

"Why did you take this picture? Why did I draw it?"

"Answer the first question first. I thought there was a problem when I first saw it." Yang Yiming's tone made people feel that the so-called "problem" was not worth mentioning. "From a psychological point of view, this There are many problems reflected in this picture. First of all, although its composition and brushstrokes are very childish, it can be seen that the painter worked very hard. A piece of watercolor paper is almost transparent. This kind of strength is really not enough for an eight-year-old child to draw. It came out. Secondly, this picture reflects the emotions of the person who drew it, very frightened and helpless. I was curious and wanted to do research, so I took a picture."

"Is that... my emotion?" Ding Zimu couldn't help but tremble when he looked at the picture, it seemed that the phrase "fear and helplessness" triggered some kind of subconsciousness in him, making him immersed in it uncontrollably. in an emotion.

"It's your emotions at a certain stage." Yang Yiming paused, and then said, "There is a time in this picture, eight years ago, when you were fourteen or fifteen years old, tell me, what happened then?"

"Eight years ago, I was 15 years old and just entered a vocational high school," Ding Zimu recalled. "I had to live on campus in a vocational high school. I remember being very scared. I didn't know what life was like outside the orphanage. Will I be bullied..."

"So, your emotions are faithfully reflected in the painting."

"But," Ding Zimu asked suspiciously, "I was fifteen that year, how could I draw so well..."

"Isn't it childish?" Yang Yiming smiled, turned the paper over, and drew two triangles, one large and one small, on the back, with the corners facing each other. Yang Yiming pointed to the small triangle and said, "Look, these two triangles Just like your brain, the small triangle contains the things you remember, including everything that your independent consciousness can control.” Then he pointed to the large triangle and said: “This contains the things you thought you had forgotten. Things, they have always been there, but they have become 'subconscious' hidden in the depths of the brain."

Ding Zimu listened carefully without blinking his eyes.

Yang Yiming drew a door at the junction of the two triangles, and hung a little match figure next to the door: "Look."

Ding Zimu looked at the paper without blinking, and Yang Yiming felt that every nerve in Ding Zimu was tense, and if he tried harder, it would break.So he smiled and said quite complacently: "Look at my painting, it's so good, it's simple and clear, and all the key points are highlighted at once."

"This..." Ding Zimu looked at the little match figure, "Mr. Yang, your drawing skills are really not that good."

"It's pretty good." Yang Yiming looked at the little match figure carefully. "The right arm has legs and a head. It's a complete person. The sun teacher drew in art class when I was a child said it looks like a sugar triangle. This little man is amazing!"

Ding Zimu let out a sigh of relief, and looked at Yang Yiming speechlessly: "Mr. Yang, you are awesome!"

"Listen!" Yang Yiming felt Ding Zimu's relaxation. He was very satisfied with Ding Zimu's reaction, so he lowered his head and poked the paper with a pen, "I'll continue to tell you."

Ding Zimu frowned and looked at the deformed match figure.Yang Yiming turned his head to see Ding Zimu's profile. His straight nose bridge and forehead formed a beautiful arc, and his drooping eyelids and eyelashes were lowered, calm and focused.Ding Zimu breathed steadily, he didn't panic or seek death, he just said flatly, "As long as you're not crazy, you can say anything."

Yang Yiming has seen too many mental illnesses, some of them are pissed off, some are looking for death and life, and some are depressed, but none of them are like Ding Zimu.

Yang Yiming felt that he really wanted to finish playing!

"Teacher Yang," Ding Zimu pointed to the triangle, "continue."

"Let's continue..." Yang Yiming blushed, pointing his pen to the figurine of matches and said, "This man is a gatekeeper, and this is the door that separates your 'subconscious mind' and 'memory'."

"My door is broken?"

"Smart!" Yang Yiming praised, "Students like you are simply the teacher's dream lover."

"?"

"It's just an analogy," Yang Yiming said with a dignified look, "Come on, I'll tell you."

"You see, there is a gatekeeper in everyone's brain, just this villain. Normally, he is still a conscientious gatekeeper, but..." Yang Yiming drew a spiral shape on the villain's head , "However, sometimes he also gets dizzy. When he gets dizzy, no one will look at the door, and then the subconscious inside will come out and occupy your main consciousness."

"So I lost my memory?"

"That's right." Yang Yiming nodded, "Because at that time your mind was full of subconsciousness. When your main consciousness came back, you squeezed the subconsciousness back, and then you came back again."

