Be Dazai's mother

The man's name is Mori Ogai, and he is a first-class deputy military doctor in the army. He originally wanted to take the train to his workplace, but he didn't expect to encounter such a thing.It was still raining, so I had to stay overnight.

The dim sum shop owner had been rescued by the other party in the early years.Since the other party wanted to take shelter from the rain, the dim sum shop owner naturally welcomed it.

"This is my daughter Akiko." The pastry shop owner introduced Akiko, then looked at Aji and me, and said, "That's Sachiko and her son Aji who are here tonight."

"My humble Mori Ogai is just an ordinary military doctor." Mori Ogai lowered his eyes and smiled calmly.That smile hangs firmly on his face like a mask, and for some reason it makes people feel a little scared.

Mori Ogai didn't ask why Aji and I were orphaned and widowed here. You know the world is not good now, but he didn't ask anything.It's like the dim sum shop owner didn't ask me.Maybe it's because there are too many broken families in such a world, and that's not an easy question to ask.

Even though Azhi and I didn't look like mother and son at all, they didn't ask anything.Considerately avoiding the fact that Aji and I don't look alike at all and that I'm too young to be a mother of seven or eight year olds.

Now that Mori Ogai has come here, the dim sum shop owner can't just spend the night on the floor of the shop.He apologetically and cryptically mentioned it to me.

Only then did I understand that the owner of the pastry shop was thinking that I, a woman with a child, and a grown man would gossip about me, so he decided to let Jingzi take me and Aji home to sleep, while I was in bed. Sleep on the floor in the dim sum shop and spend the night casually.

But now that Sen Ouwai is here, and he wants to stay here for one night, it is naturally impossible for the pastry shop owner not to entertain him.

I looked at the pastry shop owner apologetically, and said, "What are you talking about? We should be the ones to say sorry. I was going to rent you here, but I didn't expect to trouble you."

The dim sum shop owner said: "I also want to thank you for your help tonight, otherwise Akiko and I will be too busy."

Mori Ogai said with some doubts: "Did Mr. Yosano hire other workers?"

The owner of the dim sum shop said with some regret, "Well, it's hard to find long-term workers for a time-honored dim sum shop like ours."

He looked at me and said with regret: "It's a pity that Sachiko can't stay. If you were here, I would feel more at ease."

Knowing that the dim sum shop owner was just talking politely, I smiled a little shyly and said, "I can't help it, I have to take Azhi back to my hometown, otherwise I want to work here as well."

Mori Ogai asked curiously: "I heard that there was an accident at the train station, so I had to stop first. Is Miss Sachiko going to take that train?"

"Yes." I replied, "Originally, I wanted to take Aji back to my hometown, Fuyuki City. I thought I could get on the train tonight, but it's a pity..."

"Yeah, it's a pity." Mori Ogai sighed, and said, "Why did he commit suicide so easily?" He said as if he really couldn't understand.

"Probably because I can't bear it anymore." I don't know why I said that, but I just sighed.

"What can't be tolerated?" Mori Ogai blinked and asked with some doubts.

"Everything." I said, "Everything is unbearable, so..." I didn't continue, probably because I felt that I was a little arrogant.

I don't know the dead man at all, I just poured out my feelings to myself.In any case, this is too disrespectful to the dead, so I will not continue.

"Maybe you're right," Mori Ogai said.

I looked over blankly, but only saw Mori Ogai's pale smile, which didn't mean anything. Before I could say anything, Mori Ogai suddenly asked, "Speaking of which, are you going to Fuyuki City?"

"Yes." I replied, looked at him suspiciously, and asked, "What's wrong?"

Mori Ogai frowned, as if he was a little unhappy, but he quickly covered up that unhappiness, Mori Ogai said: "It seems that Fuyuki City was not peaceful a while ago."

I remembered Mr. Yakuro's reminder. Now that Mori Ogai also said that Fuyuki City was not peaceful, the anxiety in my heart suddenly rose to the top.But I have to go back anyway, even if I don’t want to see the cherry blossoms now, I have to go back to my hometown for Mei and say goodbye to her parents.

There are still umbrellas in the pastry shop. After collecting the things, the boss handed me and Mori Ogai each an umbrella. My umbrella is a little bigger, after all, it is to be used with Aji.

In order to prevent Aji from getting caught in the rain, I picked him up. During the period, the boss and Mori Ogai also asked me if I wanted them to hold Aji for me, but I refused.

In any case, only Aji I want to hug personally.And I also knew that the kid wasn't used to being hugged by strangers.

Seeing that I refused, the boss and Mori Ogai didn't care, but took the initiative to pick up the package for me and Aji.

