CM The future I see without you

"... intending to choke me by the throat. I was forced to defend myself, and ended up stabbing him in the heart. In the end, it doesn't matter whether I do it or not, because the sky has eyes and will never let his evil beast Picking anything other than □□…”

When Jacques woke up in a daze, he heard Reid reciting a segment that sounded like a life-or-death choice without any ups and downs in his voice. Read the name on the paper.

A Study in Scarlet, by Arthur Conan Doyle.

"Reid, although I don't know what kind of books Jacques likes, but, this one, I don't think it will be very suitable for him..." A familiar female voice came, but Jacques was still wearing an oxygen mask on his face, so he couldn't see her face clearly. face.

"Okay, maybe next time I'll try Steffen Robinson's new analytical framework for management and human resources, Jacques' doctoral dissertation has never been approved..."

"Reid, oh Reid!"

"What's wrong? I mean next time I'll…"

"Reid! Oh, I mean, he's awake! Jacques! He's awake!"

Reid suddenly put down the book in his hand, and at a glance, he saw the young man's clean and bright blue eyes looking at him with a smile, blinking and blinking, making people... He restrained himself from wanting to hug him and kiss him, He took a few deep breaths, couldn't help but raise the corners of his mouth, and touched his face through the air with his hands.

"Oh, you're awake? Uh, no, I mean, my God, what am I talking about... The doctor said you'll wake up at this time, oh, should I call him..."

Jacques' eyes were squinted, and he blinked, motioning for Reid to remove his oxygen mask.

"Oh, no, Jacob, they said that your oxygen saturation is not normal enough, you have to wear it for a few more days until the value is at least normal before taking it off." Reid patted Jacques' head restrainedly, because he needed stitches For the wound, his hair was all shaved, half of his head was covered with white gauze, and the other side was a little bit of black hair that had just grown out, which felt a little stinging to the touch.

"Hey, Jacob." JJ leaned over, seeing the boy blinking at him energetically, he was relieved, it seemed that he was recovering well.

BAU has already "lost" a comrade in arms and cannot bear the pain of a second loss.

Not to mention Reid, this big boy who was forced to mature step by step, JJ patted him on the shoulder distressedly, he has suffered too much, God owes this boy a perfect and happy ending.

JJ didn't stay long and left. She still has a child and her husband waiting for her at home.In the past few days, after Jacques was transferred from the intensive care unit to the general ward, one or two people from BAU always accompanied Reid to sit here for a while after get off work, talking to the unconscious Jacques.

Tomorrow everyone knows that Jacques has woken up, and they will definitely come to see him.

Reid watched JJ leave, he closed the door gently, and sat back to the original position. Jacques couldn't move around yet, so he could only tilt his head slightly with Reid's help, so that the two of them could make eye contact.

Seeing that Jacques didn't look uncomfortable, Reid felt relieved a little. He gently held Jacques' right hand and said to him, "Mueller came to see you and knew you were in no danger, so he left."

Jacques blinked, indicating that he knew.

Reid added: "Hotch and Rossi also take turns to visit you every day. Garcia bought you a lot of flowers. She didn't know what you like, so she bought some. Luckily, Rossi knows how to arrange flowers. I didn't even know he would do this..."

"Morgan brought you a cowboy hat as a discharge gift for you..."

When Reid said something, Jacques blinked obediently. At the end, almost everyone went through it. Reid even said that the girls in the information department on the first floor raised funds to buy a hot water bottle for Jacques on Amazon. You don't need to use a coffee machine to boil water for drinking.

"You just fill it with water, press the button, and that's it," Reid said. "I tried it, it's very convenient, and it also has the function of keeping warm..."

Jacques nodded slightly.

"Oh, by the way, Natalie called you a lot, and some numbers I don't know whose..."

Jacques blinked again, he coughed a few times, the heart rate on the ECG monitor went up for a while, and then slowly returned to normal, he looked at Reid, as if saying with his eyes: what about you ?

Reid fell silent, he didn't know what to say, but his eyes were a little red, he tried to calm his shortness of breath, but failed, he thought a lot, thinking, what should I do if Jacques wakes up?Yelling at him loudly, shaking him vigorously, venting his inner fear loudly?

But no, Reid just gently put his face in Jacques' palm, almost choked up, questioning and begging, he said: "Jacques, what should I do? What should I do if you die?"

"Look, I went to Caltech at 12, got my Ph.D. in mathematics at 16, my Ph.D. in chemistry at 17, and my Ph.D. in engineering at 21. I studied sociology, I studied psychology, and I could read [-] words a minute. And with a photographic memory, they all think I know it all." Reid said, "But I don't know, I don't know what I'm going to do if you die? I look at the door, and even for a moment, I think, Wherever you go, I go. I even forget Diana, Giden's words."

"So, Jacob, not for yourself, but for me, for me," Reid said, looking firmly into his lover's eyes, "You have to do this kind of thing, for me, and live well."

Jacques didn't dare to look into Reid's shining eyes, he lowered them, his nose was sour, and tears rolled down from the corners of his eyes.

After what seemed like a century, Reid felt his hand being tightly held, he looked up, and Jacques looked at him, the wound on his cheek was wet with tears and was ridiculously pink, The young man's lips opened and closed in the oxygen mask.

Reid couldn't help but buried his face in the young man's hand holding him, his shoulders shrugged, his chest heaved violently, and the grief he endured turned into tears and wet the bed sheet drop by drop.

