today's island

Cheng Mo came back on the evening of the second day of the Lunar New Year, and Lu Yuanzhe called him to eat supper, but he didn't refuse, and sat on the sofa waiting for Lu Yuanzhe to spread out two thin pancakes.

When the supper was served, they ordered some cold dishes, and the two of them drank a bowl of soup.

Originally, there should be some wine at this time, but Lu Yuanzhe insisted on following the doctor's order and rejected Cheng Mo's proposal.The doctor said that the stomach depends on nourishment, and Cheng Mo should cultivate at least half a year, so that the root cause of the disease will not fall.

They finished eating such a small supper in 10 minutes. In just 10 minutes, Lu Yuanzhe also felt that Cheng Mo was not happy to go home, at least he didn't have the nostalgia and warmth that he had just parted with his family.

The reason is that after Cheng Mo came back, he was more lively than before he left. He calmly chatted with him about the Spring Festival Gala show and Daocheng Daily News, without avoiding his eyes at all.

This kind of liveliness is pretended, the more unhappy he is, the more exaggerated his acting, Lu Yuanzhe can now grasp Cheng Mo's mood.

"Is your dad satisfied with your job?" He decided not to hide it, and asked straightforwardly.

"Dissatisfied." Cheng Mo shook his head with a relaxed expression, and said angry words, "I wish we could destroy the whole banquet tomorrow."

"That's really taken for granted." He sighed, and secretly glanced at Cheng Mo, still with a standard positive expression that couldn't be pried off with a steel ruler.

Sweeping through the two pancakes and cold dishes at the speed of light, while Cheng Mo put the bowl into the dishwasher, he moved the watercolor and the easel from the bedroom to the living room: "Here, I'll send it to you."

Cheng Mo was stunned for a moment, he didn't expect that Lu Yuanzhe would still insist on giving him the painting after the last quarrel exposed his secret.

The painting is full of stars and a quiet bay, in blue and black tones, and the stars are the brightest part.In fact, he doesn't know watercolor, what he likes is a kind of intuition, which tells him that Lu Yuanzhe gave him a small world.

"Thank you." He pulled the painting to his side, holding the easel.

There was some emotion, and he also felt Lu Yuanzhe's yearning for this world, but it was difficult to shake his firm thoughts.

Lu Yuanzhe also knows that the three views will not change because of a painting, this is just his beginning, not his trump card.

"I don't hide it from you. I like you and plan to chase you." Lu Yuanzhe confessed his feelings, never thought that the first confession in his life would be in such an atmosphere, "It doesn't matter if you are positive or looking for life, I like it I feel it, I can't stop it, I don't want to hold back here, so I decided to share it with you."

He must have done something wrong with his appetite for too many small shou in the past, so he met Cheng Mo. Not only did he have to worry about his relationship, but he also had to worry about his life.

Unexpectedly, his confession came so suddenly, Cheng Mo's surprise was written on his face, and finally it was put into his eyes.

He was ready to be rejected, but Cheng Mo did not refuse.

"I like you too." Cheng Mo lowered his eyes and responded softly, his voice was the clean and clear one they met for the first time, as if he was a little shy to speak.

The acting was perfect, but Lu Yuanzhe didn't accept it, and exposed him lightly: "You don't like me, you can't lie to me."

"I like you." Cheng Mo raised his head and gave him a sincere look.

Looking at each other for a few seconds, he was shaken, maybe this is the truth, but there is still a little distance from the love he handed over.

If Cheng Mo really likes him and can regard him as a spiritual pillar, it is not impossible for him to be Cheng Mo's support for a while, and slowly teach him the joy of living.

But it is clear that Cheng Mo's liking for him stops at "favorable feelings", just like those friends he made before who were not full lovers, they are pretty good, but there is no bondage.

"People who don't love themselves can't love others." He threw out his point of view.It's a bit of a philosophical discussion, but he thinks that's it.

If you don't love life, don't love yourself, and are always ready to die heroically, why would you love others?

As soon as these words came out, Cheng Mo clenched his fists, trying to refute, but then bit his lower lip and didn't speak.

His heart softened within 0.5 seconds, and he walked up to hug Cheng Mo: "I'm sorry."

