A letter from a strange man

"My name is Jing Ling. The thorn of thorns, Ling of three points of water."

Jing Ling seemed to be conducting a self-analysis monologue. For some reason, in this warm room, his hands and feet were covered with cold sweat.

He didn't dare to look into Zhang Hui's eyes, he didn't know why he was so embarrassed, but the cheerful emotion in this embarrassing emotion was hard to ignore.

"Pfft... I'm sorry, it doesn't mean anything else, I just think your name sounds nice."

Zhang Hui smiled wantonly, it was the joy of relaxation.

This is the scene that Jing Ling wanted to keep in her midnight dreams many times, but she couldn't grasp it no matter what.

"Jingling...the elf...haha"

Like a senior brother whom he hadn't seen for many years, Zhang Hui was very relaxed and showed no embarrassment at all.

"Hmm... Brother Zhang..."

Jing Ling originally wanted to smile slightly to relieve her dullness caused by nervousness, but when he thought of his drunken ugliness being nakedly exposed in front of Zhang Hui, he was so aggrieved that he couldn't laugh.

He thought about many scenes of reunion, many looks that Zhang Hui could remember, maybe not gorgeous, but decent.

This is good, Zhang Hui may remember him, but it's his ugly appearance of getting drunk in a gay bar.

Thinking of this, Jing Ling felt even more uncomfortable.

"Trouble...last night."

Jing Ling's voice of embarrassment was like a gnat, which seemed interesting to Zhang Hui, such a big man could be so shy easily,

"It's okay, you look good when you're drunk."

……

After Jing Ling returned home, his feet seemed to be stepping on the clouds, and his steps were brisk. This was the happiest day for him in so many years.

He still remembered how Zhang Hui stood in front of the door and waved goodbye to him when he saw him off.

There is a large photo wall in his home, with many landscapes and portraits on it.

But in the center is a picture of a young man in the setting sun.

He stood against the light, looked back at the photo of the camera, and time was frozen in that evening.

His expression was blurred, but Jing Ling's heartbeat at that time was always vivid in his memory.

……

It was the first elective class in the afternoon again, and Jing Ling was drowsy. She did her homework last night until the early hours of the morning, and she had morning class again this morning.

He forced himself to listen to the class for a while, but the teacher's words slipped past his ears, but he couldn't remember what he heard clearly, and fell asleep on the table at some point.

His dream is the scene of playing with his playmates when he was a child. In the world of children, being able to speak well is favored both in the world of parents and peers.

Jing Ling is always the one who is forgotten, because he is not very talkative, and he is a single-parent family, and his mother lives with him alone, so it is inevitable that he will receive some gossip.

Over time, everyone ignored his existence.

In fact, it's not that Jing Ling doesn't care about people, he just doesn't know what to say.

He also has some interesting ideas from time to time, but before he can express them, everyone's attention is attracted by the children who are more capable of acting and exaggerating.

That was the loneliness at the beginning of Jing Ling's memory. He would ask his mother Jing Hong: "Why am I so sad."

He still remembered that his beautiful mother, who had always been beautiful in his memory, gently stroked his soft hair and smiled sadly, "Baby, you have to endure loneliness."

It was also the first time for Jing Ling to know that uncomfortable emotion is called loneliness.

He thinks he is lonely, but why is his mother's smile so sad, maybe his mother is also lonely.

As long as he can remember, he hasn't seen his father. After kindergarten, all the classmates have their fathers to pick them up, but he doesn't.

He also got up quietly after his mother put him to sleep, raised his bare feet on tiptoe and gently opened the door, and saw his mother sitting alone in front of the balcony looking at the moon in the sky.

Later, when he was in a foreign country, he often looked at the moon in the sky, watching the moon wax and wane. At that time, he also had someone he missed in his heart, and he probably understood his mother's mood at that time.

He is a sensitive person, and it is difficult to fall asleep when he hears his roommate snoring without wearing earplugs when sleeping in the dormitory, so he was really startled when the back of the chair in front shook his desk.

He was sweating from sleep, and he stared at the culprit in front of him in horror. After his heartbeat subsided, he found that the person was Zhang Hui, and his heartbeat was a little chaotic again.

Unknown chaos.

He has looked up at Zhang Hui's life posture countless times, and envied him for always having many friends, his calmness and his confident smile shining in the sun.

That was the first time Zhang Hui looked at him and spoke, and it was still that kind of breezy smile, a gesture that people couldn't refuse and couldn't ignore.

But he was so flustered that he couldn't say a word, he could only bury his head in his arms again, he seemed to sense the flow of air that Zhang turned back, he regretted that he couldn't say a word, he wanted to tell him :"It doesn't matter."

In the later half of the class, he couldn't fall asleep no matter what, and there was only embarrassment and annoyance in his head.

He can imagine what Zhang Hui thinks of him, and he probably thinks he is a strange person.

One day Jing Ling saw a basketball game on the school forum. Jing Ling actually longed for this kind of boys' sports, but because of his thin body and always cold appearance, boys of the same age would not call him to play.

He also used to practice dribbling and shooting alone in the park after school. He liked the posture of running full of vitality, but there was always only one shadow on the ground.

The boys in Jing Ling's art college are more or less masculine than those who major in engineering and science. They are always very delicate and poetic, so they seldom play passionate ball games.

It was the first time for Jing Ling to see Zhang Hui playing basketball. He was so vivid and full of energy. He could even see every drop of Zhang Hui's sweat and every inch of his muscles.

