A letter from a strange man

"For a while, I had an illness, which seemed to be a little serious. I was always unconscious, and I always liked to admit the wrong person."

When she came back from London that year, Jing Ling contracted a severe cold and did not take her medicine on time to see a doctor.

During that time, I was so feverish that I passed out on the bed and no one noticed, but I was lucky enough to get up in the end. I had to drag my heavy body to the hospital, and I registered and queued up to see a doctor to get medicine by myself.

That's when the mental stress he had been accumulating all this time overwhelmed him, and he gradually collapsed. He became numb to pain, but he could get pleasure from pain.

During that time, he began to self-mutilate intensively. When the old wounds on his arms never healed completely, he would draw new wounds on it, layer by layer.

If it wasn't for that encounter with Fang Zhiyu, maybe one day, he would kill himself.

Fang Zhiyu let him receive treatment without hesitation. At that time, he was numb and seemed to be able to do anything, like a marionette without a soul.

After receiving several treatments, he took a lot of medicine. In fact, he didn't know how to take the medicine Fang Zhiyu prescribed for him. When he remembered it, he would grab it and eat it. do not eat.

But it should still work, because his self-harm has slowly decreased, and he has fallen in love with another way, alcoholism.

He would buy a lot of alcohol after school every day, and after returning to the apartment, he relied on them to find spiritual sustenance. He also found that he could not drink a lot of alcohol, and if he drank too much, he would lose consciousness.

During the gradual healing, although Jing Ling said very little, and was even silent for most of the day at the beginning, he gradually guessed the trauma in Jing Ling's letter.

He hinted at Jing Ling and said, "Xiao Jing, don't push yourself to a dead end, you can try to come out and make some new friends."

Make some new friends?Where are you going to make new friends?

So during that time, he almost wandered around all the gay bars in Tokyo. When someone invited him to drink, he looked at the person's eyes, nose, mouth, figure, temperament or voice similar to that person, and he accepted that person. invitation.

He doesn't know where the courage suddenly came from, probably the less he thinks, the less he cares. If the eyes are like him, he will just kiss the eyes of that person; if the voice is like him, he will close his eyes and listen to him; if it is the body shape Like he would ask for a hug.

The purpose of these people is very clear, the ultimate purpose of their drinking is nothing more than the last pleasure.

At that time, every time the cups collided together, it was the sound of dreams breaking.

Jing Ling thought that he could not care about those love affairs and casual acquaintances, but every time something came to an end, the inner resistance was hard to ignore. He either cried so sadly that it turned people off, or the complicated scar on his arm Scares people away, after all, most people pay attention to what you want and what you want.

In those years, the only person who bought him a drink but didn't want to sleep with him was probably that one person, that Japanese man with gentle eyes who looked like Zhang Hui.

They met on an ordinary night that Jing Ling couldn't remember. Jing Ling was waiting for the bus on the side of the road, only to hear a "click" next to him, and a tall man held up a camera to take pictures of him. According to Jing Ling's professionalism, the The camera is a very professional film camera.

Jing Ling turned her head and looked at him suspiciously, but the man did not hide, his eyes were exposed from behind the camera, and there was a gentle arc of smile, Jing Ling looked at those familiar eyes and fixed them in place.

But when his face was completely exposed, he was not as excited as before. The man came over and asked him with a smile, "Can I buy you a drink?"

With a pure Kanto accent, how could it be that person, but Jing Ling did not refuse.

The two sat side by side in front of the dimly lit bar counter, unexpectedly those eyes looked more like Zhang Hui in the dark night.

That person said his name was Nozawa Jiro, Jing Ling could only hear his surname, because he only had those eyes in the world at this time, and these were the most like Zhanghui among all the people he met.

Nozawa smiled and asked him, "Why do you keep looking at my eyes? Is it because they look good?"

When he smiled, even the curvature of the corners of his eyes was exactly the same as Zhang Hui's. Jing Ling was bewitched by those eyes, and he said unconsciously, "Can I kiss your eyes?"

Nozawa smiled indifferently: "Why not?"

It was the first time that Jing Ling was so drunk that he was almost unconscious in front of people, but he was still vaguely conscious. He saw the man in front of him taking off his clothes, his eyes were full of flesh color.

Subconsciously, he couldn't figure it out, he might lose something after tonight, and thinking about it made his head hurt even more.

But when he woke up the next day, he was relieved to find that his clothes were still on and he was physically intact except for the hangover headache.

He suddenly found Nozawa sleeping next to him, breathing quietly and regularly, and his consciousness gradually became clear. It turned out that it wasn't just the eyes that made him lose guard, he found that his facial outline was also very similar to Zhang Hui.

Probably because he got up a little too loudly and woke up Nozawa, he gradually opened his eyes, the defenseless eyes lacked that layer of gentle camouflage, a little paranoid and gloomy.

At that moment, Jing Ling felt that he was not like him at all, Zhang Hui would never have such an expression on his face, so he didn't say a word, walked away heartlessly and without nostalgia, completely ignoring what Nozawa said behind him .

After a few months, he didn't expect that he would meet Nozawa Jiro again on the same street where he was waiting for the bus, still in the same way.

"I've been here many times and finally I've waited for you." Nozawa's eyes were full of tenderness and affection, not at all the haze of when he woke up that day, and he looked like the man Jing Ling loved.

Jing Ling's tone was a little cold: "Has no one ever told you that it's impolite to be afraid of others?"

Standing there so openly and making such a sound, it seemed as if he wanted him to find out that he was there.

There was a slightly hurt emotion in Nozawa's gentle pupils: "But I just want you to see me."

