HP Thirty-Five Owls

My watch is completely broken and I don't know the time anymore.I do not care.That little upstart is coming for me?Very good!Best news in decades!And I'd love for you to tell me this without even bothering to lie.You know I'll handle this for you, don't you?

50 years, Albus, 50 [illegible] How am I going to take it if you're gone?What if you broke down, what if you were as crazy as you've always liked to pretend?It's bad enough that you don't write because of this or that because you're always too busy to write because you think I wish you wouldn't write why would I wish you hadn't because you didn't time.

There is always no time, and now you still say you have no time.Don't lie, come here and face me.

Voldemort?Send him here, send that little snake up here.You taught me Occlumency and I'd lie to him through my leaky teeth and laugh in his face - oh, it's been years since I had a nice face to smile, after all I'm a lot Haven't seen a face in years.Or would he kill me quickly and quietly, wouldn't he, because I should be terrified of death?The death we want to master?The death that was supposed to be our third ally to rule the world?Do you think he would be ashamed of being caught doing euthanasia?I want to laugh at him, laugh, laugh—

You taught me Occlumency, thousands of years ago, in Godric's Hollow.Your mind is red-gold enough to light a fire, and it's a pain to have to shut it out.Your fingers on the wand are thin and long.We were together then, the world was so beautiful, the water was so clear, and then she died—

His ideas don't taste good, do they?I shouldn't pass out just because I saw another human, right?Will I do the right thing once for you?And you'll take "it" to your grave years later, after finally getting tired of shuffling the cards and changing the world again.You pompous and beautiful bastard.

Remember, I could laugh even under torture.He will never get "it".Look at me, Albus, I've given up and gone mad.Now go cry all you want over your sherry.I always secretly hope that you will have the courage to confess to me——

You ask after blaming yourself.Well, I'm crazy now, so it's probably okay to tell you.For decades, Albus, for decades I've been wanting to vomit with guilt.Muggles scream in my dreams.I would think of the rows of corpses I had killed, the families I had left behind.The body was buried, and a girl in a red shawl would not stop screaming.It's been 50 years since she died, and she still won't stop screaming.Why do you think I'm holding on to you like that?Because you were more or less better than me at that time.

Of course, you knew all this all along.You know I regret it, you know I hate myself and what I've done.Like you know I'm going to die for your stupid plans about "it", like you know I'll write back when you want me to, like you know I've been in love with you since the day we met.

And you must kill that boy, you must not care about me.Potter and I are both your sacrificial lambs, go and light the sacrifices for Voldemort and the greater good.

But what am I talking about?You're a charming old man, kind-hearted, even lovable.And I am a lonely and remorseful old sinner.Once Muggles came towards my outstretched wand, they lined up in front of "it", their bare feet rubbing panicked marks on the ground, until I smiled coldly, raised my wand, and let out a haze like an aurora. Flowing green light.Beautiful and chilling.Whenever I think about that, I get a tearing sensation in my gut.

These are my last few pieces of parchment that I will be writing on the wall.I hope that Voldemort kid comes before I starve to death because the house-elves die, it's a better death.I've been in this room for 50 years, in this room forever, and I've wiped my finger on the nameplate on the door to bleed—

Tell me what happened, if necessary, if you don't have time to write it down, get a goddamn shorthand quill, tell me what the hell happened, just don't leave me here, I don't let you win don't leave me here-

Didn't you rehabilitate a Horcrux out of regret?Is that why you asked?Do you care about anything else?What else do the emotions that hold you back do?remorse.Be careful.I beg you to ride the wind with me, Albus, but we are too old and too broken.

Answer me Albus don't leave me here will you notice if I write in my blood and beg you?

But I never know what you think of me, do I?I just know you don't hate me.Albus Dumbledore, do you really know what you've done to people?

but you must...

My hair is messy and tangled.The rats are back - well, they've been doing it since years ago, but they've grown bolder, chewed up my books, and got their blood on my teeth.No, Mr. Voldemort, I never had the Elder Wand, fuck off, go to hell, it's not bad after all, you see, I can do it now for the one I love.I die for you.

But I guess you think dark wizards don't love people, right?

Maybe you are wrong.

The parchment was exhausted and there was no way to add another page.can you send me moreDon't leave me here.

Gellert Grindelwald

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