self-awareness

After Ye Tang returned to Beijing, he took time to find a psychiatrist and began to treat his fear of heights.

Zhang Nan felt that there was no need for this, and said that in the future, there would be work of climbing up and down, so he just didn't want to do it, but Ye Tang seemed to be competing with himself, insisting on treatment, as if he wanted to prove it by himself, there is no habit to change No, even the fear of heights that accompanied him from birth.

The psychiatrist recommended several treatments, and Ye Tang chose the most extreme and effective exposure therapy.Exposure therapy is a rapid behavioral therapy that encourages the seeker to directly contact the fear-inducing situation and persist until the tension disappears.Under repeated fear stimulation, even if the seeker has reactions such as rapid heartbeat, dyspnea, pale complexion, and cold limbs due to fear, the terrible consequences that the seeker is most worried about do not occur, so the fear subsides accordingly up.Or, bring the seeker directly into the situation he fears the most, and through actual experience, make him believe that the consequences he imagined did not happen, and the symptoms of fear will naturally gradually disappear.

The psychiatrist started with simple psychological hints, and gradually strengthened Ye Tang's adaptation to the height of imagination, and also prescribed some anti-anxiety drugs to Ye Tang.

The treatment of fear of heights successfully diverted Ye Tang's attention. He felt that if he could even overcome the fear of heights that had accompanied him all his life, then there should be nothing in the world that could really hurt him.Naturally, it should be easy to let go of liking for a person.

The fact is also the same. When he came to the balcony on the top floor of the hospital under the guidance of the doctor and forced himself to stand on the edge and look down, he suddenly felt that under the strong and persistent fear, any other setbacks and pains It doesn't seem so difficult to overcome.

After leaving the hospital that day, Ye Tang received a call.

"I'm Liao Zhan." The person on the other end of the phone said.

It was indeed beyond Ye Tang's expectation that Liao Zhan called him.

Liao Zhan: "Is it convenient to meet up? I have something to ask you."

So Ye Tang and Liao Zhan met in a private tea room in the east of the city, which was not very busy.

Before Ye Tang could sit still, Liao Zhan got straight to the point and said, "Brother Li has taken a fancy to a newcomer and wants to break up with me."

Only now did Ye Tang have the opportunity to look at Liao Zhan himself. The actor was still as handsome as ever, but his eyes were restless and anxious a few times, and the corner of his mouth also had a blister, which Liao Zhan intentionally or unintentionally covered.

Ye Tang didn't know why Liao Zhan came to him to talk about relationship issues, so he could only wait and see what happened.

Liao Zhan spat out his bitterness: "That bastard named He Yang somehow hooked up with Brother Li and seduced Brother Li's soul away. I still don't see what he has in mind? Does he really like it? Brother Li, I just want to take over from Brother Li."

Ye Tang knew that this He Yang was originally an actor who sang Yue opera. I haven't escaped my own limitations yet, and I still need some opportunities.

Ye Tang didn't know how Liao Zhan viewed his own plan for Li Mingchuan when he commented on He Yang. Liao Zhan seemed to see Ye Tang's doubts and said, "I'm different from him. I really like Li Mingchuan." brother."

Ye Tang: "Why did you tell me about this?"

Liao Zhan was taken aback, and asked, "Aren't you angry? I know you and Brother Li also had a relationship."

Ye Tang's hand holding the teacup paused in the air, and then he realized that Liao Zhan thought that he and himself were on the united front.

Ye Tang took a sip of tea, put down the teacup in his hand, and said with a normal expression: "You think too much."

Ye Tang felt that the "exposure therapy" taught to him by a psychiatrist had worked, and when it came to Li Mingchuan, he seemed to be able to deal with it peacefully. The fear of being on the verge of losing control was finally gone, just like everything he had experienced before. One day, he will be able to overcome the obstacles in his heart, and no longer feel that these things are difficult to touch or talk about, and he can even look back and laugh about his obsession at that time.

Liao Zhan: "You're lying, you obviously still like Brother Li."

Ye Tang smiled, "I don't need to lie to you."

At this moment, Ye Tang couldn't tell whether Liao Zhan was here to deal with him or to win him over.

Liao Zhan: "I can understand the way you look at Brother Li, because I also know what it's like to like that person."

Ye Tang's smile froze.

Liao Zhan: "I can see that you have never let go of him. I know what you think of me. You may think that people like me live too utilitarianly and don't understand love, but whether you believe it or not, at least I am true. love, and I know how to fight for myself."

