CM The future I see without you

"Why is this happening? Is it... because of anger?"

"No. I have nothing to be angry about."

"Jacques, your teammate died at his hands, you should..."

"Do you hate him? Indeed, I do hate him from a certain point of view, but I think I can control my emotions well. Dr. Lewis, if you suspect schizoaffective psychosis, I can tell you, Your predecessor has already ruled out this option for you."

"No, it's not." Dr. Lewis shook her head slightly, and she said, "Jacques, I'm not trying to give you a diagnosis. Besides, you don't need to be so defensive, I'm here to help you, Jacques."

"..." Jacques leaned crookedly on the soft fabric sofa in the consulting room, staying here for a whole day with almost no rest inquiries made him look extremely tired. Jacques closed his eyes gently, keeping his head down in silence.

However, silence is already a kind of default rejection. Dr. Lewis said with some embarrassment: "I still hope you can be honest with me, detective, you also have a doctorate in psychology, although it is criminal psychology, but you should know that if I can't understand your true thoughts , then it is difficult for us to reach a consensus.”

The black female professor stood up, left the conversation area, gently placed the notebook and pen in her hand on the desk, then turned around and calmly looked at the handsome detective nestled in the sofa.

There is nothing wrong with her words. Anyone who takes over Jacques, even a well-known industry expert at home and abroad, will feel troublesome and headache for such resistance.

What's more, Jacques is a doctor of psychology himself. He understands the problems, but this is also why he can pass the test in the bureau so many times, knowing that he is not normal. In fact, as long as He thought that in the eyes of outsiders, he would always be that charming, brave and kind FBI agent.

Dr. Lewis sighed and frowned. Before he took over, two people had already been defeated by each other. Lewis knew that they were internationally renowned talents, but this added to the burden on their shoulders.

She thought for a while and said, "I may have to think about how to proceed later, Jacques, we will stop here today, and I will send it to your phone next time."

This is already the third counselor, Jacques sighed, he rested his head, blinked his eyes, pursed his lower lip, and kept fiddling with the cuff buttons, the beautiful iris bloomed eternally in the gold .It's not that he doesn't want to receive counseling, he also wants to control his unstable state of mind, but...

But he couldn't confide his deepest fear and anxiety to a stranger.

He stood up, picked up the suit jacket that was bunched up in the corner of the sofa, and said, "In this case, I'll leave first, goodbye, Dr. Lewis."

Dr. Lewis said with a smile, "I wish you a pleasant journey."

Since BAU was forcibly disbanded, everyone has breathed a sigh of relief, without saying goodbye or consoling, as if they just regarded this as a vacation with an unknown period.

Standing in front of the FBI building, Jacques saw Reid standing next to the familiar Volvo parked not far away.He walked over quickly, and the sun outside was also shining. Jacques squinted slightly, only to see that the doctor was still holding a piece of letter paper.

"Is it her?" Jacques asked.

Reid's hands trembled, and the thin paper dangled from between his fingers and fell to the ground. Jacques bent down, picked it up and put it back into the doctor's hand, and said lightly, "Don't be so nervous, I won't eat her again. I'm fine here, let's go."

Reid folded the letter and put it back in his pants pocket, watched Jacques sit in the passenger seat and fasten his seat belt before starting the car with his head down.

"How?" he asked.

Jacques shook his head lightly, he propped his chin, looked at the walnut trees and little wildflowers in full bloom outside the car window, without speaking.

Reid sighed, knowing in his heart that today was another fruitless day, and he persuaded: "Maybe next time you can try to trust them, Jacques. You can't always think too much about yourself like you treat the test in the bureau." If you take a break and don't go to work, you hang up on purpose, and you want to end it as soon as possible."

Jacques couldn't refute, he was like a child whose prank was discovered, his head drooped, his back was on Reid's back, and he looked out of the car window without saying a word.

Reid pleaded conscientiously: "Did you have a headache again last night? When I got up in the morning, I saw the door of your apartment was open, and the cello was thrown on the floor. Jacques, why don't you try it? Mueller is also worried about you. Also, if your headaches are purely mental, you don't need to go to painkillers."