Accompanied by the sound of rain and the "stepping" sound of the shoe uppers stepping on the rain, we came to the boss's house, which is not far from the dim sum shop. Although it is not as exaggerated as what we saw at Tsushima's house before, it is still quite rich.

After a late dinner that could be used as a midnight snack, Akiko took us to the guest room. After I thanked her, I closed the door and dug out his clothes for Azhi.

After showering and gargling, we all lay down on the bed drowsily.After all, I have gone through a period of hard work, not to mention Azhi, I am exhausted.

In a daze, I felt that Azhi beside me turned over and leaned over as if wanting to whisper.And I put my ears together quite cooperatively, even though I was already so sleepy that I was a little unconscious.

Azhi said: "That man didn't just come here to avoid the rain. He smelled like the train. He came here from the train."

Azhi's words startled me, and the drowsiness that was about to overwhelm me disappeared completely. I opened my eyes in shock, and subconsciously said, "Then what is he here for?"

When I opened my eyes, I saw Azhi with a mischievous smile, and I immediately understood that he said these words specially when I was about to fall asleep.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so I stretched out my hand and patted his head. Azhi laughed "hehe" a few times, covering his head to avoid my attack.

After playing around, I remembered what Aji told me about Akiko before, and I asked, "Could it be because of Akiko's ability?"

"No." Azhi replied affirmatively: "He has never been here before, so naturally he doesn't know about Akiko."

"Then why did he come to the dim sum shop on purpose?" I asked.

"I'm afraid it's about the person lying on the rail." Azhi's face showed a maturity and calmness that didn't match his age. A person with special abilities, this man named Mori Ogai came here to find him."

"As for why you came to the dim sum shop? Akiko also said that the man lying on the rails—that is, Kitamura Yota visited his dim sum shop. He also specifically told Akiko that his illness was finally cured, and he should talk to Akiko The relationship is very good, and Mori Ogai came here to find out about that man."

"I see." After Aji's analysis, I connected the details that were unconsciously ignored, and understood Mori Ogai's purpose.

I couldn't help but look at Azhi in admiration and said, "Our Azhi is really smart."

Azhi smiled smugly—he is no longer good at disguising his emotions in front of me, and I am happy for that.

But at the same time, a kind of worry came to my heart, which made me feel deeply uneasy.

Being too smart is not a good thing either.I'm really afraid that one day Azhi, who is too smart, will leave everyone else far behind.

If so, who will understand Azhi's sadness and loneliness?

Perhaps because he noticed my worried eyes, Aji stretched out his hand and shook mine tightly. He raised his head to look at me and said with a calm smile, "I'm fine, Sachiko."

"It's enough for me to have a lucky child." Aji said as if he was very satisfied.

I looked at this stubborn child helplessly, comforted him softly, and said, "Don't be afraid of others, I am seriously praying that you will have friends who understand you."

Azhi didn't speak, just rubbed my shoulder coquettishly.He was still a little afraid to step out of that empty room in his heart.

My original intention was not to force him, but to hope that he could be understood and loved.So I didn't continue talking, just patted his head and said, "You should go to bed."

Azhi is not in good health, he should have gone to bed early, but at this time he is probably trying to talk to me.

"Hmm." Azhi replied in a daze, lying on the bed, his immature and pale face buried in the soft pillow.

He has some scars on his body, which are usually bandaged in order not to attract attention.Although wearing bandages should be quite eye-catching, but now there are many children wearing bandages on the street, so Azhi doesn't look too conspicuous.

Yosano, father and daughter, and Mori Ogai would pause their eyes when they saw the bandages on Aji's body, but they didn't ask anything after all, probably because of the chaotic post-war situation where children are wrapped in bandages. Bandages are not something that people can casually ask about.

But no matter what caused the scars, scars are scars, marks left after being hurt, at least this will not change.

I sigh deeply.

"Xingzi." Azhi opened his eyes again, called me softly, and said, "I can't sleep."

"What's wrong? Need me to tell you a bedtime story?" I joked as I reached out and gently massaged his head.

I was just joking, thinking that Aji would directly reject the so-called "bedtime story". Unexpectedly, he pursed his lips and buried his face in the quilt, leaving only his eyes that were not wrapped in bandages exposed come out.Azhi looked straight at me and said, "Yes."

I blinked and burst out laughing, noticing Azhi's dissatisfied eyes, I raised my hand in surrender and said, "Okay, let me tell you a story. What kind of story do you want to hear?"

"I want to know what happened to Sachiko before." Aji said bluntly.

I froze for a moment, and said with a wry smile, "Even I don't know about this kind of thing."

What was my previous name?where do you live?What does it look like?I don't remember any of this.Although I realize "Ah, my original personality is like this" when doing some things, but apart from this level of consciousness, I really don't know anything else.

