Ambiguous addiction

"Are you his current boyfriend?" Tao Jiayue looked directly into Ye Xi's eyes, and her eyes gradually took on a cautious look.

Ye Xi seemed unmoved, met the other's eyes but remained silent, just grabbed his clothes tightly, only he knew that he had reached the point of being speechless, unable to say anything.

Lu Churan saw him standing stupidly in front of Tao Jiayue from a distance, and called out behind him, "Ye Xi."

Hearing Lu Churan's voice, Tao Jiayue let go of her hand suddenly, and waved to him gently and kindly, "Goodbye, we will definitely meet again."

Ye Xi still ignored him, turned around and left with her clothes in her arms, almost jogging to Lu Churan's side, Lu Churan opened the co-pilot's door for him, and put her hand on the door frame to prevent him from knocking on the door when he lost his mind. own head.

The night is like water, melting the lonely and desolate chill of late autumn. After the shadow of the hotel completely disappeared in the rearview mirror, Ye Xi's face, which was calm on the surface without any ripples of emotion, turned completely pale, as if he had suffered a lot. Terrified, she shivered while hugging her clothes.

Lu Churan turned to look at him several times, and his expression became more and more worried. Finally, he found a secluded place and pulled over the car, turned up the heating in the car, and went to shake his cold hand. It was cold sweat.

"Ye Xi, what's wrong with you?"

Ye Xi didn't know what was wrong with him, he felt as if someone accidentally threw a small stone into the well, but he waited by the well for a long time but couldn't hear the sound of falling, his mind seemed to be stuck on the way by this kind of uneasiness hanging in the air .

After a while, he turned around, Hei Qiuqiu stared at Lu Churan, and stated with certainty, "Tao Jiayue is your first love."

"Well, but I have nothing to do with him for a long time." Lu Churan's attitude was calm and generous. He put Ye Xi's hand on his lips, breathed lightly on his fingertips, and rubbed it with the palm of his hand. , "Don't be afraid, okay?"

Ye Xi nodded hesitantly, followed Lu Churan's movements to put on the suit jacket in his arms, wrapped the scarf around his neck tightly, and buried his chin in the scarf, "Have you not contacted once in all these years? "

"No, I haven't even seen him since we broke up." Lu Churan saw that his face looked better, and started the car again, "I went abroad later, and I didn't leave any contact information. After I came back, I heard from my old classmate that he also went abroad, and he went to the same country as me, but different schools in different cities. But I studied for four years of undergraduate and two years of master’s degree, and I also returned to China so many times during vacations. We even met by chance. Not even once."

Ye Xi's hand had already warmed up, but he still put his hand in Lu Churan's and let him hold it. Lu Churan thought for a while and added, "It's like two intersecting straight lines. It can only go further and further away.”

"How did you break up?" Ye Xi was reluctant to admit it, but he knew that the truth was unavoidable. "I think he still... misses you very much."

Lu Churan was silent for a moment, as if recalling the long-forgotten past, and after deliberating for a while, he said: "Because it touched on some issues of principle, I felt that I had reached my bottom line, and there was no way to compromise, so I broke up. .”

"third party?"

"It's not a third party. It's a problem between me and him from the beginning to the end. Everyone has a bottom line in their hearts that cannot be touched. If you touch it, you will die. And everyone's bottom line is It's different, that's why parting is so impermanent."

Ye Xi half-understood, stopped talking, turned on the music player in the car, the soft music filled the quiet space, and then he began to stare at the passing lights outside the window in a daze.

After arriving home, the two took off their coats and scarves and hung them up, sitting on the sofa in silence.

Lu Churan felt that Ye Xi was still worried and uneasy, and couldn't help but start to reflect on whether he didn't answer well in the car before, so he still felt at a loss.

He sat a little closer to Ye Xi's side, with his thighs against his thighs, and his knees pressed together, then turned around with his shoulders, and pressed him into his arms.

