I was as innocent as you

The Spring Festival holiday is coming to an end, and Qu Shen and Zhai Yanghao return to their hometown.

Qu Shen couldn't stop looking out the window. He hadn't come back for a long time, and the house had indeed changed. He occasionally found a shop that had been there since he was a child, and it was still open. He would call out happily. Zhai Yanghao looked at it.

Arriving downstairs at Qu Shen's house, Qu Shen was obviously a little timid.This building is no longer the same as he remembered, it is a bit scary old, the anti-theft door downstairs is rusted, and the neighbors who come and go are strangers.

"Shall I go up with you?" Zhai Yanghao was worried.

Qu Shen's face turned pale, but he shook his head.

"Go back and see your parents."

"Then I'll pick you up later?" Zhai Yanghao was still worried.

"I'll call you again." Qu Shen said.

Zhai Yanghao shook his hand, there were always people passing by in the community, and he couldn't do anything else.

Qu Shen forced a smile, shook his hand, and walked upstairs.

Qu Shen still remembered the number of steps on each floor in the corridor.But it is indeed old, and it looks dark, and it seems to be much smaller than I remember.Maybe it's because the anti-theft door downstairs is broken. The corridors are full of small advertisements, printing all kinds of unlocking and sewer pipes, which is very messy.When he walked to the door of the house, he found that the wall beside the door had been repainted, and there were still small covered advertisements faintly showing on the edge.He paused for a moment, then rang the doorbell.

Inside should be "coming", it is the voice of the father.

The door opened, and his father looked at him. After a while, his mother came out of the kitchen, and when she saw him, she covered her eyes and began to cry.

"Come in," said the father.

Qu Shen sat down awkwardly in his living room, and his mother cried for a long time beside him, but his father didn't say a word, poured him a cup of tea, and sat beside him.The mother was crying and chattering, but Qu Shen couldn't listen. When he saw the tissues on the table, he handed them to her one by one. In the end, the mother finally finished crying, and Qu Shen only heard her say One sentence: "None of us blames you, and home will always be your home."

"Okay." Father said as if summing up his statement.

Mother wiped away her tears, got up and went to the kitchen again, while making lunch, she asked him repeatedly: "Do you want to take a bath?"

"Want to sleep for a while?"

"Are you hungry? Have a bun first?"

Qu Shen shook his head.

"He doesn't need it." Father replied instead.

"Can I stay at home for a few days?" my father asked.

Qu Shen was taken aback, he didn't have this plan at first, but he nodded.

Father took him to his room.

The furnishings in the room have also changed. Several of his paintings are placed on his desk and bookshelf, all of which are printed out and properly placed in exquisite photo frames.Qu Shen looked a little uncomfortable, and he regretted that he didn't think to bring some pictures back.

His father noticed his gaze, watched with him for a long time, and asked, "Is it bitter?"

Qu Shen almost couldn't bear it anymore, lowered his head, his eyes were hot, and shook his head.

Father sighed softly and said, "Pay attention to your body, eat well, rest well, and don't stay up late."

Qu Shen nodded.

The father didn't speak any more, he patted his head again as if he was a child, and turned to go to the kitchen.Qu Shen heard him say to his mother: "Did you burn the fish? Don't put the chili, he is very angry now, he can't eat these."

"He likes spicy food." Mother said slightly complaining.

Qu Shen couldn't bear it anymore, tears flowed out.

For many years, his memory of his parents was fixed when he graduated from college. At that time, his parents were very strict, and every word he said seemed to poke his heart.

"What future does painting have?"

"Those are things that are not guaranteed. It's not easy to live like that. Can you do it?"

"To do that kind of business, you either have special talent or a family background, do you have one?"

"All the hard work we have spent on you is in vain."

"Don't you want to be filial to us at all? Do you want us to support you for the rest of your life? Play with you for the rest of your life?"

……

At that time, he sincerely felt that his parents were disgusting, and felt that his parents raised him probably just to raise their sons for old age, and they didn't care what kind of hobbies and aspirations he had. He only hoped that he could add glory to their faces and earn money for the family to protect them. the second half of his life.He also sincerely felt that his parents were underestimating him, but he couldn't help but believe that what his parents said might be right.

He left home with this feeling in mind, and he was constantly doubting himself amidst such psychological torture.Even if he later realized his excessive inferiority complex, he couldn't get rid of this mentality. At that time, he hated his parents even more.

But he still hasn't forgotten the love and warmth his parents gave him.After returning home, he found that the warmth was more than he had imagined.

Qu Shen has never regretted it like this, maybe it's all his fault for thinking too badly about everything, if he wasn't so sensitive and suspicious at the beginning, maybe he still has a warm and happy family.But now it is as if it has been destroyed in his hands.No matter how tolerantly his parents accepted him, after so many years, even relatives became so strange.

