you are so tender

Walking into Tianxin Park, Tian Xiaohui first gave a brief introduction to Xu Man in front of the topographic map: Tianxin Park is the first forest park in this city, almost all of which are continuous mountains, that is, the mountains under the main peak of Wugui Mountain. Tianxin Reservoir includes it, covering an area of ​​2.3 mu, or about [-] kilometers in radius.Then Tian Xiaohui said: "When you come to Tianxin Park, you can walk on foot, breathe fresh air, and wash your lungs. Generally, there are two ways to walk, one is to walk in small circles along the mountain or the road on the mountainside, and the other is to climb the mountain with the ups and downs of the mountains. The path is close to the outside of the park, that is, a big circle. It takes more than an hour to complete the small circle, and it takes two to three hours to walk the big circle. How do you want to walk?"

"Xiao Hui, guide the route, I will follow you." Xu Man replied.

"Well, let's take the small road first, and switch to the main road when we get tired." Tian Xiaohui made a decision.

The two came earlier, especially since there were not many tourists on the path.Although it is a small path, it is not a small path, it is all artificially built steps and bluestone roads, and it is very spacious for two or three people walking side by side.Tian Xiaohui pointed to the rectangular concrete blocks standing on both sides of the road and said, "Look at these concrete square bricks, each one weighs a hundred catties. I saw them when the park was being built. They were carried up the mountain by mules. Each mule I was able to carry two yuan, and I heard that several mules died of exhaustion, but it is not easy to carry thousands of yuan to the mountain like this.”

"It's unimaginable! I haven't seen a mule yet." Xu Man said.

"Xu Man, do you think it will be more difficult for us than mules?" Tian Xiaohui changed the topic.

Xu Man immediately understood what Tian Xiaohui said.She should have thought that Tian Xiaohui led her to go hiking in the countryside, which was not just as simple as sightseeing in mountains and rivers.Maybe Tian Xiaohui didn't specially arrange this trip just to start with the mule, it was just a random leisure trip.But Xu Man knew that Tian Xiaohui must also know that they were about to start a different life.Now they are at the starting point of this life, the joy of reunion and the indulgence of love let them taste the sweetest part first.They believe that their happiness is more than that, but it is not the whole of the future.They are not fledgling green girls, each has a successful career, and has also experienced the bitterness and hardships of life. They not only look forward to the future life together, but also guard against it.It's not that they lack confidence in each other, but they have a premonition that in a different society, or more precisely, in a conventional order, to walk a different route, they must need more than courage.

After all, Xu Man is Xu Man, she replied: "Xiaohui, we may work harder than mules, but I believe that we are smarter than mules, so we won't die from exhaustion, and we have the opportunity to build our own happy life."

"Xu Man, do you know why I love you so much?" Tian Xiaohui said, "It's because of your incomparable courage."

"Xiaohui, thank you for appreciating me so much. But Xiaohui, do you know why I love you?" Xu Man also asked himself and answered, "It's because I have to love you."

The clever Tian Xiaohui didn't recognize the differences in their questions and answers, because their love was not different.Every whisper and expression of love is a part of love, and no one can distinguish the different sweetness from a drop of honey.Both Xu Man and Tian Xiaohui know that no matter how life evolves in the future, what happens, and what obstacles are encountered, only mutual love is the reliable cornerstone. Courage and wisdom are like two wings soaring, and love is the foundation. Invincible power.

Under the clear sky, shaded by green trees, the two walked up the stairs together.Xu Man said, "Xiaohui, because I had an earlier recognition of my sexual orientation, coupled with the special nature of my lawyer profession, I may have had extensive contact with social life. You work in a hospital, although patients don't care. Quite a few, but you are looking at patients, and homosexuality is not a disease, you may not see them. So I would like to talk to you more about my feelings." "Say it, Xu Man, I'll listen." Tian Xiaohui encouraged road.

"Xiao Hui, so far, the scientific community has no conclusions about the mechanism of homosexuality. Whether she is a mutant cell buried in human genes or a gender misunderstanding caused by acquired life, no one can say clearly. Last night I talked about a realization , I was inspired by you. I suggested that sex is actually abstract. But you said that love is concrete. Do you remember?" Xu Man asked.

"Of course I remember, you continue to talk." Tian Xiaohui replied transitionally.

"I think 'abstract sex' probably provides an important concept for understanding homosexuality." Xu Man continued, "Defining sex as abstract is to observe it from the perspective of sexual satisfaction, that is, how does this sexual need All can be satisfied. The object of satisfying her can be a person or a tool. In order to make the meaning of the definition more clearly revealed, we exclude the tool and only consider the situation where the object is a person. That is to say, assuming that the human nature Needs must be satisfied by people. Then, the next question is, what kind of person is this person who is the object of sexual satisfaction, right?" Xu Man may be worried that Tian Xiaohui will not be able to keep up with her thoughts at once, so she tested Ask questions proactively.After Tian Xiaohui expressed that she fully understood what Xu Man said, Xu Man continued.

"The person who is the object of sexual gratification is generally a specific person. In many cases, it may be a specific person, that is, a fixed person. I want to make a special point, whether it is a specific person (you can It could be this person, it could be that person, not sure which person), or a specific person, sexual satisfaction does not necessarily mean actual sexual behavior, because sexual fantasy can also achieve sexual satisfaction. Well, the real distinction is By showing, I mean, when a person of a certain gender—I'd rather assume female—has a sexual need, the gender of the person she's sexually gratifying is the only litmus test. If it's a male, It’s heterosexual, and if it’s female, it’s gay. Xiaohui, I don’t know if my expression is clear enough?”