He was already very satisfied just standing on the sidelines and looking at him, he was faintly envious, this is what a young boy looks like.

Zhang Hui won, and Jing Ling saw them embracing happily and dancing, it would be great if he could also participate in it, it's not so strange, like a normal boy, he can still hug Zhang Hui.

At that time, Jing Ling didn't like Zhang Hui yet, he just looked up at Zhang Hui, and he saw Zhang Hui walking towards that beautiful girl.

He knew that she was the flower of the foreign language school next door. One of his roommates once regarded him as a goddess and showed her photos to everyone in their dormitory.

Jing Ling felt that the crowd was about to pour out, so he just took a look and left. As for the feeling of being breathless, it will become a feeling that Jing Ling is accustomed to in the near future.

Later, he went to an interview. Facing the group of examiners who were only students, his voice trembled nervously. He had hardly experienced such an occasion, and he couldn't say a word in the end.

That night, the more he went to the dormitory, the more sad he was. It was probably the emotional outburst that had been accumulated for a long time. It came so turbulently and unprepared, and he didn't know where his mother drifted. He didn't have a hug to make him cry wantonly and he wouldn't be rejected. He has not cried for a long time.

Jing Ling knows that she is a very emotional person. Sometimes he would be moved to tears just seeing touching stories and moving movies, or taking satisfying and meaningful photos.

This is a secret that he wants to hide as long as he can remember, because when he was a child, the kindergarten showed Disney movies, and he saw the Little Mermaid wanting to walk like a human, and when he gave up his moving singing voice for the prince, he didn't even know that he was crying. She was ridiculed by male classmates as "crybaby" and "little sissy".

So he knew that it was probably wrong for a boy to cry, but when he was a child, there was his mother by his side, and Jing Hong always said to her: "Cry if you want to, in mother's arms, my baby."

Later, he even lost this embrace, and he never cried in front of others again.

That was the first time he was beaten up and cried since he was an adult, and it was still Zhang Hui.

He wanted to run away, but the only exit was blocked by Zhang Hui, he gritted his teeth to prevent himself from crying, but there was nowhere to hide his confusion and wronged emotions this night.

He hid his face in the dark, and the night gave him the best protective shell. He didn't expect that Zhang Hui would sit opposite him and talk to him like a friend.

It was the first time he saw such a frustrated emotion on Zhang Hui, he couldn't believe it.

The night was very dark that day, under the moonlight, he could barely see Zhang Hui's eyes clearly, and Jing Ling thought of a poem out of time:

"Staying in the twilight, I throw my sad net into your oceanic eyes."

After that day, Jing Ling seemed to be alive again.

He no longer forces himself to do things that are not suitable for him. He is doing what he likes every day. He no longer feels lonely because no one talks to him. He has gradually found what he likes.

Taking pictures has been the longest thing he has insisted on since he was a child. When no one tells him, he always walks through the streets with a camera, taking pictures of living people, flowing clouds, fireworks in the world, and Shoot people he likes.

After that night, he knew that he might like the last chapter.

For the first time in his life, he fell in love with someone, and the emotion was so strange to him.

He started to look for Zhang Hui habitually, in the library, in the stadium, in the cafeteria or on every road on campus.

He couldn't remember what Jing Ling looked like before, as if he was always dull like when he was not awake, with inappropriate words or silence.

After that night, Jing Ling gradually found her true self. During that time, he was so happy that even his roommate who nodded his head said that he looked much better.

In fact, Jing Ling has always been good-looking, but before the entire personality suppressed everyone's attention to his appearance.

Jing Ling's only unhappiness is that there is a girl standing beside Zhang Hui, his girlfriend.

He envied Zhang Hui's girlfriend, who could lean so close to him, feel his body temperature, and breathe the air closest to him.

There are many back or silhouettes of Zhang Hui in his camera, some are sneak shots of him walking on the road, and some are snapshots of him standing outside the field during the ball game, but there is no Zhang Hui's full face.

One evening, he still remembered that it was mid-April, the wind was soft and comfortable, and the campus was full of blooming apricot and cherry blossoms.

The sky is full of pink-purple sunset, and the sky is filled with red like blood.

He took the camera to shoot all over the school and wanted to capture this moment. He climbed to the roof of the 28th floor of the main administrative building, but unexpectedly saw Zhang Hui leaning against the wall and looking into the distance quietly.

At that time, there were only him and him on the rooftop.

Jing Ling saw the hem of Zhang Hui's clothes blown up by the wind, his side face was a little confused, but it looked unreal against the backdrop of the sunset.

Jing Ling snapped this picture, but unexpectedly Zhang Hui suddenly looked back at him, or at the camera in his hand, his expression was bewildered showing a hint of doubt.

So Jing Ling kept that moment forever. He still remembers how quickly he fled like a voyeur after filming. His heartbeat was so violent that he was afraid that if he didn't leave, he would shout to Zhang Hui: "I like you."

April is such a good time in the world, but within half a month Jing Ling heard the news of Zhang Hui going abroad, and turned around to find that it was already May.

May of that year also became a turning point in Jing Ling's life.

Jing Ling relaxed and leaned on the soft sofa, and found that he grew up like this now, and Jing Ling couldn't do without Jing Ling's figure every step of the way.

Zhang Hui on the wall was watching him quietly, as if he was really just watching him.

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