The Easter Egg Game

In the beginning, it was the appearance that he liked, but in the end, it was his soul that was indulging.

The good impression at the first sight quickly ignited Zuo Linyuan's secret desire, which he dared not reveal, and he fell deeply infatuated.I am infatuated with Zhang Sijia's finger holding the pen when she is studying hard, she is infatuated with Zhang Sijia's frowning expression when she is thinking hard, and she is even more infatuated with Zhang Sijia's almost naked body when she comes out of the shower - he tried his best to restrain himself, but he couldn't control his eyes, From the tips of his dripping hair to his well-shaped collarbone, even the shallow depression on his spine felt extremely sexy.

Young desires are greedy and crazy. Since seeing Zhang Sijia, Zuo Linyuan can't remember how many times he masturbated secretly thinking about him in the bathroom, wishing to push him down on the bed, tear off his clothes, open his legs, Enter him fiercely, possess him, let his delicate face show a wave of panic and shame at a loss, and then sink into lust, moaning wildly and enjoying.

But the fact is, driven by his secret and fanatical desire, Zuo Linyuan distanced himself from Zhang Sijia instead.He never took the initiative to ask Zhang Sijia to go out to play ball, never had dinner with him, and even sat behind him in class, because only in this way could he look at him wantonly.The bare skin on the nape of his neck was alluring him, and he tried his best not to touch it, don't kiss it, don't leave a mark, he couldn't.

If there is no accident, they will eventually maintain a general roommate friendship and spend the entire college years.Zhang Sijia will become the untouched ray of white moonlight on the tip of his heart, clear and bright, but far away in the sky.

At a classmate’s birthday party, everyone got drunk and missed the dormitory’s access control, so a group of people simply stayed in a nearby hotel.Zuo Linyuan helped the drunk Zhang Sijia to unlock the door of their room, and carefully put Zhang Sijia on the bed.

The drunk Zhang Sijia was well taken care of. He neither made a scene nor vomited and diarrhea. He just curled up on the bed with a frown and an uncomfortable face, muttering words that no one could understand. It's kind of uneasy and cute.

Zuo Linyuan wrung a hot towel and wiped his face, Zhang Sijia moaned comfortably, and her frown relaxed.

With slightly flushed face and moaning, Zhang Sijia, who was still defenseless, was tempting to commit a crime in Zuo Linyuan's eyes. The uncontrollable desire to get close to him was catalyzed by alcohol more than ever before. Be strong.

The hot towel in Zuo Linyuan's hand that wiped his face was squeezed tighter and tighter by him, causing water to drip.

Just once, a secret kiss, Zhang Sijia wouldn't know anyway.

His fingers touched Zhang Sijia's face unconsciously, and the warm and smooth touch spread from his fingers to the bottom of his heart.Finally, Zuo Linyuan could no longer control the devil in his heart, and leaned down to kiss Zhang Sijia's lips.

The moment his lips touched, his body seemed to be electrified. He involuntarily bit Zhang Sijia's lips with his teeth to get more warmth. Reason had already been thrown out of the sky. He pushed Zhang Sijia's lips away, Using the tongue to grope for his teeth, the hot desire burned from the lips and tongue to the limbs and bones, making people sink into hell.

Suddenly, Zhang Sijia's lips moved, and she suddenly opened her unclear eyes.

The blazing fire of desire was suddenly extinguished by the ice water, Zuo Linyuan straightened up abruptly, not daring to move, he could only watch Zhang Sijia's eyes gradually fade away from confusion.

Zhang Sijia was not fully awake yet, but he was not so drunk. He was still conscious when Zuo Linyuan helped him to the room. After the hot towel wiped his face, he became more sober. He was slow to react, too lazy to move.

So when Zuo Linyuan kissed him, his brain was still soaked in alcohol.

Zuo Linyuan kissed him?Should he say that he wasn't really surprised - after he discovered Zuo Linyuan's secret, he had a faint feeling that this day would come.

