self-awareness

After Ye Tang said this sentence, it seemed as if he had exhausted all his strength, and also seemed to have lifted a heavy burden from his shoulders.

I used to think it would be the end of the world if I said this sentence, but now I say it, although my heart is twitching and painful, but it can be endured after all. It seems that people's endurance has unlimited potential.

Ye Tang likes Li Mingchuan.It started at an early age.

He came to the Li family when he was 12 years old, and lived with the demon king of the Li family every day.

At the age of 14, he fell in love with photography, and Li Mingchuan became the protagonist in the camera without knowing it. He found that Li Mingchuan was so good-looking that he couldn't get enough of it.

It was also that year that Tan Chen and the others discovered the photo of Li Mingchuan that he had hidden in a drawer.In fact, before that, Ye Tang didn't know that he liked Li Mingchuan.

The rumors at school were ugly, and he was forced to face up to his inner feelings for the first time. When computers were not widely available, he went to Internet cafes to search for knowledge about "homosexuality", and finally figured out his ignorant feelings towards Li Mingchuan. Pay attention, actually like it.

But he knew too well that Li Mingchuan would never like him.One reason is enough, he is not a girl.

Li Mingchuan is a famous figure in the school, he is handsome, good at playing football, he spends money with his friends and acts righteously, he is popular and good-looking teacher Ping. But it didn't affect his ability to fascinate a whole class of girls at every turn. In short, wherever Li Mingchuan went, he was always the focus.In comparison, he is much more ordinary, with no extraordinary skills, and although his studies are passable, he is not top-notch. He is a tenant living in Li's house, and his identity is a bit strange.

Ye Tang has gone through a period of pain, because of his sexual orientation, for the person he likes, and for everyone's eyes, but time is the cure for everything. He never dared to admit to accepting himself, and it only took a short time. Just a few years.

He never thought about fighting for anything in the past. To him, the name Li Mingchuan was like a seed buried in the hearts of countless teenagers when they first fell in love. It was buried so deep that it would never bear fruit.

When choosing a university, he deliberately applied for a city where Li Mingchuan was not there. During that time, he met many new friends and learned more about this circle. He even had a few friends.

After graduation, after ups and downs, he finally ushered in a turning point in his career. He was signed by a powerful agency like Xingyu, but he never expected that his first job would be to be Li Mingchuan's assistant.

At that time, Li Mingchuan was already a very popular star. Li Mingchuan was studying in a sports school. Li Yang had always looked down on education within the system, and Li Mingchuan refused to go abroad, so Li Yang's original plan was to let him go through college. Life, it doesn't matter what to learn, after he comes out, he will be transferred/taught to take over the family business. Unexpectedly, in Li Mingchuan's sophomore year, director Cen An wanted to make a literary film and went to the sports school to pick someone, and he chose Li Mingchuan to play the leading role When he was a teenager, after the movie was released, Li Mingchuan became an instant hit. He made his debut and started his acting career like a young master.

Although Ye Tang was the same age as Li Mingchuan, in terms of seniority in the entertainment industry, he was still Li Mingchuan's junior. As Xingyu's reserve artist, he really became Li Mingchuan's assistant. They were both 26 years old that year.

Working together again, the social atmosphere has opened up a lot, and the male stars have also learned to get together to sell their favor.

No one mentioned anything about the past, maybe it was a child's nonsense, maybe it was because they thought things should have been turned around like this, in short, Li Mingchuan treated him as if the accident in the summer of the second year of junior high school never happened.

The pain, struggle, and bitterness of not being able to get what he wanted were all experienced by him, Ye Tang, from beginning to end. Li Mingchuan had been far away, and he might have even glanced at him.

Ye Tang thought, if he hadn't been engaged in acting related work later, maybe he would treat Li Mingchuan like a star-chasing fan treats an idol, watching and admiring him from a distance would be enough.

But the bond between the two of them didn't stop there.

The first time Li Mingchuan had sex with him was after getting drunk at a celebration banquet.

At that time, Ye Tang was still Li Mingchuan's assistant. After four years of living in the university, four years after moving out of the Li family's mansion, and eight full years later, he returned to the days of living with Li Mingchuan at close quarters every day. Only then did Ye Tang realize that he had never gotten out of that sad unrequited love.

Taking care of Li Mingchuan's daily life and eating, and accompanying Li Mingchuan in his work and life, even though he tried his best to restrain himself, one look and one movement of Li Mingchuan was enough to make the ripples in his heart rise again, and the feelings that had been buried deep in him were about to come out, he couldn't deny it , he has always liked Li Mingchuan, so when Li Mingchuan kissed him, he had no ability to resist.

All the restraint, all the barriers erected for the sake of self-respect, all collapsed in an instant, it was the most primitive impulse towards the person he liked.

That night, Li Mingchuan could not be called gentle, and even had no skills at all because of being drunk, but Ye Tang was still addicted to it, and the feelings he had been afraid to express for a long time were responded to, and he was almost drowned in the ultimate pleasure.

