After I retired, I became a Butei clerk

After returning to the present world, Osamu Dazai solemnly entrusted the book to Shiratori Eri for safekeeping.And after that, because the book absorbed all the power and no longer interfered with the present world, everything was corrected, including the armed detective agency that was slandered as the five decays of heaven and man, and the suspicion was successfully cleared. The Five Declines Organization exposes it to the world.

As if everything had passed, the armed detective agency was open for business, the real criminals were hunted down by the Hound and other "government" agencies, but nothing came of it, even Dostoevsky disappeared in prison, without People know where he is going.Eri Shiratori is just like returning to work after taking leave, quietly working in the Armed Detective Agency as a small clerk.

The only change is probably that she is no longer in the realm of a transparent person who is often invisible to people, but her sense of existence is a little lower than that of ordinary people.

Kunikida Doppo, who likes to be orderly, expressed his satisfaction with this development...Damn it, in a meeting, the members of the Armed Detective Agency sitting around the table were once again forced to bear his out-of-control violent roar.

"Dazai, did he skip work again?"

Hearing this, Edogawa tore open a bag of potato chips in a "chaotic" step, and ate it in one bite before responding lazily, "Yes, eh, this taste is quite good."

He turned his head to Shiratori Eri, who was recording the minutes of the meeting, and raised the snack bag in his hand, "Shiratori, I still want this flavor of potato chips, you go and buy one, and by the way, I also want a wave of soda .”?

Shiratori Eri, who was recording the contents of the meeting, was stunned. She and Haruno Kirako, who was also taking notes, looked at each other. Seeing her nodding to herself, she put down the document in her hand and carefully observed Edogawa's "Ran" After picking up the snacks in his hand, he was about to get up, "Okay."

The moment she walked to the door and opened the door to go out, Edogawa's "random" voice sounded lazily again, "I suggest you go to Dazai for a while, this is a matter between the two of you, you should handle it carefully Bar."

"Ah, I understand."

Shiratori Eri paused at that moment, and responded to him after a few seconds.

Unexpectedly, Edogawa Ranho, who always cared about nosy things, would seriously discuss Dazai's matter with himself. Has the delicate state between himself and Dazai become so serious now?Just in time, she also felt that it was time to have a serious talk with Osamu Dazai, so Eri Shiratori turned her back to everyone, and answered Edogawa "Ranpo" seriously again, "Okay, I'll go find him."

The process of finding Osamu Dazai was unbelievably smooth. Ever since the revision of history, Shiratori Eri has unconsciously developed a close connection with this world. In the dark, I have a premonition in my heart, how to achieve the goal.

Therefore, after she came up with the idea of ​​looking for Osamu Dazai, she followed her intuition and finally found Osamu Dazai who was trying to "suicide" on a tree with a crooked neck. The body swayed with the wind, and even his face turned red because of hanging for too long, but his half-open eyes revealed that Osamu Dazai still had a weak consciousness.

"......"

It really made her meet without any surprise, Shiratori Eri remained silent.

The not-so-sturdy branches were bent downward by Osamu Dazai's weight, and they were in a broken and constant Schrödinger state. She walked under the tree and looked up at him. Some people couldn't see Dazai Osamu's expression clearly, only felt that although he was looking for death, he seemed to be a world of his own, even if she was standing next to him, she was still far away from him.

She sighed very slightly.

"Eri-chan?"

Seeing that Eri Shiratori just stood there without speaking for a long time, Osamu Dazai spoke. Because of the hanging around his neck, he smiled with difficulty and said, "I'm almost out of breath."

"I see." Shiratori Eri just stated this, gestured the gap between herself and the branch with her eyes, then slid out the dagger from her wrist, jumped up easily, and cut the hemp rope hanging from the tree with the dagger, Osamu Dazai also fell, and stood firmly on the ground with his height, "Ah, it's comfortable. Thank you Erika for your help."

"Really?" Shiratori Eri stared at Osamu Dazai who was still smiling easily, the color of Osamu Dazai's kite-colored eyes was faint in his sea blue eyes, "Mr. Are you all right?"

"Why do you say that?" Osamu Dazai tilted his head in confusion, as if he was stunned by Eri Shiratori's words, and then he became aggrieved, "Does Eri-chan feel that my "suicide" behavior has caused you trouble?"

He pursed his lips and lowered his voice, lowering his head, "Then I won't show up in front of Eri-chan next time, I'll go find another place to 'suicide'. But recently I haven't found any beauties who are willing to die with me."

"......"

Shiratori Eri suddenly felt powerless, she inhaled and exhaled very hard, then looked at Osamu Dazai who avoided the true meaning of her words without blinking, and said firmly, "I think we need to talk."

Facing Shiratori Eri's almost sharp eyes, Osamu Dazai was silent for a moment, then nodded.

