Great writers and philosophers

"The reason why I joined the mafia was to find something in it, a mafia full of violence and death. I thought that if I got close to these areas, I would be able to understand the meaning of life. But... I didn't find it. "

On a cloudy day, Dazai Osamu came to visit and said a few gossips about Akutagawa Ryunosuke, who was originally his favorite direct subordinate, holding a steaming teacup and looking at the silver-haired woman on the other side of the round stone table. explain.

Nanaya Hotaru doesn't want to be too contemptuous in the face of other people's pain in life, but as Uchiha Itachi knows, she is not a goddess who will unconditionally tolerate all pain and sorrow. On the contrary, meanness and sarcasm are her subconscious reactions .

However, when it comes to the "meaning of being alive", it is difficult for Qiyeying to be really contemptuous.

However, before that...

"Mr. Dazai, many people have said that you are a weirdo." The woman with silver hair and green eyes took a small bite of the sky blue macaron, "Although you haven't had many contacts, you are irresponsible for what you said I still have a strong impression of it.”

Wrapped in white bandages, wearing a pure black windbreaker, sitting in a loose posture, and with empty eyes, the young man's eyes lightly fell on the woman's face.

Qiyeying looked back straight at the past, with a look of reminiscence, and said slowly: "Because I am a writer, I am very concerned about these aspects, and I noticed it from the beginning, including what you just said, I don't know Why do I just have a premonition that you will retort immediately."

Qiye Ying took a sip of warm tea and pursed her lips, "In my personal understanding, the reason why you are like this is because you think that the things you said are irrelevant. Those you have already said , what is not said but also implied is not what you care about—or say so, but it is not what you are looking for. What you care about is the wound that grows on you, which is infinitely worse, and one day When that wound replaces you, you will be carried to death by that wound, and by that time, no matter what you are looking for, whether you find it or not, whether it exists or not, it will have no meaning."

Dazai stared at Nanaya Hotaru.

Qiyeying is at ease, but she is too lazy to smile. The atmosphere in the courtyard seems to be split into two parts, one can be directly summarized by chaos, and the other is like a lovely afternoon tea snack in the hands of Qiyeying.

"When a writer's eyes look at others, do they see such hidden information?" Osamu Dazai asked.

Seven nights firefly did not directly answer yes or no, "All artists will be subject to double temptation, the temptation of God and the temptation of the devil. And because artists are neither pure mortals nor true superhumans, both temptations can make them Defeat, the only thing we can struggle with is to try our best to delay the time of defeat."

"Mr. Dazai, when you look at those who are about to die by your hands, or because of you, will you see their appearance?"

Osamu Dazai didn't know how to answer this question for a short moment, because in that short moment, his smart head had already followed Nanaya Hotaru's question to recall and think about the appearance of those people. Their identities, what kind of life they had—he then understood the real purpose of Qiyeying, but what surprised him was that, deep in his heart, he even began to suspect that what the woman opposite was holding was from The kindness of people, or the pure artist's curiosity.

Without him having to think about it, the silver-haired woman gave the answer directly.

"I don't want to pity the dead, and I've written books about it..."

Qiye Ying was silent for a moment, and took the initiative to say: "I am a very arrogant person. Although the outside world has commented that I am very humble and a person with low self-esteem and explore my childhood with this, it is actually the opposite. I think I'm belittling myself because I'm very proud. My evaluation standard is higher than theirs, and I don't even bother to use their standard to evaluate myself. I am a perverse and withdrawn person by nature, timid and irritable. Although I won't I just say things like 'I am the truth', but once someone's actions don't match my cognition, I will be so angry that it seems that person destroys the foundation of the entire world. Well... In short, this is such a person."

Osamu Dazai gave a dumbfounded "Ah", without the straightforward confusion in his eyes covered by the bandages.

"My arrogance lies in the fact that I don't even bother to talk to the wrong. The only thing that can interest me in communication is the 'right'. In my opinion, people who talk to the wrong are stupid, maybe morally correct, But stupidity anyway. And in any case, stupidity is the greatest sin for a man who walks the path of literature."

"Well, just as you thought, something happened that changed my mind." Nanaya Hotaru nodded at Dazai Osamu, looking not very concerned.

Osamu Dazai suddenly felt that the Nanaya Hotaru in front of him and the Nanaya Hotaru who foolishly followed Oda Sakunosuke before were not the same person.

"But if you start from there, the story will be too long and you will definitely not be interested. Let's jump in time and briefly summarize it-after I finally learned to be a human being, at least I gained the vulgar but great satisfaction in the sense of life. A few years ago, on the European battlefield, in a concentration｜camp called hell, Mr. Uchiha looked at that scene, and said with some doubts and sighs: It turns out that human beings have made so much effort, and finally ushered in the end But here—he said such things.”

Qiyeying put down the macaron that had only taken a small bite, crossed her fingers and twisted them together.Her muscles began to tense.

"To be honest, at that moment my cowardice materialized might fill the entire ocean. I was so cowardly that I hated myself irreparably at almost the same moment. I was so timid that I wanted to run away from him. When I thought of It was almost to the point of putting it into action. With just one sentence, my whole being was destroyed. I almost asked him to disappear, or let me disappear. At that moment, only eternal death was the real release for me And redemption. It is impossible for people to continue to despair. Zuo just gave up because he couldn’t bear the burden at a certain moment. At that moment, I was about to give up, and even now I still doubt that maybe I have given up ...Maybe love without consciousness is the only way out."

The woman frowning slightly was a bit dazed, Osamu Dazai could see the woman's fear, as long as he recalled that scene, he would reflexively fear.