Ye Xi froze for a moment, wrapped his arms around his waist, and stroked his back, as if he was not comforted by himself, but Lu Churan.

"Can you tell me, what are you thinking now?" Lu Churan said, gently touching the back of his head with his palm, "Let me know what you are afraid of, what doubts you have, and I will solve them for you. "

Ye Xi's breath was filled with the scent of Lu Churan, and he felt the sense of weightlessness in the air disappeared from his chest. He leaned his face on Lu Churan's shoulder and replied hesitantly, "I'm thinking , if we break up, will you not want to see me again."

"Yes, you'd better go as far as you can, and don't appear in front of me for the rest of your life." Lu Churan became anxious when he heard his words, and gave him an extremely decisive answer, and put him away from himself. Pushing away a little distance in her arms, she stared at him fiercely, "What? You already thought of breaking up with me? I won't let you go."

Ye Xi was stunned by his reaction, opened his eyes wide in horror, put his hand on his arm, grabbed his clothes with some force, and hurriedly argued, "I, I, I didn't want to Breaking up with you, I am, I am, I mean, I think I'm better off without him, he seems to deserve you more than me, but you still don't see him after breaking up, so, so I just I can't help but think, if I, who is inferior to him, break up with you, what will happen."

Lu Churan frowned, looking as if he was very angry with him, Ye Xi looked at him cautiously, wondering if what he said had offended him, but when he heard his reprimand, she didn't understand. Without anger, "Are you a primary school student? Why do you compare yourself with others? Am I a test paper, and you have to compare with him who gets a higher score from me?"

Ye Xi bit his lower lip and didn't dare to answer, nor did he dare to talk back. He lowered his eyebrows and said whatever he wanted to say about himself, whatever he wanted.

"If you have to compare, you should also bring me to compare. The me who likes you is different from the me who was with him in the past, and in my eyes, you are more suitable for me than everyone else. You have to have respect for yourself Confidence, you are more worthy of my liking than everyone else, that's why I choose you."

"...I'm just, alas, but I always feel that I can't give you anything, I'm very scared." Ye Xi returned to Lu Churan's arms, Lu Churan heard his sudden helpless sigh, and her heart was pulled Like a moment.

"I don't need you to give me anything, and I don't need you to do anything deliberately to please me. When I look at you and stay with you, there is nothing that I feel is missing. I can understand what you think now, Because love may be like this, it is probably a feeling of wanting to give everything to the other party even when you have nothing, so..."

Ye Xi interrupted him suddenly, broke free from his embrace, looked into his eyes, "I love you."

Lu Churan's heartbeat was flustered by his three words, and his face suddenly burned, "Why are you so frank all of a sudden, next time, prepare yourself mentally."

Ye Xi still looked into his eyes with a serious expression, "Lu Churan."

"Ok?"

He took a deep breath, "I'm going to confess."

Lu Churan suddenly laughed, reached out and touched his ears, her eyes were gentle, "Well, I'm ready, come on."

"You count to three." Ye Xi felt as if his heart was also collapsing, and was about to jump out.

Lu Churan's smile deepened, and she was so dazzled by his cute appearance that people don't know what to do, "One, two, three."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Ye Xi's face was also flushed, his chest rose and fell slightly, and his breathing was a little unsteady. He still wanted to say his name, as if it was stuck to his teeth, "Lu Churan."

"Ok?"

Ye Xi moved his face closer, touching the tip of Lu Churan's nose with the tip of his nose like a small animal expressing intimacy, his voice was a bit hoarse, with a faint nasal sound, which fell on the eardrum very softly, "I love you the most in the world. "

"I know." Lu Churan closed the distance, and touched his lips with soft lips.

Ye Xi felt that he was like a breath of fresh air, a real breath of fresh air breathed by a person who was about to suffocate.

"That..." Ye Xi left his lips, and a silver thread appeared between the two lips, "I'm going to send the suit to be washed tomorrow, and I've borrowed him to wear it all night and it smells like him. The perfume smells bad."