CM The future I see without you

"You have always been a conceited person. Maybe you haven't realized it yourself. How disdainful your eyes are when you look at other people, and your words are sharp judgments. Those misunderstandings and disgust have never been irrelevant to you Things, if we hadn't met, what would have happened to you? You will end up alone and die alone, but would you be afraid?"

"Jafferson, you are never afraid of being alone." The young man was so tired, he tilted his head and huddled in the huge blanket looking at the snowy scenery outside the window, and murmured, "You are just afraid that no one will understand you, you are a genius, you All it takes is an audience who understands you and will applaud you."

The snow fell more and more heavily, and the figure of the young man began to become blurred, and finally turned into a small dot in the vast expanse of whiteness.

The eyes focused again, and the point turned into a boy with an indifferent expression. He said in that familiar childish voice: "Your idea is ridiculous, so what can you do if you disassemble me and rebuild it? I won't do it either." It's your me, sooner or later I will remember everything, even if I can't remember, my spirit is still there, my soul is still there."

"You say I'm a monster," the boy laughed innocently, his hastily reflected in his bright blue eyes, he asked back, "Aren't you?"

The immature voice was like a sharp sword piercing the flesh, and the stinky and bright red blood flowed down the loose old skin. Jafferson was shocked, and suddenly took a breath of air-conditioning. He woke up from the sofa and subconsciously stroked his chest, only to realize that it was just a dream.In the room, only the humidifier and the air conditioner were operating quietly. The person on the bed fell asleep obediently, but his brows were slightly frowned, and he didn't know what he dreamed again.

The man wiped the cold sweat off his forehead, coughed lightly, and walked to the window. The snow had stopped at some point, and only a few tiny snow particles were left suspended in the thick air. Spreading out from the faint moonlight, despair seemed endless.

In the dream, he vaguely remembered some past events, or some fragmentary conversations he didn’t know who he was talking to. Those shame and remorse that could not be spoken would eventually become the same after a long period of torture and consumption. Into a thin sigh, like a piece of snow that is about to melt and fall to the ground.

"I'm not afraid," he thought, "I never was."

"But do you regret it?"

"No, I don't regret it either."

"So, why are you still uneasy?"

"I'm just confused. Yes, confused. I thought he was going to give me an answer, and maybe, in a sense, he did give me an answer, and that answer answered all the questions I had before I met him, so far, There was light and flower fragrance in my life. But later, the light went out, the petals rotted in the soil, and the life after I met him was just a cloud of dust floating in the air.”

The man stood quietly by the bed, his eyes were dark and deep, and he was silent for a long time. The boy brought him to a mysterious question, which gave him a chance to peek into a shining and emotional world. The question of the universe is through messy thoughts I don't know when it was connected with the thoughts of emotion. This should be a new world, but in the end, I found that this is a mystery with no answer. The boy quietly walked away, only he stayed in the same place, and began to wonder what is the most important thing? I started to feel the impulse in my heart, and began to question, to question the true meaning of the blood and blood that I paid in those dusty years.

He no longer has the peace and calmness to talk about the universe, time, and art with others. The desire to seek his own identity exceeds the urgency and anxiety to study those solemn and profound thoughts of the universe.

The man turned around, and the snow outside the window grew bigger again. The white flaky crystals fluttered helplessly in the growing wind like broken leaves. He never let go of his tightly frowning brows. He didn't let out the tired sigh that had been hidden in his heart for a long time, he just watched quietly, looking at the face of the young man on the bed, but no matter how he recalled, he couldn't connect him with the lonely boy he met for the first time.

He has grown up, and in the foreseeable future there will be more and more people, only he stays in the time when he first met, stubbornly refusing to admit it.

**

Reid stood in front of the familiar walnut door, key in hand, for a long time.

When the old lady upstairs went out to buy vegetables and came back, he still stood there in the original posture.

"Hey! Boy, have you lost your keys? Need help?"

Reid was taken aback for a moment, and the first thing he saw when he lowered his head was a few orange-red carrots in the paper bag in the old woman's arms. He smiled, shook his head and rejected the old woman's kindness.

"Ah, that's it, but no one has lived here for a long time, did you go to the wrong place?"

Reid smiled softly, and replied: "No, this is my home, I, I'm home."

The old woman was a little surprised, she raised her head with difficulty, squinted her eyes, and finally saw the young man's face clearly, and murmured: "Ah, it's you?" She hugged the carrot in her arms, and said: "Then Where is your brother? Where did he go?"