In the end, Shiratori Eri and Dazai Osamu sat down under the tree. They didn't speak for a long time, and each looked to the side in a daze, until Shiratori Eri sorted out what happened in the recent period After she figured it out, she spoke again, drawing Osamu Dazai's attention back to herself.

"Mr. Dazai, you really have been avoiding me recently. No matter where we are, it is very difficult for us to meet. Even when we meet you, you are usually on the way of "suicide". You don't want to see me anymore, right?"

"No, why would Eri-chan think that way?" Facing Shiratori Eri's words, Osamu Dazai blinked, as if puzzled, "'Suicide' has always been my hobby."

"yes......"

Eri Shiratori was silent, and after looking around, she continued, "But Mr. Dazai, do you know that I am actually very sensitive to people's emotions, and just now, I can feel that you are lying."

When pointed out that he was lying, Osamu Dazai snorted, with a hurt expression on his face, "Is that how Eri-chan sees me? I don't know."

"Before I said this, I guessed that you would not admit it, but it doesn't matter, I just want to say it. As for your real attitude, it doesn't matter to me."

Surprised by Shiratori Eri's rare indifference, Osamu Dazai kept silent. He looked at Shiratori Eri, and found that she was not looking at him, but just looking into the distance, with a calm expression on her face, lingering around her The quiet breath, as if time was slowing down around her.

At this time, Osamu Dazai's words and quick thinking that can reverse black and white seem to have disappeared. He just looked at Shiratori Eri with a little curiosity, but the darkness in the depths of his eyes continued to accumulate, and he felt emotionless. There was a great contrast between the eyes and the expression full of "doubt", but he didn't seem to care about it, nor did he hide the difference between him and himself at this moment, just quietly waiting for Shiratori Eri's next words.

Eri Shiratori quickly organized her words, "Actually, after getting along with Mr. Dazai for a long time and experiencing so many things together, I can't understand you more and more, or in other words, I have never understood you."

"Those emotions of yours, those feelings that seem to be very different to me, I don't know if you showed them on purpose." Turning his eyes to the sky, Shiratori Eri folded his arms and hugged his legs, looking at the whole person Go up and sit like a statue, "I don't seem to understand you for a moment."

"So now, we are in a stalemate." Speaking of this, Shiratori Eri turned her head to Dazai Osamu, "Recently Mr. Dazai's "suicide" behavior is very frequent, because you feel that the relationship between us makes you Are you in pain?"

"..."

Facing Shiratori-Eri's blue eyes as clear as the sky, Osamu Dazai averted his gaze and denied, "No."

"That's good." Receiving this answer, Shiratori Eri seemed to have his wish fulfilled, and gave a faint smile, "That's another situation I guessed, you are afraid of something."

With good or even excellent eyesight, before Dazai Osamu suppressed his emotions, Shiratori Eri saw his slightly shaking pupils for a moment, and even her shadow reflected in them became blurred, like It will disappear in the next second.Only at the end, her tiny figure was still there.

"Does the thing I'm afraid of have anything to do with me?" Eri Shiratori gently rubbed the center of her eyebrows with her fingers. Recently, she has been thinking repeatedly about the matter between her and Osamu Dazai, which made her feel very tired.But in her opinion, there are some things that she has to talk about, otherwise she always feels that she and Osamu Dazai will gradually drift apart in the future, and they will be just passers-by from now on.

So she had to show her attitude to him, no matter what the result was, she would never regret it.

"I, actually wanted to talk to Mr. Dazai a long time ago, because there are always some things that make me sad when I look at you, no matter how you looked at me when I was in Tokyo. The look in your eyes that seemed to be seeing a nightmare again for a moment, or the actions you took many times to risk yourself because of various things, all made me feel very sad."

Speaking of this, Shiratori Eri tried hard to squeeze out a smile, but failed, she just lowered her eyes in the end, and said softly, "But because of my own reasons, I don't have the courage to really ask you. Because After all, my feelings for you are based on my own life. My thoughts and thoughts cannot be shared with Mr. Dazai. If I speak rashly, it will make me feel that I am judging you with my own ideas, and that is wrong. of."

"Until Mr. Dazai went to rescue me in the Warring States Period and brought me back. Here, I don't want to ask Mr. Dazai what the meaning of the liking he said casually at the beginning, please let me as a saved person , say something to my savior."

Eri Shiratori looked up at the sky, and those people in her memory flashed through her mind quickly, such as the sword Fusangshen, the people in the investigation team who protected her and survived, the female examiner who fell into Honmaru and died in despair, the master They, the new Honmaru sword, the companions who died during the war, and the armed detective agency in the real world, as well as Dazai Osamu, she was full of emotions in her heart, and she spoke the truth unconsciously.

"I myself, in fact, lost my strong desire to live after the end of the war. The reason why I didn't really die was probably the expectations of my companions who maintained history. So in this world, I really want to for some enough It doesn’t matter if it’s worth paying your life for something worthwhile, whether it’s killing Purple Butterfly or making up for historical loopholes, as long as you can get yourself out of the pain. It’s just that I didn’t expect it to be all wrong in the Warring States Period. Really over."

