after being terminally ill

My mood was agitated at the time, and because his voice was so low, I couldn't hear what he said clearly, so I subconsciously asked, "What?"

Yu Yunzhi laughed softly, raised his face to look at me, his eyes seemed to be intoxicated, but also seemed to reveal a trace of clarity: "I said, I am really stupid and hopeless, so stupid that people can't forgive..."

I looked at him in confusion, unable to understand the meaning of his words, I thought it was just his drunken gibberish.

After Yu Yunzhi finished saying this, he hugged me even tighter, and even buried his head deeply into the socket of my neck.

I can feel the undeniable strength on my waist, the warmth from my neck, and the unique mint aroma.

All of this is known to Yu Yun - as long as I realize this, I seem to be immersed in supreme happiness.

But no matter how much I miss Yu Yunzhi's approach, my reason is clearly reminding me that the relationship between me and him is at most limited to friendship, and it is impossible to go any further, so at this moment, this is too much. Intimate distance is really not for us.

So I struggled in my mind for a long time, and finally I forcibly suppressed my emotions with reason, ordered myself to ignore the deep desire for Yu Yunzhi in my heart, broke free from his embrace, and then helped him sit on the sofa.

Later, in order to cover up, knowing that Yu Yunzhi was drunk, I still tried to cover it up and said: "What are you doing so close to me? It feels weird."

After I finished speaking, I pulled the corner of my mouth dryly, trying to show a playful smile, but in the end I failed, and only curved an embarrassing arc that wanted to smile or not.

"Is it strange?" Yu Yunzhi said suddenly, his voice was soft, as if drunk.

Hearing what Yu Yunzhi said, my heart skipped a beat, and countless worries about Yu Yunzhi came to my heart almost instinctively.

Would it hurt Yu Yunzhi to say it was strange?Will it displease him?Will it make him think too much?What if he is unhappy?So what if he misunderstood again?What do you do if you are angry with me?

……

Driven by all kinds of worries that run counter to my reason, I almost subconsciously want to shake my head and deny it.

Fortunately, at the last moment, my rationality reined in and controlled my impulse——

There is absolutely no possibility between me who is terminally ill and him. If this is the case, then I must never let Yu Yunzhi know my true thoughts. In front of him, I can't reveal the slightest clue.

So in the end, I just forced a smile, and then pretended to be natural: "Of course it's strange, two big men are so close."

After saying this pale explanation, seeing that he had already sat down, I hurriedly stood up, trying to distance myself from him.

In the end, he grabbed his hand.

In a whirl, I was pulled by him and lost my balance, and fell on him.

The distance between us was so close that I could almost feel his light breath on my face.

My whole body was stiff and my heart almost stopped beating.

This distance is too close.

Looking at Yu Yunzhi who is close at hand, even if my reason clamors again and again, I can't let myself push him away like before.

I have to admit, I couldn't resist the temptation.

The self-control I was once proud of was like a joke in front of him.

Yu Yunzhi looked at me, and there seemed to be a hint of sobriety in his dark eyes.

I watched helplessly as Yu Yunzhi raised his head slightly and approached me a little bit.

The originally light and cold mint aroma seemed to become more and more intense, gradually overwhelming me.

I couldn't move, I just watched his movements, looked at his deep eyes, and finally let myself close my eyes...

At this moment, a slightly hasty bell rang.

Yu Yunzhi's movements stopped.

As if I had been awakened, I opened my eyes, and then distanced myself from Yu Yunzhi in a panicked gesture of avoiding him.

Yu Yunzhi answered the phone.

I didn't pay attention to what he was talking to the person on the other end of the phone. I felt complicated and unspeakable. I didn't know whether I was glad that the call came in a timely manner or regretted it.

When I still have regrets, I am really hopeless...

I sighed deeply from the bottom of my heart, and realized once again that I really have no resistance to Yu Yunzhi.

Faced with this sad truth, I know I can't stay here any longer.

In fact, the purpose of my coming here today has been achieved, and the misunderstandings with Yu Yunzhi have almost been resolved.

I have no reason to stay here anymore.

Moreover, if I continue to stay here, I don't know if I can still control myself.

Although Yu Yunzhi drank a lot of wine, which made me a little worried, but he is the owner of this store now, and nothing will happen if he stays here.

Thinking of this, I stopped hesitating, said goodbye to Yu Yunzhi who was on the phone, and then hurriedly walked out of the store, even with a trace of panic.

