Hedgehog

When I woke up, it was dawn.

It's still warm, especially when it's freezing outside and the blades of grass are covered with frost, so the contrast is even stronger.I walked to the door under a blanket, opened the curtain, and found that Yuan Rui had come back from herds of sheep. He raised cattle and sheep by himself, free-range. He had two shepherd dogs with thick hair like him, and he didn’t take a bath all year round. Dirty as a rag.

He wears a jacket, military pants and big boots, and he doesn't look ugly with a big beard. He rides a tall horse, and I have bad lungs. When I just woke up in the cold weather, I always felt that my whole body was not right, and I didn't feel good about anything.I was waiting for him to make milk tea, but when I saw this horse, I immediately became interested: "Let me play with this horse."

"You know how to ride a horse?" Yuan Rui got off the horse and looked at me with admiration: "When did you learn it?"

"Not long after learning, he can trot." I looked at his horse.

"That's still far away!" Yuan Rui laughed.

I was annoyed by his laugh, leaned against the door and looked outside: "Are there any wolves outside?"

"No." Yuan Rui tied up the horse: "This place is not remote enough, and the wolves will not come to human territory unless they are too hungry."

It's not like he can say it out, this ghost place doesn't even have a signal, and it's still "not remote enough". I guess his remoteness is so remote that no satellites can be found, and no one knows that he was eaten by wolves.While rinsing my mouth, I took Yuan Rui's mobile phone to test the signal with my card loaded, and walked around the tent, the mobile phone seemed to be dead.I flipped through it and found that the most recent message on his phone was from last year.

Yuan Rui was treating a lamb's injured leg. He splinted the lamb's leg just like treating a human being, and he was short of a plaster cast. He was already tall, and he wore a fur coat with a fluffy neckline, like a bear.The movements were not clumsy, but his big hands made the lamb look very small, trembling under his hands.

"This lamb can be roasted in another month, and the meat is tender." I commented lazily beside it.

This sheep was so frightened by Yuan Rui, it probably thought that Yuan Rui was going to have a fancy way of eating, and lay down on the ground resignedly, "baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

After Yuan Rui tied up the sheep, he picked up a piece of grass and showed it to me. The stem of the grass was very strong, dark yellow, but curved, with small joints growing out, like an old man's arhat bamboo walking stick. The blades of grass are long and narrow, and they don't look like anything special.

"This is an invasive plant. It is very strong and grows a large canopy. Now the river is full of this kind of grass. Many livestock have been pinned, and horses are in danger."

I took it over and looked at it: "I also said that it was a fake story at first glance, so the real master is here."

Whenever I talk about business, I just gag like this, Yuan Rui has nothing to do with me, so he can only care about lunch.

"Do you want to eat roast lamb?" Yuan Rui asked me.

"I don't want to." I disliked him: "You are unprofessional and the sheep you raise are not good. I will go to your neighbor's house to buy sheep and bring them back to Beijing."

Yuan Rui was not angry either: "Then you have to run away, my neighbor is dozens of miles away from here."

"What are you doing living in such a remote place, isolated from the world, and no one will know if you die here." I threw the phone to him: "The phone doesn't work, and those who know say you are engaged in music, but those who don't know think you are a monk. "

Yuan Rui let go of the lamb, stood up, and smiled at me with a good temper: "Didn't I explain to you last time, Mongolian music was originally born in a natural environment, and now I try to get myself as close as possible The way these music was born, you see, I am out of touch with modern society now, but I am very close to the grassland. Whether it is the starry sky, the wolves, or the horses running in the grassland, you have to see, smell, and hear. Only the voice can make the best music.”

He has a completely different concept from mine. He respects nature, treats people as a carrier, travels against the world, and lives as a passer-by.He advocates getting in touch with nature. I don't fully agree with him, but I respect his philosophy.After all, I often come to the grasslands, so I know the shock.When you touch the dewy grass leaves with your own hands, smell the smell of the grassland, when you see the sunset melting gold, and the sunset is full of sky, you sit on the grass, surrounded by endless vast green, extending to the horizon of your vision. At the end, when you have seen the night on the grassland, the surroundings are so dark that you dare not even stand up straight, you only dare to bend down and touch the ground.The sky is like a cover, the sky is full of stars, and the Milky Way is shining brightly, as if you are the only one left in the world.At that moment, you seem to have suddenly touched the essence of life.You will understand that you are but a drop in the ocean in the history of mankind, the river is running day and night, and you are just a grain of sand on the bank of the river.

Every time I come to Yuan Rui, I live a minimalist life with him. I eat when I am hungry and sleep when I am tired. I often sit on the grass hills for the rest of the day. I sit for a whole day. Modern people are too far away from nature. Living in a metropolis like Beijing for a year may not see a single star.I often go to the grasslands to realize how wonderful nature is, and everything I can touch has nothing to do with human beings.

