PS 143

twelve

The next day, she was woken up by a text message from her.

"Come over to me when you wake up." These short words have an irresistible majesty.

I got up to wash up and looked at the clock on the wall, it was nine o'clock.

I don't understand how she asked me to come over without saying anything, I thought she would call me, or call her when I woke up.

Although puzzled, I obediently changed my clothes and went out.

I naturally took the key and remote control she gave me, went upstairs and opened the door.

"What?!?!?!" It was Philip's exclamation that came from the door.

I stared blankly at her and him at the same time.

"She is the one I love; I am the heartbreaker who left her behind." She looked at the two of us and said calmly.

"Can you explain what's going on here?" I put my bag down and looked at the two of them.

"He has been arguing to see you, and you also think we should solve this matter quickly, so let's solve it quickly." She said without any emotional reaction.

"Because it's her, you never wanted us to meet, did you?" Philip asked, looking at her.

She nodded.

"It's also because of her that you are so angry when I say that in the supermarket?" He looked at me again and asked.

I can only nod.

"You...I...this..." At this moment, he was at a loss and flustered.

"That's why I said, you're not ready at all." I went to sit next to her and just sat down.

"Then why do you want him to know so much? You know he's not ready yet." She looked at me and asked, feeling that she was trying to suppress her excitement.

"I'm not in a rush to let him know, I'm just so powerless and upset about your guilt last night, I don't know what to say to keep you from feeling that way," I said honestly.

"Am I wrong? Am I not guilty of Phil's taking care of you?" She gradually couldn't suppress her excitement.

"Enough! I don't know how to face you two now, I need to be quiet." Philip said suddenly, and before we all had time to react, he rushed out the door.

"Phil!" After she realized it, she immediately wanted to chase him out.

I grabbed her.She glanced at me, trying to shake me off.

"This time, are you leaving me again?" I asked.

She stopped and looked at me without saying a word.

"Between me and him, am I the one you abandoned in the end?" I looked at her, sad.

"Please don't tell me this now..." she begged, still wanting to leave.

"When do you want to talk? What is your purpose of chasing him? How do you plan to appease him? Do you want me to be with him? Or what?" I said all the thoughts that came to my head.

She was speechless and dropped her hands.

"What the hell am I supposed to do?" she asked, looking at me.

"Leave him alone," I said, pulling her back to the couch.

She didn't say a word, just stared straight ahead.

"Why hold me?" After a long time, she spoke.

"I just want you to think about what you're doing," I said, looking at her.

"Are you angry? About me wanting to chase him?" she asked again.

"I'm not angry, but I'm uncomfortable. It makes me feel like I'm being left behind again," I said honestly.

"I'm sorry, but I really don't know what to do when I meet him." She leaned on my shoulder, and I felt her powerlessness.

"I know you will feel that you have robbed him of his lover, but I hope you can also consider my feelings. As I told you yesterday, in the past five years, no one has thought about how unwilling I am to accept his favor , and no one is willing to understand that such kindness is a kind of pain to me. He loves me, but I never love him, and he has never been close to my heart. Rather than telling you to steal his lover, it is better to tell you to let him He saw clearly the fact that I could never be with him, but unfortunately, you have an additional identity—his mother, that’s all. Actually, it’s not complicated at all, it’s just that we don’t have the courage to simplify it Always afraid of hurting people, because while protecting one, it is bound to hurt the other, we both want to protect, neither of us wants to hurt, so we always choose to escape, making things so complicated..." I Analyzing calmly, without reservation.

"So it would be better if he knew from the beginning?" she asked after listening.

"Honestly, I don't know. But I know that hiding it from him is the stupidest idea in my life." I said honestly.

"Damn child, you beat me around and scolded me." She punched me.

"It hurts!" I felt the pain on my arm where she beat it on purpose, and she leaned forward and rubbed it in distress.

"You're really bad, you're a good boy when you get cheap." She murmured.

"Even if I'm bad, you still love me, don't you?" After I finished speaking, I kissed her lips without waiting for her reaction.

"Okay, don't pretend to be okay with me like this." She obediently let me kiss for a while and then pushed me away.