Ye Tang didn't comment on Liao Zhan's accusation, but the previous moment of distraction had long since been cleaned up.

"Actually, I know Brother Li doesn't have any feelings for me. He's just playing around. Otherwise, he wouldn't be so ruthless when he broke up with me." Liao Zhan's pretty face was stained with melancholy, "Just laugh at me. , Brother Li dumped me, but I'm still not willing to let go."

Ye Tang: "I don't think there's anything ridiculous about this."

Liao Zhan sighed and said, "I actually envy you."

Liao Zhan rested his chin in one hand and covered the blisters at the corner of his mouth with his little finger, and said, "I can feel it, Brother Li...he really cares about you."

Ye Tang recalled that Chai Bing had said something similar, and really wondered if the eyes of these two people were really bad.He still knows how important he is to Li Mingchuan.

Ye Tang didn't take those words to heart, "You also said that he is a nostalgic person."

Liao Zhan shook his head, "I thought you were my biggest enemy, but I didn't expect... a guy like He Yang was killed halfway."

Ye Tang felt that Liao Zhan's mood was a bit abnormal, he had better express his position first, and said, "I'm afraid I can't help you much."

Liao Zhan stared at Ye Tang with his big eyes, and after a while tears rolled down like broken threads.

Ye Tang's back instantly became hairy. He would be helpless when he saw a girl crying, but now he realized that he was also helpless when he saw a boy crying.

Liao Zhan didn't know what he thought of, but he couldn't stop crying once he started crying.

His crying scene completely lacked the delicacy in front of the camera. His handsome face was twisted into a ball, and his nose and tears were flowing everywhere, which shows that the despair in his heart is not trivial. "He won't even answer my phone now... woo... "

Ye Tang reluctantly resisted the urge to run away, took out a tissue, handed it over, and organized the words for a long time, but finally he was at a loss for words, so he could only say: "Don't be sad."

"Woo..." Liao Zhan's tears fell even more violently.

Ye Tang wiped his face, not understanding why he was in such a predicament, Li Mingchuan's little lover actually needed him to comfort him, it was absurd to think about it.

"I curse him! Li Mingchuan, a cold-blooded bastard!" Liao Zhan cursed fiercely, and continued to cry.

"Ahh-!"

Li Mingchuan sneezed and sat up from the bed.He rarely had the opportunity to catch up on sleep at home, but he didn't sleep well.

Feeling that his thighs were wet, Li Mingchuan lifted the quilt and saw the sticky wet marks on his legs and the quilt in disbelief, and immediately lost his composure.

Li Mingchuan covered his face with one hand, he couldn't believe this fact, at his age, he still has wet dreams! ?Moreover, he, Li Mingchuan, how could he have a wet dream! ?

Li Mingchuan looked like he had been struck by lightning, sitting on the bed and recalling what had happened in the previous few hours.

He remembered that in the dream before, there was indeed an extremely intense sexual intercourse. The man he entered from the back was tied up with a bright red rope. Bound behind him, he clenched his fists in the sexy groove of his lower back, as if he was unwilling, as if he was about to struggle, but he stood up, but the man let out a comfortable moan, that voice was extremely provocative This thing makes people feel numb...

He grabbed the man's hair, causing the man's head to be raised in an arc. The shape of the butterfly bone on the man's back is so beautiful, and the temperature in his body is so hot, giving him an incomparably wonderful visual and sensory stimulation...

He finally turned the man over, made the man kneel in front of him, twisted the man's chin, forced him to raise his head, so that he could see the man's face clearly...

The man was none other than Ye Tang.

Li Mingchuan clearly remembered what a wet dream he had, and suddenly felt a thunderbolt from the blue sky.

The object in the dream was even more puzzling to him. It was said that the dream was a subconscious mind trying to imply something. When Li Mingchuan thought of this, he found it even more inconceivable.

Thinking of Ye Tang's previous appearance in the dream, which was really sexy and messy, Li Mingchuan found sadly that his little Li Mingchuan was full of energy again, so he had to get up and go to the bathroom, and solved it by himself for the first time.

In March, spring blossoms in Beijing.

Since the beginning of the year, Ye Tang has been running frequently between various auditions and variety shows. Although there is no progress in the work, at least relying on the announcements on the Internet, he is familiar with the audience and waiting for opportunities.

At the same time, Gu Biao hired a professional line teacher and acting teacher for Ye Tang to improve his acting skills. His daily schedule was full and his life was simple but fulfilling.