The last sentence reminded Jacques of another thing. He turned his head and asked, "Last time you said you could find that TEV. Is there any?"

Reid said: "Maeve said that she can apply for a small dose of TEV-48125, but, Jacques, I read that report, although four independent phase II clinical trials were successful, but this peptide receptor inhibitor The cure rate of the detox is only 15.00%. They can't even guarantee that this pain suppressant will have any side effects on your trigeminal nervous system!"

"What do you want to say?"

"I want to say," Reid stopped firmly at the red light, turned his head and said to Jacques, "I don't want you to take risks when this drug is still in the clinical research stage."

"Okay." Jacques nodded indifferently.

Reid looked at him suspiciously, until the car behind kept honking and urging him, then he came back to his senses and continued to drive forward.

"Is Morgan still looking for the arms dealer who connected with Doyle?" Jacques looked at Garcia's constant messages on his phone and asked Reid, "Didn't Hotch say that Doyle was shot and killed by a stray bullet during the arrest? He Why are you still..."

"He was looking for Doyle's child," Reid said. "Emily... Emily is gone, and he wanted to make sure the child she had been protecting was safe. Morgan didn't say anything, but he couldn't let it go."

Jacques nodded slightly, then suddenly asked, "What about you?"

"Me?" Reid was stunned for a moment, and when he looked at the serious and serious worry in the blue eyes of the young man, he smiled slightly. He spared his hand and gently rubbed the slightly long black hair on the top of Jacques' head, and said, "I It's sad, of course, but I can't go on like this forever. Jacques, there are others here."

"The female doctor of genetics?"

"Jacques!" Reid called his name helplessly, seeing the young man's straightforward complaints, he felt a little awkwardly sweet in his heart, he was still complaining, and seemed to be justifying, "Why don't you understand, I... I, Jacques, I was asking Maeve about migraines recently, and she said that recent studies have shown that it may be related to genetic sensitivity. I think she might be able to help you with your problem."

Jacques didn't think she could be of any help. He leaned his head against the glass window, silent, the huge sunset in front of him was sinking, and the fiery red light rushed towards his face. The sun cast the shadow of car brush on Reid's delicate face, Maybe this car is too old, the windows can't be closed completely, the cool evening wind blows through the cracks, and the doctor's chestnut hair is also dancing.

Reid pinned the stray hair on his forehead behind his ears, turned his head and asked, "So how is today?"

"How about what?"

"Jacques, you can't always answer my question with one question." Reid said, "You have been in counseling for two weeks, and you have been changing people in between. I think this is not conducive to the stability and continuity of your counseling."

"That's okay. Spencer, you should trust me. If I have any questions, I will let you know as soon as possible." Jacques nodded as he said, "I promise, as soon as possible."

Reid glanced at him and changed the subject, "Okay, you gotta remember what you're saying now. Also, are you sure you don't have to pack anything? We might be in Vegas for a week , By the way, Dr. Lewis knows about this, right?"

"Of course." Jacques turned on the phone, clicked on the latest text message, and said, "We have to hurry up, or we might miss Diana's visit time."

"Don't worry about this, I've already counted the time." Reid said.

**

"Are you sure you want to give your mother a book?" Jacques asked as he watched Reid stop the car and take out a rectangular, beautifully wrapped present from his bag.

Reid didn't think there was anything wrong, he nodded, and saw a woman in her thirties in off-white business attire coming from a distance, and said to Jacques: "That's the doctor who takes care of Diana, Mrs. Jacen, she Will take us to Diana."

Jacques hurriedly lowered his head to straighten his bow tie, and lightly brushed away the tiny wrinkles on the jacket. After feeling that everything was perfect, he bent down to take out his gift from Reid's travel bag in the back seat of the car.

"Dr. Reid, long time no see. This is the Jacques you mentioned on the phone, right?" Mrs. Jacen smiled, and her big curly red hair shone warmly under the bright white light of the porch and the stars in the dark night.

"Yes." Reid nodded slightly, he changed his hand to hold the gift, and asked, "Where is she, Diana?"

