After inheriting the antique shop

When you found out that your best friend from childhood secretly kissed you, you beat him up.

Then he died, a car accident.

Shi Yuze regretted and felt guilty every day, thinking that it would have been better if he hadn't said those ugly things back then.Because the last sentence I said to Yu Qingsong in his life was: Disgusting.

Maybe if I had talked to him more and delayed for a second, I wouldn't have crashed into that car.

Human nature is such that we only know how to cherish it when we lose it, and Shi Yuze is naturally one of them.

At the moment when the thin lips touched, Shi Yuze hated Yu Qingsong, only felt that this kind of love between the same sex was unimaginable and disgusting, but after losing it, he remembered the love of the other party.

Looking back now, it seems that I can still feel the dullness of summer and smell the fragrance of watermelon.Two teenagers shared a watermelon, huddled in front of a fan and watched an old TV with an antenna.

Yu Qingsong likes to eat half a watermelon with a spoon. He also likes to spread his homework in front of the watermelon and the TV. He does his homework while watching Baby TV. If he doesn't pay attention, the homework will be stained with watermelon juice.

"Shi Yuze." Yu Qingsong would approach Shi Yuze when encountering a question that he didn't understand, "Teach me, how to do this question."

Yu Qingsong likes to add modal particles when speaking, and his words and deeds reveal a youthful air everywhere.

Shi Yuze would turn off the TV at this time. He was young and mature, and he was like a big brother to Yu Qingsong. He always said indulgently and helplessly: "Don't watch TV while doing homework, or you will listen to what I tell you." If you don’t go in, you’ll forget what you’ve heard.”

Yu Qingsong would say yes, and then listened carefully to Shi Yuze's lecture.

During the third year of high school, he was so serious that he didn't even turn on the TV.Sometimes Shi Yuze came to his house, and sometimes he went to Shi Yuze's house. Yu Qingsong always wrote papers next to Shi Yuze with a pen in his mouth, and made trouble with him from time to time.

Yu Qingsong: "You plan to go to the film school, I can't do it, I want to try to get into a school near you, so that I can play with you when I go to college."

Shi Yuze and Yu Qingsong are neighbors. Shi Yuze is older than Yu Qingsong, and grew up with Yu Qingsong since childhood. The friendship between the two lasted for 18 years and ended in No.18.

Later, Shi Yuze drowned in the sea of ​​regret by himself for 20 years.

He is almost forty now, and he doesn't know if there will be a second forty in his life.After so many years, he himself doesn't know what kind of feelings he has for Yu Qingsong.

Don't like it?At the beginning, I really thought it was absurd for Yu Qingsong to like me, and I felt that it was abnormal and disgusting.I want to escape, but I feel that this friend can't do it.

But he didn't think so afterward.

After that, his mind was full of Yu Qingsong, thinking day by day and dreaming at night, Yu Qingsong in his dreams would always call him "Shi Yuze" with a smile, and say to himself: "Wait for me Okay? I haven't gone to college yet, and I haven't had time to play with you yet."

Sometimes Yu Qingsong in the dream would still be next to him like before: "That car is so fast, the headlights dazzle me so much that I can't keep my eyes open."

"I have been caught and sentenced. I was drunk driving. I was unconscious and drove in a daze." Shi Yuze dragged the other party in his dream, for fear that the other party would disappear if he didn't pay attention. Miss you, they moved away, but I will visit them often."

"What about you, do you miss me? No, I forgot. You said you don't want to see me again, but I'm so unwilling."

In the dream, Yu Qingsong leaned closer, their noses touching, and in this ambiguous posture, he repeated the sentence Yu Qingsong said to him that night, which was also the sentence he couldn't forget the most: "Shi Yuze, I It seems like I like you."

Sometimes it is the same as that night, the voice is soft and gentle, with bravery and recklessness, and sometimes it is whispering with temptation, luring him into the abyss.

These few dreams alone have engraved Yu Qingsong's name on Shi Yuze's body, which cannot be erased or worn away.

If he was given another chance to start over, he might not respond the moment Yu Qingsong's lips touched, but he would definitely not push him away.

If he always thinks in his heart that he likes someone, then he actually likes Yu Qingsong in his heart.

Day after day, year after year, Yu Qingsong has become his heart disease.

Later, he stepped into the path of an actor, was busy with filming, and faced public opinion from the outside world, his every move emotionally would be magnified.

Everyone is gone, and Shi Yuze also wants to get out of Yu Qingsong's sea. He tried to date two girlfriends, and he couldn't hide it from the public, but in the end they all ended without a problem.

There was no other reason, because he couldn't let go of Yu Qingsong.

One of the girls once said to him: "In fact, you don't like me as much as you imagined, and sometimes I feel that your eyes are far away. Your attitude towards me and my kindness are like acting. You act It's very good, I once thought I was very sweet, and I once thought that you loved me very much. But girls are sensitive, and I can feel it. I don't need love that is just a joke."

