The ex I killed is back

Lin Yipian.

1.

That lunatic on the corner was not only annoying, he was also very unlucky.

I've grown up and never hated anyone as much as I hated him.

What is it called, Wen Rui, right?

In fact, I didn’t know he was a lunatic when I first met him, because he was good-looking and well-dressed, and he smiled kindly at me, but there was a clear sense of alienation in that smile.

When I saw him for the first time, my heart ached sharply, which is one of the reasons why I hate him the most.

He was good to me--in this street, I should say, he was the best to me.

I heard from my mother that he went crazy after his lover died, but his family was very good, he was gentle, and he was so good-looking, so many girls rushed to marry him.

I hate this kind of ignorant homosexuality the most, it's disgusting.

However, what disgusts me the most is not his sexual orientation, but the death date of his lover, which happens to be my birthday.

So, from childhood to adulthood, on every birthday I should have been happy, I always saw that lunatic crying unhappily. What I hate the most is that everyone sympathizes with him.

I hate him, disgust him, and even fear him.

Because from the first time I saw him when I was very young, there was a severe pain in my chest. I was still young at that time, and I thought it was because I was sick, or that madman cursed me, So I started to hate him more and more, I hated everything related to him, hated his crying face, hated his gentle eyes, hated his sexual orientation.

I hate when he cries very much, because at that time, a kind of despair that came from nowhere spread out from the bottom of my heart. I would be as sad as him at first, but I just want to live happily, so I really hate him.

Just because he lives on the corner of my street, because he lost a lover, so I have to suffer with him for the rest of my life?Why?

He is more than 20 years older than me, I should call him uncle according to etiquette, but I have always been unwilling to respect him, so I just call him Wen Rui every time.

He's just a lunatic, why should I respect him?

And he made me feel so bad, so bad, not even when I was sick.

Sometimes after he cried, I would have nightmares, those dreams were so vivid, as if I had experienced them myself.

I dreamed that I painted his portraits, holding those paintings in my arms lonely.In the dream, I knew clearly that he betrayed me, the knife was in my hand, and I could kill him by walking over, but I was reluctant.

So I ignited all the paintings and closed my eyes in pain in the smoke. I knew I would never see him again, but I would finally be free.

Those nightmares were so hard on me that I woke up and all I could feel was nausea.

How could I like that madman?

[-].

I told these dreams to my good friends in the same class, but people said: "Maybe you like him subconsciously?"

So I cut off contact with that friend.

How could I be a disgusting gay like him?

On my 15th birthday, he not only cried to death, but also came back drunk, mistook me for his lover on the street, hugged me and cried in a mess.

I hated the touch of his body, and from that day on, I decided to take revenge on him.

My cousin who lived in my house was very surprised by this. She said to me: "Xiao Yi, how can you be so mean? He just hugged you and cried. Do you hate him so much?"

While changing clothes, I said: "He not only cried, but also wiped his tears and snot all over me. When I was about to leave, he strangled my neck tightly and almost strangled me to death. You are all watching , no one came to help me."

The cousin said: "But he is so sad, why do you have no sympathy at all?"

I became anxious and yelled at her: "You like him so much, go marry him!"

[-].

I shouldn't have said that.

Cousin really likes him.

That day I heard my cousin say to my mother behind my back: "Xiao Yi is a good boy, why is he so mean to Wen Rui? And I was watching from the side that day, Wen Rui didn't strangle Xiao Yi's neck, he Why lie?"

I feel very angry.

I did not lie.

When he cried, I was suffocated to the point where I couldn't breathe, I wanted to run away, but the pain overwhelmed me, as if I fell into that nightmare again, I felt like he was holding my hand in the furnace The iron tongs were burning hot, but the tears were like ice beads drop after drop. If he hadn't let go of me in time, I would have died of suffocation.

But my cousin said he didn't strangle me?How can it be?

I hate him more and more now - not only because I despise him as a lunatic, not only because he always gives me weird looks, not only because his family suspects me of lying...

What I don't want to admit is that when he cries, I will be more sad than him, but after the sadness subsides, I get another kind of pleasure: it seems that I finally got my wish and took revenge on him, the kind of joy of fulfilling a long-cherished wish.

But that happiness is fleeting, I don't want to admit it, I'm actually most afraid of seeing him sad.

I started high school when I was 15, my parents stopped driving me to and from school, and my cousin went to college, so I had to walk to school by myself.

Every time I go to school, he follows me from a distance like a dog, reminds me of those psycho killers in those movies, and makes me feel very uneasy.

But he just followed me silently for a whole year, just following me from a distance.He seemed to know that I hated him very much, so he didn't dare to talk to me, didn't dare to look at me, and only dared to walk quietly behind me.

