The whole world thinks I'm a scumbag

"Xingyin, let me tell you first, listen carefully, we will take care of these things for you." The lady of the neighborhood committee supported him on the shoulder, "It was an accident, no one would have thought of it, the old man is getting old, and he didn't eat anything before leaving Bitter, go and see her for the last time."

The mourning hall was set up in the street office, a few vacant shops were hung with white cloths, and a few wreaths were hung on the road outside, white, like feathers or snow, shaking gently in the smoky air.

"The old man is poor, but everyone respects her very much. She makes clothes and sews the soles of shoes. There are so many people in their 40s and [-]s in Dongtong City. Which one has not worn your grandmother and sewed insoles?" The aunt said, "These are all sent by others. .Grandma Lu has only one grandson of you, and you have to keep filial piety and help the spirit. It just so happens that you are also on National Day holiday, so it won’t delay your schooling—is your family not here?”

The aunt noticed this situation and asked him.

Lu Xingyin did not answer.

His whole body seemed to be filled with lead, he couldn't feel the temperature, he couldn't feel the sound, and the world seemed to freeze at this moment.

He followed the mourning hall to look in, and saw the dark, open coffin. In summer, it was stored with extremely low air-conditioning, and Grandma Lu was lying there. Her face looked the same as usual, but a little gray.

It's just that I can't speak, I can't move, I can't use those pairs to teach him how to behave in the world, teach him to grow his eyes, and look at him peacefully, as if seeing through everything.

That sense of illusion hit Lu Xingyin again, he froze there, unable to utter a word.At this moment, he couldn't even feel his emotions fluctuating, as if seeing only a stone sculpture or a photo, nothing had changed before. He remembered the tone of Grandma Lu's last phone call, and remembered the thick postal package from Dongtong City—— —Why do they say that Grandma Lu has passed away?

And he just missed two 10-minute calls.

Lu Xingyin stood there, motionless, the aunt of the neighborhood committee sighed again, and pushed him outside: "Go and kowtow, burn some paper money, your grandma didn't say anything, didn't leave anything behind, wait for things to be done later Well, you go back to the house and tidy up, it’s time to burn it. That small house and small yard are not worth much, you can see if you rent it out or just leave it like that.”

Lu Xingyin even forgot to ask why, like a log, he was pulled to kneel in front of the coffin, knelt down, put on a thick white filial piety, and sweated a little in the summer.The music band outside was playing, the suona sound was very harsh, the adults had something to do, and they were used to seeing the old people come and go, and the cooks who were doing Pepsi banquets set up tents outside the mourning hall to cook meals, smoke and chat.

These old habits still persist in small places. The old people are buried in the ground, the guests are entertained for three days, and the corpse is buried three days later.

"I didn't suffer much, but I had an old illness before, and the old man's body was uncoordinated. When I fell downstairs, I couldn't do it at that time. When I found out, it was like falling asleep."

"The old man is like this, don't tell me, the elderly have premonitions about these things. A few days ago, Grandma Lu came to ask about the insurance, and said that if she died one day, she had to check whether the beneficiary was Xiao Xingyin. , I didn't expect that it would be within a few days..."

"Who says it's not, the old uncle of the Li family on the next street, just a few days before his death, he kept saying that he was going to die this year, so he had to watch the shady house, how to divide the family property, the children said that the old man was fine and didn't mention these things, it was bad luck, but Really..."

No one cried, Grandma Lu was considered a long life, and it was a happy funeral. The adults in the mourning hall had their own things to do, but Lu Xingyin lost his soul, as if his entire soul had been pulled away.

He didn't shed a single tear.

"Xiao Xingyin, you should take a rest, you also need to sleep during the night watch, we take turns to watch."

The mobile phone vibrated next to her, and the lady of the neighborhood committee glanced at it, and the contact page displayed "Mom".

She remembered the shocking rumor about the wealthy family that had disappeared into the ordinary world, and brought him the phone with a little awe: "Xingyin, your phone is ringing, and you are here, does your family know?"

"It's okay." Lu Xingyin's voice was hoarse.

He didn't pick up.

The phone rang again and again, but he didn't answer it. He just sent a text message to Chen Chong with his last strength: "I'm sorry, teacher, I won't go to the provincial team."

I called Xie Tian again and asked for personal leave in advance. It may not be possible to go back successfully for the National Day.

He turned to the text message page, clicked on Gu Fangwei's text message page, and paused with his fingertips for a while.

—I am very disappointed in you.

——5 yuan, not worth it.

He put down the phone.

"He did not answer the phone."

In City S, Gu Fangwei checked all the information to be filled in, and said to Ye Yan, "Auntie, the parents can appeal on their behalf, but he must submit the information himself to register for the Golden Autumn Camp. There are only a few days left. I will call him again and try." The provincial team is the goal he has been working hard for, and he can't just give up. His talent is worthy of a better future."