However, when I write, I still write about people.

Last year, the prairie had a once-in-50-year snowfall. Yuan Rui and I were stuck in a tent. The snow buried two-thirds of the door, but luckily the door opened inward.We stayed in the tent for half a month, drank goat milk, ate mutton, and listened to the howling of the north wind in the middle of the night, and the wolves also howled, as if we were the only two humans left in the world.

During that heavy snowfall, Yuan Rui wrote "Snow at Huangfeng", with a vast and majestic artistic conception. When I returned to Beijing, I took a hot bath and wore pajamas. I wrote a song all night. After several revisions, I sent it to Bai Yu, Bai Yu filled out a Cantonese song called "Evening Chats Around the Fireplace", which was about friendship for many years, and sang it for Chen Jing.The first sentence at the beginning reads: "When will I go to see the grassland again?"

So I'm actually quite lucky. I was able to do this business and enter this circle. Although the twists and turns were not for outsiders, I gained a few people. Bai Yu could understand running water.

Many people may not believe it, but every time I send a song to Bai Yu, there is usually no word except for the demo and score that I hum.Except for the meeting seven years ago, Bai Yu and I have never exchanged a word, but there is no need to say, since his emotional cognitive impairment is so severe, he may not understand it.It's all in the song. If I had to choose someone who understands me best in this world, I might choose Bai Yu, an autistic person. He has seen all my songs over the years, and with a little patchwork, he can restore all my songs. Life.

Because Yuan Rui and I are engaged in completely different types of music, bystanders are clear, so the opinions we give are often to the point. I haven't written any good songs this year, and I haven't filled out the one for Bai Yu, so there is nothing to write about.On the contrary, Yuan Rui's works in the past two years are good. They are going to tour Europe at the end of the year. Yuan Rui wants me to watch the song he chose. No wonder Europeans like this song.

After listening to a bunch of songs, I picked up my phone habitually, and found that there was no signal, so I had to play mobile games.

"You recently……"

"Recently what?" I didn't look up.

Yuan Rui wanted to ask but didn't ask, so he went to bring in a small bucket of milk. I was tilted, but when I saw it, I got up: "Give it to me, I'll make the cheese."

I'm not good at baking and fermented milk products, but the less I am good at dairy products, the more I like to try them. Anyway, Yuan Rui is not very picky, as long as it is not poisonous, he can be tricked into eating it.

When I was tossing the milk, Yuan Rui stood by and watched, tall and big like a bear, and the lights were blocked.

For lunch, put the meat and dried wild onion spices in, and cook until the fragrance of the mutton wafts out.I specially brought rock salt here. The last time I went to ge with Ji Rongfu for dinner, there was a shelf full of all kinds of rock salt, which was very beautiful. I started collecting rock salt from then on. This time I brought red Himalayan salt, also called rose salt. , like dyed rock sugar, the steak flavor is the best.

While eating meat, no one spoke, but after eating, Yuan Rui suddenly said, "Have you settled down with someone recently?"

When I finally asked, I was worried that he would suffocate to death.

"Well, how did you find out?"

"You checked your phone seventy or eighty times today. There is no signal in this place. You have to go to town on horseback."

It's a bit obvious, but I didn't try to hide it.

Yuan Rui tidied up for a while, opened the door and went out, and asked me after a while: "The sun is rising outside, do you want to go and see the sheep?"

As soon as I stepped out of the tent, the air outside became colder. It was very cold and windy. I pulled the collar of the down jacket under my nose, and I still felt the wind whizzing into my bones, but the sun was so bright that the prairie always There is a special smell, wild and clean.The grass in this place is not high. The place Yuan Rui found last year was the most interesting place. The highest part of the grass was waist high. It was spring again. The plants scrambled to peck at my fingertips, and I remembered that scene when I kissed Ji Rongfu for the first time.

Yuan Rui drove the flock too far, we had to go on horseback, the wind was strong, all we could see was the dark yellow grassland, under the small hills in the distance, the river turned a bend, and we could see the For the flock of sheep, Yuan Rui suddenly gave a "drive" sound and rode his horse down the hill.

He knew that I spared my life and would not follow him.

I rode slowly down the hill. This horse probably had a dream in his heart. Unfortunately, he met me and was strangled by me when he walked a little faster, but he was still stubborn. He always wanted to trot, and his eyes were strangled by me. .

Yuan Rui rode a horse and stood by the river, watching the rag-like shepherd dogs restrain the sheep.

I rode over and stood beside him. The two of them didn't speak for a long time, and they stood there quietly for half an hour.

