REMIX

She picked me up in an alley when she was 19 and said I looked like a dog.

I was squatting in the rubbish dump—this is what she told me later—with unswallowed food in my mouth, and she was squatting on the steps in a very indecent posture, with the wide shirt hem covering most of her body , holding a slender women's cigarette, squinting his eyes and puffing.

"Hey."

She has no background, no partner, and no destination.I stood opposite her under the eaves, with my legs straight, and I wiped my greasy hands on my trousers. There were a few ugly freckles between my dark eyes, which made me laugh.

She laughed too, in a cheerful voice.

I clung to her dress tightly, with a clueless, stupid obsession that she would take me away.

Her long black hair fell from her shoulders to her arms, and only the middle fingers of her hands were painted with black nail polish, looking like some kind of malevolent publicity.She wiped off the dirt on my face with her hand that smelled of tar, and flicked my forehead. I couldn't dodge it, and I was hit on the forehead crisply.

"You want to be my son."

I followed her and stepped through the puddles filled with dirty water. The water poured in from the broken soles of my shoes, and I could hardly stand still due to the ice.She finally turned her head, and the wind messed up her eyes.

"My surname is Xia Xi."

I used to think, just once, that when I got in touch with this world, all displacement and suffering would end.

However, the facts tell me that as long as I live, the problem I have to face is positive infinity.

Such as having no money, being bullied, playing music, failing exams, and falling in love with a man in the future.

The story begins here.

Forgive me for mentioning childhood at the beginning.I don't have any outstanding feelings about my childhood. I just remember that Xia Jie told me on the first day when he took me home to take a bath.

At that age, I had no idea about it. I seemed to be stubborn and said I was not afraid.

I'm being honest, I just don't want to be alone.

Also, I thought there might be something attractive about her, that she didn't stare at me, scold me, push me away like everyone else on the street, and for me at that time, that might have been my salvation.

So I followed her, simple as that.

It doesn't matter if you suffer with her.

poor and alone.Later I realized that it was not just the lack of material, but the hopeless hunger and the despair that made people want to sell their dignity.

I hate it, and fear it from the bottom of my heart, but when I have to bow my head to survive, I will look to the ground without hesitation.

——There is nothing there but my shadow.

When I was six years old, Xia Jie started a business to support me.

Simple and unskilled work, selling groceries.

It took all her savings to take down the palm-sized storefront. On the day the renovation was completed, she was very happy. She hugged me to sit on the counter and let me say hello to the neighbors on that street.

The crowded old city is full of people who are similar to us, no matter their status or situation.After I was forced to accept a round of patting my head and rubbing my face, I got my wish and was made to cry by a bearded uncle.

Everyone was laughing around me.

I was very annoyed until the aunt who sold baked sweet potatoes next door gave me a hot baked sweet potato.

At that time, I felt that all the resentment in this world could be offset by eating.Of course, I still think this way now and then, but I still have to be prepared for some unheard-of misfortune to hit my head the next second.

For example, I managed to register my household registration through the back door, but I had no money to study.

Because I am a "black householder" who is really handy, the first thing Xia Jie worries about is registering for a household registration.Fortunately, there is someone who is willing to help her solve this problem. He is an influential local snake on our street.

When he handed over the household registration book with my name on it to Xia Jie, his face was full of flattering smiles, his eyes that were already hard to find almost disappeared, and he said, Xiao Xia, what happened? You did it.

I sat on the small bench next to me and read a comic book, and when I heard the voice, I raised my head, and my eyes fell on the gleaming gold tooth in the mouth of the ground snake. My mother didn't look up, she said, thank you, brother, what, I will give you as much money as I can afford.

The local snake uncle said, I don't want the money, can you come with me?

My mother finally took her eyes off the calculator.She is counting the store's income today, and if there is any surplus, she will add good dishes tonight, even soft drinks and popsicles after dinner.

But she can't think about that at all now. I saw her slender eyebrows trembling, and the corners of her mouth raised upwards, but it didn't look like a smile no matter what.

Uncle Snake was still waiting with an expression of certainty, as if my mother would soon fall into his arms because of being moved, and his expression even infected me from afar, making me inexplicably looking forward to it.

But the fact is that my mother took out a stack of red bills from her trouser pocket - I couldn't see the exact number, and threw them on the uncle's chest politely.

"Be respectful to others, your mother is a bitch." She said with a smile.

Xia Jie was in her twenties at the time, at the time when she was young and energetic, even though she was confronted with words, she always had an air of neither humble nor overbearing; I could see that she had a bad temper, and I was worried about making mistakes when I first followed her Being scolded after something happened, it also has the meaning of testing the bottom line. Basically, I am not the kind of child who is confident.

Because I was afraid of being driven away, I diligently learned to do housework every day. I wanted to be like the one described in "The Wanderings of Sanmao", a boy as thin as a toothpick, with a body that didn't match my body at all. With a big head, he walks around the streets to deliver newspapers, and he is almost back to his old job of picking up garbage.

Perhaps the neighbors in the neighborhood saw me as funny and didn’t take it seriously. With the unique kindness and kindness towards children, they entrusted me with the glorious mission of delivering milk. So in the summer vacation before the beginning of primary school, I rode a second-hand The bicycle delivered milk for three months, and the skin on the back of my neck was sun-peeled, so I finally managed to make up a fraction of the tuition fee.

At that time, I thought that poverty was much scarier than monsters.

The author has something to say: almost [-] have been written, let’s save it~