Ding Zimu was silent for a while, then asked: "Why did my 'gatekeeper' faint?"

"There are many reasons, such as being too tired, such as being too depressed, or...you are particularly afraid of a certain person, a certain word, or a certain thing. Once the gatekeeper hears or sees it, he immediately runs away. "

"What has my subconscious been doing?"

"You got into a fight with someone the day before yesterday, and you were bored at home the day before yesterday and yesterday. Today, your subconscious mind was tired and you went home, so you came back."

Ding Zimu's face turned pale: "Fight? I didn't hurt anyone, did I?"

Yang Yiming sighed: "Why don't you think that you might be beaten?"

Ding Zimu moved his shoulders: "I think... I don't seem to be injured."

"Stupid boy!" Yang Yiming couldn't help it, stretched out his hand and snorted Ding Zimu's hair vigorously, "How can you be so honest?"

Ding Zimu said: "Mr. Yang, I want to ask you, why does my subconscious mind fight?"

"I don't know either." Yang Yiming put down his hand and said slowly, "Ding Zimu, I've been wondering why your 'gatekeeper' fainted, and why your subconscious insisted on running out. Ding Zimu, you and Tell me about your childhood, please?"

"When I was a child? It's nothing special." Ding Zimu frowned, subconsciously wanting to avoid it.

"There is always something that affects you," Yang Yiming didn't force him, "It's just that you may have forgotten it and it has become part of your subconscious mind. But it doesn't matter, you can always remember it slowly."

"If I can't remember...why can't I solve my problem?"

"Maybe," Yang Yiming said, "but we can always find a way."

Ding Zimu looked at the two triangles, slowly raised his head and said, "Mr. Yang, you didn't say what is wrong with me after talking for a long time."

Yang Yiming rolled his eyes silently, thinking that this child is really difficult to fool: "The scientific name is too complicated, you don't have to worry about that."

"Then I'm losing my memory... No, I was actually sane during the subconscious period? It's just not 'me' sane right now?"

Yang Yiming slowly withdrew his hand and sat upright with his shoulders straightened.In fact, he has been struggling, whether to pierce the window paper and tell Ding Zimu the most essential things, or just tell him part of it, so that he can gradually accept it.He has never dared to say the term "cognitive personality disorder", and has never made it clear that there are two other "people" living in Ding Zimu's body, but even so, Ding Zimu, who is as smart as Ding Zimu, still grasps the root of everything.

Reason is reason.Ding Zimu cares most about these two words, as long as he is rational, he can decide his own life and future; as long as he is rational, everything has a chance to be redeemed.In Ding Zimu's eyes, the worst thing is to "go crazy", but how different is the current state from "crazy" to his "body"?

"Ding Zimu," Yang Yiming said, "you were rational during the period of amnesia, just like a real normal person."

"Shock Island?" Ding Zimu asked tentatively.

Yang Yiming nodded, "Mysterious window, lethal ID, fight club, etc., are all the same thing."

Ding Zimu sat there blankly looking at the paper, his eyes were blank.Yang Yiming didn't speak, but just accompanied him quietly.

"Teacher Yang..." Ding Zimu whispered, "Who am I...?"

"You are Ding Zimu." Yang Yiming said firmly, "Don't doubt, you are you, and you will always be you."

"What if I'm not me?" Ding Zimu's voice was broken and weak, and Yang Yiming had to strain his ears to hear clearly.

"You are," Yang Yiming reached out to stop Ding Zimu's shoulders, pulled him into his arms, and pressed his face against his shoulders, "You can recall what happened when you were 15 years old, and you can also remember when you were a child. matter, your memory as a whole is coherent, and your personality is independent. Ding Zimu, you are you."

"Teacher Yang," Ding Zimu slowly raised his hand, grabbed Yang Yiming's arm and said, "I thought... I would get better."

"You are fine now, and you will be fine in the future."

"No, you don't know, when I was a kid . I told myself, I have lived for another day, I am a little closer, and when I am... I can be independent. I thought that as long as I work hard, I can also... live."

"You're alive and well." Yang Yiming pressed his hand on the back of Ding Zimu's head and rubbed it vigorously, "You know, I went to Yuan Qiao's place to ask for leave for you, and I thought Yuan Qiao would fire you. But you know what Yuan Qiao said ?"

Ding Zimu shook his head.

