Please follow the doctor's advice

Only night lights remained in the hallway.

Xu Yiren felt dizzy all the time, wanted to sleep but couldn't.Physical discomfort and weakness, like a patient who has been injected with tubocurarine and is waiting for surgery.

He has indeed slept too much these days, and he has probably recovered all the nights he has stayed up all these years.

But I can make up for it, but some things can never be made up again.

Countless selves are toasting and drinking in their minds, pushing cups and changing cups, and performing the farewell ceremony.Those who are wearing overalls and surgical gowns, those who waved their hands unsteadily, and those who gradually fade away are collectively referred to as "regrets".

"Click." The door was unscrewed, letting in a cool air.

In the darkness, Xu Yiren could hear the sound of a pair of shoes stepping on the ground and slowly walking towards him.

The visitor did not speak, and walked not far from his bed.

Xu Yiren asked, "Who is it?"

Seeing that he was awake, the man unceremoniously dragged a chair over to sit down and turned on the bedside lamp.

"Your brother and me."

What is this voice?

"Lin Lang?" Xu Yiren was a little surprised, "Why are you here?"

"How can I not know about such a big thing?" Lin Lang opened the drawer of the bedside table, took out the medicine inside, looked at it, and then opened the door of the cabinet below, "Is there any milk? I'm so thirsty."

"...Under the cabinet, take a look."

After rummaging through boxes and cabinets for a while, Lin Lang seemed to have finally found where the milk was, plugged in a tube and took two sips, then asked, "How are you doing?"

"As you can see." Xu Yiren smiled wryly, "After watching this time, don't come here again."

Lin Lang drank a box of milk in silence, threw the box far away into the trash can at the door, and said after a while: "I asked you to go for a blood test a long time ago."

Xu Yiren was a little surprised in his heart, and asked, "Did you see it then?"

"I used to think you were the most careful when I was in school, and it's not your fault that anyone has this problem. That day I thought it was because I was too tired to read it wrong. If I knew it was true, I would have dragged you to investigate." Lin Lang might feel that his tone was a bit off-putting, so he paused and asked, "Can you still see it?"

For a newly blind person to admit that he is blind is tantamount to putting a knife in the heart.

Fortunately, Xu Yiren was almost able to accept the fact, and forced a smile: "If you ask such a question, it will be hard for others to think about it."

Lin Lang never liked to put on airs when speaking, and he didn't consider other people's feelings at all, so he asked directly: "Can't you see anything?"

"Yeah." Xu Yiren controlled his emotions and said as calmly as possible, "My situation will only get worse in the future. I can't see you this time, and I may not even be able to walk after a while. So, it's better not to visit me." .”

Lin Lang asked, "What are your plans?"

Xu Yiren sighed softly, "It's gone."

Among those who have hastily ended their lives, some people are not necessarily desperate for their terminal illness or disability that cannot be cured, but actually do not want to hurt the people around them, and do not want to live without dignity.

If he had to say what plans he had, Xu Yiren only hoped not to become a burden to his parents and others, and to adapt to the current, or even worse, life as soon as possible.

Lin Lang took Xu Yiren's hand and put it on the cuff of his wrist.

Xu Yiren asked, "Do you still know this?"

Lin Lang said impatiently, "Don't talk."

After cutting the pulse for a while, he threw Xu Yiren's hand back.

"It's not as serious as you think," Lin Lang said in a muffled voice, took off a string of jade beads from his wrist, and put it in Xu Yiren's hand, "This is my amulet, I'll lend it to you first. I'll wait for you All right, give it back to me."

Lin Lang's bracelet Xu Yiren had seen before, it was a string of extremely shiny emerald beads, in which there was only one white bead, which was probably also a type of precious jade.

He had also seen it on school posters, and Baixun's president also had such a bunch of identical ones in his hand, and a part of it was exposed during the interview.

