I'm in Delingha tonight

Yu Sixian's tomb is at the back of Nanshan Mountain, Xishan comes every year at a fixed time, which is birthday and death day.

He stopped the car and met Zhu Yiming and Qi Xing.

After all, Xi Shan hadn't seen Qi Xing for two or three months.Her hairstyle hasn't changed, the short hair she had when she was a student was left waist-length, and it has been permed in big waves.She is wearing a small black skirt, black high heels, and even the bag is the same color.In contrast, he and Zhu Yiming were less formal.

Zhu Yiming was holding a bouquet of white roses, seeing Xi Shan coming, he forced it to him.

Xi Shan didn't dodge and had to continue, his face was smothered by the scent of roses, he looked down, the flowers were about to bloom, and a string of dew condensed on the leaves - most of them brought chrysanthemums when sweeping graves, but Qi Xing thought it was bad luck, so they always It is to buy white roses.

After exchanging a few brief greetings, the three of them walked up the mountain tacitly.

The location of the cemetery is high, and it was chosen by Jiang Hai.At that time, the accident happened so suddenly that Yu's parents had a nervous breakdown and had no energy to deal with it, so they, as Yu Sixian's best friends, helped share all the funeral affairs including the thank you banquet.

Four years have passed since the memory of that time, and I don't know if the Yu family's parents have left or not, but Xi Shan knows that he has not left the shadow of Yu Sixian's car accident.

Red lights, hospitals, ambulances... made him anxious.

The cemetery is in the front row, next to a row of slender begonias.On the other side of the black marble tombstone, there is a bouquet of lilies.In the past two days, the autumn tiger was ferocious, the high temperature continued, and the edges of the leaves and flowers had turned yellow—it should have been brought by Jiang Hai to Yu Sixian yesterday.

Xi Shan bowed and placed the white rose beside the tombstone.

Zhu Yiming lit two cigarettes, one smoked by himself, and the other stood in front of the tombstone.With a cigarette in his mouth, he took out a handkerchief from his pocket to help Yu Sixian wipe the tombstone, and reported the latest situation while wiping. Like a party.

At that time, Xi Shan spoke much less than now, and Sixian was not a person who liked to join in the fun, only Zhu Yiming, every time Fei pulled Qi Xing to invite them out with Jiang Hai.

Except for Zhu Yiming, everyone else's university is in Shapingba, and the Three Gorges Square is their stronghold.

Zhu Yiming takes a long time to get there from Huangjueping every time, but he is always the most energetic and noisy person.A few people were drinking and chatting at the barbecue stand on the side of the road, and they had to wait until midnight to climb over the wall and go back to school.At that time, there was a shop next to the Three Gorges Square that roasted sweet potato skin was delicious, but the owner of the stall depended on his mood.

When Sixian was alive, everything was like the most beautiful dream.

Jiang Hai is still in Chongqing, Qi Xing is a lively and lovely female college student, Zhu Yiming and him haven't had a fight yet, and his parents are still a model couple in his eyes...

No wonder some people always miss their school days.

Many people and many things will change after puberty.Time heals pain, heals conflicts, and often takes away the purest happiness.

"...Qi Xing's younger sister is also pretty good. This year she passed the university entrance exam and just started school. Xi Shan's new store is finished. A book bar was designed for him by Jiang Hai's ex-girlfriend. As the saying goes, benevolence and righteousness cannot be bought or sold... Oh yes, he seems to have new signs, so just, don't think about him anymore."

When Zhu Yiming said this, a long piece of soot fell in front of the tombstone.

He stretched out his hand to brush it away, and behind him, Xi Shan avoided the subject uncomfortably: "There's no need to mention this, right?"

Zhu Yiming looked at Xi Shan from bottom to top, with a cigarette in his hand: "Isn't it, tell Sixian. He misses you the most, and now you seem to be more 'communicative', and you have found a new little boyfriend , if he knows it, he won’t always worry about it, for fear that you will end up alone forever.”