However, all this was completely shattered after dawn.That morning, Li Mingchuan was outspoken about the previous sex, and had a showdown with Ye Tang. They did not talk about their feelings. If Ye Tang could accept it, then both parties could continue this relationship and take what they needed.

When he said this, Li Mingchuan was about to rush out and was fully dressed, while Ye Tang sat on the bed with his whole body naked, surrounded by a sheet with a dumbfounded expression on his face.

For a while, Ye Tang's mind went blank.

Li Mingchuan's beautiful mouth spoke words that he couldn't digest for a while, like the most vicious sharp weapon, piercing his heart to pieces.

Li Mingchuan is a person who can act as the most lingering and sweet lover on the bed one second, and then regain his sober and flirtatious nature the next second. Ye Tang has to admire this in the routine discussion conditions.

But Ye Tang also knew that this was not because Li Mingchuan was too mean, but just a common practice in the circle.

He is not a woman, so it is impossible to beg the other party to be responsible for him because of one sexual intercourse, let alone, he did it voluntarily.

This is the case in the circle of comrades. There are very few examples of meeting someone who can stay together for a long time and live together together. Most of them are like what Li Mingchuan said. It is very sensible to explain the words first so as not to be entangled afterwards.

So after being shocked, Ye Tang still chose to agree to Li Mingchuan's proposal.That's the person he likes, as long as there is still a chance to get close, he doesn't want to let it go.

At the beginning of this relationship, Ye Tang had fantasies that maybe Li Mingchuan would gradually discover his goodness and even fall in love with him one day, but after three years, he finally understood that the relationship between Li Mingchuan and him The sex is definitely not out of liking, he is just a convenient bed partner, nothing more.

He knew Li Mingchuan well, he knew that Li Mingchuan was not born gay, at best he was bisexual, and later he would have sex with men out of physical needs, most likely for excitement, after all, this kind of thing has been common in the entertainment industry.So if you really want to force Li Mingchuan to have a relationship with a man, that's a difficult task. What's more, he knows the Li family, and Li Yang will never allow Li Mingchuan to bring a man in, so even if the relationship is discussed, it's probably not good. It's better to have fun in time.

Later, Ye Tang also officially started acting in Xingyu. He was no longer Li Mingchuan's assistant. Li Mingchuan also left Xingyu and signed to Chengxing. This relationship has continued from then to today, intermittently. , and it has been three years.

Three years is not short, but it is long. Compared with Ye Tang's secret love that lasted for 14 years since he was 15 years old, it is a drop in the ocean.

In the past three years, Li Mingchuan has changed many partners, both men and women, all of whom are very outstanding and bright, but they have never broken up with Ye Tang. Ye Tang once rejoiced, maybe he is a bit desirable in Li Mingchuan's eyes It wasn't until five months ago that he visited Li Mingchuan's crew and once again witnessed Li Mingchuan having a heated fight with another beautiful boy, he suddenly lost the courage to continue.

He recognized that boy, the boy's name was Liao Zhan, who was brought up by Li Mingchuan, and he played the second male lead in that play. He had heard that the two had an unusual relationship.

It stands to reason that he has seen many such things over the years, but he is just another companion of Li Mingchuan. If he is patient enough, when Li Mingchuan loses interest in Liao Zhan, maybe Li Mingchuan will return to him .

But for some reason, that day and that moment, standing there, Ye Tang suddenly felt that he was really useless.

Liao Zhan was like the last straw that crushed him. The more he walked on this road, the more he lost himself, and he didn't want to go any further.

After returning that day, Ye Tang shut himself up for a while. It was rare for Li Mingchuan to think of asking him out as soon as he left the film crew. He refused with the mentality of avoiding him.

I wanted to ask Li Mingchuan out to end this relationship face to face after I had sorted out my emotions thoroughly, and it would be considered as an explanation for the past three years and his 15-year unrequited love, but I didn't expect that before that, they actually The crew of "Sapao" met.

Ye Tang was very surprised to learn that Li Mingchuan would participate in "Sapa". Li Mingchuan has been focusing on film works since his debut, and reality shows don't seem to have anything to do with him. Besides, he still knows that others don't know Well, if Li Mingchuan's strange temper was exposed in front of the camera, it would be strange if the fans would not be stunned. For the sake of maintaining the artist's image, Li Mingchuan's company should not let him appear on the show.

But who would have expected that Li Mingchuan would actually appear on the show, and Ye Tang really couldn't guess whether the gold medal manager Gu Biao made a dangerous move this time, or was just confused for a while.

Ye Tang waited for the final verdict, Li Mingchuan was silent for a long time, and finally laughed out loud, "Ye Tang, I thought you were a smart person."

Li Mingchuan got up slowly, unexpectedly, he didn't do anything.

"Director Mu is trying new people to replace you. I have already confirmed this matter. If I were you, I would offer my resignation first." Li Mingchuan said, turned and left the room. Tang untied.

Ye Tang raised his head and leaned against the wall, as if he was very tired, he closed his eyes.