My big knife is already hungry and thirsty gl

My name is Gao Yiyang. Although my life was not rich and powerful before the age of 22, it was quite enjoyable, because I was not sick at that time.

I still remember when I was a child, I once got 99 on the [-]-point test paper. For me at the time, that was a terrible news.

I still remember that when I almost forgot about that point, my brother gave me a piece of candy for the first time. You must know that a piece of candy was a rare thing at that time.He stuffed the candy in my hand, and his voice was as immature as mine. He was my twin brother, who was only 5 minutes older than me. "Yangyang, brother secretly got you some candy, eat it quickly, and you'll be back after you eat it."

The tears that I had shed for that one point gushed out again with my brother's reminder.Seeing me crying, my brother was terrified. He reached out and took the milk candy wrapped in paper in my hand, unwrapped it and stuffed it into my mouth.After eating candy, I actually stopped crying. Thinking about it now, I'm afraid I couldn't cry because my mouth was occupied.But in my impression, that piece of candy was very fragrant and sweet, so it is hard for me to forget it at this time.

But I suddenly felt very ashamed, because at that time I was chewing the candy in my mouth, my brother looked at me so eagerly, he wanted to eat it, really, but he just kept looking at me until I finished eating I asked, "Is the sugar sweet?"

Silly at that time, I nodded deeply a few times, as if to make sure that the candy was really delicious and sweet.

How should I put it, if the life before the age of 22 can be described by something, it must be that piece of candy. Although the candy wrapper is crumpled, it tastes very sweet.

But after the age of 22, my life is like bitter sugar, bitter and astringent in the mouth, but I still have to swallow it.

On the day when I was diagnosed with the disease, I sat in front of the doctor's desk in a daze for more than ten minutes. My brother kept asking the doctor if the test result was wrong. bored.But until the end, the doctor's answer did not change.

In fact, I used to feel that sometimes something was wrong with my body, a problem with my heart, but every time it just moved a little bit, so I didn't tell others, nor did I tell my brother.I didn't tell others because it wasn't necessary, and I didn't tell my brother because he was afraid that he would be worried. He was always so anxious about my little things.

Don't exercise strenuously, don't get tired, don't get emotional...these are the only suggestions the doctor said, but just one of these makes me unable to behave like a normal person. Dogs are worse.Not allowed to work, what can I, a big man, do to wait for my brother to support me?Pigs and dogs can be sold for money to eat meat, so what should I do?Raising pigs and dogs is better than raising me.At that time, I thought I might as well die.

But my brother didn't give up, he told me to just leave it alone and take care of my illness, and he would figure out other ways.However, my parents left early. My brother raised me since I was a child. He didn't have to study or travel far to find a job. He just looked for work near the village because he had to take care of me.One can imagine how difficult it was for him.

I thought I would be able to do things for the family when I was older, but I had to rely on my brother to take care of me when I got sick.

Later, I committed suicide again and again, but every time I opened my eyes again, I saw my brother's haggard face and red eyes.

I'm sorry for him, I've been dragging him down for 40 years.I'm 41 this year, and my brother is also 41. He needs to take care of my sister-in-law and children. I don't have the face to stay at home any longer.

Tonight I'm going to settle this matter for good.It was very dark, it was estimated to be eleven or twelve o'clock, the sound of the children playing and playing had already disappeared, my brother and the others should have fallen asleep.

I walked to the door of my brother's room and knelt down. I couldn't help but want to cry. I tried my best to hold back my voice. I was afraid that I would wake them up and lose another chance.

The night was very quiet, there was no sound of people, cars, or even birds.When I went out, I walked in a predetermined direction, which was the place I finally chose.

The moon illuminates the way for me, but I don't need it, because I know where the pumice bridge is even with my eyes closed.

The wind blows on my body, but it is very comfortable. Suddenly, I can't help but want to sing a song: "Today I watched the snow drift by in the cold night.

Floating far away with a cold heart

Chasing after wind and rain, unable to distinguish traces in fog

The sky is wide, you and I will change (who is not changing)

How many times have I faced cold eyes and ridicule

Never give up the ideal in my heart

Feeling lost for a moment

Unknowingly, the love in my heart has faded (who understands me)

Forgive me for my unruly and indulgent love and freedom in my life

I am also afraid that one day I will fall

For the ideal, anyone can

I'm afraid that one day it's just you and me

......"

I don't dare to sing a very powerful song aloud, because my heart rate may be so fast that I can't even walk to the pumice bridge. I am afraid that this kind of life is rare for anyone but me.

After singing the song, what came to my mind was the frame-by-frame images of the past 40 years, some sweet and some bitter.

My brother gave me candy, my brother fought for me, my brother paid for my schooling, my brother helped me recuperate, and my brother did things for me again and again, big and small.

My brother is the best person in the world to me.

As a result, I was thinking in my head, what have I done for my brother all these years.From childhood to adulthood, I have been praised countless times for being warm-hearted and kind.I carried water for my neighbor's aunt, made up lessons for my classmates, and helped strangers cross the road while walking.But my heart was empty, and then I cried bitterly - I didn't do anything for my brother, nothing!

For a long time, all I brought him was drag, drag, burden, burden, burden, other than that, there was really nothing.

I really shouldn't live anymore, what's the use of living, my brother should take a breather, he is also old, he shouldn't worry so much.

I suddenly felt that this pumice bridge became far away from me.I walked faster, my home was getting farther and farther away from me, and my brother was getting farther and farther away from me.

When it was almost there I thought I would be afraid that I would back off, but no, I became very happy.

My brother will have a good life in the future, he will not be so tired, I am happy.I'm really happy that I'm finally getting rid of this disease that has haunted me for so long.

I couldn't help but sang a few more songs, my voice was full of joy and joy.I'm going to be free, I'm going to be free.

Generations of us have been walking on the pumice bridge. Today I will lie in the river under this pumice bridge. That must be my most desired destination.

Think about it, the water has flowed for thousands of years and I don’t know which sea it will return to. If I float along it, I will reach a different place. I have never traveled far because of illness. This is just right , presumably I will have the opportunity to go to many places.

It's almost there, it's almost there, and I see the railings of the Pumice Bridge.

The moment I stepped on the bridge, my heart was extremely peaceful, and I was going to a distant place.

I'm going to jump down in the middle of the bridge, where I can see the river flow clearly, and the faint light of the moon shining in the water.That must be beautiful.

I walked up a little bit, and I was about to see the highest point in the middle of the bridge.

There was a surge of joy in my heart, and I was almost there.

As soon as I walked up, I saw a person who was coming from the other side not far away. I was a little panicked. This person will not stop me.

But I didn't expect this person to get closer and seemed to see my face clearly. His eyes were red with anger, and he seemed to be holding something in his hand, but it was too dark at night, so I couldn't see clearly.

I was feeling weird when he suddenly rushed towards me calling my brother's name.Now I saw clearly that what he was holding was a fruit knife.

My heart stopped listening to me, it beat faster and faster, more and more erratically, and eventually I fell down before the knife could cut it down.

I can't feel my breath.

I'm dying.

I can't see my distance.

Farewell, my everything.