Symbiote Ninth

Caesar was brought back to that small room again.

He spends a lot of time feeling alive, although strictly speaking, he is not alive at all now, after all, he doesn't know exactly what he is?Living things, or machines?But relatively speaking, he prefers the term alive.

He tried his best to block out all the noisy thoughts, and listened to his heartbeat quietly, bang, bang, like a small drum, when things came to an end, he thought he would feel scared, regret, and even Not bad, but also a little flustered, right?But the strange thing is that the closer he is to the date of the trial, the calmer he is. He recalls all the things after he was restarted by 00019 again and again, not letting go of every detail. After distracting thoughts, he belatedly realized that Link and himself had known each other for such a short time, so short that there was no time to think about other things. It turned out that this is love, which is impulsive and superficial. Advent, like a collection of all the beautiful and vulgar things in the world.

In the end, his thoughts would always turn to that night, the cold car windows and the shaking car body, he was very impressed by these two points, even though he knew that Chenghe and Freesia were watching not far away, he couldn't care less After so much, he desperately hoped that Link could hug him, even crush him, devour him, because at that moment, he suddenly recognized himself, a lonely bug, because of what he was after The vastness of freedom sets off his own smallness.

Is death really that scary?

Death is just another form of life, from existing in the world to existing in other people's hearts, so only when everyone completely forgets him, can he be regarded as really dead.

If he could choose, he would definitely not choose such a farewell, which is full of exaggerated lies and emotional farewell on the verge of collapse. Assuming that God gave him the greatest mercy and let him choose the way of parting, he would rather choose to say goodbye with his own mouth. Link tells all the facts, explains all the lies, and then dies like a hero. He can also be remembered by Link. He doesn't want to be thrown into a machine and be crushed. He wants to become a star. , looking at the world for a long time.

That was his wild fantasy, but also his humble expectation.

Thoughts stopped abruptly here, Caesar's heart and brain cooled down, like an overloaded vessel, and he suddenly decided to write a letter to Link, which was sent 15 years later.

How to write and how to send, he hasn't thought about it yet, but he still feels unwilling to be erased like this, so he overthrows what he wants to say again and again in his mind, and finally, he decides to write these contents Come down to Link:

Link, you once said that you have an order that you want to pursue. What exactly is this order?It's too complicated to say, I tried to understand, but maybe I can only understand a small part of what you think. But I suddenly thought, if the order you expect is established, people who love each other in this world will not be separated because of power, right?If this is the case, I think my sacrifice may be meaningful. You are more important than me.

More importantly, you are the one I love.

Although my love is shallow and ugly, I think it is still mixed with some sincerity. There should be no need to say blessings and prayers. After all, I am still not a theist. If prayers are useful, the world will not be so. This is what it looks like today.

My only hope is that you can remember me, no matter in what way, I don't worry that you will feel pain when you think of me, I believe that love can heal all pain, time is just an aid.

In this world, shackles are prepared for mothers and children who steal bread, bullets are prepared for young people who break free from the shackles, and fences are prepared for lambs who will not hurt others. Realizing this reality, we have no doubts about the situation we are in. The situation and things to do are clearer. The refugees in the occupied areas will never have enough to eat. There will always be a red carpet outside the hall here. I believe you are the one who is willing to exchange the red carpet for bread, and then distribute the bread to Someone else, and that's why I'd rather sit here right now dreaming up a letter that might never be delivered, rather than trying to escape.

Although I just said that blessings are useless, I think it is better to end a letter with blessings. I sincerely wish you all the best.

This letter has passed through his mind several times, and he has almost memorized it by heart, so before it is executed, he is not worried that he will forget this letter, but where to write it and how to send it, Caesar Still a little confused, but on the fifth day, Lin Yitai came, and he eagerly said to Lin Yitai: "Can you do me a favor?"

"What's the matter?" Lin Yitai leaned against the wall, lit a thin cigarette and began to smoke. The cigarette gave off a strong plant smell.

"I want to write a letter to Link. Can you help me send it to him after 15 years?"

Lin Yitai thought for a while, nodded and said, "Yes, can I use paper and pen?"

"Yeah." Caesar nodded.

Not long after, Lin Yitai brought him paper and a pen. It was a very beautiful piece of paper, thick, with fine lines on it, and a beautiful smog color on the paper. It took Kaiser less than 15 minutes to paint himself. After finishing writing the letter, he handed it to Lin Yitai. Lin Yitai didn't read it, but took it and folded it. Caesar looked at his hand, and suddenly grabbed his wrist tightly.

"...Let's forget it." Caesar grabbed the paper back vigorously, tore it up without hesitation, and was still worried after crumpling the pieces into a ball, so he took Lin Yitai's lighter and burned the paper.

"What's wrong?" Lin Yitai was a little surprised.

"I don't want to cause unnecessary trouble to him." Caesar crushed the curled confetti with his feet, "Why did you come to me?"

"Link has been suspended and imprisoned, and so has Chenghe." Lin Yitai said, "But it's only temporary. If it works properly, there will be more room for maneuver."

"Really?" said Caesar, "how is he now?"

"Unclear, he refused to meet with anyone."

"Oh..." Caesar slowly sat up on the bed, "Do you think he will hate me?"

"Hate? No." Lin Yitai took a deep and slow puff of cigarette, and said behind the lingering smoke: "Hate is a strong emotion, and it needs a steady stream of motivation to support it. It will make him hate it, not far off."

The implication is that Caesar is only worthy of disgust, not worthy of Link's hate and love. He thought it was vague enough that Caesar would not understand it, but Caesar understood it in an instant.

"Really?" Caesar said, "Let's make a bet. After 15 years, or even more years, as long as he knows the truth of the matter, he will continue to love me."

"Do you still call that kind of deceit love?" Lin Yitai threw the cigarette and crushed it with the tip of her toes, "I'm obsessed with it."

Lin Yitai didn't feel any fluctuations in his heart. He turned and left, not regretting that Caesar was about to die. He came to tell Caesar Link's situation just out of humanitarianism, telling him that his sacrifice was worth it , Don't feel unwilling anymore, that's all.

Lin Yitai smoked another cigarette. In the silence and smoke, neither of them made a sound. Caesar was still looking up at him, but after a while he lowered his head deeply, like All people who make mistakes do the same.

Just when Lin Yitai was about to close the door and leave, he suddenly heard an uncontrollable sob behind him, followed by wet crying.

Lin Yitai has heard this kind of crying too many times. Young people on the battlefield cry like this before they are about to die, because of fear, because of despair, because of missing their hometown and mother, there are too many reasons to cry... Lin Yitai He closed the door casually, he didn't know why Caesar was crying?

He left, Caesar closed his eyes tightly, tears oozed from his eye sockets, like a small burst of embankment, he suddenly felt so unfair, why did he have to let him experience all this?Why can't he hear even a false comfort when death is imminent?

When the tears were finished, Caesar felt a burning pain in his eyes. He rubbed his eyes vigorously with the back of his hand, trying to imagine what would happen if Link was here. Link would hold him, kiss his eyes, kiss the corners of his mouth, Caesar thought to himself, Link is actually a very gentle person, and he actually didn’t resent him for always sternly lecturing him before, and he didn’t even resent him for tying himself up all night, because compared with things that can be hated Come to think of it, Link is worth remembering so much better, and Caesar even began to regret why he was so stubborn before and wasted so much time that could have been getting along well.

He himself added a sentence at the end of the letter: I don't hate you because you believe that I am inherently evil, because in fact, I think I am inherently good and willing to forgive everything about you.