At that time, he did not refute, he admitted that what the other party said was correct.

That was a good girl, and he was wasting her time himself.

Now when Yu Qingsong said "You regret it", Shi Yuze's thoughts suddenly drifted away.

After living for so many years, I am almost forty, and I have talked with two partners, but I still haven't figured out what liking is, let alone what love is.

He feels that he likes Yu Qingsong now, but who can tell how much of this "like" is due to "regret"?

At this time, Yu Qingsong turned his head away from looking at Shi Yuze: "You are more guilty and regretful towards me. After so many years, you should let it go. This accident was caused by my own carelessness. You don't have to worry about it anymore. I didn't expect this to bother you for so many years, and I'm sorry."

Shi Yuze suddenly covered his forehead and laughed lowly: "They all persuaded me to let go, and I tried to let go, but I failed. Now even you are also persuading me like this. Can you say that you can let go of this kind of thing? Is it down?"

"Why don't you go see a psychiatrist..." The more Yu Qingsong said, the more confident he became, "Don't shy away from medical treatment, heart disease is also a disease."

"Sooner or later, I'll be mad at you."

Shi Yuze suddenly stretched out his hand and dragged Yu Qingsong who was floating in mid-air to him, grabbed the back of the other's head and pressed him down.

Just a simple touch, one touch and release.

"It's cold." Shi Yuze thought, "It's lifeless, like ice and iron."

Yu Qingsong stood dumbfounded on the spot, and then a blush appeared on his face.Because his face was so pale, the red was particularly conspicuous.

If Shi Yuze felt lifeless before, now it is like a pool of stagnant water with ripples.

He took a few steps back and leaned against the corner: "You you you you..."

"You" has been "you" for a long time, but "you" can't come up with a reason, and all the pretense of being valuable is torn apart by this kiss.There's no such thing as "let it go, it's just fans' love for idols" to you, otherwise he would have been able to take a look at Shi Yuze frankly, instead of deliberately avoiding him.

He pretended to be so calm before, but in the end he was just deceiving himself.

After wandering in the world for 20 years, he should have made some progress, but Yu Qingsong's progress was all in deceiving himself and others.

He still wanted to keep that bit of dignity, because every word Shi Yuze said to him that night 20 years ago could destroy his self-esteem, so he didn't dare to say he liked him anymore.

Lovers can still be gradually obliterated by time and distance, and eventually become strangers, let alone them.

It's been so many years since becoming Mingming, even Yu Qingsong himself thought that Yuze would be calm and composed when they met each other, but only when he really saw the other party did he realize that he had lost completely.

Even though he is not the youthful boy he was back then, and there are fine lines around his eyes, but his eyes are still on him as before.

Probably since I have been secretly paying attention to him and watching his works, I am doomed not to be able to do what I expected.

Shi Yuze said in a low voice: "I want to try to see if I have the feeling of being moved, and see if it's like what you said, I just regret the obsession with you."

It stands to reason that Yu Qingsong should have no heartbeat, but at this moment he seemed to hear the sound of his own heart beating.

"I don't have one." Shi Yuze stroked his heart, "I don't have a heartbeat, maybe I don't know what it feels like to have a heartbeat, so many years have already worn away my youthful heartbeat, but I have another Feeling - I don't want to let you go so easily."

"You can call me crazy like Liang Yue, maybe I'm really sick." Shi Yuze stroked the back of Yu Qingsong's neck, feeling Yu Qingsong's shivering, "I want to tie you by my side, even if I I really just feel guilty for you, and I don't want you to leave again—whether you want to see me or not."

Yu Qingsong swallowed, he only felt that it was dangerous.

"I'm a lonely ghost, and I've been dead for 20 years." Yu Qingsong said, "When I died in the hospital and was taken away by the ghost guards and set foot on the Huangquan Road to the Yin Division, I wanted to abandon the past and start again. I have been doing this for the past few years. You should also know that there is a difference between humans and ghosts... let me go, and let yourself go."

When Yu Qingsong saw Yuze, he was silent, and was discouraged within three seconds of being serious: "Actually, there are still many beautiful things in life, and I have never had time to experience them before. It's very boring to keep entangled with me. In the end, you will Regret, how much time and energy I wasted on a dead person before. Look at you now, so what if you see me, your mind is unstable now, you don’t want to die, if something happens, your mind will leave the body directly If you can't go back, you will become a lonely ghost like me. If you can't enter the samsara, it will be boring to float like this all the time, and you will be missed by other little monsters. Some little monsters eat souls! Fortunately, I runs fast."

Shi Yuze still didn't speak, Ren Yu Qingsong said a lot, and finally only said three words.

Shi Yuze: "Impossible."

When he was a teenager, he let Yu Qingsong go away, and the other party never came back.This time, he will never let him go again.