Xi Shan frowned: "Chi Nian is not..."

Before the words finished, Qi Xing keenly sensed that the atmosphere between the two of them was not getting along, so he interrupted: "Enough."

"Not enough." Zhu Yiming stood up and exhaled a puff of smoke, "A few days ago, I took people to the 'recession', and she looks quite cute-I didn't say Brother Xi, you change your taste and change your taste, is anyone else an adult? "

Xi Shan closed his eyes: "You should take care of my private affairs."

All of a sudden, Zhu Yiming seemed to be ignited by his words: "I don't care? Can I control it? I want to control you. Are we here today? It's been four years, Xi Shan, have you forgotten who was dying at that time? Live! I can’t get through the phone, and no one replied on WeChat, if you haven’t lost contact, Sixian would rush to find you?!”

"Zhu Yiming!"

"If he doesn't look for you, if he's not in a hurry, he won't take a taxi! He always likes to take the light rail or bus when he goes out. Why did he have to take a taxi that day? Isn't it because of you!"

Qi Xing went to tug him: "How about you fight and see the occasion?"

Zhu Yiming shook off Qi Xing: "It depends on the occasion? I just want to say in front of Yu Sixian today that his vision is too bad—Xi Shan, you are indeed not a central air conditioner, you are a fucking cold-blooded animal!"

Xi Shan raised his eyebrows, and Qi Xing hurriedly stopped in front of him again: "Don't mention it!"

"Why can't I mention it? It's a fact!"

"So?" There were one or two veins on Xi Shan's forehead, and the other party's repeated mention of the past made him almost lose his mind, "Now you are satisfied that I will die for him with the white rose in my arms?!"

"Sixian's accident is all because of you, so I won't admit it now..."

"Interesting, Zhu Yiming."

Xi Shan paused every word, clenched his fists in his trouser pockets: "I'm only friends with him, even if you blame me for the car accident, it's impossible—"

"Qi Xing, do you hear that this is still a fucking human language!?"

Zhu Yiming rushed over, grabbed Xi Shan's collar tightly, Qi Xing screamed, and stepped forward to separate them.The chaotic scene happened in Ninghe's cemetery, and Xi Shan felt like laughing.

He grabbed his hand tightly: "Zhu Yiming, there are some things, do you think I really don't know?"

These words stunned Zhu Yiming, and even Qi Xing was surprised.

He was hot-headed, as if the grievances and misunderstandings he had suffered in the past four years all broke out at this moment.Looking back later, Xi Shan didn't know why he couldn't bear it that day after he had endured it for so long.

Whether Zhu Yiming mentioned Chi Nian or not, it was only because of this.

Xi Shan's tone was crueler than expected, and also more indifferent: "You call me brother, I have never treated you as an outsider in all these years. You and him... I know it well, but I just don't say it."

"What do you know?" Zhu Yiming smiled, "Do you know that he likes you?"

"At this time, can you take a look at yourself?" Xi Shan felt that he was letting go, and took the opportunity to press down on Zhu Yiming's wrist to force him to let go, "You like him, why didn't you tell him at the beginning."

Qi Xing: "...What?"

She suspected that her ears had misheard.

"When Sixian was around, let's just say that you didn't want to destroy the friendship, so you didn't say it. Now it's like this. You tied me up. Do you have a sense of moral superiority? I ask myself, as friends, I have never owed you two. But Here you mention me and others in detail..." Xi Shan frowned, and asked coldly, "Don't you think it's ugly?"

He knew that he couldn't raise his voice when he was angry, but his demeanor must be scary, otherwise Chi Nian would have shrunk back into the turtle shell and dared not make a sound when he showed a little emotion in Qinghai that time.

Now, Zhu Yiming let go of his hand and stared at him with red eyes.Qi Xing hadn't digested the secret belonging to the three of them, so he was dumbfounded and didn't know who to hold first.

