President's Legendary Master

"I found that I always feel that I don't feel full when I eat, and there is this belly. I am fat and I am greedy, but my weight is gaining so fast, almost a catty a day!" Guan Dujuan said: "And That is, I am addicted to alcohol, my liver is not very good, I have a bit of fatty liver, and I don’t drink too much alcohol, I only drink some red wine, wine and so on, and I only drink a few glasses of white wine when I am playing tricks , adding up is not enough for one or two."

There is only a little wine in the wine cup, ten cups and eight cups are not intoxicating.

"If I don't drink a bottle of Erguotou a day now, I can't take it anymore. I'm so greedy that I don't have any appetite for food." Guan Dujuan said with a sad face: "I still eat meat, and I don't like vegetarian food. In my body, eating meat is equivalent to eating meat." Slow suicide!"

That's right, a person with a mild fatty liver can't leave his meat every meal, and sooner or later he will suffer from eating.

And with the addition of alcohol, she was not feeling well, she couldn't sleep well, and she had a psychological burden. She lost weight quickly, but her stomach was getting bigger and bigger.

And she herself felt that there was something alive in it!

"It's a real living thing!" Guan Dujuan said in horror: "Help me, save me!"

"Are you sure you're not pregnant?" Yu Jinshan asked her with a black face: "You're a woman, don't you have any clues?"

"You have been pregnant for less than half a month, and you grow a pound of meat every day? Besides, look at my age, I have never slept with any wild man, and I am not a hen, I can lay eggs by myself!" This old woman Quite angrily said: "I also know a little bit of crooked ways, I know, this is bad luck for me, the worst thing I have participated in recently is the thing about your family, if it wasn't for bad luck, I would be able to Are you going to put this up?"

She was very pungent when facing Jinshan, but she was humble and pitiful towards Little Heavenly Master and the others: "I will never earn money from such unconscionable money in the future."

"You should be earning almost enough." The little celestial master didn't like her: "Since you learned ventriloquism and dared to pretend to be Guanduxian, you should know what the real Guanduxian is. Inner Kong Kong, pretending to be a ghost language with human language, walking a lot at night, after all, I encountered a ghost."

"I, I, me, Guan Duxian, isn't that the same thing?" She still didn't admit that this was retribution.

"So what happened?" The little celestial master was amused: "Do you know what happened to Guan Duxian?"

"Vitriloquism." She also knows this move, and she has tried it a hundred times.

"The so-called "Douxian" means that the spirit summons the immortal or the dead into the abdomen, and uses ventriloquism to tell the relatives of the "Guanduxian" what the deceased old person wants to explain to the living person. To put it bluntly, it is calling the soul into body." The little celestial master said: "What you are talking about is nonsense, but you are lucky, your stomach is empty, and you dare to pretend that there is something in it. It is usually fine, and you are fooling people, but this time about the Yu family, what are you doing?" What about fooling around?"

This is the difference between true and false Guandu Immortals.

"How do you say it?" Dugu Haoyan had never seen someone like Guan Duxian, so he was curious. He is also a bold person with high skills, and he will not be afraid if he sees a lot.

"She told too many lies, and she believed it. What's more, her luck was too low, and she met a new funeral family like the Yu family. She didn't practice meritorious deeds, and she was locked up in a small cell afterwards. , It’s all bad people who went in, not to mention hiding evil, but the atmosphere there must be bad, if I’m not wrong, the place where she was detained was not a good place before.”

"The No. [-] Detention Center, I heard that it used to be a place where heavy criminals were detained during the Puppet Manchukuo period. Many people died there. Later, it was converted into a detention center, where only some short-term prisoners were held, no more than one year. They are all locked up there, and there are people who give them political lessons every day." Yu Jinshan said: "I know that place, my father said before that during the Manchukuo period, it seems that a distant relative of our family died there Yes, so I know where it is, and more importantly, it is next to the third human furnace. During the Manchukuo period, people died in it, and they were directly burned, and the ashes were thrown into the river if no one wanted them. Let the family members pay for the ashes, and now it is a detention center, and the refining furnace next door has also been replaced with new equipment, even that place is not a good place."

"Well, the geographical location is also coincidental. There is a lot of resentment in that kind of place, so I put it in prison, at least to suppress the evil spirit. In addition, the place where the refining furnace is located is the place where yin and yang meet. She has bad luck and was killed by some lonely souls. It's normal for a ghost to be close, but she is a brainless person, and was taken advantage of by a lonely ghost. Now she lives in her belly. Of course, she feels uncomfortable. If it's not that material, don't be that container. The trouble is in my stomach." The little celestial master actually didn't want to save her, this woman did it all by herself: "Feiyan said something, I think it's right!"

"What good things can he say?" Dugu Haoyan actually doesn't like his stupid brother. He is a young man, and he doesn't like all the messy things he has been tossing around all day.

"Nozuonodie!" Little Heavenly Master said quite authentically.

Dugu Haoyan knew that it was not appropriate to laugh at this time.

But he couldn't hold back: "Hehe..."

His deep laughter showed that he was in a good mood.

The little Tianshi more than two years ago was like a little liar who just emerged from the soil, but now he can speak a very authentic slang with an American accent.

Is it interesting?

Yu Jinshan said a little scared: "Then what should we do now?"

"Help me, save me!" Guan Dujuan slipped to the ground, but she was very clever and didn't jump over to hug the thigh of the little celestial master, but hugged the leg of the mahogany coffee table in the living room of Yu Jinshan's house. Son.