This is another world. Eat when you are hungry, sleep when you are sleepy, work at sunrise and rest at sunset, sow and reap. The shepherd is just a link in the biological chain.Time becomes very slow here. It doesn’t matter if I write a song or not, whether it’s good or not. If I want, I can sit lazily by the river and watch the flock of sheep.

Every time I came here before, I often had the urge to stay here, but this time it was gone, Ji Rongfu was waiting for me in Beijing.

But I still stayed by the river until dark.

Before Ji Rongfu appeared, this place was the only place where I would never suffer from insomnia. I would feel sleepy as soon as it got dark, and my sleep was better than Yuan Rui's. I didn't even know there was a wolf howling in the middle of the night, so I told me the next day.

The next day we found traces of wolves twenty miles away. There were eaten rabbit bones and wolf feces, and there were scattered footprints by the river.

Yuan Rui's rag-like dogs must not be able to defeat wolves. Fortunately, Yuan Rui has muscles, and he can carry an adult ram with its legs tied up, so it can fight against wolves.

The diesel generator used by Yuan Rui seems to have a problem with the freezing, and it will not recover until night.I had nothing to do. To protest, I played the guitar all afternoon. It was full of loud rock and roll, strumming wildly. Yuan Rui had nothing to do with me, so he had to fix it quickly. Looking at the phone.

At noon, I use a stainless steel bowl to make hot pot, heavy oil and spicy, Yuan Rui eats it, and I watch it.The music concept is too different. He doesn't deliberately pamper his voice, he sings with any sound, and dares to call out wheat while standing in the wind. His desolate voice is blown up by the wind, really like a shepherd who travels through time and space.

I can't, pop music says that recognition is important, but in fact, just listen to the timbre, and only people with average timbres can ponder some weird singing methods.Little Queens and Little Heavenly Kings basically have unique timbres. People who have no recognizable timbres will die at this step. They can only participate in current music programs and sing other people's songs.From a commercial point of view, as long as the timbre is good enough, it doesn't matter if your singing skills are good or bad. Anyway, what you sell is the album from the recording studio.And when they reached the level of Ni Jing and Chen Jing, they began to compete in singing skills.After all, there are concerts that can't be finished for a year, and the live is too bad and shameful.

About the time my No.30 looked at the phone five times, Yuan Rui finally spoke.

He was shocked when he spoke.

"Is it Lu Yan?"

At that time, I was dipping my chopsticks into the chili dish, and I was so scared by his words that my chopsticks fell off.

But since he knows this, I don't need to hide it.

"No."

Yuan Rui lowered his head to eat again, showing no sign of disappointment.

"Me and Lu Yan, where did you hear about it?"

"I didn't hear it. I'm not blind. I can see it myself."

Why can't I remember that Lu Yan and I were so blatant back then.

"Look at me or Lu Yan? You won't confuse me with Ji Luo's family, will you?"

"It's not confusing. We could all see the way Lu Yan looked at you during the draft." Yuan Rui dipped the beef into leek flower sauce: "He and Ji Luo's family are after the combination, and it has something to do with you."

"What does it have to do with me?"

"The song that Ji Luo's family played to you at the summer party..."

"Which one?"

Yuan Rui hummed directly, and I remembered it after he hummed a short passage. At that time, I had just taken a music theory class in Huatian, and the Lu Yanji Luo family group was popular. Naturally, a narrow-minded person like me has nothing good to say, so I just said This song was criticized for nothing. At that time, a bunch of young people, only me who knew a little music theory, suddenly became popular.

Yuan Rui looked up at me, with a hint of pity in his eyes.

"This is Lu Yan's song."

The chopsticks in my hand suddenly became astringent, and I picked up a piece of beef, but I didn't pick it up. Fortunately, I reacted quickly and picked up the milk tea on the side to drink, but I forgot that it was just put aside to cool, and it was almost scalding.

I put the cup down calmly.

"You all know?"

"I know, Wen Xin knows, but the rest don't. Lu Yan wrote that song by himself during the announcement break. I was also writing songs at that time, and he invited me to read it."

My palms were cold, and I instinctively wanted to find someone to blame.

"Why didn't you say it then?"

"I didn't know you would say such a mean thing at the time, it was too late to stop it, and Lu Yan was there." Yuan Rui's answer was impeccable: "Maybe he just wants to hear your most objective evaluation."

However, I was not objective at the time.What is the song called, "Boat" or "Sail", I can't remember at all, I only remember my evaluation at the time, I said that song was "hypocritical", and I was worried about writing new words. Don't force yourself to write what you can't ask for.

Can't ask for it.

I thought it was Ji Luo's family, but it turned out to be Lu Yan, who wrote what he couldn't ask for.

But I say hypocrisy.