Although there is no beginning or end, for Osamu Dazai, what Naya Hotaru said was not euphemistic. On the contrary, it was very straightforward. It directly cut open the chest and abdomen, dug out the heart, squeezed out the blood inside and poured it on the top of his head. A kind of domineering and tough straightforwardness.

He told Qi Yeying how he felt, and got a normal smile from the latter.

Seven nights firefly said: "This is Natsume Soseki's psychological description."

Dazai Osamu did not extract the relevant plot from his memory.

Nanaya Yingying said that Natsume Soseki would always write it, and this is what Natsume Soseki would write.

Then, she enlarged the smile on her face, a gentle, inclusive smile, "I learned this smile from Bucharati, and I feel very healing. According to my experience, it works very well. Now I treat others. I’m almost used to laughing like this. I used to look down on others and myself, but then something happened that made me look up to others as well as myself, to respect the morality and virtues that I once snubbed, and to accept that in the world there is only “right” and "Right" is the enemy of each other, the tragedy of both sides in the end. Admitting that I am not a pessimist at all, and I am not qualified to create tragedy. Recognize the necessity of the existence of "wrong". Believe that the enemy of "wrong" is human beings What should be done, as for fighting against 'correctness', that is the power only a few top writers have, and they possess many things that I do not possess, the most important of which is 'courage'."

"Mr. Dazai, I believe you can understand. I have the courage to fight against the world, and I also have the determination to transform my will into action. Because the 'world' is an abstract concept to me. Just like what I just said Problem, when we're fighting someone, that person becomes some kind of abstraction, a metaphysical enemy, and we don't think about whether he likes to feed stray cats after dinner or has a bunch of kids We have to feed; we don’t care how much trauma it has gone through to get to where it is now, how much glory and despicableness behind those histories—but, I don’t have the courage to be an enemy. I can’t be an enemy of Uchiha-kun, Just as you cannot be an enemy of Oda-san, although it is not very appropriate, it has almost the same meaning."

"It's not the same." Dazai Osamu disagreed with Nanaya Hotaru's metaphor, "Let's not say that we don't need to be enemies with them, even if there is such a miserable day, I will definitely not do it out of my own will."

Qiyeying didn't feel that she was denied, on the contrary, she took it seriously, "Yes, that's it. Although objectively speaking, this kind of statement is too emotional and arbitrary, but I've almost had enough of the so-called 'objective'. To put it bluntly Well, being objective is not in my nature at all, I have had to be objective for many reasons, and the result is that I feel unspeakably disgusted and disgusted when I am alone."

But what she wants to say is not from this perspective.

"If I deny Uchiha-kun, then all my literature will lose its meaning. Of course, it's not because I love him and he loves me. It's because at the very beginning, I recognized I, and on this basis, I become me. That is, once I deny him, then I have to deny me. Self-denial is a very dangerous thing. In my memory, except Uchi I have never seen a person other than Bo Jun who can completely deny himself and at the same time do the thing that makes him deny himself without delay... It was a long time ago, but such a thing is impossible Forgotten, sometimes even mentioned is taboo."

"...Then why did you tell me? Do you want to explain something?" Osamu Dazai asked.

Nanaya Hotaru silently glanced at the gloomy sky, then looked at Osamu Dazai again.

You could even say she's really just making small talk.

In fact, the truth seems a little ridiculous.

"The thing I'm trying to say is actually because I deviate from the main point. I just want to say that being close to violence and death, or even death and blood, can't make you understand what it means to be alive. But this is a very large and complex proposition. , it can even be regarded as the oldest literary motif, from the myth of creating man until now, human beings are still tirelessly exploring... so I accidentally digressed, um... sorry, how should I put it... I really What I want to express is that I am a distorted person with a bad personality, and my evaluation of how much I love is confirmed by evaluating how much I can suffer for it.”

Qiye Ying lowered her eyes and her voice was soft.

"Normal people can't imagine how much work some people have to go to to become like a normal person, and then every breath carries the relief and nausea of ​​'finally becoming a normal person'. Maybe doing nothing, it doesn't matter. It's easier to accept the ending, but it's the hardest decision to make. Isn't it?"

Yes.

Osamu Dazai subconsciously affirmed.

The great writer Polaris has a pair of eyes that can see through the suffering of others, and is a literary star in the world today.

Someone said so.

Perhaps there are some people in the world who are so sensitive that they can see through the suffering of others and touch their sorrow.

"Just a moment of self-denial is unbearable, and I, who was almost crushed by it, finally realized what kind of hell he fell into. I will only be hurt by two people, and I will only feel angry when facing other people or things. And angry me, I can also understand how much pain your life is full of."

"Mr. Dazai, if you can be hurt by anything in this world, then I can only think that the only way for you to fight back is to resist these hurts, instead of accepting the flow... But, because I can understand, I can't help it Standing uprightly and confidently speaking from an objective point of view, what you should do is right. It is not your right, but objectively correct. Objectively correct can only protect the abstract world, but cannot save a living one. people."

"However... while accepting, while looking for ways to resist... such an approach is contradictory."

"Do you need help?"

"Although he is a person with a very strange personality, and has a deep-rooted mental illness, and often even tries in the abyss of doubting everything, denying everything and scorning everything, but there is only one thing, since I am still more hopeless than a fool When I saved the guy, I already decided that until now and in the future, I will never waver in the slightest—”

"One cannot turn away from the suffering of others."

"If you tell me that you need help, then I will help you. Whoever dares to deny this is destroying the foundation of the entire world, and I am absolutely not afraid of being an enemy."