My bamboo horse is scumbag

After Chen Youhan said this sentence, he straightened up, silently watching Ye Kai's whole body stiff and tense, at a loss for what to do.

Ye Kai turned his head and raised his eyes, which were startled.

Damp, like moss by a stream in a dark forest.

"When you look at me like that, I want to kiss you."

The words are so lingering, but the expression is not the case at all.With a cigarette in his mouth, his eyes half-closed, he is a bit rebellious, like a black boss who molested a young girl who sells wine.

Ye Kai's young body tensed up and down, he couldn't figure out what Chen Youhan was thinking, was he teasing him?

The ambiguity with Chen Youhan is like a super high-speed train, the scenery on both sides is extremely beautiful, but he knows that there is a cliff in front of him, and the track is wrong, he will either fall from the sky, or be smashed to pieces.

Did Chen Youhan see those specious words, those actions that concealed ambiguous thoughts?So he's making fun of him?

Chen Youhan laughed, and said lazily: "I'm talking nonsense, I'm lying to you, I'm teasing you."

Why is it so familiar?Ye Kai was suspicious, and suddenly realized, he choked his chest: "Chen Youhan! Why are you imitating me!"

Chen Youhan put one hand on his shoulder, lowered his head with a smile, and couldn't hold the cigarette in his fingertips: "Does it feel good to be teased?"

Look at this vengeance.Ye Kai was aggrieved, thinking that this is different, since you don't like me, of course I will flirt casually, but if I like you, you still flirt, you are breaking the law.But Chen Youhan didn't know that he liked him—it was a mess.He lowered his eyes, and the heartbeat that had stalled just now hadn't slowed down, but it just added a trace of loss and discomfort.

"Is it uncomfortable?" Chen Youhan pinched his chin.Rather than saying it is frivolous, it is better to be more domineering.He looked at it under the moonlight, and saw Ye Kai gritted his teeth and stared at him with an angry face, the corners of his lips curled up, and his fingertips lightly brushed against his lips: "If you look at it like this again, I will kiss you—— "

Turning his head slightly and lowering his head, the distance between his lips and Ye Kai's is only [-]mm.

Eyes suddenly widened.

what does it feel likeIt was completely different from when he accidentally kissed Chen Youhan. His blood pressure rose, his breathing became lighter, and his heartbeat became uncontrollable. It seemed that there was an unstoppable force rushing wildly in his blood, causing his brain to lack oxygen.

Chen Youhan lowered her eyes naturally, and there was only this pair of petal-like lips in front of her eyes, which were slightly parted, as if she was naturally waiting for him to kiss.However, he just hooked the corners of his lips slightly, then straightened up, looked at him, and whispered softly: "Go take a bath and get dressed."

Ye Kai walked away in a sense of loss, then turned back, his heart pounding.Chen Youhan raised his index finger to silence him, and smiled casually: "Just kidding."

The recliner was removed and replaced with an orange leather single-arm sofa, and there were fruit plate desserts and a pot of Ceylon black tea on the side table.Wedgwood porcelain is exquisite and gorgeous, and the fragrance of tea is faint and strong in the middle of the night.Ye Kai drank a cup, it was boiling hot, but he seemed to have a premonition of something, his body still felt cold.The infinity pool ripples slightly under the moonlight.On the beach in the distance, there seemed to be two people walking.The coconut grove was blown by the wind, rustling, suddenly there was a heavy sound, it was the sound of green coconuts falling into the sand pit.

Chen Youhan looked at him with a vague and soft distress in his heart.Ye Kai repeatedly tested that he could see clearly.He was like a person standing alone in the wilderness, calling Chen Youhan's name in vain.He hears it, he sees it, and if he could, he'd want to shout back at him, tell him I'm here, and I'm just like you.But Ye Kai is so young, his response may not be appropriate.If he had waited long enough, other people might have passed by in the moor, and they would have taken him by the hand and taken him to another place where spring flowers bloomed.There will be blessings from family and friends, a church feast of flowers and applause.There is nothing in the wilderness but utter carnival, or utter solitude.