Sometimes the setting sun stretches a person's shadow very long, and I can see his shadow reach my feet.

Now I'm used to him following me, and sometimes I would playfully step on his head—the shadow's head.He seemed very happy and would follow me step by step, as if he would be very happy even if I was willing to step on him.

When I was 16 years old, I thought maybe I should look back at him, so I stopped, looked back at him, and found that he seemed to be taken aback when I saw him face to face for the first time, suddenly lowered his head, stretched out his hand to cover his face He closed his mouth, and after standing there for a long time, he turned around abruptly and left.

What the heck, you're just a worthless coward.

[-].

The next day, he rarely followed up.Although I knew he was a lunatic before, his clothes were never messy, always neatly dressed, and his hair was trimmed beautifully. However, it was the first time I saw him in a formal suit today.

As if speaking to me was a very important matter, he came up and spoke to me very carefully.

Wen Rui stretched out his hand towards me, and asked cautiously, "Can I get your schoolbag?"

He looked like a puppy waiting for someone to pet him, his timid eyes were full of anticipation, he looked at me cautiously, for fear of being hated by me.

But I just hate him.Not only do I hate him, I hate him.

So I deliberately said to him: "Take your dirty hands away, I don't need it."

Then I went to school on my own, leaving him standing there alone, looking very sad.

Why is he so annoying?Is it amazing to be a lunatic?Why should everyone sympathize with him?

After I walked a long way, I stopped angrily and scolded him in my heart with the most vicious words I could think of, so as to cover up the severe pain I felt when I saw him sad.

I squatted on the ground and cried.

I must have been cursed by him.Just because everyone likes him and only me hates him, he cursed me to die of heartache, and I can never get rid of it.

I don't know how long I cried, and then I suddenly found him standing next to me, looking at me intently with his head tilted, still wearing that neat and well-fitting suit - if I didn't know in advance, I would never have I think this gentle and handsome man is a lunatic.

He said to me: "I've washed my hands, can you carry your schoolbag?"

I stared into his eyes.I always thought he was not stupid at all, he was very smart. I heard my mother said that he just had hallucinations frequently, but he was a normal person, but how could a "normal person" say such a thing?

I continued to stare at him—

At that moment, I suddenly understood that he was a cunning person. He relied on everyone thinking that he was a lunatic, and exchanged the innocence of a lunatic for other people's sympathy, especially when he liked to treat me like this.

I got angry and yelled at him: "Don't! Get out of here, please!"

He seemed to be afraid that I would hate him, so he quickly said to me: "I just want to help you carry your schoolbag, I didn't intend to make you angry, I'm leaving now, don't be angry..." He hurriedly took a step back: "I won't bother you anymore."

I don't know why, I obviously hate him, but when I heard him tell me to leave, a feeling of being betrayed rose in my heart.

As if I had waited for him stubbornly, but he still abandoned me.

I was angry at his last sentence, so I tried my best to repay him with the most vicious words: "Do you know that you are disgusting? A homosexual, who said that he loved your lover very much, and now you are pestering me again after he is dead. , do you know how hypocritical you are? And you are obviously normal, but you still pretend to be a lunatic and let others support you, it is really useless—”

As I said that, I turned around and walked away.I always feel suffocated when I'm with him.

He stood behind me blankly, I took a step, he followed, but he didn't dare to approach me, just followed me timidly from a distance.

I turned around and glared at him fiercely, trying to drive him away, but he just followed me stubbornly.

Wen Rui walked behind me. After a while, he seemed to think that I was not angry anymore, so he ran over and walked side by side with me again.

I said, "Uncle, you are very annoying."

He said nothing, looking down at me and his shadow.The two shadows, one tall and one short, reflected on the ground, looking very silly.

I kicked him again: "Go find your lover! Why are you bothering me?"

He raised those innocent eyes again, stared at me quietly with that injured expression, and whispered: "But you are my lover."

At that moment, it was as if a flood had burst its embankment, and something surged out of the silence, submerging the whole world.

Coincidentally, it is the ever-changing June day, the sunny days are fleeting, and there are bursts of thunder overhead.

It's a pity that there was only thunder but no rain, which only scared him and didn't shower me.

As if he was afraid that I would get sick from the rain, he hugged me tightly. I was much shorter than him, and his posture of bowing and hugging was ridiculous.

Only then did I confirm that he is a lunatic, even if he can do everything well, but he is a lunatic.

I kicked him on the leg, but he seemed to be afraid of losing me, and refused to let go.

In the end, my heart softened. I can't let people say that I am a normal person bullying a lunatic. I have no choice but to let him hug me until the thunder stops.

Well, he is too cunning, and his weak appearance made me feel very distressed, so I said to him: "I let you carry the schoolbag, don't be sad."