Gu Biao's strategy is that Ye Tang's whitewashing journey is a long way to go, and he must first lay a solid foundation, and then he will become a blockbuster if he doesn't make a name for himself.A real actor depends on his strength, and amazing acting skills are always an actor's trump card.

Ye Tang didn't know that when Gu Biao said this, he was sure to win.In Gu Biao's eyes, the case of Ye Tang seems to have rekindled her enthusiasm for being a gold medal economy. How to bring Ye Tang back from the trough to the peak is both challenging and interesting to her.

Although Ye Tang did not have as much confidence in himself as Gu Biao, he was not completely discouraged about his acting career. After all, this was something he felt passionate about and could do well. Since Gu Biao was willing to give him a second He won't give up lightly if he gets a chance.

One weekend at the end of the month, Ye Tang finished his outside work, took a shower after returning home, and turned on the TV.

At 7 o'clock that night, the "College Student's Favorite Actor Award", which has been hyped up by major media, started a 5-hour live broadcast on the well-known satellite TV station.

After dinner, Ye Tang nestled on the sofa, watching TV while eating snacks with a relaxed expression.Compared with the glamorous social life outside, the time alone is the most comfortable for him. Sometimes he also thinks that with his personality, he can't handle complicated interpersonal relationships, so he is actually not suitable for the entertainment industry. If you bite the bullet and do it, you may not be doing well, and you really don't know what you are insisting on.

"Buzzing—" the phone vibrated.

Ye Tang glanced at the phone, it was Liang Yu, an actor who had previously worked with the crew of "The Emperor of Wu".

Liang Yu is an actor who was born in martial arts. When he was filming "The Emperor of Wu", he was already well-known, but he didn't have much pretensions, because he and Ye Tang were considered half-way monks, and he always felt that he and Ye Tang had a special kind of fellowship. The two of them filmed During the process, we became acquainted, and we also made appointments to get together several times in private.

Ye Tang: "Hello, Liang Yu."

Liang Yu's voice was a bit vague, maybe it was because of the signal, he said: "There is a good show, I guess you want to see it."

Ye Tang: "What good show?"

Liang Yu's end was a bit noisy, "Look at which station on TV is live broadcasting the college student award ceremony, switch to that one."

"I'm watching, and there was a shot of you just now."

Liang Yu smiled embarrassedly, "I'm in the backstage right now, and I'm going to present awards later. But the audience is very lively today. Li Mingchuan brought a young actor with him, and it happened that Liao Zhan was arranged to sit next to them. I can't sit still."

Liang Yu had long disliked Liao Zhan, and the two had conflicts during filming. Liang Yu also knew a thing or two about the relationship between Li Mingchuan and Liao Zhan, and now he seemed to be looking forward to a good show.

Not without accident, Ye Tang saw Li Mingchuan on the TV. The director cut a big close-up of Li Mingchuan. Li Mingchuan cooperated with the camera and raised the corners of his mouth and gave a smirk. The audience burst into cheers.

The camera then moved to the person sitting next to Li Mingchuan, that was He Yang.

He Yang was wearing a well-fitting Chinese tunic suit, the collar button was tightly tied to the neck, his black hair and black eyes made his skin white as snow, his expression was calm, not as emotional as the people present, he seemed to be in his own style, The visual sense of abstinence is impressive.

He Yang's gentlemanly appearance is obviously different from the passionate Liao Zhan.

Liang Yu: "It's not easy for the one brought by Li Mingchuan to sit in the first row. With Liao Zhan's temper, he probably can't hold his breath. Let's wait and see the show!"

Ye Tang: "The ratings of the awards show will be high, depending on him."

Liang Yu smiled and hung up the phone.

On TV, the winner of the "Best Original Soundtrack" award was delivering his acceptance speech. When everyone was applauding, the director cut the scene to Li Mingchuan, causing another burst of screaming.

The director seemed to have a special preference for Li Mingchuan. This time the screen stayed for a long time, and He Yang appeared in the same frame. Ye Tang's gaze was attracted by something, and fell on He Yang's cuff.

I don’t know if it’s because of the ingenuity of the styling team. He Yang is wearing an improved Chinese tunic suit, wearing a shirt with French-style double-fold sleeves. On a small piece of fabric exposed, a sapphire blue cuff button is dazzling. Yang's body doesn't look abrupt, on the contrary, it has a unique charm.

It turned out that the cufflinks Li Mingchuan bought last time were for He Yang.

Ye Tang lowered his eyes and smiled self-deprecatingly. It turned out to be a gift between lovers. It was a joke to think that he didn't understand why he gave random opinions at the time.