"I asked Yuan Qiao if he would still use you, and he said, 'Yes, I am very willing'."

Ding Zimu sat upright, and finally there was a reaction on his blank face: "Really?"

Yang Yiming smiled wryly: "You didn't believe me after I said it for a long time, but you are quite responsive to Yuan Qiao's casual words."

"Did he really say that?" Ding Zimu asked.

"Really!" Yang Yiming said, "Yuan Qiao said that you were given to him by God, and he said that he can wait for you to recover."

"why?"

"What's the 'why' for this?" Yang Yiming sighed and said with a smile, "It shows that you are great. Yuan Qiao is a businessman. He wants to make money. If there is no benefit, he will not do this."

"But... what if I..."

"I don't want that," Yang Yiming said, "Those are things Yuan Qiao should worry about."

"Then Teacher Yang, can I still get better?"

"You are fine now," Yang Yiming emphasized again, "Both you and him are fine, but... Xu Lin is not fine."

"Xu Lin?" Ding Zimu frowned and said, "Who is he?"

"The author of this painting is also the kid huddled in the corner. You can often see him."

Ding Zimu shivered cleverly, "I'm a little... scared."

"Don't be afraid, that's you too," Yang Yiming said, "at least a part of you, next time you see him, try talking to him, he should be very willing to talk to you."

"Who else?"

"There is another one who has a bad temper." Yang Yiming couldn't help laughing when he thought of Da Ding. "He is called 'Da Ding'. He has hard fists, a hard mouth, and a hard face, but his heart is very soft."

"Is he the one who fights every time?"

"It should be," Yang Yiming sighed deliberately, "I'm a little afraid of him. Because he has a strong desire to protect you, no matter who is suspected of hurting you, he will jump out and raise his eyebrows. Think, if one day I make you angry, he might come out and beat me to the hospital."

"I... don't even know." Ding Zimu whispered, "Will someone protect me?"

"Yes!" Yang Yiming looked at Ding Zimu and said, "I will protect you too."

When these words fell into Ding Zimu's heart, Ding Zimu felt that he was filled all of a sudden, and his heart was so full that it was almost overflowing.He couldn't tell whether that feeling was joy or warmth, satisfaction or happiness.He only knew that the moment Teacher Yang said those words, he suddenly felt relieved. He knew unmistakably that there were hands behind him that could support him, no matter whether he DID or not, they would support him.

The trust between people is really amazing. Ding Zimu doesn't understand why he trusts Yang Yiming so much, but he is willing to do so. Since Yang Yiming first proposed "help him", he has always believed in him, including believing that he will "Protect" him.

Ding Zimu asked Yang Yiming with expectations: "Will they...will disappear?"

Yang Yiming looked directly at Ding Zimu's pupils, and he felt that he could see Dading's shadow in Ding Zimu's pupils, as if he was looking at him from afar.He thought of the cans of coffee and Red Bull in Da Ding's room, and he also thought of Da Ding's decisive words "I don't want to disappear either."No one in this world is willing to disappear, as long as they have existed, they want to be eternal.The emperors and generals in ancient times, the ninety-five kings, were rich in the world, and what they had in mind was "eternal life", which is the most primitive attachment to "life".

When a person lives in darkness for a long time, it is impossible for him not to long for "existence".

Yang Yiming said slowly: "Maybe, maybe not, but don't worry, they can get along well with you and become a part of your life, and you can rely on each other."

"I do not understand."

"It's okay, you'll understand slowly. Now, what you need to do is to get to know them first. Can you get to know Xu Lin first?"

"why?"

"You are missing a part of your memory. That part of memory is very important. We must know what it is, so that several of your 'partners' can find a reason to coexist."

"What did I forget?"

Yang Yiming leaned over slightly and reached out to grab Ding Zimu's hand. Ding Zimu's fingers were cold and covered with a layer of cold sweat.Yang Yiming squeezed him tightly and asked slowly; "Ding Zimu, tell me what happened when you were eight years old."

Ding Zimu frowned, and thought hard: "Be beaten."

"anything else?"

"My mom died and my dad went to jail."

"I know all of these, what else?"

Ding Zimu unconsciously looked away, looking at a cloud slowly drifting past outside the window: "I can't remember... Then I went to the orphanage, and life in the orphanage was pretty good."

"When you were eight years old, there was a burglar in your house. Do you remember? Your neighbor, Grandma Zheng, called the police."