Ye Yan looked at him, and sighed: "Let him... calm down for a few days? You are an older brother, and you have to worry about it."

"No." Gu Fangwei said in a low voice, "I was too...too angry, I couldn't control my emotions, I couldn't hear what he said clearly, it seemed that something happened to his grandma. He bought an alarm watch for grandma , I actually called the police once last time, it was a high blood pressure attack, this time there should be no problem. All in all, it is best for him to complain."

Ye Yan stood up: "Then I'll go back first, Xiao Gu, if you don't tell me these things, I don't know what to do for Sifeng."

"Auntie." Gu Fangwei stood up and stared into her eyes, "Huo Sifeng is very hardworking and loves to study. He has been preparing for this competition day and night for a year, and he can't sleep for five hours a day. not good."

Ye Yan felt a pain in his heart and avoided his sight.

Gu Fangwei went on to say: "——Don't criticize him, he is not good at expressing, but he is willing to suffer, but he doesn't say anything, it doesn't mean that he doesn't need sweets. Please cherish him, Si Du Si Lie is yours Children, Sifeng is also."

"I know." Ye Yan forced a smile, "We can all see how well you treat him. I am his mother, and I will definitely... protect him."

After the door was closed, Gu Fangwei walked to the balcony, dialing the number that he was familiar with and brought him sweetness and heartbeats in countless nights.

"Hello, the call you made is temporarily unanswered, and the voice message service has been turned on for you."

"I'm sorry for the little calculator. My brother was a little excited when he heard about your cheating. I got emotional for a while. Is grandma okay? You don't have to worry about the appeal. My brother has read it. You can help your family to appeal - you don't need to worry about these, I will fill them out for you. I'll help you, and Aunt Ye came over to fix it. You take care of grandma over there now, and when the work here is over, I'll go to Dongtong City to pick you up, okay? Don't be angry with my brother."

"You collect the money, and my brother will make it up for you. You return it and we appeal. Don't worry, the consequences will not be serious, and it will not affect your entry into the provincial team and future signings."

"Registration for the Golden Autumn Camp is only a few days away. You must register in person. The materials require you to come to the school's academic affairs office to print the files and seal the certificate. It also involves filling in the materials of your elementary school and junior high school. That is, in Dongtong City. When will you Come back? If you hear this news, when your grandma is done with her work, you can prepare the materials and bring them here, or I can accompany you to do it, okay? There are still three days until you get a reply from me. "

While browsing the training website, Gu Fangwei watched him copy strategies and notes without sleep all night.

[Whether the appeal experience affects the selection of the provincial team] [The maximum time limit and process of the provincial team selection] [The appeal period and process of the regional chemistry competition for middle school students] [Penalty measures for buying and selling competition places]...

The tail of summer brought a slight hot wind, Gu Fangwei didn't know why, but he always felt that Lu Xingyin ignored him this time and it was different from before.

This made him a little irritated, inexplicably irritated.

He thought about it again, and sent a voice message in a low voice:

"Come back soon, I miss you very much."

For three days, Lu Xingyin barely ate anything, he never shed tears, but he never spoke.

It seems that there is only this small mourning hall left in the whole world, he and the black coffin, and the burning charcoal basin in front of the black coffin.The smell of burning paper money was choking, and sparks and heat waves rolled up, scorching a strand of hair on his forehead.

Those questions that haunted him since he was a child resurfaced in his mind again.

He asked Grandma Lu many questions, such as what is death, what is sickness, and whether to live... Grandma Lu always looked at him gently and smiled, saying, when you grow up, you will know the answer yourself.

He couldn't think of the answer, so he learned from Grandma Lu. He learned not to blame life, lose anger and desire, and learn to live in Dongtong City. The sword took a slanted front and weighed left and right, and learned that he opened a repair shop with style and became the king of children in this area.

Because I know that my death is approaching, I have no wishes.He is such a person, he doesn't care about change, he doesn't care about dreams, he just wants to survive and keep his little corner of himself and grandma.

But why, even this little thing, can't hold on?

It was the third day of the coffin. Lu Xingyin held the coffin and walked at the head of the funeral procession all the way to a remote mountain in Dongtong City.

"Good wind and good water, the dead rest in peace!"

Mr. Feng Shui read some words he couldn't understand, and people carried the coffin into their eyes and buried it with soil.

This tomb was chosen by Grandma Lu very early on. It is cheap, but not messy or desolate.She was old and had no children, and no one worshiped in the Yin House before. At that time, someone advised Grandma Lu: "Buy another place, buy a small coffin, the boy you picked up is sick all over, and he won't live long."

Such a good-natured grandma deer, it was the first time she scolded someone like a shrew: "When I get old, I naturally have to look at the graveyard, but you are cursing my grandson to die by saying this, why don't you worry about it!"

"Xingyin, kneel down, burn some paper for your grandma, and ask her to bless you in safety and success."

Lu Xingyin knelt down, watching the paper money burn into flames, unable to ask for any words of blessing.