He deftly popped a cigarette, tilted his head and lit it, took a sip, and asked Ye Kai: "Little Kai, does homosexuality scare you?"

"...Don't be afraid." Ye Kai lowered his head, looking at the delicate gold lines on the mouth of the cup.

"When I found out that I was gay, I was a little younger than you are now." Chen Youhan dusted off the cigarette ash.

"Is it the classmate you mentioned last time?"

"No, it's desire." Chen Youhan smiled expressionlessly: "There is nothing more direct than it."

"But you also had a girlfriend..."

"Not girlfriends—of course those are not boyfriends." Chen Youhan laughed at himself: "Some gays are fine with women, but they may prefer men."

Ye Kaixin secretly thought, then what kind am I?I have no desire for others, and I don't have any girls I like.

"I came out as soon as I found out I was gay."

"—Ah?" Ye Kai was ignorant, not knowing why Chen Youhan would do this.

"At that time, you seemed to have just turned one year old." Chen Youhan couldn't help laughing, "When I came to see you, the bruises on the corners of your mouth didn't disappear, and you still poked me."

"You still want to see me with a bruised nose and a swollen face?"

"What's the ability to focus?" Chen Youhan said helplessly, "It's your first birthday party. To be honest, I was beaten for more than a year after I came out. You don't know how hard Chen Fei beats people. His bones were broken and he kicked him."

Ye Kai: "..."

"The difficulty of homosexuality is not to accept oneself, but to be accepted by others—" Chen Youhan looked at Ye Kai, in the misty white smoke, his eyebrows and eyes were deep and gentle.The white moths followed the light to find the chandelier, fluttering and flying around, making a crashing sound. "Especially in circles like ours. It's okay to play with men, but it's not okay to really like men."

Ye Kai seemed to have anticipated what he was going to say, and his voice became tense: "So will you get married?"

"Maybe." Chen Youhan said frankly, "If I don't have someone I like, I'll get married. Marriage for profit, marriage for politics, Hong Kong, mainland, whatever, it's Chen Fei's choice." He paused, The voice lowered, "But I don't want to get married now."

Ye Kai felt cold, and unconsciously drank another cup of tea, his body couldn't help shivering.My hands and feet are very cold, especially my feet.He adjusted his sitting posture and sat cross-legged. Only when the inner thighs touched the soles of his feet did he realize that it was cold.

"After coming out of the closet, Fade Chen and I became jokes. At that time, the atmosphere was not as good as it is now, especially in Province G. People like me were even more rebellious. If we wanted to be served according to the clan law before. My mother left early, The old man has never married again, I like men, and people secretly say that he has done some wicked things to make him die." Chen Youhan couldn't help laughing, "During that time, I always felt that either I was beaten to death by Fade Chen or He was mad at me to death. Thanks to him, the old man is still in good health."

Ye Kai had never heard of such a thing.Ever since he was sensible, he knew that Chen Youhan had a boyfriend and a girlfriend, and he would change one at every turn. He never felt from a very young age that it was wrong to like men.Because it is small, it feels natural.Later, when I matured and became really sensible, I realized that this was wrong, or that it was marginal and niche.But Chen Youhan looked so comfortable.He was high-spirited and upright, and he looked like a star wherever he went, but the person who pointed behind him turned into a maggot in the gutter, with a disgusting musty smell.

"Don't talk about me." Chen Youhan took a sip of his tea, feeling bitter.This tea is served with desserts, if you don’t eat sweet, you will only have bitterness, which is bitter from the beginning to the end.He asked casually: "You're already a sophomore in high school, have you thought about what to do in the future?"

"Grandpa asked me to study financial management, and in the future—" Ye Kai paused, his face slowly turning pale under the light.

Chen Youhan pretended not to see anything, smiled, and teased calmly: "I met Ye Jin once, and she said that you are the perfect heir cultivated by the Ye family."

Ye Kai hurriedly lowered his head to drink tea.Such a small cup is already cold.

