The Swan Bay Murders

Yi Li said, "Have you ever thought about dying? I have thought about it more than once."

I didn't speak at the time, but I was nodding in my heart.

me too.

More than once.

Walking out of Yi Li's office building, I didn't call Brother Bai Chuan, it wasn't on purpose, I just forgot.

My mind is full of those words of Yi Li, and I am stuck in my own world and cannot get out.

"Jiang Luo."

I followed the sound and saw that Brother Bai Chuan was standing on the side of the road looking at me.

Squatting at his feet was a little white milk dog, with its head up and its tail wagging at him.

I don't know why, but when I saw Brother Bai Chuan, I felt relaxed.

I walked over, and the puppy looked at me with its head tilted.

"Where did this puppy come from?" I squatted down and touched the little guy's head, it was soft, and it even licked my palm.

"Look at it for a while." Brother Bai Chuan also squatted down and handed me a bag.

A small square black paper bag with a box inside.

"What is this?" I took it, confused.

"A gift for you." He rubbed my hair and said to me, "Today is your first day of treatment, and I will give you a reward."

He didn't ask any questions about the treatment process, and after giving me the gift, he turned back and put the puppy on his lap.

He seemed to be able to cover more than half of the little milk dog's body with one hand. The little guy's paws were pawing at his pants, and his pink and tender tongue kept licking his fingers.

I looked down at the things in my hand and said, "Brother, I can't always accept your presents."

"Take it away." He said, "In the future, you can find opportunities to give me more gifts."

What he said made me laugh helplessly and didn't know how to react, so I had to thank him first, and didn't rush to open the gift.

Until my legs were numb from squatting, the owner of the little milk dog finally came back.

It was a cute, chubby little boy with a box of dog food in his arms.

"Thank you, Uncle!" The little boy looked up at Brother Bai Chuan who was standing there with the puppy in his arms. He put the dog food into his hat with his backhand, then nodded and stretched out his hands to catch the puppy.

Brother Bai Chuan pinched his fleshy little face and said, "Remember, don't just leave the dog in the care of others in the future. If you encounter bad people, it will be gone when you come back!"

The little boy smiled and said, "I know, I asked you to help because I saw that Uncle is a good man!"

"How do you know he's a good guy?" I interjected.

The little boy turned to me and said, "Because he is different from others. After he knew my puppy's name, he looked at it like my mother looked at me."

I laughed out loud at what the child said, glanced at Brother Bai Chuan, and asked the little fat man, "What's your puppy's name?"

"Jiang Jiang!"

The little fat man thanked us and ran away with the puppy.

I kept replaying what the little boy said just now in my head.

That puppy is called Jiang Jiang, so what?

Could it be that Brother Bai Chuan thought of me when he saw it?

Should I be happy or angry...

Brother Bai Chuan and I went to pick up the car together, and the event reminder on the phone rang again.

I turned off the sound, feeling a little anxious.

"Brother Bai Chuan." I stopped the person beside me, hesitated, and said to him, "I suddenly have something to do and can't go home, you should go back first."

"What's wrong?" he asked puzzled.

I know he is concerned about me and worried about me, but I have to do this thing today, and I want to go alone.

"It's okay, I just suddenly remembered that there is something important that I haven't done yet." I put the gift he gave me back in his hand, "Please take it back for me first, I'm leaving first, and I can finish it in the afternoon." go home."

This was probably the first time I ran away regardless of his feelings.

I stopped a taxi by the side of the road, but I didn't dare to look out the window, because there was still a person standing there, looking at me all the time.

"Chengbei Cemetery, thank you."

Probably people always like to be sentimental. The weather was originally sunny, but when I came to the cemetery, I found it was cloudy.

I subconsciously took it as God also became sad.

I bought a large bouquet of lilies, her favorite flower, outside the cemetery.

Since Berlin died, I seldom come here, if it is not because today is the anniversary of her death, I probably still will not come.

I'm unfilial, I know.

It's not that I don't want her, it's just that I don't dare to see her.

Every time I walk in here, I feel bad. All the past that I don’t want to recall will emerge at this time. They are terrible, like a nightmare that I can’t hide from.

Haven't been here for a long time, it's still the same here.

I bent down to put the lilies in front of her grave, and when I looked up, I saw the black and white photo on the tombstone.

The young woman smiled beautifully, but I thought she was crying.