At the end of the awards ceremony, it was natural to announce the "Most Popular Actor Award for College Students", and the candidates were selected from among Li Mingchuan and four actors who are both idols.

Ye Tang stared at Li Mingchuan on the screen, without exception, he heard Li Mingchuan's name being called out by the award presenter, and a smile appeared on the corner of his mouth.

He remembered that Li Mingchuan mentioned this award in a TV interview, saying that this award is voted by college audiences, so it is a very important assessment of an actor's popularity, and its gold content is not as small as any professional award.This award is undoubtedly an affirmation of Li Mingchuan from young audiences.

Ye Tang picked up the phone and wanted to send a congratulatory WeChat message. After typing a bunch of congratulatory words, he thought about it and deleted all the words.

However, the dramatic scene happened after Li Mingchuan stepped off the stage.

After Li Mingchuan received the award, the camera followed him back to his seat, and the two actors on both sides of his seat stood up at the same time to congratulate the winner.Liao Zhan wanted to go forward to hug Li Mingchuan, but was blocked by He Yang. Liao Zhan used the posture of clapping to make a small movement, and gave He Yang an elbow, but was captured by the camera.

But in the next second, He Yang was so weak that he fell down with one blow, and fell to the ground again in full view of everyone!

The audience let out an exclamation, and the screen finally landed on Liao Zhan's stunned face, and then was quickly cut away by the director.

Ye Tang watched this scene on TV, and was really surprised. He didn't expect that he and Liang Yu were really in the same corpus before, and Liao Zhan must have set a new high ratings for this awards ceremony.

This scene was really dramatic, and He Yang was not a vegetarian, so Liao Zhan might have met his opponent this time.

Ye Tang watched the entire awards ceremony end. Not long after, the Weibo alert on his phone rang.

The "College Student Awards Ceremony" on Weibo has become a hot search without any suspense, and the topic titled "Liao Zhan Elbows the New Fresh Meat" has also been discussed by tens of millions.

Ye Tang was not very interested in Liao Zhan's news. He clicked on Li Mingchuan's Weibo and saw the latest update, which was a photo of Li Mingchuan and the trophy. I wonder if Chai Bing imitated Li Mingchuan's tone of voice.

Ye Tang liked the Weibo post, saved the photo, clicked on it, zoomed in, and unconsciously rubbed his fingers on the screen for a while.

The video of the awards ceremony was quickly packaged and uploaded online by netizens. Ye Tang sat in front of the computer, logged into a fan forum of Li Mingchuan, and quickly found the video.

He downloaded the videos and saved them in a folder named "Idol".Over the years, sorting out Li Mingchuan's information has become a habit, and I can't change it for a while.After tidying up, Ye Tang casually clicked on a few past videos, and dragged his chin to watch them in front of the computer.

Those video materials were collected by Ye Tang over the years. Since Li Mingchuan made his debut at the age of 19, he tried his best to collect and save every electronic music film he starred in, the award ceremonies he attended, and the TV interviews he accepted. It was fine before. Call it out from time to time to have a look.

In the video that is being played, it is the material of Li Mingchuan's participation in variety shows not long after his debut. At that time, Li Mingchuan still had a typical student idol head, thick bangs, and his appearance was slightly youthful.Ye Tang liked Li Mingchuan's appearance at that time. Although he was also unsmiling, it was much easier to get close to him than now.

At that time, the entertainment programs in the mainland had begun to be influenced by programs from Taiwan, Japan, South Korea and other places, and it became popular to have artists performing their talents, especially for newcomers who had just debuted. If there is an impressive performance , not only can win more pictures, but also make the audience willing to quickly remember his screen image.

Ye Tang watched happily as Li Mingchuan walked to the center of the stage to perform his talent after the host's cue with a dark face - swallowing his fists.

With a gloomy expression, Li Mingchuan clenched his hand into a fist, stuffed it neatly into his mouth, and froze the fist disappeared, and the audience let out a cooperative exclamation.

Ye Tang looked at the people on the screen and couldn't help laughing, the corners of his eyes were about to burst into tears.

This should be the dark history that Li Mingchuan wanted to delete.

If it is now, whoever asks Li Mingchuan to swallow his fists again, I am afraid that he will be arrested and dismembered the next day.

Ye Tang stared at the screen for a while, and finally selected all the files in the "Idol" folder, together with the newly downloaded video, and clicked to delete all.He looked at the empty folder, sat in front of the computer for a while, then got up and went back to the living room.