"As usual, she is reading in the hall. Come with me." Mrs. Jacen nodded to the handsome young man with blue eyes, then turned her body slightly to let Reid walk by her side, she said to the doctor, "Your letters every day make her very happy. She talks about you almost all day long, and anyone who is willing to listen to her, patients, doctors, nurses, and even other cleaning staff."

"Really?" Reid replied lightly, but Jacques saw the upward arc of his mouth and crescent-like eyes.

He is very happy. It suddenly occurred to Jacques somehow.In fact, when he came to visit Diana this time, Reid kept pretending that he didn't care. Even when Jacques was choosing gifts, he just said, "Just buy a book. Diana is a professor of fifteenth-century literature. She likes these."

"So you give her a book every time you visit her?" Jacques sat cross-legged on the soft Italian hand-woven wool carpet in his apartment, watching Reid beside him slowly pulling the goose yellow ribbon out at both ends. The ribbons together finally form a delicate double-layer bow, trembling like a beautiful and huge rose flower, staying in the upper left corner of the off-white packaging.

After thinking about it, he refreshed the webpage again, and the colorful gemstones and pearls glowing with white light occupied the entire Ipad screen. Jacques still felt that he should choose an accessory for that lady.

Reid stopped. He looked at his mother who was resting on the rocking chair with eyes closed not far away, and slowly moved his right foot back a step.

Mrs.Jacen said softly: "According to our course of treatment, Dr. Reid, I think you should know that medicine can only control her most serious symptoms, so sometimes it is difficult for her to survive. But in During those hours, she has been reading your letters."

Jacques watched Reid silently staring at the woman with closed eyes, but never stepped forward or spoke, his eyelashes trembling slightly.The joy on the road gradually receded from his face like a wave, leaving only timidity, restlessness, and guilt, which were wet and exposed in the air like sand and gravel.

Was that Spencer's mother? Jacques watched her with slightly squinted eyes. Diana is a little different from what I imagined, unlike Reid's caramel chestnut curly hair, her hair color is lighter, like a soft silver-white moonlight, but her facial features are somewhat similar, more delicate than Reid's , but also a touch of femininity.

"Spencer?" Jacques asked, placing his hand lightly on his shoulder.

Reid turned around, his eyes full of incomprehensible tension, Jacques turned his head and motioned him to look back with his chin.

Diana, who was resting with her eyes squinted, opened her eyes at some point. She didn't seem to notice the hesitation of the group of people behind her. She just calmly looked at the twinkling stars in the dark sky outside the window.

"Me, let's do it again, or next time..." Reid looked into Jacques' eyes, carefully tugged on the young man's cuff buttons, and said softly, as if talking to himself.

Jacques shook his head firmly.

Reid sighed, his hands were held by Jacques, and his frozen feet moved slowly as Jacques moved forward. He was like a child relying on youth, bit by bit , awkwardly, walked in front of Diana.

"Spencer." Diana nodded calmly, then looked at the young man standing next to her son and clasped his right hand, and said, "You are Jacques."

"Yes, ma'am." Jacques smiled slightly and nodded, his blue eyes were full of curiosity and calmness.

The air suddenly became quiet, Reid didn't know what to say, Mrs. Jacen had left at some point, there were only a few patients in the hall reading on chairs, he squeezed Jacques' hand, only to realize that although the young man was smiling , but the palms of the hands are already full of sweat.

Diana laughed slowly for some reason, she was not at all like a patient who was tortured by the disease and could only rely on drugs to stabilize her, but a gentle professor who enjoyed her leisure time after lectures, in fact, She was indeed a professor of fifteenth-century literature.

She gently lifted her chin and pointed to the sofa opposite her, and said, "Sit. Also, call me Diana, Jacques, oh, can I call you that?"

"Of course." Jacques sat down, and Reid sat down next to him, his back stiff and straight, the hand holding the gift rested on his knee, and the doctor didn't even let go of the young man's left hand.

"Reid." Jacques touched the doctor's leg with his knee, motioning for him to take out the gift.

Diana took the gift box calmly. She loosened the bow and opened the wrapping paper. Inside was a copy of Margery Kempe, which was her favorite author.

She said: "Margery Kempe."

"Yes, she is your favorite." Reid said hastily.