Although I am also a little curious about my former self, but now I am struggling with how to live better in this world with Azhi, and I really don't have any energy to explore.

As "Sachiko", I came to this world with nothing, but I met the most precious treasure in this world——this is enough for me.

After thinking about it, I thought I could tell Azhi what I knew subconsciously, and I said, "Although I don't remember what happened to me before, I still know that I didn't have children before."

"That means I'm your only child?" Azhi asked.

"Yes, the only one." I said with certainty.

Azhi covered his mouth and laughed a few times as if he was very happy. Now he looks like an ordinary eight-year-old child.I softened my face, stretched out my hand to stroke his head, and coaxed: "You should go to bed, do you want to eat anything tomorrow?"

"I want to eat tomatoes." Azhi replied.

"Okay, then eat tomatoes." I nodded and agreed.

Satisfied, Aji closed his eyes and fell asleep.

Listening to his gentle breathing, I closed my eyes, feeling relieved by this peaceful happiness.Originally, I wanted to sleep with him too, but unfortunately, my sleepiness just disappeared. I was afraid that I would wake up Azhi by tossing and turning in bed, so I decided to go out for a walk to relax.

Yu Xie Ye's house is very big, although they also hired special servants, but both Xie Ye's father and daughter would not let the servants stay in Yu Xie Ye's house all day long, so they let them go back by themselves as soon as they finished their work.

When I opened the door and walked out, it was pitch black everywhere, with only a few dim lights left to illuminate the way.I was a little afraid of the dark, so I hesitated for a while whether to go out, but I was afraid that I would wake up Azhi by staying in the room.At this moment of struggle, I suddenly noticed that there seemed to be a person leaning against the distant window.

I paused, and walked over cautiously.

Standing there was Mr. Mori Ogai, leaning against the window, smoking a cigarette in his hand, a cold and pale emotion appeared on his slightly pale face.

To a certain extent, he is indeed somewhat similar to Azhi. I was in a trance just now and thought I saw Azhi in adulthood.

Before I hesitated to go over to say hello, Mori Ogai, who probably had already spotted me, looked over. His black hair was scattered in a mess, and there was a faint smile on that pale and handsome face. He shouted, "Miss Sachiko, are you still awake at this late hour?"

"I can't sleep, I'm afraid I'll wake up Aji, come out for a walk." I replied, noticing that because of my approach, Mori Ogai thoughtfully put out the cigarette, I couldn't help but asked aloud: "Do you look like that?" Like a smoker."

"Oh?" Mori Ogai laughed as if he had heard something very interesting, and said, "Then who do you think I am?"

This kind of words seemed a little too intimate, and it also made people a little troubled about how to answer. Before I could think of an appropriate response, Mori Ogai waved his hand and said, "Sorry, I was rude."

"Nothing." I replied.

Then we fell into an awkward atmosphere.After all, they are just two strangers who have never met before, and I don't know anything about military doctors, so even if I want to talk about a topic, I don't know what to bring up.Mori Ogai didn't seem to plan to talk too much with me either.

I was about to say goodbye and leave when Mori Ogai's slightly tired and gloomy face reflected on the window came into my sight again.

For some reason, I suddenly asked: "Why does Mr. Mori lean here to smoke in the middle of the night? Aren't you going to sleep?"

Mori Ogai spread his hands helplessly, and said, "Just like you, I can't sleep."

Why can't I sleep?The question immediately popped into my mind.

I subconsciously looked out of the window he was looking at just now - here I can directly see the train station.Although it was late at night, a dozen or so people could still be seen leaning against the side of the road, not knowing whether they were dead or alive.Someone's crying could be heard in the distance.

I recalled what happened during the day, and couldn't help sighing: "Speaking of which, this place is really chaotic."

"There are places that are more chaotic than this." Mori Ogai sneered, and said sarcastically: "This place has been calculated, and the place close to the original battlefield still smells of decay."

"Has Mr. Mori followed him to the battlefield?" I asked aloud, and then realized that I had asked a rather stupid question.The other party is a military doctor, or a military doctor with a certain reputation outside the army, how could they not go to the battlefield together?

"In most cases, doctors just stay behind the battlefield to support." Mori Ogai understood my expression and explained helplessly.

But even the back of the battlefield is still a battlefield, so I must be feeling very heavy at this time.

"No, my heart must not be heavy, Ms. Sachiko." Mori Ogai interrupted my sentimentality again mercilessly.

I glanced at him, and found that there was a happy emotion in his originally gloomy and depressed eyes—this person's nature is definitely very bad.

Seemingly noticing my somewhat dissatisfied eyes, Mori Ogai raised his eyebrows and said, "It's true."