When I left, I didn't even dare to look back at Yu Yunzhi's reaction.

On the way home by car, I couldn't help but smile wryly, I was really in a mess, I just ran away.

After returning home, I lay on the bed, and uncontrollably, I began to recall Yu Yunzhi's reactions today.

Thinking of Yu Yunzhi's strange actions today, thinking of his drunken hug and almost successful kiss, my heart couldn't help beating wildly.

What was Yu Yunzhi thinking when he made those actions?Did he just do that because he was drunk?still……

I quickly interrupted my delusions.

It's fine for me to have unreasonable thoughts about Yu Yunzhi, but now I'm still thinking that Yu Yunzhi also has some thoughts about me.It's just wishful thinking, it's ridiculous.

Don't people who are near the end of their lives expect unrealistic things?

I actually have this kind of thought now, but in the past, even if I dreamed, I would never dream of such content, because it is absolutely impossible to happen.

I sighed deeply, telling myself not to think about it.

It's just that Yu Yunzhi lost his composure after drinking, maybe he won't remember anything when he wakes up tomorrow morning, but I take it seriously, isn't it too sad.

Covering my head with a quilt, I was immersed in complete darkness.

But the darkness doesn't calm me down much.

Although I have tried my best not to think too much, but before going to bed, I couldn't help but have a thought in my disturbed mind: If Yu Yunzhi really likes me that much, then what will our relationship be? how……?

This kind of possibility is too beautiful and too illusory, so I dare not think about it.And because I knew it would never come true, it only passed by in a flash, and then sank into the depths of the heart lake and disappeared.

When I woke up early the next morning, the sky outside the window was still dim.

I glanced at the time, it was just five in the morning and I had less than four hours of sleep.

Recently, my sleep has become lighter and shorter, and I often wake up suddenly in the middle of the night.

Wake up now, although the body is exhausted, but there is no sleepiness anymore.

I emptied my mind and lay on the bed for a while before I sat up and began to tidy up.

After packing everything up, I finished my simple breakfast and went out.

So far, everything has been fully prepared, as long as I wait until tomorrow, I will leave here, leave the city I have stayed in for 20 years, leave these familiar people, leave my past life, leave everything.

So today I wanted to take a good look at the city.

Although I had such a plan, after I went out, I was a little dazed looking at this familiar city.

This city is so big, I have so many places to leave memories, but my time is so short, it makes me not know where to go for a while.

I stood still and thought for a while, but still didn't get a result, so I stopped thinking about it and just walked forward along the road.

I walked aimlessly, quietly admiring the surrounding scenery, and before I knew it, I looked up and found myself in a familiar place.

This is an unknown small park, located in a remote place, but not far from the Song family's old house.

Song Zizhuo and Yu Yunzhi often sneaked here to play when they were young, and I always followed behind them uneasy, trying to persuade them to go back, even after repeated battles and defeats, I would not give up.

And every time they were found sneaking away, the most they got was some mild punishment, but I would be severely punished by my father when I returned home.

The worst time, in the cold winter months, I was punished to kneel outside my house, and the tears that flowed out almost turned into ice.

Slightly ticking the corner of my mouth, I walked into this small park.

Actually, it's not all bad memories for me.

I still remember one time, Song Zizhuo broke his arm because of a mischievous fall, and was bedridden under the care of the Song family.

Yu Yunzhi sneaked out with me, and then went to this small park.

I still remember that the park was very quiet that day, and I followed Yu Yunzhi cautiously. Although I felt uneasy because of sneaking out, I was more filled with the joy of being alone with Yu Yunzhi.

Yu Yunzhi didn't seem very happy that day, he walked to the swing in the park with a cold face, and then he didn't play on the swing, just sat quietly on the swing, without saying a word.

I watched from the side for a long time, foolishly thinking that Yu Yunzhi was unhappy because he couldn't swing on the swing, so he hesitated and finally mustered up the courage to step forward: "Don't be unhappy, I, I will push the swing for you."

After I finished speaking, I didn't dare to look at him, I just stared nervously at the corner of my clothes, waiting for his answer.

After a while, I heard a soft hello.

I couldn't help grinning brightly.

"...so stupid." Yu Yunzhi stared at my smile, stunned for a while, then stretched out his finger to poke my dimple, turned away his face and hummed softly, "Hurry up if you want to push."

I happily ran to the back of the swing and pushed hard.

In the end, he only pushed Yu Yunzhi slightly off the ground, but failed to push him up.

Realizing that my strength was too weak, I couldn't help feeling frustrated.