Cheng Mo shook his head on his shoulder, like a wronged little boyfriend at this moment.

·

Before going to bed, they sat on the sofa for a while, Lu Yuanzhe peeled an apple for Cheng Mo, and Cheng Mo sat beside him and waited.

Taking advantage of the good conversation, Lu Yuanzhe planned to inquire about the reason why Cheng Mo became like this: "Without revealing the secret you don't want to reveal, can you explain to me why you committed suicide?"

"I didn't want to commit suicide." Cheng Mo corrected him again, "I want to end this life early."

"Why?" Lu Yuanzhe asked.

"I have many reasons for not being alive, and I am not alive." Cheng Mo replied, there is nothing that cannot be said, but other people can't understand, "I am alive, and I am always a time bomb for political enemies to deal with my father; My stepmother doesn't like me and doesn't let my younger brother get close to me; my grandparents hate me even more, the older generation's dislike of illegitimate children is much more straightforward than the young people."

Lu Yuanzhe knew that there could be no problems in their family.

"Did your parents quarrel?" He looked at Lu Yuanzhe, "Have you ever had such an experience? When you close the door, you can hear all kinds of discussions and quarrels about you outside the room. You can hear them but can't hear them clearly. You open the door Just stop. They don't explain to you, don't blame you, but they never get close to you. Over time, you will feel that all voices are related to you, and all disputes revolve around you, but there is nothing you can do except stay away from them. "

Lu Yuanzhe was silent. Although their family was unreliable, they all had cheerful personalities. Even if his parents quarreled, there was no overnight feud. He didn't have such experience.

Seeing that he was silent, Cheng Mo stopped, and smiled at him: "Shouldn't I be miserable? There are many people who are worse off than me, and they are all trying to live. I talk too much. It would make me appear hypocritical."

"I'm willing to listen." Lu Yuanzhe handed him the apple and peeled another one for himself, "I'm not only helpful and keen on mediating disputes, but I also like you very much. I'm happy if you want to say a few more words to me. "

Cheng Mo was amused by him, he bit the apple and made a crisp sound.

It sounds like a joke, but he means it.

Seeing that Cheng Mo didn't continue, he expressed his opinion: "No matter how your family treats you, these are not your fault."

"Yeah." Cheng Mo nodded, and calmly accepted his words, without any emotional fluctuations in his eyes, "But isn't it good to die? People don't have souls. When you die, you just shut down the computer and uninstall the software. You don't regret it before or after death." , It’s gone, it’s gone, I can’t feel sorry for myself, so just don’t cause trouble for those around you.”

"Because you can't regret it after death, I don't want you to make such a decision hastily. Only when you live to the end of your life can you figure out whether your life is worth it." Lu Yuanzhe also looked at him.

"Is it important whether it's worth it or not?" Cheng Mo asked.

"Important." Lu Yuanzhe nodded vigorously, "Besides, you have no choice but to cause trouble, and I will feel sorry for you."

"Forget it soon." Cheng Mo ate the apple, choked up a little, and paused for a moment before continuing, "We are more than friendship at most, and we forget it soon."

Lu Yuanzhe couldn't promise him that he didn't forget so easily, because it was useless to promise, so he could only induce Cheng Mo to give it a try: "Then you live and wait ten years to see if I will lose interest in you?"

Cheng Mo looked at him for a few seconds, confirmed his determination, and raised the corner of his mouth helplessly: "I'm really not worth it, but I can't say it."

It was agreed in advance, don't ask about the things that can't be said, Lu Yuanzhe can only stop studying this question, and listen when Cheng Mo is willing to talk.

They had a heart-to-heart relationship, but unfortunately they couldn't understand each other.

Now that the clues are connected, Lu Yuanzhe asked him: "Because you don't want to live anymore, and you don't want to cause trouble for everyone, so you became a policeman, and it is an honor to die heroically. It is good for everyone, isn't it?"

If you die heroically, everyone will feel sorry for you, and you won't think too much about it.His father's political opponents can't make a fuss about the sacrificed policeman, even if he has thrown away this life without leaving a burden.

"Almost." That's all he could say.

"If I say that your parents are abusing you, can you understand?" Lu Yuanzhe asked.