It is difficult to describe the awkwardness of a family of three who have not gotten along for a long time and live together again.Qu Shen also saw the estrangement between the three of them, and the distance between himself and his parents was already very far away.From the concept of life to the daily habits, work and rest, diet, and entertainment, there is almost no similarity. If you want to sit together and share family happiness, you always have to face the embarrassment of different habits.The two sides couldn't even find any common topics. He tried to ask his parents about their lives, but they were nothing more than daily necessities. They didn't say anything.His parents also tried to talk about his paintings, but looking at their expressions, Qu Shen understood that they really couldn't appreciate them, and he was willing to type them out and put them in front of his eyes, just because they were his paintings.

He only lived there for a few days, and then he couldn't sleep all night long. He got up in the middle of the night and looked out the window. It was a full moon.Looking at him like this makes me feel sad, sitting on the edge of the bed alone, it’s cold at night, he’s not used to it—my parents don’t have the habit of turning on the air conditioner all day and all night like he and Zhai Yanghao—I really can’t tell What is it like.

Parents are also lost, and he knows it too.

He sent a message to Zhai Yanghao and returned after finishing the Lantern Festival.

He also told his parents the next day, and his parents had no objection, but quietly helped him prepare things.The stuffed sausages before the Spring Festival, the dendrobium grown by my father, the black goji berries and chrysanthemums stored in the refrigerator, and the snacks he loved when he was a child, are packed full.His cold is not completely healed yet, and his father even took a look at it for him. The medicine he took before made him stop and prescribed medicine for him again. He even shook his head and sighed that some young doctors are not good at learning skills and prescribe medicines indiscriminately.

On the day after the Lantern Festival, Zhai Yanghao was already waiting downstairs, but his father insisted on helping him with his luggage and sending him to the station.

"No need." Qu Shen hurriedly stopped and wanted to take the suitcase back, "I'll just go down by myself, someone will pick me up, it's downstairs."

"It's just right," said the father, "I'll also go thank you for taking care of you."

"Do you want to bring something with me? Come to pick up Qu Shen from such a long distance." The mother asked the father.

"No need." Qu Shen hurriedly said, he immediately understood that his parents thought he was from the company.

"This is a friend I know very well, and there is no need to be polite at all."

"I need to see more." Father insisted.

Mother has already come out with another bag of food.

"I didn't bring anything home." Qu Shen said.

"There is everything at home, you don't need to bring anything." Father said, he had already gone downstairs with his things.

Qu Shen had no choice but to go down, and only went down half a floor. When he looked up, his mother was wiping tears again.He really had no choice but to continue to follow his father down.

When he got downstairs, Zhai Yanghao had already stood at the door of the corridor waiting with joy on his face, and was stunned when he saw this posture.

"Hello, Uncle." He reacted and greeted first.

Seeing Zhai Yanghao's unprepared look, Qu Shen was a little panicked, for fear that his father would still remember Zhai Yanghao.He saw his father looking at Zhai Yanghao for a while, as if he was a little puzzled.

"What's the name?" asked the father.

"My name is Zhai Yanghao."

Qu Shen glanced at his father's expression, and knew that he had remembered.

Father looked at him too.

Zhai Yanghao still hadn't understood what was going on, he was chatting with his father.

"You and Qu Shen used to be classmates?" asked the father.

"Yes," Zhai Yanghao agreed very heartily, "Uncle, do you still remember?"

Father nodded: "Are you also in Qu Shen's company?"

"No, no, I don't look like an artist." Zhai Yanghao laughed.

Qu Shen knew his father was not easy to fool since he was a child, and now his scalp started to feel numb.He listened to the chat between the two, and his father handed the bag to Zhai Yanghao, who was still smiling and said, "Uncle is too polite. Why did you still give me something? I'm sorry I didn't bring you any presents."

"Put it away, it's all home-cooked food." The father said plainly, turned around and took another look at Qu Shen.

"Get in your car, it's cold," he said.

Qu Shen took a few steps forward, Zhai Yanghao opened the trunk, and naturally took the luggage from Qu Shen's hand and put it in.Qu Shen simply didn't know how to turn to face his father.He turned around and sat in the co-pilot first, and Zhai Yanghao also opened the door of the driver's seat, turned to his father and said, "Uncle, hurry up and go upstairs, it's really cold outside."

Father was silent for a while, looked at Zhai Yanghao, and said after a long time: "Okay, thank you for taking care of Qu Shen."

Zhai Yanghao finally noticed something strange.

When the car drove out of the community, Zhai Yanghao held back for a long time, and said, "Did I say something wrong? Your dad doesn't look right on my expression."

"I don't know either." Qu Shen said disappointedly.

The author has something to say:

A handful of bitterness...