If the things that these two people can carry with them are not priceless, then they are also of great significance. Maybe they are family keepsakes from their family.

He knew that his illness could not be cured, at most it could only be controlled, and Lin Lang should also be very clear about this.Although Xu Yiren was not too superstitious, he didn't want to make Lin Lang's amulet sick.

He held the beaded chain and handed it back in Lin Lang's direction: "I appreciate your kindness, thank you."

"I said it will be fine if it gets better," Lin Lang said in a disgusted tone, "When you get better, bring it back to me. Let's go."

After Lin Lang said this, he really walked away. Judging from the sound, he seemed to have taken another carton of milk before leaving.

Xu Yiren inexplicably remembered the phrase "you can be saved if it's not cold" that Lin Lang said when he walked into the operating room that day.

Is that sentence his judgment based on experience and expertise, or is it a psychological hint to the team?

Now it seems that although the person was rescued in the end, judging from the situation at that time, Lin Lang should not be fully sure.Otherwise, he could have left with his assistant at the end of the heart surgery, leaving his colleagues to watch the follow-up surgery instead of following the whole process by himself until the last stitch on the patient's body was completed a few hours later.

So what is his current phrase "can be good"?

A glimmer of hope was ignited in Xu Yiren's already dead heart, but this flame was extinguished by reason after a few seconds.

During the physical examination at the beginning of the year, his blood sugar and other blood tests were still normal, but in just a few months, they had undergone earth-shaking changes unconsciously.

Under the influence of high blood sugar beyond the measurement range of ordinary instruments, severe microvascular disease occurred in his retina. Even if the congestion caused by the trauma this time did not accelerate the onset of the disease, blindness would be a matter of time.

Other organs of the body are also deteriorating at different speeds, such as the kidneys, blood vessels of the lower extremities, peripheral nerves and so on.The whole person is like a "roller coaster" that reaches the apex and begins to descend rapidly.

It's a pity that this roller coaster never returned to its peak.

Lin Lang only heard his illness from hearsay, so what can he tell just by cutting his pulse?

Xu Yiren thought for a long time before he realized that this was "Lin Lang's style" comfort.

I've never seen Lin Lang comforting others... I'm really not used to it.

The hospital mobilized all available resources to control his condition.During the consultation between the attending doctor and the directors of various departments, Xu Yiren heard a voice called "sigh" in those familiar or unfamiliar discussions.

He didn't want to spend the rest of his life living in isolation and shutting his eyes and listening, so he insisted on not using escorts to the greatest extent, and bought the "Braille Introductory Manual" to listen and learn quietly, and tried to use a multifunctional wheelchair. On days that are not very big, go to the garden behind the ward building.

It’s already winter, and even a non-blind person can’t see any scenery in the garden, but the sense of freedom outside, which is as vast as the sky and the earth, can’t be felt even if the windows are opened in the house. He really wants to go take a stroll.

It was a huge challenge for Xu Yiren, a wheelchair novice, to go downstairs with all the troubles. It took a whole day just to recall and plan the route in his mind.

Not to mention that after leaving the gate of the inpatient building, he had to avoid railings and pedestrians, and accurately distinguish which one was the blind path leading to the garden.

He can neither use a cane to try and dodge deftly like a blind man, nor can he easily drive an electric wheelchair to his destination like other wheelchair users.

The most difficult thing is the return route.After a few circles outside, he couldn't be sure of his exact position.

Xu Yiren tried his best to maintain a mood of exploration rather than despair, and tried to operate the steering column according to the prompts of the wheelchair - after all, this will be the only way for him to travel in his future life.

Fortunately, right there in the hospital, passing nurses and staff could push him back into the elevator if he couldn't get himself out of his predicament after some effort.

Finally, Xu Yiren met a little nurse he knew.

The little nurse took the initiative to ask him if he needed help, and then accompanied him all the way back to the ward.

He laughed at himself with a smile, but the little girl ran out crying.

