Mr. Fu's Redemption

Fu Junzhuo was almost ashamed of being praised, and wanted to say something, but his reaction was as slow as his. Facing this kind of compliment that came over him with a clatter, he opened his mouth but didn't know how to answer, and finally he just spit out Two short words: "Ah...um."

A little frustrated.

No, it was very frustrating.

It was fine just now.

It's just a very simple conversation, it seems that my brain is spinning, and I seem to know the words in the words I want to answer, but suddenly, I can't organize a complete sentence.

Yes, it's just a simple conversation.Why doesn't this kind of conversation work?Why do I feel like I'm... not good at anything?

What can be done?Nothing can be done.

Thinking back on all that happened in the past two years, Fu Junzhuo lowered his hands, his heart slowly sank to the bottom.

The kid in front of him seems to be born with little tendons, and he can beep and emit light wherever he is placed. With the consent of the senior, following the senior's instruction of "don't turn forward, turn backward", Gu Zhou continued to watch Looking at the succulent on the phone, the more I look at it, the more I am filled with a kind of admiration for a good senior: "Senior! You are really amazing! I always think that people who can take good care of pets and plants must be very gentle." !"

Hearing these words, Fu Junzhuo lowered his eyes.

Are you gentle?

No, a long time ago, he was surly, arrogant and domineering. He can be associated with any bad words, but it has absolutely nothing to do with gentleness.

Looking up at the junior again, there was a big smile on his face, and he was concentrating on watching the meat, and it didn't feel like "I'm going to rent with you, so I want to have a good relationship with you", it didn't exist at all.

There's only one... the feeling that what he said was true.

Then believe it for now, pretending that he is a so-called gentle person, Fu Junzhuo tried his best to concentrate, and replied: "...Thank you."

Over there, after seeing the succulent photos, Gu Zhou smiled and said, "Senior, your phone is full of succulents, and mine is full of food! I'll show you some other day."

"Ah."

But that's okay, the younger brother talks a lot and has a warm-up effect. Fu Junzhuo doesn't talk much now, so he won't be cold.

Before going back, facing the succulents all over the balcony, the child showed some reluctance, and almost turned his head three times: "Senior! I have no class tomorrow afternoon, can I move in tomorrow?"

Fu Junzhuo gave him a bunch of keys, and the child happily went back to school with them.

Although he only met twice and didn't get along for a long time, the child felt like the sun to him.

A person's personality cannot be blindly sunny, Fu Junzhuo thought, but a child's personality, at least the bright side, looks so sunny and cheerful.

A person like the sun will shine wherever he goes, and he will emit a positive atmosphere from his heart. Everyone likes it, especially Fu Junzhuo, who is half-dead and half-dead due to lack of light all year round.

As soon as the person left and the door was closed, it seemed that the room was darkened for a while, and the usual quietness returned to the room.

Fu Junzhuo shook and shook, took off his autumn cloth slippers and put on his own slippers.

The child just wore it, and it was very warm. Fu Junzhuo slowly stretched his toes, feeling a little warmer and better.

The slightly cold person walked slowly to the balcony to see his succulent.He squatted in front of the succulents, looked at them one by one, and carefully checked the situation - he did this kind of thing once in the morning and once in the evening on weekdays, and once in the morning, afternoon and evening on rest days.

Repeat it day after day, and if you don't do it for a day, you will feel empty in your heart.

To be honest, under his careful care, the succulents have always been very energetic, and there are almost no problems.

At this moment, the light is soft, and the succulents of all colors lie peacefully in the exquisite and beautiful pots. The beautiful, crystal-clear ones gather together to form a small dream world, which seems to be able to carry all good wishes.

Fu Junzhuo felt a little satisfied, looked at it for a while, said "good night" to the succulents, and prepared to wash and sleep.

He went to the bathroom, squeezed toothpaste on the toothbrush, looked in the mirror, and felt chest tightness and shortness of breath the moment he looked up. His chest seemed to be squeezed by something, and he couldn't suck in the air. He tried to take a deep breath, but it didn't work.

The toothbrush fell on the floor.

Fu Junzhuo squatted down.

If we say that during the heart-wrenching period two years ago, I often felt out of breath, crushed by a huge sense of despair, and didn’t want to live, then so long has passed now, and although this state has reversed I have repeated it many times, but in the past six months, I feel obviously better.

Unexpectedly, when I went back to relocate my mother's grave this time, I came into contact with death-related things and relapsed again.

Although he had tasted it countless times, the overwhelming sense of despair and helplessness still beat him to his knees in the endless darkness every time.

Like a stone, it was pressed down bit by bit, making him roll and howl and beg for mercy on his knees, his brain burst and blood burst, his body and bones were still pressed down, bit by bit merciless.

Why don't you die?

Why don't you die?

go to hell?

Go to hell!

You go to hell! !

