Help each other with "silence"

Silent Spoiler ([-])

Today is the end of the third year of high school.

I sat on the bed in the cabin I rented, pen in hand.

Thinking about it, recalling the blood-stained past, those betrayals, abandonment, disappointment, despair...

I stood there in a daze for a long time, then picked up a pen and wrote - "Speechless".

I don't know why, but this is the title.

The more and more I reject the crowd, I don't know why.

I always long for time alone, but when I get it, I can only lie on the bed, staring at the ceiling in a daze.

I don't know what I want to do, I don't know what I want, I don't know anything.

Empty.

I just leaned against the head of the bed in a daze, looking at the patterns on the quilt, lost in thought.

I don't want to do anything, but I want to do something, but I don't know what to do.

Under the light, the dust floating in the air floated leisurely, floating, entangled, and then scattered around my body.

The gentle singing in the earphones is like a clear stream, flowing quietly through my eardrums.

so quiet.

In the whole world, only oneself is left, or, in this world, there is no self.

I tried it a few days ago, but no matter how sad and desolate the song is to guide my emotions, my eyes are still as dry as dry soil, and I can't squeeze a drop of water.

His chest was heavy, as if something was blocked, but he couldn't vent it.

I think I seem to have really become a cold-blooded animal, and God rejected my paperwork for tears without mercy.

The loneliness of being abandoned by the world and leaving me alone often wraps around my waist and hugs me tightly.

No matter how noisy I am, when I look around, I always curl up in the white-filled space and never move.

At night, sitting alone on the bed, leaning against the wall.

I looked at the open notes on the desk in front of me, the scattered pens among the notes, and the tightly pressed caps on the pens.

Suddenly, the heart that seemed to be hollowed out hurt.

Am I alive?

Who can prove that I have lived?

What, can it prove that I am alive now?

What do I want?

My mind seems to be filled with water, heavy, trance, and confused.

Something is suppressed in the chest, stuffy.

Something choked up in his throat, sad.

Staring at something in the eyes, empty.

I seemed to have lost my soul, and I let the heavy rain invade the basin outside the window. The accumulated water on the eaves was overwhelmed and fell onto the canopy. The metal canopy was hit by raindrops and made continuous "bang" and "bang".

It was like a dull drum beating straight into the heart, and that sound was very much like crying.

What did I bring with me when I came into this world?What's left?

This world is full of emptiness, have I ever existed?In this surging torrent of time, have I, ever fallen, become one of the victims?

I,

Is it really alive?

If so, why is there no emotion, and the eyes are full of emptiness.

If so, then why didn't he feel moved and was exhausted.

If so, then why is there no sorrow, full of dryness.

I have no emotional ups and downs, no sentient body, no tears in my eyes.

I am like a walking dead, moving from today to tomorrow with the push and pull of time.

It is getting more and more desolate, but there are no tears.

Getting confused, but not clear.

Desperation is growing, but there is no dawn.

What am I desolate about?What are you confused about?Again, what are you desperate for?

Every cell in my body seemed to be empty, and there was only a piece of white in my mind, endless white.

I was gradually submerged in that piece of whiteness, neither an ocean nor a liquid existence, which was nothing but could be anything.

I slowly closed my eyes, as if I was about to fall into a deep sleep, my body and mind were exhausted, tired, hopeless and hopeless as if I had experienced vicissitudes.

The light from the street lamp shines through the glass window onto the white porcelain coffee cup on the desk. The coffee stains on the rim of the cup are exposed to the light, but absorb all the light in the next moment, forming a black-brown vortex that distorts the light , Twisting me, twisting this world, into darkness.

During the day, the figure of me stepping into the rain alone with an umbrella was occupied by the black background, and the light became the embellishment color of the foil in an instant, and was swallowed by the thick black color, before I could utter a mournful cry.

I walk alone and slowly in this space that has been released.The light canvas shoes stepped on the ground, but they collided with a deafening sound like thunder. In this world, the air was tightly entangled, and then drifted to the distance, gradually, every particle of dust was filled, and every particle of dust was permeated. One cubic meter of land.

Then, slowly, he changed his tone and lowered his voice.

Little by little, he was swallowed by another more bleak voice, became a part of it, and was replaced by it.

It uttered in place of the crying self, over and over again, lingering all over the body.

Instead of the self that was blocked in the chest, it let out the cry that suppressed the heart wantonly.

It replaced the self that was choked in the throat, and the voice that had not been uttered for a long time came smoothly.

I am speechless, it takes my place.

The snow-whiteness of the world embraces me, and as it rises, falls, and surrounds melancholy, my chest trembles.

one more time.

Slowly, it tightened its embrace, and hugged me tightly from behind, oppressive and suffocating.

Gradually, I couldn't breathe air.

Gradually, I couldn't feel the light.

Gradually, I couldn't touch the vitality.

So be it.

In this way, let me fall into a deep sleep, sinking into the abyss that even the sky does not know.

Alone, go to sleep alone.

Like,

Never lived the same.