One day, Zhang Sijia was let go of the pigeons not long after she went out, and went back to the dormitory unhappily. There was no one in the dormitory, but there was the sound of "squeaking" water in the bathroom.Seeing that it was about to rain, Zhang Sijia wanted to put away the clothes on the balcony, but when she passed the bathroom, the sound of the water stopped, but there was dull and rapid breathing from behind the door.Of course Zhang Sijia knows what the people inside are doing. It’s impossible not to find out that my roommates are masturbating a few times in college, but everyone still sneaks around. The one in the bathroom today probably thought that there was no one in the dormitory, so he didn’t restrain himself at all. .

Zhang Sijia was a little curious about who it was, and he soon found out.

The moment Zuo Linyuan called out Zhang Sijia's name in a deep and hoarse voice, Zhang Sijia froze.

Through a wooden door, the rapid and hot panting seemed to fall on the back of his neck. Zhang Sijia was stunned for half a minute, and decided to leave here immediately. When he left, he was extra careful, even turning the lock with a key when closing the door. , Silently closed the iron door of the bedroom.

This unexpected discovery completely changed Zhang Sijia's perception of Zuo Linyuan. He originally thought that this roommate was cold and unreasonable, because for a semester, all the girls who tried to get close to him because of his appearance were all at his mercy. Before resigning, he retreated.

This doesn't make Zhang Sijia suspicious of his sexual orientation, because he himself is the same way, he doesn't hate the opposite sex, but he doesn't like it either, just lightly.Even the objects of sexual fantasies are vague, without even substituting a fixed and specific face.When boys of the same age are restless under the influence of hormones, he feels like watching a group of orangutans who have not yet broken away from their animal instincts.

Although he will also meet a very outstanding girl whom he admires, this appreciation will not turn into an impulse to become a lover with her, let alone throw himself into a passionate relationship and let another person walk into him. own world.He doesn't feel gay either, because he feels the same way about men, he just simply indulges in a person's world.

It's probably just frigidity, Zhang Sijia thought silently, anyway, it's not just impotence.

This eccentric personality made Zhang Sijia quickly regain his composure after discovering Zuo Linyuan's secret. It should be said that he was never annoyed at all, but just a little embarrassed and surprised, and even faintly proud.He also didn't worry about whether normal people would feel disgusted when they found out that their roommates treated him as an object of sexual fantasy. At most, it was because of this that they cared a little more about Zuo Linyuan.

He began to pay attention to Zuo Linyuan, and because of this, he found that Zuo Linyuan's attitude towards him was indeed different from that of other people. His aloofness and inhumanity always gave a huge discount when facing Zhang Sijia.

Zhang Sijia was sure that Zuo Linyuan liked him, at least he had a great affection for him, although he didn't know where this affection came from.He is good-looking, but compared with Zuo Linyuan, as long as he is not a person with no conscience, he has to admit that Zuo Linyuan is better.

With Zuo Linyuan's appearance, figure and temperament, as long as he is willing, no matter whether it is a man or a woman, he will go forward and succeed.In this day and age, there are quite a few people who openly come out in universities, so it's not a big deal to have a boyfriend in a low-key manner.

But Zhang Sijia discovered that Zuo Linyuan hid very deeply, almost guarding against it.If he hadn't accidentally discovered that secret, he would never have seen Zuo Linyuan's sexual orientation, let alone his crush on him.

why?Zhang Sijia was puzzled.It was impossible for him to ask Zuo Linyuan, and he couldn't see anything more.In addition to his studies, he was also secretly investigating the disappearance of his brother 20 years ago, collecting the list and information of the missing persons in the past 20 years. He didn't have so much time and energy to waste elsewhere, so these questions were put aside.

Until this drunken kiss.

When Zhang Sijia realized that someone was kissing him, he opened his eyes, which was an instinctive reaction without thinking.When he was drunk at the time, he didn't think about it carefully at all. If he was sober at the time, he would definitely pretend not to know, and let this secret pass as silently as that time.

But now that he had opened his eyes, Zhang Sijia couldn't pretend anymore, he looked at the bewildered Zuo Linyuan, touched his lips that had been "warmly entertained", and asked straightforwardly: "Are you gay? "

At that moment, Zuo Linyuan's reaction as if struck by lightning made Zhang Sijia even more confused, he even scolded him angrily, why Zuo Linyuan's reaction was stronger than his?