Jacques was saying to him: I'm sorry.I love you.

**

Emily's funeral was three days after Jacques woke up, the sky was overcast, and Reid watched the dirt gradually bury Emily's life in the cold ground.

He secretly clenched a brooch in his hand, which was given to him by Jacques when he came out of the hospital.

Jacques couldn't get out of bed yet. His abdomen was hit violently, and his internal organs were damaged to varying degrees, especially the kidney and stomach. Moreover, his thrombin had been low. The doctor asked him to stay in bed for a week.He couldn't attend Emily's funeral, and had Reid take the brooch from his own under-bed safe instead of attending.

He said: "My mother gave it to me and said it was passed down from my grandfather. This brooch is the family crest and another me."

Reid rubbed his fingers against the blue gem set in the brooch, and the cool touch brought him back to reality.

The funeral is over.

The wind and waves that came out of nowhere stirred the colorful fallen leaves on the ground, "It's so strange." Reid thought, "It's obviously spring, where did the withered and yellow leaves come from?"

Between the falling and rolling leaves, he saw JJ's red eyes and everyone's dignified expressions. He was like a sober bystander, witnessing a reality like a dream. He was afraid of such a feeling, like It was the feeling of helplessness that he could do nothing while guarding Jacques, who was breathing weakly, in the dark night.

Emily Prentiss should not be just a cold name on a tombstone. Bravery and integrity cannot simply sum up this woman's life.

JJ walked over, the sun was shining on her face, like an angel with light, Reid hugged her gently, feeling tears streaming from his eyes.

"Spencer..." JJ patted him on the back lightly, trying to calm down the tearful boy, but she knew that the last thing Spencer needed to do now was calm down.

She sighed, not far away Morgan embraced the crying Garcia with red eyes, Rossi stood silently under the tree alone, Hotch was frowning on the phone, everyone in BAU was shrouded in the grief of losing their comrades in the shadows.

"I'm sorry," Reid took a deep breath, he left JJ's arms, bowed his head slightly, and said, "I shouldn't have done this, I, I just couldn't help myself, JJ, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Spencer," JJ took out a handkerchief from his bag and handed it to him, and said softly, "In my case, you don't need to be calm and brave...I understand."

Reid nodded hesitantly, took a deep breath, and took the veil, off-white silk, with the same pattern embroidered on the lower right corner as the brooch Jacques gave.

JJ looked at the pattern Spencer was looking at, irises embroidered in sky blue and thin silver thread.

"This is Jacques's." Reid said, he thought it was ridiculous, and Emily also said that BAU was her family, but at the most critical moment, this family could not guarantee her safety.

From a certain angle, Reid is complaining about himself, obviously the truth of the matter is in front of his eyes, but he has not paid attention to her, it is his own mistake that caused the family to leave.

Such emotions intensified especially when watching Jacques smile weakly at himself on the hospital bed.

"A lot of times, I always feel that I don't know the people around me like I imagined, like Emily, like Jacques, I don't know his family, I don't know his past, what happened to him, I Always get to know from other people, JJ, it sucks."

"Spencer, you don't need to know so many things. If one day Jacques wants to tell you, he will tell you. Spencer, you love him, not to control him." JJ said.

Reid felt that he might not have expressed his meaning clearly, he sighed, carefully folded the handkerchief in his hand and returned it to JJ, saying: "I didn't want to control him, I... well, I, love He, that's why I want to know more about him."

JJ smiled rarely these days. She gently held Spencer's hand holding the handkerchief and said, "Did you know? Spencer, Jacques said the same thing to me."

Reid's eyes widened in surprise, he didn't know.

JJ said: "Did you know that he was watching Louisville recently? Spencer, he told me that he couldn't watch the person he likes have such a close soulmate, he wants to know you, he wants to talk to him before you When it comes to the literature that gives him a headache, he can pick up your words. Jacques bought a lot of books, and if you want to read them, they are in Rossi's office."

"But, but..." Reid couldn't speak, he thought that when Jacques looked at the letter Maeve sent him and said it was okay, it really didn't matter.

JJ patted him on the shoulder and said, "Why don't you just ask him, Spencer? I don't know about others, but if it's you, Jacques will tell you what you want to know."

After the funeral, Reid refused Morgan's offer to give him a ride. Holding the little brooch, he walked slowly along the path full of weeds and pink-blue flowers to the busy street. Passing by Jacques' favorite Italian ice cream shop, the Chinese restaurant where everyone had a party, and the old dilapidated coin-operated telephone booth, he finally came to the door of Jacques' ward.

Reid hesitated for a long time. He looked at the "Quiet" sticker on the door, heard the sound of the "Dididi" rhythm ECG monitor coming from inside, and pushed the door open.

Jacques fell asleep, peaceful and beautiful, like an angel who accidentally fell into the world.

Reid sat down on the chair, put the brooch and the USB flash drive in his hand on the cabinet, and then remained silent, watching Jacques' eyelashes flutter.

"Awake?" Reid said.

Jacques opened his eyes, his blue eyes were like a gentle lake in the sun, he didn't speak, just stared at himself like this, Reid unconsciously relaxed his tense muscles, and slowly raised the corners of his mouth, feeling The dark sky became brighter.

what is love?Love is, even though we come from two completely different worlds, but we are compatible with each other, ups and downs, I come to you, just one look, I belong to you.