i am a ghost

New Year’s Eve is coming soon, and the always quiet neighborhood is filled with continuous sound of fireworks. I lie on the window sill, staring at the gorgeous fireworks outside and sighing.

You ask me why don't I go out?

Because I don't have a long memory, I believed Gu Nian's nonsense and let him sleep with me last night.

This is called self-eating.

My back suddenly fell into a warm chest, and a pair of big hands gently kneaded my sore lower back.

"Does it still hurt?" Gu Nian asked softly in his ear.

I didn't turn my head back: "What do you say?"

Gu Nian let out a chuckle that didn't deserve a beating: "It seems that I need to develop it a few times before I get used to it."

Knowing that he was teasing me, I sneered, raised my elbow and slammed into his lower abdomen, and was satisfied to hear the muffled groan coming from behind.

Gu Nian was not angry, but just hugged me tighter, and watched the fireworks blooming in the night sky with me outside the window, turning into cold ashes in the final brilliance of life.

I'm suddenly sad, it's so good to be alive, and everything about destruction makes me sad.

I couldn't help closing my eyes: "It's a pity that the fireworks disappeared after burning for a few seconds."

"There is no eternal thing in the world." Gu Nian replied.

I turned around and looked up at his shining left eye under the reflection of the fireworks, and a warm feeling rose in my heart.

"Yes, it is more important to cherish the present moment."

When the zero o'clock bell strikes, the new year finally arrives, and the most splendid fireworks illuminate the entire night sky and our faces.

Gu Nian's eyes suddenly stared at my neckline and narrowed slightly: "What's wrong there?"

I lowered my head in doubt, and found a bruise the size of a broad bean under the sporadic hickey on my collarbone, which was very clear under the light from the window.

"Huh? I haven't had it this morning?" I touched the bruise with my fingertips curiously, but I didn't feel anything. "Could it be that I knocked on the window sill just now?"

Gu Nian leaned her head against my forehead and whispered, "Maybe."

The bruise hasn't disappeared, but it has gradually grown in size, but it doesn't matter if you wear too much in winter.

My life is still comfortable, reading books every day, surfing the Internet, taking a walk in the community, and occasionally being taken out by Gu Nian for a day.

I have to say that Gu Nian is really a perfect lover. He is handsome, has a good figure, is considerate and gentle, and cooks well.I really don't understand how I was willing to leave such a good boyfriend and throw myself into the lake.

But if I have any dissatisfaction now, there are indeed two points.

One is that Gu Nian was too rough on the bed, I still feel guilty when I see his eyes in heat, but fortunately he never forced me when I didn't want to.

Another point is that he never revealed his private affairs to me, including his family and career.

He said that my parents died early and I was raised by relatives, but he never said where my parents were.

And there are always a few days every month when he will suddenly go out early and return late, and when he comes back, he will go all the way to the basement and don't come out until the early morning.

I still can't get into that basement because it's usually locked.

But, everyone has secrets, and I never ask too many times about things that Gu Nian doesn't want me to know.

Maybe it's because I've been living too lazy recently, even my head has become a little dazed, and I often fall down for no reason, and I got several bruises on my body because of it.

After Gu Nian found out, he banned my feet and didn't allow me to go out for a walk alone, which made me sulky for several days.

So when I was leaning on the bed watching TV at night, Gu Nian came over to coax me.

I ignored him with a straight face, but he actually stretched out his hand to my most ticklish side and scratched.

"Aha... let go! Hahaha..." He made me cry from laughter, and I started to hide by the side of the bed desperately, almost rolling out of bed.

I don't know what I thought at the beginning, but I insisted on buying such a small bed.

Gu Nian quickly fished me back, hugging me and not letting go.

You see how easy it is for him to fool my temper.

Nestled in his arms, I glance lazily at the TV screen and see a familiar bridge.

Isn't this... the bridge?It's on the news?

I can't help but stand up and stare at the TV engrossed.

[…Recently, the number of suicide incidents on the Linghu Bridge has shown an upward trend…The folks have a common name for Linghu Lake as a “dead lake”…Relevant departments have stated that they will strengthen patrols in the area and call on… Taiwan interviewed on related issues...]

The screen suddenly flashed and cut to the news broadcast.

"Why change the channel? I haven't finished watching yet." I turned my head and looked dissatisfied at Gu Nian who was holding the remote control.

"What's so good about those things?" Gu Nian pulled me back into his arms, stroking my damp hair.

"The news broadcast is good?" I retorted, leaning forward to snatch the remote control, "This is the first time I know it's called Zero Lake."

"So what if you know, do you still want to go back?"

Gu Nian held up the remote control and easily dodged my snatching again and again, so angry that I shouted: "So what if I go back, I dare to dance again!"

After I finished speaking, I was stupidly crying by myself, I was trying to die.

Seeing Gu Nian's face darken in an instant, I immediately apologized in a low voice with regret.

"Uh...you, don't be angry, I'm talking nonsense..."

Gu Nian smiled sinisterly: "Angry? How could I be angry? I'm very calm now."

That night, I paid a terrible price and realized a truth: anger and lust are sometimes the same thing.

I didn't wake up until noon the next morning, but I was still groggy, and I was shaking when I got out of bed.

Although I have been tortured by Gu Nian for most of the night before, I have never felt so uncomfortable. I think that one day I will be killed by him on the bed.

After struggling to change my clothes, I staggered down the stairs, but as soon as I reached the stairs, I fell out in the dark and lost consciousness instantly.

I woke up on the ceiling.

That's right, the ceiling.

"Qingyue, come down quickly!" Gu Nian stood on the ground looking up at me with a serious face.

I panicked, and hurriedly floated over to hug him. Fortunately, I was still able to touch him.

"Read, did I fall to my death!" I looked angrily at my "corpse" leaning on the sofa beside me.

"Almost." Gu Nian replied hugging me.

"How could this happen! Can you make another body?" I anxiously grabbed the hem of his shirt.

"Don't worry." Gu Nian patted my forehead reassuringly and said, "I can make as many as you want."

"I knew it!" I happily kissed his lips.

"But you have to wait for a few days, try to move as little as possible these days, you know?"

"Hmm." I nodded seriously.

Gu Nian really did what he said, after three days of struggling in the basement, he brought me a new body.

Same as last time, after simple steps, I was reborn smoothly again.

It's all too easy.

It is precisely because it is too simple, so I have ignored how unnatural this practice of resurrection from death or even endless life is.

The joy of rebirth was gradually replaced by the anxiety rising from the bottom of my heart.

"Nian, how on earth did you do such a thing?" I finally mustered up the courage to ask.

It's not that I haven't thought about this issue, it's just that the fear of approaching the truth always makes me daunted, just like being closer to the hometown.

Gu Nian was reading a book beside me that I couldn't understand at all, without raising her head: "Why do you ask this?"

"Because it's so weird," I muttered.

Gu Nian put down the book, pulled me to sit on his lap, and looked into my eyes seriously: "It doesn't matter what method you use. Didn't you say it? Cherishing the present is more important."

He is dodging the question.

I buried my head in the crest of his neck, breathing in his breath.

Yes, it doesn't matter at all, as long as we are together.

But why do some terrible pictures always flash in my dreams?

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