"You're just pushing the swing for me like this?" Yu Yunzhi turned to look at me, the coldness on his face melted a little, he looked at my expression, and smiled as if he thought it was very interesting, "I'm not unhappy yet, You should feel wronged first."

I felt very ashamed, my face was flushed, and after a long time of groaning on the spot, I gritted my teeth and made a vowed promise: "I will definitely exercise hard in the future, drink more milk, and I will definitely be able to push you in the future! I promise !"

Yu Yunzhi's smile grew wider.He looked at me, then suddenly jumped off the swing, pulled me and let me sit on the swing: "Okay, then I will push you first today, and when you can push me later, you will push me instead."

Sitting on the swing, I was flattered and grabbed the swing rope, stuttering and speechless.

Then I saw Yu Yunzhi actually walked behind me and started pushing the swing for me.

The swing was slightly higher, and I saw Yu Yunzhi raised his face to look at me in the wind. The expression on his face was a little fuzzy, but it made me feel very gentle.

That day after Yu Yunzhi and I finished swinging on the swing, it was getting late. I wanted to urge him to go back, but he held hands and sat next to the swing together.

I peeked at his delicate side face, and felt that I wished I could be alone with him for a longer time, so I couldn't say the words that urged him to go home.

Yu Yunzhi leaned against me slightly, watching the sunset in the sky, sitting very quietly.

After I peeked at Yu Yunzhi for a few times, because I was afraid of being discovered by him, I didn't dare to look again. I just looked ahead, and then kept thinking about his appearance in my heart.

In such a quiet relationship, with the afterglow of the setting sun, I discovered a little secret about the swing.

This swing is made of wood, with a long slit, and a hollow compartment inside, through which something as thin as paper can be stuffed.

I picked up a beautiful leaf curiously, then tried it, and successfully stuffed it into the swing.

This discovery excited me as a child.

I pointed to the swing and told Yu Yunzhi what I had discovered: "Only the two of us know this place, and it will be our secret treasure house from now on, okay? I will hide the most important things here."

Yu Yunzhi sneered and said, "It's so small that nothing can fit in here."

I think what he said is very reasonable, because my precious toy car must not be hidden, so I couldn't help frowning, and seriously embarrassed: "Then, what should I do?"

Looking at my expression, Yu Yunzhi seemed to think it was funny and curled his lips: "If it's something important and you can't hide it, and you're afraid of being snatched away, then destroy it."

I couldn't understand it: "Why? If my car is destroyed, I can't see it anymore, and I can't play with it."

Yu Yun knew but smiled and said nothing, but turned his gaze to the sky again.

The setting sun in the sky is like blood, and the sunset glow is fiery red.

I looked at Yu Yunzhi ignorantly, but still couldn't understand what he said.

*****

I walked to the side of the swing.

It's still the same as when I was a child, almost nothing has changed.

However, the swing is very old, and the wooden boards are showing signs of decay.

I watched quietly for a while before I sat gently on the swing.

I still remember that when I sat on this swing, my feet couldn't touch the ground, and now this swing is a bit too small for me.

I swayed on the swing lightly, remembering how I practiced so hard for the promise I made to Yu Yunzhi back then, and then fell in love with boxing.

It's just that when I had enough strength to push Yu Yunzhi, he seemed to have completely forgotten about it.

The memories of that evening, the fleeting tenderness, seemed to be just my illusion.

I sighed softly, took out my wallet, and took out a hidden photo from it.

In this photo, there are only me and Yu Yunzhi. We are wearing snow-white school uniform shirts, looking at the camera, looking very young.

This is a photo we took when we were in junior high school.

Yu Yunzhi stood under the tree, with black hair like ink, skin like snow, tall and straight, and his snow-white shirt didn't have a single wrinkle.

At that time, he no longer had the playfulness and liveliness he had when he was a child, and the appearance of standing quietly took on the current embryonic form, with a piece of emerald green branches protruding beside his ear, making his expression cold, distant and desolate.

This photo was actually taken with Song Zizhuo and Yu Yunzhi when I was about to graduate, but Song Zizhuo in the photo was perfectly cut out by me, so only me and Yu Yunzhi were left.

Without Song Zizhuo, this photo looks like a photo of me and Yu Yunzhi.

I traced the photo cherishingly, and then carefully stuffed it into the hollow compartment of the swing.

The author has something to say:

The next chapter is about Yu Yunzhi's episode.°?(*′?.*)?°.