I said earlier that I am a hedgehog. I have thousands of thorns, and I have stabbed people thousands of times. I don't know that there is one thorn that has remained in Lu Yan's heart for so many years.

"I didn't know you liked Lu Yan too." Yuan Rui probably felt that something was wrong, and quickly explained: "And after that time, Lu Yan and Ji Luo's family are also together. They seem to be quite suitable..."

How could they be suitable? People like Ji Luo's family are full of business spirit. If you give him a piece of beautiful jade, you can just sell it as a stone.What's more, it's a coincidence that he played Lu Yan's song for me. If he did it on purpose, then he can't even be considered a fool, he can only be regarded as a bad person.

"What about you? Why aren't you with Lu Yan?" I heard the voice in my head ask.

Since you know that the Ji Luo family is such a short-sighted villain, since you know that he will betray Lu Yan at a critical moment and sell Lu Yan cheaply, since you will be so shocked by an old event after seven years, why did you Not with Lu Yan?

Yes, why?

Ridiculous pride?Cowardly self-preservation?A coward who dares not start a relationship?I still don't believe that I am worthy of such a dazzling person, and I don't believe that he will like me after seeing his true colors. I am afraid of the discord and embarrassment when the song ends, so I simply didn't try it at the beginning.

The more you value it, the more you dodge it.It was I who gave Lu Yan away.

I felt as if I had been slapped on the head twice, and I didn't need to look to know that my face was pale, but I still sat upright and recovered quickly, and even took a couple of sips of milk tea on the side.

I could hear the sound of tea being swallowed down my throat, and my hands didn't tremble anymore.

A careless person like Yuan Rui, even if he breaks the barrier today, even if I am as white as paper at the moment, he will not find anything, and he changed the subject by himself, and started talking about their band again.

Only I know the truth about these seven years.

The cold wind was howling outside the tent, and the aroma of milk tea was lingering. I am now thousands of miles away from Beijing and thousands of miles away from Lu Yan.He may be in the studio, backstage, resting, flying, but none of this concerns me.

When I was 19 years old, did I think of today.

On SV that day, I was talking about the weight of time because of that stupid eye-to-eye game.

This is the real weight of time. If you make a wrong step, you will lose everything.

And this time I don't want to lose.

Yuan Rui didn't know the situation at all, so he cut two pieces of meat with a knife and ate them, and then asked me, "How is that person you are now?"

"pretty good."

"That's good."

Yuan Rui didn't ask if it was a man or a woman, and I didn't say either, but I think he should have guessed it.In fact, when Yuan Rui and I were in Beijing, we each had a bottle of beer to see girls on the curb. When he broke up with his girlfriend and got drunk and cried like a bear, I was the one who carried him back.It’s not that I deliberately concealed anything. I’ve always been emotionally indifferent, and I don’t know my own sexual orientation. Anyway, only people who meet specific people will have the answer to this kind of thing. I met Lu Yan and Ji Rongfu one after another. From this point of view, I should be gay.

Yuan Rui has known about this for so many years, so he shouldn't feel embarrassed.

I know why he thought it was Lu Yan.

Lu Yan is a very persistent person, with a persevering mind, a strong mind, and will not give up easily.A gentleman is like jade, he is not the jade that is as warm as jade, but black corundum, and now it is a sharp weapon. Because I know him well, I can't forgive him for choosing Ji Luo's family. He is such a smart person, He also understands the Ji Luo family's character better than I do, so there's no need to self-destruct like this.

Thinking about it now, it should be that he can't forgive me.

In the afternoon I went to sit by the river again.

I wanted to play the guitar at first, but I didn’t want to play it when I got there, so I just sat there. It’s okay, playing the guitar in the air vent might cause arthritis.

My horse is very good at eating, grazing, and eating my blanket. I pulled it to chew its head and turned it away. I don’t know if all horses have such gentle eyes.

I have a strong memory in music. Sitting like this, I remembered that song by Lu Yan one after another. Maybe I only remembered the main theme, and I made up the rest. In fact, Lu Yan is not bad at writing songs. But I didn't write any more after that.He is not good at singing now. I read comments on the Internet and saw his fans trying to argue that he is in the wrong line of work. He should have been acting in the first place.

Nobody remembers him playing the guitar that well before.

I am 26 this year, and my birthday will be 27 soon.

Life is a foregone conclusion, fate slowly began to settle the previous accounts, what I owed others, and what others owed me, I have to start to pay.I thought I didn't have a conscience, but I did. I don't like Lu Yan anymore, and I still feel that the name hurts when I touch it.

I also took him a guitar. At that time, I took it with peace of mind. Now that I think about it, I should be the one who gave him the guitar.

Go back to Beijing and give him something.

But what gift would make up for seven full years?