"No." Cheng Mo shook his head and insisted on his own opinion, "My father treats me and my younger brother the same. I am like my mother. My father insists on adopting me. My stepmother thinks that he can't forget his white moonlight, and he doesn't want to see me too. It should be, love is exclusive."

"I think this is considered cold violence." Lu Yuanzhe told him.

"Probably, but I don't hate them." Cheng Mo replied.

Let alone cold violence, parents are a high-level existence for children. Even if they encounter physical abuse, many children have no way to resent their parents. Lu Yuanzhe has read related books and feels that Cheng Mo has also fallen into such a situation. question.

Moreover, in Cheng Mo's perception, his father had the same affection for him and his younger brother; his stepmother was indifferent and did not restrict him to eat and live, and the two lived the same life; Much, but a good relationship with him.Such feelings are enough, he has no right to complain.

"The last question." Lu Yuanzhe took a deep breath and finally asked, "I can't find out what happened to your mother, can you tell me?"

"No." Cheng Mo refused resolutely, and suddenly became cautious and defensive.

"Forget it, thank you for being willing to tell me, it's getting late, go to bed." Lu Yuanzhe didn't force him, threw his own apple core, watched him finish eating the apple, and squeezed his shoulder, "If you If you can't sleep, or if you have anything to talk about, come over anytime, I won't close the door tonight."

Not wanting to put any pressure on Cheng Mo, he went back to the room quickly, but just two steps away, Cheng Mo suddenly grabbed his wrist.

"Wait a minute." Cheng Mo pulled him back, and leaned forward, wrapping his arms around him from behind, "I can prove that I like you."

Lu Yuanzhe was stunned, he didn't expect Cheng Mo to be so persistent and still struggling with this issue.

Cheng Mo wrapped his arms around his waist and leaned up, buried his head on his shoulder, and seduced him with a nice voice: "Give me a chance to prove it."

He regretted it countless times that night, and felt that he shouldn't have pushed Cheng Mo away, and it would be nice to talk about it after finishing the matter, but right now he only cared about exposing Cheng Mo's lies.

"At any rate, I'm also a criminal policeman who deals with cunning criminals. I still have the ability to distinguish truth from lies." He broke free and turned to Cheng Mo, "Why do you always want to play this game? Who taught you?"

Cheng Mo didn't speak, and looked down at the ground, as if he wanted to see a hole in the ground.

This angle was just right, he saw Cheng Mo's face flushed to the back of his neck, and he would blush after just a few words like this, he was not a skilled person to tease others.

Like an overclocked CPU, his brain was running at high speed for tens of seconds on the verge of burning out.It may be because of watching too many movies, or getting along with Cheng Mo for a while, or because of the man's intuition, he had a ridiculous guess in his mind: "You... want to die before... eh?"

He seemed to have guessed right, Cheng Mo's body tensed up: "Can't you? Before dying... you can't..."

"You've watched too many movies!" He stared at Cheng Mo with wide eyes, it was really hard to understand how the topic became so ridiculous, "In the comedy, you can't be a virgin before you die, and you also like this?!"

"That person must experience love and freedom between life and death." Cheng Mo spoke confidently, but he didn't dare to look at him at all.

"Then you chose the wrong person, I told you, I am not such a casual person." He defended himself again.

"But just in case... just in case, I can..." Cheng Mo retorted, this is not enough, and he added, "I'm not tempting you, I'm just proving that I really like you."

The temptation is not enough, and the strategy of proving oneself is changed. Lu Yuanzhe couldn't laugh or cry, and supported his shoulder to make him look up: "Well, let's negotiate."

"Huh?" Cheng Mo's face was still burning.

"Give me a hundred days, and you don't want to kill me for a hundred days. After a hundred days, I will fulfill your wish, okay?" He asked Cheng Mo.

Cheng Mo hesitated for a moment, then nodded honestly, and went down the steps: "Yeah."

This is the most absurd of Lu Yuanzhe's promises to others, especially after he returned to his room after saying these beautiful words, he tossed and turned regretfully for more than an hour, which was even more absurd.

Why did he set the time so long? How could it take him a hundred days to finish Cheng Mo?He asked Cheng Mo to experience love and hope. Would it take a hundred days? !