"Say it, say it boldly!" Mr. Feng Shui thought he was embarrassed, and hurriedly drew his head, and bowed to the grave with a smile, "Grandma Lu's grandma blesses her grandchildren to be safe! Eat and drink here, and enjoy happiness in the next life!" "

Then he pulled Lu Xingyin up and urged him: "Go, go, go before the sun goes down, remember when you go out, don't look back, it's not good to look back, or your grandma misses you and won't go."

The mountain road has to pass through a large corn forest. It rained the night before and the rocks are muddy.

The moment Lu Xingyin was pulled and turned around, tears came out, he was silent, his nails almost dug into the flesh.

"Go, don't look back, you must not look back!" Someone came to pat him on the back, but he still couldn't make any sound, couldn't say anything, and followed like a puppet, only tears came out continuously Come on, roll it down your jaw and into your neck, it's wet and cool.

"You are tired too. These are favors from the folks. You take them away." The lady of the neighborhood committee said, "Relax well, you still have to go to school, don't be too uncomfortable, and your grandma certainly doesn't want you to be uncomfortable. If there is anything wrong, call us again." .”

The family is as it has always been.

The house is very small, with many things and old things, but Grandma Lu has the ability to clean everything up, even the yellowed and broken tapes can be wiped smooth and bright.

The only change is that there is an extra air conditioner in his room. Grandma Lu saved up money to buy it for him, saying that she will come back after his next summer vacation.It has never been used, and it is still covered with a dust cloth.

Grandma Lu has no education and only watches TV dramas.She doesn't know mathematics, but she invented a set of accounting methods that only she can understand, just like a child's secret spell.

Lu Xingyin went to pack things for Grandma Lu.

He didn't want to touch anything, he took the dust cloth from the old cupboard, covered the sofa, and covered the bed.

Put away Grandma Lu's things and put them in the cupboard, lock them up, and clean up the house.

On the tinted glass table lay a letter.

I have already filled in the courier number, just waiting to be sent out, it is for him.

Lu Xingyin opened it and took a look. Unlike before, there was no words inside. After shaking the envelope, a bank card fell out.

He is very familiar with the crimson bank card, and he will remember this card for many years.

Lu Xingyin's hands trembled.

He was shaking more and more violently, and he remembered what he heard when he first entered the mourning hall—"I didn't suffer much, but I had an old illness before, and the old man was out of balance, and fell down when he went downstairs."

He picked up his cell phone and called the neighborhood committee lady.

"Hi auntie, I'm Lu Xingyin. I want to ask, grandma." His throat was so hoarse that it seemed to be bloody, "why did she fall, old illness?"

"Oh, that's the one, don't you know? About two or three years ago, I went with you when you saw a doctor. The doctor said that your grandma's nerves are uncoordinated, and she needs to have a minimally invasive brain surgery. It costs 5 yuan. .”

"Yes, I remember, I have the impression that I gave the money to grandma later, didn't you take her for surgery?" Lu Xingyin asked.

"It's not, Xingyin, it's okay. She just asked me to accompany her to go for a review, but no surgery was done. At that time, you were in the middle of the exam. Didn't your grandma tell you later?" asked the aunt.

Lu Xingyin paused for a while, said thank you, and hung up the phone.

He took the bank card and pushed the door to go out. His steps became faster and faster, and his eyes became more and more flickering.

He found an ATM and inserted his card.

The initial password is 123456.

The female voice in the ATM machine is sweet: "Hello, please select the service that needs to be inquired. Hello, you have selected balance inquiry."

Balance display: 83743.16

More than fifty thousand.

"Hello, you have selected log query."

The first large deposit was [-].

The 5 yuan has been taken out of the record, and later it was saved back intact.

The second sum was 800 yuan, which was money given to Grandma Lu after Lu Xingyin assisted in the exam for the first time.

The running water note is: not available

The third sum was 200 yuan, and it was the first time Lu Xingyin sent back the sum after he went to Qingmo No. [-] Middle School.

Deposit in running water Remarks: Not available

……

Every sum of money was useless by Grandma Lu, but was saved, and his name was written in all the notes.

He never mentioned how he made money, and Grandma Lu never asked.

But she knew what he did, she saw through everything with her transparent eyes, she knew that his money came from wrong sources, that the money was an unfair trade, and that her only grandson sacrificed his future and dreams for money.

Every money is their dignity.

So she didn't use it, she left it to him.

Don't be looked down upon by others, don't take that dark path without light.

Heart-piercing.

"Grandma, I was wrong..." Lu Xingyin propped his hands on the inquiry platform, feeling trembling all over, every word smelled like blood, "I was wrong, I was wrong, grandma, come back, I I know I was wrong..."

He knelt on the ground, his shoulders shaking violently.

Someone outside was waiting to withdraw money, looking curiously and worriedly at the young man inside the glass door—desperately, weeping bitterly.