Mahogany furniture has always been stable and precious. The legs of the coffee table are as thick as an adult's arm, and the weight is also considerable. It is impossible for them to get her out if she holds this coffee table. This is her not-so-smart In her head, the only solution that can be thought of is that Jinshan's family does not leave. She is incapable of solving such a weird thing, but Yu's family must have a way, so she has to stay here and not leave. To be honest, she is also very guilty. .

Seeing her actions, Yu Jinshan's face darkened again: "If you ask for help, please ask for help. You stay at our house. I'm messing with whoever I provoke."

"If it wasn't for your family's troubles, why would I be like this?" Ms. Guan Dujuan relied on him anyway.

The three of them can't communicate reasonably with an unreasonable old woman, they can only solve the immediate problem.

Yu Jinshan looked at Dao Miao eagerly.

"Okay, I see." The little celestial master took out a piece of yellow paper, on which he drew a talisman with bright red cinnabar: "Go get a new bowl, it's unused."

"Oh!" Yu Jinshan hurried to his study.

"Hey, don't you go to the kitchen to look for bowls? Why are you going to the study?" Dugu Haoyan wanted to stop Yu Jinshan, but he didn't. This guy is very agile now.

"How do I know which bowl is useless in our kitchen!" Yu Jinshan said: "There is a pair of beautiful blue and white porcelain bowls in my study, and no one will use them!"

"Then you can take them all out." Little Heavenly Master said: "It doesn't look good when you take them apart."

"Oh." Yu Jinshan quickly went to do it.

The gift from others is actually a matter of face, a souvenir, he brings it back casually and puts it in the study, maybe after a while, it will be given to Sister Zhang by his daughter-in-law.

Or give it to others as a gift.

Little Heavenly Master looked at Guan Dujuan: "After a while, go out and find a public restroom."

"What are you doing?" Guan Dujuan was puzzled: "There is also a bathroom here."

And super luxurious, and more than one.

"Go there to have diarrhea, just pull out the stuff in your stomach." The little heavenly master said: "Then wash away, and you will be fine."

The voice of "hum hum" suddenly came from her stomach.

Guan Dujuan was taken aback: "He's alive! He's alive! He spoke, and he spoke again!"

"You didn't say that your stomach can talk." Who is Dugu Haoyan?It was immediately clear that this damned woman wasn't telling the truth.

"I, I'm afraid that you are afraid..." She hesitated.

"It's because you're afraid that we won't care about you?" The little celestial master curled his lips: "Okay, show your belly."

The woman was agile, she quickly took off her clothes, revealing her big belly.

The little celestial master took a Langhao cinnabar pen in his hand, and directly drew a talisman on her belly.

It was done in one stroke, the talisman was very strange, after it was drawn, the belly moved, and Dugu Haoyan even saw a little foot protruding from the belly.

Just in time for Yu Jinshan to come out of the study, he was so frightened that he almost sat down on the ground: "What's going on?"

"It's okay, bring the things." Dugu Haoyan said with a straight face, "Hurry up, we can go eat after we finish."

"Oh, come, these two big bowls." The little Tianshi took a bottle of their Moutai very simply: "Good wine."

Yu Jinshan's eyes were about to drop: "My Moutai...a bottle costs more than 3000 yuan!"

That is the gold medal Moutai.

"What kind of wine do you care about now?" Dugu Haoyan said indifferently: "Hurry up and send this guy out."

"Yes, yes!" Yu Jinshan was reluctant to drink, and there was nothing he could do.

The little celestial master poured Moutai into the big bowl, and put the yellow paper on the bottom, then he pulled out the yellow paper, but there was nothing on the yellow paper.

The clear wine in the big bowl actually had red characters floating on it, which obviously slipped off the yellow paper. There are only two words to describe this hand, and that is "magic"!

The little celestial master put the big bowl in front of Guan Dujuan: "Drink it, then get dressed and go out, find a public restroom, go to the toilet, you may have diarrhea, remember, when the rune imprint on your belly Disappeared, when you'll be fine, you probably won't have diarrhea, prepare yourself a roll of toilet paper."

Over there, Yu Jinyue has quickly brought over a handful of toilet paper, and there are three long rolls of toilet paper inside: "Here, take it, virgin wood pulp, snow white and soft."

Ms. Guan Dujuan finished a large bowl of food, and she hesitated after hearing this: "Is this the end?"

"It won't be over until you finish your diarrhea." The little heavenly master said impatiently, "Hurry up, you're going to have diarrhea in a while."

Guan Dujuan is a liar, but she knows that little Tianshi is a person with real skills, so his words should be right.

Over there, Yu Jinshan gave her another dozen of cash worth several thousand dollars: "Let's go, if you're not good, come back and make trouble, huh?"

The main thing is to send people away, so he goes directly to find his wife, and then the whole family travels abroad, but they don't come back for three to five months.

Guan Dujuan rolled her eyes: "Then can you take me out? Find a public restroom."

Well, that's not bad. Let's not give up.

There was no other way, so Yu Jinshan had no choice but to take them to find a public restroom. In fact, it was at a place at the west intersection of their community. There was a fountain square, and there were seven or eight public restrooms.

The one they went to was the closest.

As soon as she arrived at the place, Guan Dujuan hurried inside, carrying a roll of toilet paper, like a patient with diarrhea.

It took less than 3 minutes for her to enter, when two girls came out, frowning and muttering: "What did this man eat? Not to mention the clinking of farts, the last tuba stinks!"

"Don't talk about it, I'm sick." The other simply took out a portable perfume bottle and sprayed it on his body several times: "Do you want to use some?"

"want!"

The two of them walked a long way before Yu Jinshan rolled down the window from the driver's cab and said to Dugu Haoyan, "Did she have diarrhea?"