"If there's anything that weighs on my heart, it's the chaos in the world after the war." Mori Ogai's eyes darkened a little, and he said, "Those idiots above are still drowning in the afterglow of the past. But now The era of peace and prosperity is no longer enough, and in order to restore the country to peace and stability as soon as possible, someone must come out and do something." Mori Ogai clenched his fingers subconsciously.

His eyes seemed to be burning with fire, cold and hot, and the two temperatures mixed together strangely in his eyes.

Maybe because I stayed with Azhi for a long time, my perception of some things became sharper.I noticed that there seemed to be another hidden meaning in Mori Ogai's words.

"In other words, you are not saddened by the death of soldiers?"

Mori Ogai turned his head in surprise, as if he thought I asked a very strange question, he laughed and said, "How could that be?"

"I will be so uncomfortable that I can't sleep or eat." Mori Ogai said.

But that's not feeling sad because of someone else's death, but it's a distress similar to "there are no useful chess pieces to use".

Mori Ogai's face was leaning against the window, his eyes were looking at the train station in the distance, but it seemed to be looking at a place far, far away besides here.

I can't understand his thoughts because I can't forget death and feel sad because of the death of others.But I still feel a little melancholy.

Probably because I am a person who is easily sentimental.I just feel...whether it's me or this military doctor named Mori Ogai, or the confectionery shop owner Yosano and his daughter, no matter which one of us is struggling desperately in this world.

He stretched out his hand desperately like a drowning person.

I think of Yota Kitamura who is lying on the rails—I don’t know what kind of person this person is, how old he is, where he lives, whether he has important people?

But I still can't help but imagine whether he had struggled with all his strength during his lifetime, but unfortunately he was still left behind by the whole world, and in the end he couldn't even call for help, so he sank slowly.

"Miss Sachiko really has an incredible charm." Mori Ogai, who was still looking out of the window, sighed inexplicably, and said, "I always feel that being by your side can make people relax, and I can't help but want to say more. some words."

I suddenly remembered that in the illusion, Sayuri said that I was like a "tree".Trees that make one want to rest here.

But I know very well that it is not so much my own problem as it is that in such a chaotic and oppressive world, people who have endured it for too long unconsciously want to talk about it.And I happen to be better at listening.

"Speaking of which, you and your child shouldn't be your biological mother and child?" Mori Ogai asked suddenly.

I was taken aback by this unexpected question, looking at Mori Ogai's eyes that seemed to see through everything, I opened my mouth and said, "...Yes."

"Even so, there is a bond between you that goes beyond the usual mother-child relationship." Mori Ogai pointed out this point bluntly.

"...Well." I responded and said, "No matter what, I can't let go of that child. I want to be his mother and protect him."

"I can tell." Mori Ogai shook his head and sighed: "You are incredible. When I went out this morning, I saw children abandoned by their parents wandering on the street, struggling to survive. At the same time, You develop a strong love for a child with whom you have no blood relationship."

"I don't think this is incredible." I lowered my eyes and said, "Love doesn't need any reason."

"Indeed." Mori Ogai nodded, looked at me, and said softly, "But there is one thing I'm more curious about."

"What?" I asked suspiciously.

Mori Ogai said: "If one day it is really a last resort, what kind of situation will you do for the most important child? Even if you have to trample on your own heart?"

I bit my lips because of this question. I looked up at the military doctor and asked, "What about Mr. Sen? How far will you go for the most important thing?"

"Take everything into consideration and adopt the optimal solution to protect that kind of thing." Mori Ogai said coldly.

"...Even your own life?" I asked.

"I myself am a pawn in this world." Mori Ogai said with a smile: "For something like that, even my own life can be used as a stepping stone, right? "

Looking into those eyes, I suddenly realized that this man was incredibly rational and calm.In his eyes, everything has a price tag.He doesn't think about people's hearts, he only thinks about how to maximize his interests.

His calmness and rationality have reached an almost paranoid and crazy level.In short, he is a calm madman, and a madman with extremely strong emotions.

But at the same time, I felt a very strong and firm will in Mori Ogai, which was different from my cowardly self.

If you want to protect something in such a chaotic and cruel society, you must have a stronger will than anyone else, and Mori Ogai has such a will.

I am afraid that one day, for the things he wants to protect, when he realizes that his death can bring him the greatest benefit, Mori Ogai will die without hesitation.

And when the day comes, how far will I go for Azhi, the only thing that must be protected?

I thought so, and after saying goodbye to Mori Ogai, I squatted at the door of the room.Recalling Aji's small, happy breathing that almost brought tears to my eyes, I curled up, closed my eyes and let out a soft cry.

"Aji."

My most important child.