In a few words, Shiratori Eri revealed her true thoughts at the beginning, "After I finished the purple butterfly in the illusion, I immediately realized that everything was really over, and I hesitated in my heart whether to just stay in the illusion Let's just die."

She looked at Osamu Dazai whose eyes became gloomy because of her words, and comforted him with a smile, "It's just that I suddenly thought that if I died there, Mr. Dazai who stayed in the Warring States Period to save me would be really I want to be isolated forever by my selfishness. Everything I see and hear is a strange place, and there is only a lonely place every moment. That is simply cruel, so I jumped out of the illusion and brought you back to this world."

"But I think Mr. Dazai is smart enough to understand my thoughts at that time, so I won't say much about it. The only thing I want to talk about is you."

The expression on Shiratori Eri's face was blurred in Osamu Dazai's eyes at this moment, and the surroundings seemed to be plunged into darkness, only her words were still in his ears and kept intruding into his brain, "I'm not as smart as Mr. Dazai, so I can't understand how this world exists in your eyes, I just want to talk about my own views."

"I don't know if this world is suffocating and painful for you. Everything that happens in reality can be completely and accurately previewed in your mind in advance, and everything has never been beyond your control. It's even more terrifying The sad thing is that there is no way to talk about this pain to others, because they can't understand it."

"We must admit that human beings are only afraid of great power and extreme intelligence. Because that means that when facing these in their lives, they will lose control, which will bring chaos and the resulting fear. And just because of the fear itself, people will position the existence they cannot understand and accept as monsters!"

"And Mr. Dazai..."

Eri Shiratori said very softly, in the tone that she was afraid that she would disturb a beautiful frothy dream, "Maybe it is the kind of person that people don't understand, it is precisely because they can't be understood, that's why they don't understand." Painful."

"About this, I really can't do anything. Just like when I first realized that Mr. Dazai was trying to find something in me, I was not actually angry because of your behavior, but felt very uncomfortable. Trying to get back on something or someone If you find what you want, generally speaking, you will only get deeper disappointment. Because what is not there is gone, and it will not come back.”

"But that doesn't mean you should be completely disappointed in your life for that reason."

"I just want to ask Mr. Dazai to continue to wait with anticipation. Maybe at some point you will find what you want? Just like me, after joining Butei, I also felt emotions that I didn't think could exist. What's more Fortunately......"

Eri Shiratori smiled embarrassedly at this time, as if admitting bluntly that made her feel embarrassed, but she looked directly at Osamu Dazai with firm eyes, "I met you, Mr. Dazai."

"Thank you very much for the memories you gave me when I was 16 years old. I think, since I can meet Mr. Dazai by fate, let's try to walk together and keep looking for it. It would be great if you find it. Even if you can't find it, look for it. The process has also formed our life. In that case, no matter when we leave this world, we will have less regrets in our hearts.”

"Moreover, I will never leave this world before Mr. Dazai. As long as you are here, you will not reject me. I will always be by your side until the end of your life."

"In this case, is it okay? Mr. Dazai will allow me to stay by your side like this?"

Osamu Dazai didn't do anything for a long time, he sat quietly next to Shiratori Eri, his iris-colored eyes were full of misty colors, making it impossible for people to guess his heart real thoughts.After a long time, he sighed inexplicably with his hoarse voice damaged by hanging, "Is that so. It really sounds like..."

He didn't finish the next sentence, but casually glanced at the snacks put aside by Shiratori Eri, and suddenly said, "Eri-chan, the soda doesn't seem to be iced anymore."

"Ok?"

Eri Shiratori subconsciously looked at the drink that was conveniently bought for Edogawa "Ranbu" on the road. Because the time was too long, the originally cold soda had lost its coolness and completely turned to normal temperature. She let out an ah, and suddenly understood, "Time is too It's been a long time, and it seems that the meeting should also be over."

Kunikida-kun will probably be very mad. He originally wanted to let him take Dazai Osamu back, but he didn't expect to skip work with him.

"Well, it doesn't matter. Anyway, today's working hours have passed. Kunikida-kun should be very comfortable with my behavior and will finish my work well. Now is a good time to get off work. Let's not think about those boring problems. "

Osamu Dazai stood up calmly, patted the dust and grass clippings on the sand-colored windbreaker, looked at Shiratori Eri who also got up with soft eyes, "The weather is really good today, since I got off work Now, would you like to walk with me, Eri-chan, there seems to be a dog on this road, let's walk around it."

"Is it the one that chased us for several blocks after Mr. Dazai provoked it last time? It's better to avoid it."

Chatting unplanned along the way, under the setting sun, tall and short figures were getting farther and farther away from the crooked-neck tree that was lucky enough not to be crushed.