Zuo Linyuan was silent for a long time. He should say that he was drunk and admitted his mistake. In short, there are countless reasons to excuse him, but the lies are always on the tip of his tongue, but he can't say them out.

In the end, he still said those two words: "I am."

He is ready to accept everything, whether it is vicious words, severe punishment, even malicious humiliation, even he himself feels that he should be treated like this, this stain makes him so humble that he deserves to be trampled on.

So when Zhang Sijia said that sentence with embarrassment, he could hardly believe his ears.

He said: "Homosexuality is not wrong. You don't have to hide it secretly, just find a suitable person and live well. I will pretend that this has never happened, and I will not tell it."

Zuo Linyuan stood there in a daze for a long time, he never thought that Zhang Sijia didn't even have a word of reproach, this unbelievable feeling made him subconsciously ask: "Then you are?"

Zhang Sijia wanted to categorically deny it.This is the most correct, direct, and least hopeful answer for Zuo Linyuan.After this answer, they returned from the bridge to the bridge, and there was no possibility of intersection from then on.

The influence of alcohol gradually faded from the brain, and Zhang Sijia began to think a lot.His mind keeps replaying many images of the past: the photos of his brother and his girlfriend that his parents showed him, the earnest and unquestionable decision of his parents when he filled out the college entrance examination application, the adult gift given to him by his parents is the one with his brother The same earrings, under the moonlight of the dream, he hysterically vented his collapse to Zhang Jia...

Why?Why should I be your substitute?Why should I be like you?

I was never like you.

This eager desire to prove gave the previous pure goodwill a different color. Zhang Sijia was silent for a long time, staring straight at the cramped Zuo Linyuan with her deep eyes, and said in a low voice: "I don't know. .”

Yes, I don't know.

This sentence gave Zuo Linyuan endless hope, and after that day, Zuo Linyuan began to show his favor to him both openly and secretly.Although Zhang Sijia felt a little awkward, but out of a subtle psychology, he did not categorically refuse, and the two gradually got closer, closer than friends, and more distant than lovers.

This kind of estrangement boundary is everywhere, just like Zhang Sijia obviously hated Zuo Linyuan calling him "Scarlett", but he never brought it up.Whenever Zuo Linyuan called him that, he would wake up from the warm dream in front of him and return to the cold and ugly reality.He reminded himself again and again like this, forcing himself to live awake.

But this point, Zuo Linyuan never knew, and he didn't want him to know, just like he deliberately didn't understand Zuo Linyuan's past, but indifferently drew a distance in his heart to separate the relationship between the two.

The turning point of the matter happened in the sophomore year, when Zhang Sijia had already revealed to Zuo Linyuan that her brother had disappeared 20 years ago, and the two were investigating the events of that year together.On this day, they were crossing the road while discussing the clues they had collected.It was already very late at that time, and there were few people around. Zhang Sijia was immersed in the topic, completely ignoring the surrounding environment, so that when a car drove towards him, he didn't realize the danger at all.

Zuo Linyuan, who was walking beside him, noticed it earlier than him, and reacted faster than him. Just when the car was about to hit Zhang Sijia, he pushed Zhang Sijia away, and he was knocked down by the side of the road with his head hurting. Bleeding and unconscious.

The vehicle that caused the accident fled, and Zhang Sijia frantically called the emergency number on the empty road, talking to the unconscious Zuo Linyuan in vain, over and over again.

On the way to the hospital by ambulance, Zhang Sijia's mind was blank. He held Zuo Linyuan's hand tightly, for fear that his heart would stop beating so suddenly.

Fortunately, fate favored him, Zuo Linyuan's intracranial hemorrhage was not serious, and he only needed to be observed in the hospital for a few days.The time waiting for him to wake up was so long, Zhang Sijia held Zuo Linyuan's hand all the time during that long silent night, and he thought a lot that night.

This person doesn't know Zhang Jia, and will never treat him as a substitute for Zhang Jia. He loves him as a real person.

He was loved, loved with all his might.

This feeling of being loved, once tasted, will never be forgotten.

It was dawn, and Zhang Sijia, who hadn't slept all night, watched Zuo Linyuan wake up from his lethargy.