"But this book is only her secondary work." Diana stated the facts.

Reid looked down. Jacques squeezed his hand comfortingly, then let go, took out the gift he had prepared from behind, put it on the small table in front of Diana, and said, "I also prepared a gift for you, I don't know what you like Well, I hope you don't mind."

Diana put down the book in her hand, and hesitantly picked up the more exquisite square dark blue box. The skin of her fingertips touched the surface of the box, and she could feel the softness of velvet.

There was no more packaging outside the box. Diana opened it directly. Inside was a feather-shaped brooch, three-dimensional and finely inlaid with shiny diamonds. Formed into a fine outline, there is elegance in the nobility, and there is no lack of agility in the beauty.

Diana didn't take it out immediately, she just touched it lightly, and sighed: "In the purple blood of Argos stands a bird with feathers as gorgeous as a flower and a tail spread like a sail."

Jacques didn't understand, he looked sideways at Reid suspiciously.

Following what his mother said, the doctor also explained to the young man, saying: "In the Roman poet Ovid's "Metamorphosis", Hera killed Argos who was guarding Zeus' lover, and then took off one of his eyes and decorated it on the feather of the love bird. The bird turned into a peacock. What Diana was talking about was a picture in "Europa" by the Syracuse poet Moscos. Argos lay at the feet of Hermes, and a blood of Argos stood there. bird."

Jacques nodded suddenly, and Diana couldn't help but smile slightly with his serious and well-behaved appearance, she said: "I like it very much, Jacques, thank you for your gift, maybe I can use it to match the next time there is a dance party here My skirt is gone."

Jacques breathed a sigh of relief and said, "It's great that you like it! In fact, I can think of you when I see this. Although we have never met, I think Spencer's mother should be It’s like this, just like Hera’s peacock, the phoenix of the world, graceful and tolerant of the world, is the supreme combination of beauty and wisdom.”

Diana smiled and narrowed her eyes. She gently beckoned the handsome young man to sit on the edge of her chair, so that she could hold the young man's hand instead of being separated by a table away.

Reid suspected that Jacques didn't know the story behind the jewelry when he bought it, but simply thought the brooch was beautiful.And it is certain that Jacques did not understand what he said.

But the fact that cannot be refuted is that Diana seems to like Jacques' gift even more. After a few words, she even took out the brooch and asked Jacques to wear it for her now.

"How?" she asked.

Looking at Diana's expectant eyes, Jacques nodded without hesitation. He gently pulled Diana's broken hair behind his ears, and exclaimed, "I've never seen such a beautiful lady!"

Diana patted the back of Jacques's hand with a smile, and said, "Jacob, you have such a sweet mouth, you don't look like Spencer at all, hey, I really hope..."

"Diana, Spencer is fine..."

"ohh... child, don't speak for him, I know his virtues..."

Sitting across from each other, Reid looked at the two people who were smiling and whispering, and wondered in his heart, did they think they couldn't hear?But in the next second, I raised the corners of my mouth inexplicably. It was very late and I hadn't eaten yet, but I always felt like a warm flame was burning in my chest.

Good, everything is fine.

He stood up, bent over, and resignedly collected the papers and scattered ribbons on the table, and then took them to the trash can on the other side of the hall.Then turn to Mrs. Jacen's office, he still has some questions to consult her.

When he came back, he saw that Jacques was about to shrink into Diana's arms. The young man closed his eyes, and his long eyelashes cast black shadows on his pale face under the goose yellow light.

Diana patted the young man's thin back lightly, like a mother coaxing a child to sleep.She raised her head, looked at her tall and straight son standing under the light, and said softly, "He's too tired, I'll let him sleep for a while."

Reid nodded, he sat gently next to Jacques, looked at his mother's gentle face, remembered that he was like this when he was young, curled up in her arms, and listened to her gently reciting ancient poems.

"Spencer," Diana said, "he's a good boy. You're all good boys."

Reid's gaze slowly moved from Jacques' furry black head to his mother's deep eyes. He didn't speak, and he wasn't as nervous as when he just arrived. His heart was unprecedentedly calm. He looked at his mother, quietly waiting for their own judgment.

"I bless you," Diana said.