Her short life, her short love, was partly deceitful, partly mad.

It is said that people who are infatuated are the worst, and they are probably talking about people like her.

After being cheated by her beloved husband for so many years, she was so desperate overnight that she went crazy.

A beautiful, maddened woman, my dearest mother.

After they divorced, those days when she hugged me and cried all night, I remember clearly.

I also remember clearly the way she died.

I wiped off the stains on her photo with my fingers, and apologized to her: "Sorry, it's been a long time, are you angry?"

I always feel that the temperature in the cemetery is one or two degrees lower than that in the urban area, and when the wind blows, it is bone-chillingly cold.

I lit a cigarette, stood in front of her grave, and had a lot of things I wanted to say to her.

"Berlin is dead, have you seen him?" Berlin has also been buried, but not in the cemetery here, but in the south of the city, in the opposite direction from here, "I'm afraid you won't recognize him even if you meet him."

After all, I haven't had time to introduce each other to them.

"About October." I took a deep breath of the cigarette, and then exhaled the smoke into the air, "I thought I would die with him, because you are gone, and I have no meaning in this world .”

Another gust of wind blew the flowers in front of her grave to one side.

I bent over and rearranged the flowers, it was an overcast day, and it felt like it was going to snow soon.

"But now I feel lucky every day." I continued, "I managed to hold back at the time, and I was pulled back when I wanted to jump off the building."

I paused for a moment, suddenly I couldn't remember what Brother Bai Chuan said to me when I tried to jump off the balcony of the hotel.

"Mom..." I held the cigarette between my fingertips, looked into her eyes and said, "I seem to have met a lifesaver."

This is the first time I seriously think about what Brother Bai Chuan means to me. I think I have found the right words to describe it.

The savior, a completely different person from Berlin.

At the beginning, because of love, I regarded Berlin as the savior, but later I found out that the savior is simply a liar.

He even wanted my life.

But now, Brother Bai Chuan has really saved my life time and time again.

He'd pulled me back from the balcony, pulled me back from despair, and now he's trying to pull me out of years of gloom.

I thought very shamelessly, if I had met Brother Bai Chuan instead of Berlin, would my life be better now.

Frightened by my sudden thought, my half-smoked cigarette slipped from my fingers.

I probably escaped from the cemetery, in a panic.

When I left, I didn't even dare to turn my head, for fear that my mother would hear my dirty and dark thoughts.

I was disappointed in myself and felt ashamed in front of everyone.

It has always been difficult to get a taxi in the area of ​​the North City Cemetery, but the taxi that brought me earlier had already left.

There was no other way, so I had no choice but to walk along the road towards the city, but after not walking far, my phone rang again.

The caller is Brother Bai Chuan.

"elder brother."

"Want to go home?" he asked me.

"Hmm..." I looked at the empty road ahead and said, "Maybe it will take a while."

Suddenly there was a horn honking from behind, and I looked back, and it turned out to be Brother Bai Chuan's car.

"I'm sorry, I'm worried, so I came here." He didn't hang up the phone, and neither did I, "But I didn't go in, I've been waiting outside, you..."

He stopped, stopped talking, and stopped the car.

I stood about ten meters away from him and looked back at him.

Through the air, through the glass.

"It's snowing." I said.

Innocently, thin snowflakes floated, which melted as soon as they landed on the back of the hand, leaving a pool of small water marks in the cold.

"Yeah." He responded to me, "This is probably the last snow this winter, and it's going to warm up soon."

Spring is almost here.

I went home with Brother Bai Chuan, took the gift he gave me, and got into the bedroom.

I found myself suddenly unable to face him properly, and I felt extremely embarrassed.

I probably know the reason, because in front of my mother's grave, I was thinking, if I met him first...

The idea is sinful and sickening.

Trying not to think about it, I took the box out of the bag.

The gift box was beautifully wrapped, I untied the ribbon, removed the wrapping paper, and slowly opened the lid.

It's a watch with a brown strap, the same color as the strap of my previous watch.

However, this should be more expensive than that.

That watch was an inexpensive coming-of-age gift from my mother, but I treasured it for many years.

I remembered that my watch strap suddenly broke before I left his office yesterday, but unexpectedly, he saw it in my heart.

There is no card or message, just a watch lying quietly.

I sent a message to Brother Bai Chuan.

I said: Thank you for the watch, I will cherish it.