"Grandma Zheng, I remember that my family reported to the police many times, but it was all because of domestic violence, burglary... probably not."

Yang Yiming narrowed his eyes slightly, it seems that the root of all problems should be that "burglary".

"Mr. Yang, do you mean that Xu Lin knew what happened that day?"

"It should be." Yang Yiming said, "Both Da Ding and you don't know, but Xu Lin might know."

"Then..." Ding Zimu said hesitantly, "Is there someone else?"

"It's also possible." Yang Yiming said implicitly, not daring to tell Ding Zimu, in fact, according to statistics, DID patients have fourteen different personalities on average.

"If..." Ding Zimu hesitated and said, "If one day, I... disappear, Mr. Yang, can you find me back?"

Yang Yiming's heart seemed to be pricked by a needle, and he almost curled up in pain: "You will not disappear, I will guard you. If you disappear, I will definitely find you back."

"Thank you." Ding Zimu lowered his head, "Before, I always wondered why you would help me like this. You are different from Mr. Feng and Luo Yang, but you are just as good to me. I... Yuan Qiao said I was... God gave it to him, but I think it's you..."

Yang Yiming took a deep breath, he felt that his heart was settled all of a sudden, he was fluctuating before, until this moment, he finally recognized it.

There is no reason, nothing is appropriate or inappropriate, and there is nothing that should or should not be, whether it is legal or not.

Like it, just like it.

Ding Zimu, I like you.

************

Yang Yiming talked with Ding Zimu all morning, and after having a simple lunch, Yang Yiming looked at the two huge dark circles on Ding Zimu's face, and his heart ached so badly that he drove him into the bathroom to take a shower and put him in prison again. Then he went to bed.

"Close your eyes and sleep!"

"Teacher Yang, I'm not sleepy."

The Ding Zimu in front of him and the Ding in his memory merged perfectly, rubbing his eyes together and saying, "I'm not sleepy."

Yang Yiming sighed: "If you are not sleepy, you have to sleep for a while, otherwise your spirit will be poor, and it will be more likely to cause problems."

Ding Zimu shook his head: "It's not that I don't sleep because I'm worried about that, I'm really not sleepy."

Yang Yiming looked at Ding Zimu suspiciously.

"Mr. Yang, do you think I'm worried about Xu Lin and the others running out again so I don't sleep?" Ding Zimu forced a smile and said, "No, I really can't sleep. I'm not worried about them, I know I'm worried It's useless, if they want to come out, they will come out. Besides, you told me to get along with them in harmony, and you asked me to talk to Xu Lin, if you don't let them come out, how can I talk about it?"

"That's great." Yang Yiming couldn't help admiring, Ding Zimu is not Da Ding after all.

"Ms. Yang, I want to visit my former home, okay?"

"The former home?" Yang Yiming thought for a while and said, "That piece must have been demolished a long time ago."

"Well, when I was studying there was an urban plan, so it was demolished, but I still want to go back and have a look, maybe I can think of something."

"I'll take you there." Yang Yiming said, "I'll drive. If you're tired, you can sleep in the car for a while."

***

The two of them drove through half of the city to an emerging residential area in the west of the city. It was built not long ago, the permanent population is not very large, and there are not many vehicles on the road.Yang Yiming tried to slow down the speed of the car so that it would be easier for Ding Zimu to find his way.

"Did you never come back afterward?"

"No," Ding Zimu leaned on the edge of the car window, looking at the unfamiliar street scene outside the window and said, "There are no people, no home, why come back?"

Yang Yiming felt that he was simply stupid.

"Actually... I have come back before." Ding Zimu said, "When I was in elementary school, I sometimes sneaked back to take a look at Grandma Zheng when I was free.

"Why don't you go in and see her and talk to her, Grandma Zheng should miss you very much."

Ding Zimu shook his head: "I don't know, I just subconsciously don't want to go in."

He pointed to a small garden that looked quite elegant and said: "It's probably in this direction. My home is about 200 meters away. We live in the same yard with Grandma Zheng. I remember that I liked going to her home when I was young. She would give me a lot of money. I eat fried rice cakes, the brown rice cakes are especially delicious."

"What then?"

"Later?" Ding Zimu left the car window, turned around and looked at Yang Yiming, and said slowly, "Later, when I walked to the entrance of the yard, I would be afraid. I don't know why, it's just pure fear, so I never Go in again."