"Did you tell your son? He's not so vulnerable. Let him calm down, and he will come back after he thinks clearly." Although I said so, I'm not [-]% sure.

"What the hell am I supposed to do?" She asked the question again.

"I know you feel guilty and owed to him, but as I told you, love cannot be given up. No matter who the other party is, such thoughts and behaviors are insulting love. Give up love, It's as if the poor charity to others tramples on the purity and irreplaceability of love at the same time; to me, accepting the sold love is an act of degrading myself. Does the other party really love you? Does she really love you? Are there other people? Or do you just want to find someone to accompany? No matter what, no matter how much you love her, it’s not a complete love. Love has absolute specificity.” I don’t know if this counts as an answer.

"What would you do if you were me?" she asked suddenly, which made me froze for a moment.

"If I were you...I think, I would grit my teeth and have a showdown with him, and then...be with you. But I don't have as deep an emotional bond as you, so I'm not allowed to ask." I finished, Shrugged.

"Hey... I think I should be the most dereliction of duty mother in the world. I can't give my child anything, and even fell in love with the same person as my son... It seems that I want to rob my son's happiness..." She smiled sadly.

"Do you really think that I am his happiness? If this kind of thing really happened, wouldn't I be the same as you who promised to marry 20 years ago? No, it's worse. Because this situation will be more complicated and tragic. I can only say that if you insist on throwing me to him, then I will run away without looking back. Since you don’t want me, of course you can’t force me to be with anyone. I don’t want anyone except you.” I Say it with willfulness.

"Well, you really are... so, if you don't find me this time, you won't be with him?" she asked after listening to me.

"Well, I never thought about being with him, even though he took care of me for five years. In fact, during those five years, I really wanted to escape, escape from his goodness, escape from the pressure he put on me, and the days of preaching to everyone. If I can't find you, I'll go back to America and start over on my own." I said firmly.

"In this way, the only way to make you happy is for me to stay by your side obediently?" She said this in a tone as if she had made a decision.

"It's good that you know, so, it all depends on whether you are willing to give me happiness." I hugged her.

"I do," she said, kissing my lips.

"In the past five years, has no one chased you except him?" Why did her question change so much all of a sudden?

"According to Alisha, there were, but no one came to confess, so it shouldn't be counted... Then your son appeared, probably because he was too good, so the others retreated in spite of difficulties. They also helped me drive away Lots of flies." I said with a smile.

She nodded after listening.

"What about you? What have you been doing for the past five years?" I asked her instead.

"You will definitely laugh if you say it. I started crying after I sent you the text message. I cried until I got on the plane, and then I cried until I got off the plane." She smiled embarrassedly.

"I still want to say, why are you so cruel..." I complained deliberately.

"After returning to Taiwan, I immediately submitted my resignation letter to the school. I resigned very strongly. I left C University like a gust of wind, moved, and then tried to return to the life of a person before I was with you." She always put things very simply. .

"You've taken it too far in a few words. It seems that you have adapted well." I was sour on her.

"It's better! You don't know that every time I see your e-mail, and there is another time, you call and leave a message for no reason, which makes it impossible for me to live peacefully!" She protested loudly.

"So you heard the message." I raised my eyebrows and looked at her.

"Yeah, what happened to you at that time? Why did you cry? You cried by yourself again, didn't you? Neither Alisha nor Phil was by your side?" She asked in one breath as if suddenly remembering heap of problems.

"You know I'm not going to want them..." I said, and told her about the fight with the boss, the days of isolation, Alisha's discovery, and Philip's sudden confession.

"Hahaha! It's really unbearable for him to confess to you in such a situation..." She also laughed.

"Yeah, it took me a lot of effort not to laugh at that time! I told Alisha later that she couldn't help laughing too. It's all because of you." I took the opportunity to read her again .

"Yes, I'm sorry, but you are the first girl Phil brought up to me, saying that he was frustrated after three years of pursuing her and still not being able to catch up with her." Her mixed eyes appeared again.

"No way, he likes someone who already has someone else in his heart, it's not fair to him." I said rationally and without emotion.

"What else happened between you? Tell me," she continued.

I sighed and told her how Alisha persuaded me to take more care of Philip after I got sick, and how I tolerated him holding hands and calling me baby, and also about the "accidental" kiss.