"I'm not perfect……"

"Is it because you like that sister?" Chen Youhan remained calm.

Ye Kai nodded slowly.

"Like my sister is about the same as when I came out of the closet." Chen Youhan said lightly: "It's all treason."

Ye Kai was speechless for a while.He thought, more than treason, your leg was broken, and I might be beaten to death.

"If you can choose, how do you want to be with your sister?" Chen Youhan lowered his head and lit a new cigarette, took a long breath, and said in a casual tone, "Do you want to be together regardless of everything, or just like you until the end, the time is up Just get together and break up?"

"It's impossible for me and him." Ye Kai said quickly, "It's impossible for his family, my family."

For some reason, after he said this, he saw Chen Youhan froze for a moment, and didn't dare to look at him.After a long time, Chen Youhan nodded lightly and slowly, holding a cigarette between his fingers: "I see."

"Brother Youhan, you also asked this question last time. I thought about it a lot in the United States. You are right, I shouldn't let him know, otherwise he should be troubled too. But I can't help it, I like someone How can I bear it? I like him more and more, and sometimes I would rather he tell me that he has decided to be serious with someone. But just thinking about it makes me breathless." Ye laughed, "You won't Make fun of me."

"No." Chen Youhan finally raised his head and looked at him.In fact, there was no expression on his face, but the tenderness in his eyes was more gentle than all expressions, and it was the tenderness overflowing directly from his heart.

He said: "I am like you, how can I bear it if I like someone?"

Ye Kai pursed the corners of his lips: "That sister is also very mature." He glanced at Chen Youhan and added: "As mature as you. He should understand the impossibility between us better than me. If he is allowed to choose, he I will choose that too."

His tone was relaxed and innocent. Under the moonlight, he was just a boy who was simply worried about not getting the response from the person he liked, and was different from Chen Youhan.

Something in Chen Youhan's heart fell to the ground slowly, as if he was relieved, but the thing was too heavy, and there was a huge echo when it landed, and there was buzzing in his ears, he leaned over to see, what, when did he fall? A hole that big?The wilderness disappeared, the wind and people in the wilderness disappeared, Ye Kai was no longer in the wilderness, he was alone in the wilderness.

Ye Kai is purer than him.

His pain, his confusion, his joy and impulsiveness all come from liking.Happy when there is a response, pain when there is no response.I dreamed about him because I liked him, came back from the United States because I liked him too much, had nightmares because I liked him too much, kissed him secretly, hinted at him in every possible way, touched him because I liked him too much, tears and cried because I liked him too much .He likes Chen Youhan very, very much, but in the future when he inherits the Ye family, there is no figure of Chen Youhan.

He doesn't want the future.

Chen Youhan stifled the cigarette butt.

It is he who thinks too much.

Maybe he is still old, he thought, why is his love so greedy.

He became overwhelmed and indecisive.

"As long as you order, it's good to get together and break up," he confirmed again, "is it?"

The teacups and trays collide with each other, which is the unique crispness of high-grade porcelain.He didn't know why Chen Youhan cared so much about his relationship with that sister, but he would never tell him that that sister was him.He stretched slightly, and jokingly said, "I don't want my legs broken like yours."

Chen Youhan curled his lips silently: "You are right, I was not as smart as you at that time, I didn't know that these things can be hidden and secretly liked."

"You are not as smart as me now." Ye Kai said.

"Yes." Chen Youhan answered him.

"I keep all the secrets well." Ye Kai continued.

Chen Youhan couldn't help smiling, and raised his hand to pinch the back of his neck; "It's well hidden."

"Do you want to know?"

Chen Youhan rubbed the top of his hair, and pressed it down again.Ye Kai was pressed to lower his head, and heard Chen Youhan say: "I don't want to know." After a pause, he added: "Just be happy."

He looked up and saw Chen Youhan walking into the brightly lit living room in the night with a cigarette in his mouth, and turned off all the lights with his hand raised.The whole suite was plunged into darkness, wow——

There are only waves going back and forth in my ears.Moonlight floats on the water.All this is no different from before.