So he showed a haggard but brilliant smile, and said, "Zuo Linyuan, let's date."

Since that day, the two have been together.

However, the feelings that were sublimated due to the momentary touch returned to their original state after that move gradually faded.The relationship between the two has always been indifferent, more like friends than lovers, even going to bed seems to be purely to solve physical needs, and never even make it to the end.Zuo Linyuan never forced Zhang Sijia to do things that he didn't want, so they kept together in a neutral way.

Until the end of the first semester of his sophomore year, Zuo Linyuan heard Zhang Sijia had a fierce quarrel with his parents on the phone, and he said: "Okay, since you want me to bring someone back to show you, then I'll bring it back."

After hanging up the phone, Zhang Sijia looked deeply at Zuo Linyuan for a long time.

That look is full of stories.

"Come home with me during the holidays." Zhang Sijia said.

Zuo Linyuan vaguely felt something, but in the end he didn't refuse, he said: "Okay."

In that winter, Zhang Sijia brought Zuo Linyuan home, came out in front of her parents, and was kicked out of the house immediately.Zuo Linyuan deeply remembered that in the dark corridor, Zhang Sijia held his hand and walked down in the darkness without looking back.He turned a deaf ear to the voices of men and women crying and scolding behind him, and fled here wholeheartedly.

These 20 years of gentle torture soaked in venom, and 20 years of twisted manipulation wrapped in love have completely turned him into a poor wretch.He bowed his knees and begged for mercy, trying to grab that little bit of pure love, but when he swallowed the sweet candy, he realized that it was a sacrifice for another person.

Why not resist?Zhang Sijia asked herself, why not leave this family and live her own life?

He couldn't bear it, he couldn't do it, even the slightest sense of resistance was brewed after he was mature enough and rational, and he hadn't even thought about it before that.Because the people who tormented him were his close relatives who raised him, shaped him, and destroyed him. They loved him, although this kind of love was more terrifying than hatred.

The fiercest resistance in his life was to bring Zuo Linyuan to them and tell them that he was different from his elder brother.

It's just such a humble and pitiful complaint.

But even like this, he has tried his best and is about to suffocate.

When I walked out of the corridor, the moon was already hanging high above my head.

Zhang Sijia let out a long breath, without a trace of haze on his face, he smiled and said to him: "There is no place to stay tonight, let's go live outside."

It was that winter night with the cold moonlight. The two of them walked hand in hand on the sparsely populated road. In the sub-zero temperature, Zhang Sijia's face was so cold that she couldn't feel anything, but Zuo Linyuan's hand was warm. That kind of hand was worth delivering. The warmth of all emotions.

He felt that he owed Zuo Linyuan too much, and the unrequited guilt was like the tide of the full moon, hitting his heart wave after wave, drowning him.He always has to do something to repay this impossible relationship, so that he can feel more at ease about his despicable use.

They found a nearby hotel, got a room, took a shower and went to bed as usual.

The lights in the room were turned off, but the curtains were not closed, and the bright moonlight illuminated the room.Zhang Sijia lifted the quilt and squeezed into Zuo Linyuan's bed, Zuo Linyuan didn't sleep, under the moonlight, his eyes were as clear as if he knew everything already.

This composure made Zhang Sijia more nervous, he licked his lips, and kissed Zuo Linyuan's lips while his heart beat faster and faster.

They kissed, demanding more passionately than ever before, and they all knew that this time was different from the past, it was no longer a simple temptation, but a real lovemaking.They explored each other's body in the dark, the heat from the skin seemed to burn the soul.But it is very warm, the kind of warmth that will make moths of lonely souls fly to the flame, recklessly indulge themselves to fly to the dazzling light, even if the momentary joy is followed by eternal extinction.

"Let's do it, I want you." Zhang Sijia said out of breath during the interval of passionate kisses.

Zuo Linyuan was still the same, he said: "Okay."

The erotic fantasies and reality of youth overlapped together, like a dream, like a bubble.The two lonely and depressed souls try their best to get closer, as if all the real pain will dissipate in the cuddling, and there is no need to understand each other's past, and there is no need to torture their own hearts. Momentary, residual warmth on the skin against the harsh cold of long winter nights.

Just depend on each other.