"Do you remember the first time I kissed you?" She asked slightly surprised.

"That is something I will never forget in my life." I replied very seriously.

She smiled.

"Come here, let me show you something." She stood up and dragged me to the cloakroom.

"Close your eyes," she said, and I followed suit.

Then I heard her voice looking for something.

"Okay, you can open it." Hearing her voice, I slowly opened my eyes.

I stared blankly at what she had placed in front of me.

"Do you like it?" she asked, resting her chin on my shoulder.

"When did you take the photo?" I asked while looking at the magnified photo in front of me.

"Haha! You don't know." She said proudly.

It was a photo of me lying on the grass and she kissed my forehead, and the scene was near my school in the United States.

"You really are, you can sleep anywhere with me, and you don't know if you are secretly photographed." She embarrassed me.

It turned out that I was lying on the grass watching the clouds and chatting with her, and she took the opportunity to take a picture when we talked until I fell asleep.

"I didn't expect it to be so good-looking when I took the photo." She hugged me and said.

"Why haven't I seen it?" I asked curiously.

"Because I took it!" she said playfully.

I looked at the photo quietly and didn't speak for a long time.

"Thinking?" she asked me.

"Did you decide to do that at that time?" I looked at her and asked.

She hugged me and nodded gently.

"Does the sixteen-year-old distance really make you so uneasy?" I asked again.

"That's right." She leaned in my arms, looking at the photo and said.

"Is it because of my abilities?" I asked.

She shook her head.

"I never doubted your ability." She looked into my eyes.

"What is that?" I wondered.

"Love always covers people's eyes and makes people fall into it innocently." She said softly.

I waited for her to continue.

"For me, what makes me uneasy about being sixteen is about the future. Like I said, when your future is about to start, I'm already fifty years old. Now, it's almost like this Is it? You have just returned from your studies, and I am almost ready to retire. You can still work hard in your career, but I am already feeling tired... You are studying psychology, so you should understand what I want to express." She looked at me There was a little uneasiness in his eyes.

I nodded and kissed her forehead painfully.

I understand that kind of feeling, like two people who can never walk on the same floor. When I go up one floor, she also goes up one floor. The stages of life seem to never meet.

I think we are luckier than ordinary people because we don't have to worry about life from the very beginning, otherwise, with a sixteen-year gap, this should be a big problem.

"Thank you." I hugged her and said.

"What's the hard work?" She asked suspiciously.

"I think I can gradually understand your courage to be with me." I said with a smile.

She is still puzzled.

"At first, I thought I was trying to follow you, so I grabbed your hand, like a child, living happily in the happy world you gave me, I hardly have to worry about anything, because you help me I'm ready, all I have to do is to love you well, and to be simply attracted by you, you really gave me a castle that is as happy as a fairy tale. Is this your intention?" I said He looked at her and asked.

She nodded with a smile.

"Maybe you want to say that you can't treat me well after I go abroad, so you use up all the good things you have done to me at once, ha ha! But I really have to say that you are right in insisting on my decision to go abroad. Leave You really started to learn to be independent. During the two years of my master’s degree, I realized how hard you worked alone, and then I realized what it was like to grow up, and then I understood my thoughts on love. It turned out to be so superficial and simple. I love you, it’s enough for you to spoil me, I don’t know how much love responsibility you have taken on for me. Leaving aside the material life, I can’t see you, hug you, or kiss you when I’m still thinking about going abroad When I went abroad, you were already thinking about what I should pay attention to and who I should find when I go abroad. This is like the difference between the gorgeous fantasy and the real world. But you indulged me and lived in your love. I thought, if I didn’t Going abroad, we will be separated sooner or later, between ideal and reality, people are limited, isn’t it? Thank you for insisting on my going abroad.” I said.

"I want you to go abroad because I really want you to know the world, but I don't think so much about love. I just think that if you go abroad, you will be more mature and stable. I'm just very simple. I want You are better. As for human limitations, I don’t know, because my feelings seem to be over before reaching my limit.” She said, and I knew she was referring to her first love.