Fu Junzhuo's hands were shaking badly, he got up from the ground, desperately trying to pick up the toothbrush, but then he was like a Parkinson's patient, failed after several attempts, he chose to give up, and turned to wash his hands Single-sided blade on table.

The strange thing is that the moment he touched the blade, his hand didn't tremble so badly. It seemed that there was something hinting at him, let's get it over with, so that you don't have to suffer every day, and you can solve all the problems.

Relief.

The longing for relief.

He looked at the blade in his hand, his face was as white as a dead man, his lips were trembling, his eyes were wide open, and tears rolled down his face.

What is redemption?

There is no redemption.

The biggest four-character lie in the world is "empathy", it is impossible, you are not me, how do you know the path I have climbed?

Who can really empathize with whom?

The blade is held in the palm of the hand, cold and stinging, like, like the dry bones of the mother held in the hand in the early morning.

The coldness seemed to penetrate through the skin, and then travel along the blood all over the body, freezing his whole body and freezing him to death.

There was blood seeping from between his fingers, Fu Junzhuo gritted his teeth, clenched his right hand tightly, and tried to separate the right hand with his left hand. Finally, the blood-stained blade fell to the ground, and the blood dripped down his right hand drop by drop.

Time seemed to be passing by every minute, and it seemed to be standing still. Fu Junzhuo stood still for a long time.

The light is still warm-toned, and it is softly scattered in the room, the air conditioner is still running, and the heating is flowing in the room.After a long time, he picked up the blade and rinsed it under the tap.

Probably not all of a sudden, there are always signs, the blade has just been bought recently, and at the moment it is glowing coldly under the running water.

Fu Junzhuo felt cold all over and was exhausted.

The family kept gauze all the year round, Fu Junzhuo dealt with it himself, and then cleaned up the blood on the ground with a sullen face.

Like a farce, this time seems to have passed just like that, and he didn't know how it passed—coming like a storm pouring down on his head, leaving like a cocoon, desperately holding on to time.

He took sleeping pills, but he still couldn't sleep well, and was trapped in a dream—in the dream, his eyesight was very low, and the world in his eyes was tilted and dim, with no direction, no people, only the whistling wind and himself breathing.

For some reason, he kept running.

keep running.

A woman's figure appeared in front of him, walking unhurriedly, but no matter how fast he ran, the woman was always in front of him.

That's... Mom?

Is it mom?

He continued to chase.

Then chased all night.

Waking up in the morning with my head about to explode.

Another day, he is still there.

In the afternoon of the new day, the child will move over.

Gu Zhou was packing his things in the dormitory, and Zhong Chun squatted on the bed in the upper bunk on the second floor, lowering his head and talking to Gu Zhou in a tone of boredom: "Ah, you are moving out."

Zhongchun has a baby face, wears a pair of glasses full of wisdom, shakes his head all day long, speaks slowly, and smiles when he sees everyone.

He has a pleasing appearance, which makes people want to pinch his face and rub his face hard.

Gu Zhou leaned half of his body into his No. [-] berth, busy rolling up the bedding, with a slender and tall figure, bent in the space of the not-so-large lower berth, looking a little aggrieved.

"Yes, the bed is too small, I want to sleep in a big bed!" Gu Zhou stood up straight and gestured with his hands, "It's so big!"

After making gestures, he continued to reach into the lower bunk to pack his pillows and quilts.

"Take me to fly together~" The two of them slept on bunk beds, Zhong Chun stretched out his hand to reach Gu Zhou vigorously, and poked his lower back, "Please have a meal before we leave~"

Usually a group of people in the dormitory get along very well. Gu Zhou planned to move out because the dormitory bed was uncomfortable for a nap. No matter what, he had to invite the older brothers to have a meal.

He quickly agreed: "Okay! I've already thought about it! Will Baby Lu go?"

He curled his lips when he heard that there was food to eat, but Zhong Chun didn't pick up the meal, "You haven't gotten used to it after sleeping for two years, to be honest! Do you have a girlfriend? Well, if you say move out, then move out. I won't be here in the future." People can't sleep well."

Gu Zhou thought about it, it was cruel to just abandon the dormitory, a group of mentally retarded people, and for a while he felt a sense of guilt for abandoning his children and running to a new life alone: ​​"Well, I will leave the quilt here and go Buy one and use it in the rented house, and then come back to play with you from time to time!"

"Empty hands are not allowed to enter the door." Zhong Chun snarled and pushed forward, smiling so much that his eyes narrowed.

"Okay!" Just after finishing speaking, Gu Zhou said again, "Then...how about coming over after class?"

"Hahaha I'm just kidding you~ We can also play with you~"

Gu Zhou scratched his head: "This... I share the rent, and the roommate seems to be someone who doesn't like excitement, so let's get rid of it."

Zhong Chun rolled his eyes, rolled back to bed, and stopped talking to him.

Gu Zhou dragged his suitcase and ran to his new residence. He couldn't wait to see the succulents on the half of the balcony.