"Very clear." Tian Xiaohui said.

"My conclusion is that pure sexual need distinguishes sexual orientation from the gender of the object. Why separate 'sexual need' from 'love'? Because there is a difference between them, and therefore distinguishable. From the point of view of sex/love, is there a sexual need first and then touches love, or is love leading to sex? It’s like a chicken-and-egg question. I’m afraid no one can answer it. But at least one thing, everyone can’t ignore the facts , that is, although sex is contained in love, love may not be found in sex. This is why I want to distinguish between the two, sexual orientation is first and foremost a sexual need, so separate it from (could have been) love Come out, people can see more clearly. Xiaohui, do you agree with my analysis?" Xu Man asked Tian Xiaohui's opinion again.

"Xu Man, you have thoughtful thinking and clear logic. I can't disagree." Tian Xiaohui said again, "But there is one thing I don't quite understand. Sexual similarities and differences between sexual gratification objects distinguish sexual orientation, which has been concisely and clearly defined. Why do you go to such lengths to explain that sexual gratification may be with a specific person, or with a specific person?"

"Xiaohui, this is because: I only separate sex and love in the analysis, and this separation is reliable from the perspective of sexual needs, because sex can be satisfied without love. However, sex and love cannot be completely separated after all. , because sexual need is part of love at the same time, the urgency of love and the private manifestation of love. When the object of sexual gratification is always directed to a specific person, there is usually love in it. For example, myself, I started from You have confirmed your sexual orientation and found your love at the same time. Second, even if the object of sexual satisfaction is a specific person, it may not be because of love, but it may only be due to some special reason. Great sexual satisfaction can only be obtained from this person. The existence of this situation, and the randomness of the object of sexual satisfaction, that is, the uncertainty of a specific person, is the abstract nature of sexual satisfaction. Or to put it another way, any The sexual satisfaction of love must come from abstract sexual needs. In the final analysis, all of my knowledge is because of your insight and your concrete love."

"Xu Man, you've talked so much and we've walked a lot of steps, I'm afraid we're tired. How about we sit down and have a rest?" Tian Xiaohui suggested.So, the two sat down on a stone bench by the side of the road.But Tian Xiaohui didn't want to stop discussing the topic. She said: "Xu Man, you have raised me too high. In fact, I think the problem is far less profound and detailed than yours. Of course, there is no need to discuss merits and deeds between us. Who wants to It has helped us to say it thoroughly. Especially like me, I know very little about homosexuality. What you just said has benefited me a lot. When I get together with you, I may be like a stunned young man. I don’t understand anything, I believe it must be the feeling that I can’t let go of you that pushed me, and let me enter the life of lesbians without any obstacles. I also know that the two of us as lesbians together Life will inevitably face many difficulties that I can't imagine, and I'm afraid I have to rely more on you in this regard."

"Xiaohui, I told you that half of the suffering of gay people comes from their own disapproval, and this disapproval is ultimately caused by social disapproval. Social disapproval is not a simple matter of concept. It’s about the real difficulties and obstacles, you can’t even imagine how powerful the system is, and the individual’s confrontation is almost like hitting a stone with an egg. Let’s keep walking.” Xu Man stood up, and the two continued to chat while walking.

"Xiaohui, you have repeatedly praised my courage. In fact, I may be more timid than you in my heart. Because I understand the gay community better than you, and I know more about their fragility, helplessness, hesitation and pain. I know more about reality. I also have a deeper understanding of the cruel rules and ruthless power of the world. So, you said that you want to rely on me more, of course I cannot refuse, because it is not a question of how much to rely on, we must rely on each other, everyone is for each other Iron walls and iron walls, but I understand in my heart, and I have already felt, Xiaohui, in your gentle attitude, in your bright and pure eyes, there are hidden more insights into the world than mine, and I have more hopes in you , or rather, with you by my side, I will not lose my courage, because I can always draw infinite strength from you."

The sincerity and sincerity in Xu Man's words obviously infected Tian Xiaohui. She took Xu Man's hand, "Okay, let's not talk about it. You see, we have already walked a long way up the mountain, so why don't we go to the nearest place?" Find a step down the mountain and turn to the main road. Xu Man, what do you think of Tianxin Park?"

"Very good, Xiaohui. I like this place. When I have time on weekends, we can often come here for a walk." Xu Man responded.

The stairs going down the mountain were very steep, and the two of them walked down one after the other hand in hand, feeling a little sore in their legs.Looking down the mountain, you can see tourists walking on the main road. There are many more people than when you first came. They are in small groups, including the elderly and children.Xu Man and Tian Xiaohui finally entered the main road. Tian Xiaohui was already very familiar with Tianxin Park. She recognized the direction and planned to return to the gate of the parking lot nearby to end this outing.Xu Man suggested going back to the urban area to find a familiar restaurant for dinner, and then go to the cafe they used to go to for a while.Tian Xiaohui understands that the serious topic has just begun today, and the serious life has not yet begun, so they need to be prepared.For the time being, they have not touched on any specific issues, not pretending that these issues do not exist. For the two mature lesbians, they are accumulating invincible strength for the future road.And on the way close to the gate of the park, Xu Man and Tian Xiaohui unexpectedly ran into Yang Guangzhi's family.