"These are the conclusions I have drawn in the five years since you left. It took me two years to learn to be independent, and it took five years to accumulate the ability to talk about the future. During the seven years in the United States, I read Many people, on and off, married and divorced, I am really glad that I went abroad, and went to a place without you to know the reality of society, without your protection and love, so I have no choice but to accept those realities, and be with them The shock brought about, sometimes really hurts, it hurts so much that I feel that I can’t go on, I can only hide and cry by myself, after crying, I still have to move on, because only by moving on, can I come to your side One day. Those days let me really know that it is meaningful to talk about love and the future if you have the ability.” I finished the rest in one breath.

"You have grown up, not only have you grown up, but you have grown up enough to take care of me on your own. Thank you. After going around such a big circle, you are still willing to choose to be stable by my side. In fact, what I am most afraid of is the stability I want , not what you want now. Do you understand what I'm talking about?" I understand what she said.

I nod.

"I can still work hard, but I must have you by my side. I have the ability to survive in the real society. Maybe I still haven't caught up with you, but at least we are more equal. We can all talk about the future, Maybe I still want to try to challenge something, but I must have you. If I am alone, the result of hard work will only be loneliness and emptiness. I want to share with you, selfish hope. When I am tired, I will see you laughing and making me act coquettishly. This is the reason why I insist on coming back and finding you. Just like a kite, if the string is broken, it may fly very high and far, but in the end There will be a limit, too high clouds will cause the kite to be injured and fall. If the hand holding the string fails to pull the kite back at that time, the kite will either get lost or be destroyed in the sky. You know what I want to say Is it? You can no longer cut or let go of the thread selfishly, I want you to hold it firmly, you are the only place where I can rest." I said seriously.

"I promise you, when you are tired and tired, I will always be there, and I will never leave again. I want you to stay by my side for the rest of my life. PS143,7." She put her arms around my neck, she whispered in my ear.

"Tell me, what the hell is that 7?" I looked at her and asked.

"Forever." She smiled and kissed my lips.

We hugged quietly, feeling each other's heartbeat and breathing.

"Let's go find him." She turned to look at me and said.

"Find him, what's next?" I asked.

"After that, just watch from the side." She didn't give me any answer, and pulled me to stand up.

"Do you know where to find him?" I asked, looking at her.

"Don't forget, I'm a mother. Besides, he doesn't know much about Taiwan." She winked at me.

"The embankment?" I asked intuitively.

"You're smart, go," she urged me.

I drove the car and took her to the embankment.Sure enough, he saw 911 parked in the parking lot next to him, and Philip sat alone on the steps in a daze.

After parking the car, I looked at her.

She looked ahead, without saying a word, reached out and took my hand.

"You are right, love cannot be let go. Thank you, you have taken the trouble to tell me so much. You have grown up. I am familiar with and unfamiliar with you now. What I am familiar with is the way you look at me, the way you kiss me. My feelings, my love for me; what is unfamiliar is your professional analysis, rational judgment, and profound insights. To be honest, I still need some time to get to know you now, but I am very sure, I am absolutely, absolutely, absolutely, no I will let you go again. Please also, hold me tightly, just like when I was a child." She said to me, and I smiled.

I think, the me seven years ago can really be described by "children" and "childhood".

"I will always hold you, but I will no longer hide behind you and ask you to protect me. Now I have the ability to stand by your side. Let me protect you and give you courage." That's what I gave Her commitment and response.

The author has something to say:

The serialization of "PS143,7" is coming to an end here.

I believe many of you have read this story a long time ago.

This story was printed into a book at the end of 2010 by Taiwan Gay Publishing House "Light of the North Pole". At the time of publication, at the request of the publishing house, the second half of the story was rewritten and the whole story was divided into one and two parts. The version I saw did not appear as a so-called "teacher version", but I once posted a letter from my teacher to my first love on the pull board of Taiwan's BBS station PTT, but it was removed because of the publication of the book. From the teacher's perspective description of

There is only one chapter of "Wedge" in the second part, and I have not written any sequels to this story, so I would like to clarify it here.

Friends who are interested in the development of the story, welcome to the website of "Jingjing Bookstore" to order, all my published and not out of print works can be found there, thank you for your support.