"younger brother?"

"Hey, it's that good-looking boy?" The old woman seemed to be a little bit blamed, and said, "Did you guys quarrel? My brother just wants to give way to my brother? I don't think he's in good health, that little face , pale, so big, as thin as a bamboo pole..., is he sick?"

Reid pondered for a while, didn't know where to start, then nodded and said, "I have a serious illness..."

"Oh, no wonder," said the old woman, sighing. "The last time I saw him he was so thin! He looked like a pole."

Reid was in a daze, and said softly, "He's too picky."

The elevator was broken, and the old lady walked around Reid with some difficulty, holding her carrot and continuing to walk up, while persuading: "Children are like this, you are an older brother, you have to coax."

Reid caught up and said, "Let me help you."

"No, no, no." The old woman waved her hand and said, "Hurry up and coax your brother to eat more."

"and many more!"

The old lady stopped at the corner and asked with some doubts: "What's wrong?"

"He's not my brother." Reid caught the old lady's gaze calmly and said, "He's my lover."

The old woman was stunned for a moment. The snow particles on her hair melted into drops of water and fell on the brown coat, which looked like mottled lamp shadows. She didn't speak, as if she didn't react. After a few seconds, her wrinkled face slightly Drooping down, like shock, or disgust.She whispered, "My God..."

After all, I have lived most of my life, and I have never seen someone who said these words so confidently.

Just when Reid was about to say something, a rush of mobile phone rang suddenly.

He frowned and answered the phone, it was William.

"Reid, where are you?" William's voice was extremely hoarse, and he was panting heavily. Maybe he was on the street, and the car horn sounded in the background. He said, "I know you contacted Hotch, how come ? Are you going back to BAU?

Kid, you have no idea what you're doing?Do you think that everything in your hands is safe if you hand it over to Hotch?The current FBI is Robert Mueller's FBI, and the entire BAU can't beat him. "

"I know."

"Then you still!" William couldn't believe his ears, until Reid repeated it lightly, he shouted in disbelief, "You are crazy! I shouldn't say these things to a lunatic like you ! What a waste of words!"

"I think you are the one who is about to go crazy?" Reid looked out the window, as if he saw the angry look of the calm and reserved old man, "Have you forgotten? Wasn't it you who sent the direct evidence to the Was it Lindsay Al-Assad's hand? Wasn't that explosion an order from you? William, what role did you play in it, when it's all over, the God you believe in will give you an answer."

"However, it's just a life..." The man replied hoarsely.

"Then are you afraid?" Reid laughed. "I may have experienced Jacques' feelings. Your disgusting fear can reach me through the radio."

"Of course, if you still have a little sense, you will remember that mobile phones have never been a safe tool. Do you know how many people in that building will be listening when we talk now?" Reid walked towards the French windows at the end of the corridor, The snow outside has stopped, and the night after the snow in Quantico is as quiet as hell, but there will still be monsters in hell, and there is nothing here.

Reid turned off the phone casually, leaning against the railing, the old woman had already left, and the wind was blowing from the stairs, icy cold.

The image of the young man leaving at the end appeared before Reid's eyes. He had never hated his memory so much. The long and thick coat wrapped him like a newborn's swaddle, and the gray cashmere scarf blocked half of his face. When those people took him away, the young man turned around, his lake blue eyes sparkled, he saw the young man's mouth open and close silently, he knew he was saying "Go back, don't worry about me.".

Reid couldn't stop thinking or guessing in his heart, what happened to his injury?Where would he be now if he were alive?He is so afraid of pain, but what should he do if he uses a lot of painkillers and is easily addicted?

If he is alive, will he come back to me?

I haven't seen him for such a long time, what will he think of me?

He can't find me, will he be afraid, will he be anxious,

Would he still love me if he knew everything I did?

Reid suddenly lost the courage to question William, and felt his nose was sore and uncomfortable. He slowly relaxed his tense shoulders, and the hem of his gray-black coat kept rising with the icy wind, but he didn't feel cold anymore. .

At the end of the cold and dim corridor, the unsmiling doctor lowered his head, with a red nose, like a wronged child.

The snow that had been falling for several weeks finally stopped, and the groggy night sky cleared up, but it was still pitch black outside the window, but at some point, a few small stars suddenly appeared. Although there was no moon, it was finally There is also some light.