He looked at me and said suddenly: "I'm sorry, don't cry, I won't make you angry anymore."

I find it annoying, what is he talking about.

However, I subconsciously reached out and touched my face, only to realize that I was crying, and crying badly.

He reached out to wipe my face, and said to me sadly: "Don't cry, I won't make you angry anymore..."

"I didn't cry." I don't know why, I want to coax him like this: "It's all useless to you, I was caught in the rain."

It’s weird.

Why should I coax him?

If he is sad, he can commit suicide, why do he have to drag others down?

But my heart softened, and I handed him the schoolbag in my hand: "Here, help me carry it."

He cheered up and smiled silly. That bright smile made me feel guilty for no reason.

I felt that I was too much, but I justified myself in my heart: it was he who cursed me first, and then I bullied him.Yes, it's all his fault, if he didn't curse me, I wouldn't be so miserable every day.

I ignored him, turned around and walked towards the school.He followed me docilely, like a very obedient dog.

……

Forget it, for the sake of him being a lunatic, stop bullying him.

[-].

I regret it every day now.

Why did I soft-heartedly coax him back then?

It’s all right now, every day he waits for me openly at the gate of my school—he used to hide very carefully and follow me from a distance, but now he not only rubs against me, but also jumps happily when he sees me come over.

Maybe it's because he's good-looking and well-dressed that no one thinks he's crazy.

Some people even thought he was my elder brother—he was already [-], and some people even thought of him as a child.

But how is he not like a child?The focused and happy eyes, the clothes carefully selected according to the young people's preferences, and the endless chatter to himself...

Very annoying.

Now because of this uncle pretending to be a child at the gate of my school every day, no one wants to go home with me.

I don't know why, but he always has something to chat with me. I don't want to talk to him, and he doesn't get angry, as if he is very happy after telling me those words.

After getting to know him, I realized that I had a lot of misunderstandings about him.

He seems to have learned his lessons very well at the beginning. Even after so many years, he can explain all the questions that I don't know, and he will always be better than the teachers in our class.

He also draws very well. As for how good he is, I can't see it, but at least he can live well by buying paintings. He can draw watercolor sketches and comics. Sometimes I am not happy, and he will Draw a book full to amuse me.

Once, I laughed out loud when I saw the notebook he drew for me in class, and was punished by the teacher to stand for a class.

Later, when his sister came to see me, I found out that he stayed up late every night to study high school textbooks, just to pretend to give me two questions inadvertently when I got out of school.

After that, I rarely felt guilty towards him, so I stopped asking him any questions, thinking that he could sleep well, but who knew that he would come to me the next day with two dark circles under his eyes, Along the way, I kept asking if I found a better teacher.

Ah, what a fool.

I wish I didn't hate him as much as before.

For my 17th birthday he sent me a bunch of old new clothes.I don't know why he kept these clothes unworn for decades, I took them all out and threw them away.

Later, he seemed very sad, which made me unhappy. There was no other way, so he kept all the clothes that only uncles wear. Who knew that he got worse and stared at me with pitiful eyes like a puppy. I don’t wear them. He doesn't give up--

Ahhh, it's so annoying to go out in outdated clothes and be laughed at by friends.

[-].

When I went home that day, I suddenly found that the books he drew for me had filled my closet, and his outdated clothes had already taken over my closet.

That madman, is a cunning madman.

I didn't want to read anything about him anymore, so I sat on the edge of the desk, quietly spread out the book and planned to study, who knew it was full of his handwriting - he explained almost every question to me.

Strange, I know everything, why did I ask him in the first place?

Don't want to see anything from that liar again, I thought, and went to the window to get some air.

I live on the first floor, so the moment I opened the window, I met a pair of flustered eyes not far away.

What is he doing standing there?

It's cold in early spring, isn't he cold?

I asked, "What are you doing here?"

He panicked and began to be at a loss. After walking around in a hurry, he turned his head to look at me again, as if he was eager to find a reason to prevaricate, but he searched his mind and couldn't find even one.

I smiled, just propped my cheeks and looked at him, enjoying his embarrassment.

Finally, he faltered and raised his head to look at me: "I'm lost."

"So close, lost?"

"Well, got lost. Sorry."

"Can't find a home?"

"Well, I can't find it, yes, I'm sorry... I didn't want to bother you."

His voice was muffled, and he lowered his head helplessly.

The long eyelashes covered those helpless eyes, and something flashed through the gap between the eyelashes.

It seemed that he wanted to raise his head, but he was afraid of being blamed by me, so he buried his head deeper.

Oh no.

It seemed that something trembled slightly in the cold wind of early spring.

The author has something to say:

0.0 I found out today that someone left a message to make me happy!

So happy!

So I wrote a chapter.