Xu Yiren was even more disappointed, touched his somewhat swollen face, the collar of an unknown color, and the hair that hadn't been properly taken care of in months.

There should be plenty of sunlight in the ward, and there is a warm feeling on the body through the glass.

The cell phone rang, and the old man's cell phone broadcast a series of unfamiliar numbers.

Xu Yiren fumbled to pick it up, but before the receiver reached his ear, a familiar and terrifying voice came.

"Brother Xu, it's me, go beyond!"

Hearing this sentence, Xu Yiren held the phone stiffly, not knowing how to respond.

He has prepared a set of rhetoric, which is to deal with the patients who call, and a set of positive answers, which is to deal with relatives, friends and colleagues, but he does not have a plan, which is to "answer Li Chaoyue's question".

In the second half of his life, when he didn't know the end point, he had already automatically filtered out that proud son of heaven.

Li Chaoyue raised his voice again: "Brother Xu! Did you hear me? Is the signal here not very good?"

Xu Yiren heard Li Chaoyue on the other end of the phone asking the people around him in English, why is there no voice?The person next to him told him that he had used this mobile phone to talk to his family just now, and it was not a problem with the mobile phone.

Then Li Chao persevered and yelled at the phone with all his strength: "Brother Xu——"

"I heard it." Hearing his voice calling to him, Xu Yiren could no longer remain indifferent, and his eyes suddenly became hot.He gritted his teeth to suppress the trembling of his voice, and asked casually, "Why are you? Can't you call back?"

"Brother Xu! Oops, you heard me, I'm about to make another call! Hey, not only can I make calls, but I can also go back!" Li Chaoyue said excitedly, "We haven't had any phone calls in the past two months." It hasn’t officially started yet, and the meeting is held every day. Isn’t it Christmas soon? Those foreigners said they would take a few days off. Our boss may think that there is nothing to keep secret now, so he simply gave us a holiday. My God, I can go back, just as the plane lands in Shencheng, I'll have a drink with you first, and then go home to see my parents!"

"Don't come." Xu Yiren panicked, "I... have something to do these few days, you finally have a holiday, go home early."

"Ah? Is something really wrong?" Li Chaoyue was dubious, "Brother Xu, are you still angry with me last time? Don't, I really drank too much last time! Am I gay? Don’t you know? I just don’t know which muscle was wrong that day, hey, don’t I say sorry to you, why are you so narrow-minded! I’ll buy you two tubes of toothpaste and go back and brush it well. , don't hold grudges! What's the matter with you, I can find you later, when you finish your work?"

"No." Xu Yiren clutched the "Braille Introductory Manual" nervously, and prevaricated, "I'm not in Shencheng, I'm out of town these few days."

"Aren't you holding grudges? Are you out of town?" Li Chaoyue broke the casserole and asked the end, but Huang He's heart was not dead, and he said shamelessly, "Where are you? You said where you are, can I go to you? Why don't I apologize to you face to face I have been thinking about this matter in my heart, give me a chance!"

"..." Xu Yiren's palms were sweating, and he snapped a corner of the hard cover of the Braille manual, "I went to my girlfriend's house, so it's inconvenient for a few days, sorry, next time."

"Oh." Li Chaoyue responded quickly and briefly, paused for two seconds, and said, "Okay, let's do it next time. I'm home. Merry Christmas, Brother Xu."

"Well, happy."

Xu Yiren hung up the phone cruelly.

Except for the two days when he just woke up, he has never felt that the darkness is so suffocating and oppressive. It feels like falling from one endless abyss to another.

His original plan, which was to try his best to live an optimistic and active life, take care of himself, not cause trouble to those around him, and even continue to be a "useful person to society", was like a thin layer of glass at the moment. A stone thrown from a distance smashed into pieces, and it was beyond redemption.

20 years of hard study and ten years of perseverance have been in vain.

He will never be able to stand shoulder to shoulder with that person.