In a corner of the cemetery, they were deadlocked.

"Xi Shan, you fucking...you're so selfish."

After Zhu Yiming finished speaking quietly, he turned and left angrily.

"Hey! Brother Zhu!" Qi Xing was in a dilemma.

Xi Shan mouthed "Go" to her and turned his head.Even though Qi Xing was worried, he had no choice but to go after Zhu Yiming with difficulty on his high heels.

In front of the narrow tombstone, it was quiet again.

After standing for a while, Xi Shan slowly exhaled the stale breath, and squatted down in front of the tombstone.That photo was not changed until last year. The person who has not lost his youthful look has slender eyebrows and thin cheeks. He does not smile and looks intently at the camera.

He raised his hand, trying to touch the photo, and finally picked out the yellowed leaves of the lily next to him.

In the early years, Yu Sixian said this: "It's a day if you can't figure it out, and it's a day if you figure it out. If you figure it out, it might be even more aggrieved. If you can't let it go, don't let it go. It's rare to be confused. Just be happy."

But is it really good to be happy?

Yu Sixian never confessed to him, he lied to Zhu Yiming.

But if he didn't say that, Zhu Yiming would be immersed in endless regrets, let alone be unable to get out.

Now that there is no one else, he and Yu Sixian finally got some space to be alone together.In the past, Yu Sixian was afraid that Xi Shan would hate him because of this "like", so he never dared to meet him alone, and even sat in the farthest seat at parties.

They sat across the table, listening to Zhu Yiming and Jiang Hai bragging to each other, listening to Qi Xing complaining about his younger sister's puppy love, and occasionally laughing too hard, looking at Shang Sixian and avoiding him - hiding, because they knew there was no chance, so they just did it friend.

Xi Shan knew it all.

Knowing and accepting are two different things.

He didn't like Yu Sixian and couldn't be a lover, so he didn't choose to accept it.

Zhu Yiming asked him a long time ago, "After Sixian's accident, did you regret not satisfying his liking? If you were together, the situation might be different."

This question doesn't really make any sense.

"If you don't like it, you don't like it. You should treat me as a 'person' first."

Xi Shan answered Zhu Yiming like this at that time.

To this day, he still thinks so.He was surprised that the accident came so suddenly, feared death itself, and regretted that his friends of the same age would never see each other again, but he never thought it was wrong to reject this relationship.

Zhu Yiming said he was too selfish.

But when it comes to feelings, who has no selfishness?

He hasn't met the person who can let him go out.

Xi Shan believes that his heart is closed. It has been several years since several conflicts broke out together, and he has the idea of ​​​​"don't trap yourself" for the first time-Qinghai, the Gobi Desert, the desperate child squatting in the yellow sand, let him see During the most difficult months, my own shadow.

So I reached out and gave him a hand.

The kid is cheerful and happy now, and he seems to have been saved too.

Facing the tombstone at this time, Xi Shan's throat choked, and there were some things he didn't want to say to people, but now he wanted to confide in the air for no reason: "I now feel that what you said before is actually to comfort me, and it's useless. That day Yang Cai came to me to ask for money, and finally borrowed her [-] yuan. I planned to sell the house in Shiziping and pay back the loan. Then...the matter was almost settled, and we could treat it as parting from the past.

"The new life is easy to say, I couldn't think about it before, but this time I am willing to give it a try and move forward.

"If you want to ask why, maybe it's because...you met a cute kid."

new life.

In the shadow of the fireworks by the Bayin River, when Chi Nian said that, did he put it down?

Xi Shan wished more strongly than ever that the pain of the past would stop holding him back.

"...I still want to learn to let go, it may be difficult, but I really want to this time." In the end, Xi Shan pressed his ankle and buried his head in the photo, "I also want...try to be serious I like others, so..."

"sorry."

On the top of a crabapple tree, a leaf was blown by the wind and fell to the ground.