Jing Ling was choked, he didn't dare to look into his eyes, because those eyes made him unable to refuse.

But Nozawa seemed to have read his thoughts, and slowly approached him, his eyes came to him, his voice was as gentle as a lover's murmur: "You didn't tell me your name last time. , may I know?"

"Jing Ling." Jing Ling said it in her mother tongue, and he didn't really want him to hear clearly, but unexpectedly, the person asked him excitedly in broken Chinese: "You...are...Chinese?"

Then he said: "Jing... Ling, that's Seirei! It really is Jing Sang, so cute!" This sentence is said in Chinese, and the second half is said in Japanese.

Those eyes still looked at him like that, he seemed to have penetrated all of Jing Ling's thoughts, so the two had been in intermittent contact for four years.

Coincidentally, Jiro Nozawa is also a photographer. He said that when he saw Jing Ling for the first time, he met the most perfect model in his life.

Strange to say, the time they spent together had nothing to do with lust, and even had a feeling of empathy for art.

Nozawa gives people the impression that he is very polite and ambiguous like most Japanese people, and he doesn’t like to speak directly when he has something to say, as if you are the person he loves the most in this life, giving people a feeling of being carefully cherished.

Jing Ling no longer hangs around the night market to get drunk, but every time he is in a trance, when he can't tell who Nozawa is in front of him, the paranoia and gloom in Nozawa Jiro's eyes will make Jing Ling Ling woke up immediately.

Later, his illness gradually improved, and he wanted to go home a little bit. Although he had had countless collaborations and creations with Nozawa, when he decided to leave, he didn't feel the slightest bit of reluctance.

On the day he left Japan, at Narita Airport, Nozawa Jiro hugged him and cried like a child who lost his favorite toy: "Jing Sang, please don't leave me."

Jing Ling's desire to go back did not cause any waves for him, he finally looked at those eyes that had given him countless fantasy dreams, turned around and walked away freely and resolutely, leaving only one sentence: "I'm sorry."

He didn't expect to meet Nozawa Jiro again after more than two years of separation.

It was the day before yesterday, after he finished writing the letter to Zhang Hui, he lay down on the tatami for a while, and was suddenly awakened by the sound of the doorbell.

When he opened the door and saw the person outside the door, he felt a little strange. Those paranoid and gloomy eyes stared at him firmly, without the gentleness that he pretended back then. If Jing Ling met such a Nozawa Jiro back then , then he thought that he would not have too many intersections with him in the later years.

The people outside the door stared at him closely, and said to him in Chinese: "Long time no see, Jing Ling, I miss you very much, how about you?"

Jing Ling didn't show any expression, and said truthfully, "Long time no see, no."

The man's eyes suddenly turned red, and his paranoid color became more intense. He grabbed Jing Ling's hand and wanted to drag him away, but Jing Ling struggled and did not want to go with him. Putting on a handkerchief, covering Jing Ling's mouth and nose, Jing Ling's consciousness gradually blurred.

Jiro Nozawa used Jing Ling's fingerprint to unlock his phone, and made up a text message to his assistant. He was caught off guard by seeing his phone wallpaper, a handsome and bright man.

The eyes, which are very similar to his, still have outlines, but compared with him, there is a kind of tenderness born from the inside out.

At that moment, he felt unwilling and humiliated.

When Jing Ling woke up, he found that his limbs were tied to the bedposts. The man who looked full of haze was sitting on the chair in front of the window and smoking a cigarette. When he saw him wake up, he pretended to say softly, "You're awake!" ?Are you hungry?"

"Crazy, let me go."

Jing Ling looked at him indifferently, his hypocrisy looked nothing like Zhang Hui's, it seemed that he was really seriously ill at that time, how could he admit his mistake?

His feigned tenderness could no longer cover up the deep paranoia, his hands untied Jing Ling's clothes as if touching his most cherished work, it seemed that this could not satisfy him, his lips stuck to Jing Ling's neck .

The moment his lips were pressed against each other, Jing Ling felt a violent nausea both physically and psychologically. He struggled violently, pulling and rattling the iron chains that bound his hands and feet.

After all, he has never fought against an adult man with free hands and feet. When his lips were about to float to his lips, Jing Ling stared at him desperately and viciously: "Don't force me to kill you."

Jiro Nozawa suddenly smiled, and he gently stroked Jing Ling's cheek again: "Why is Jing Sang willing to kill me, isn't Jing Sang the one who loves me the most?"

"It was never you." Jing Ling said again coldly.

"Could it be that person on your phone?" Nozawa Jiro was suddenly enraged, his hand pinched Jing Ling's neck, as if to shake Jing Ling awake.

Jing Ling was still stubborn and unyielding: "That's right, it's him, the love of my life."

Nozawa Jiro stared at him, his eyes were as red as blood.

Jing Ling wasn't afraid either, she just acted stubborn and unyielding.

Seeing his wrist worn out by struggling, Nozawa Jiro suddenly felt very powerless.

He relaxed his strength, and unchained Jing Ling, he pulled Jing Ling's chin and asked him: "Have you ever loved me, even for a moment."

Jing Ling did not hesitate: "No."

Nozawa Jiro stepped back from him, and sat back on the chair in front of the window without saying a word, because Jingling couldn't see his expression clearly against the light, he heard Nozawa Jiro say: "You go .”

He might be crying, as if saying again: "I love you forever." But Jing Ling didn't see or hear anything, and he walked away with his back straight, as if he could get rid of all the mistakes he made in the past.

But when he returned to his residence, he saw Zhang Hui standing in the warm sunset, and said to him with a smile, "Are you back?"

It's like a dream.

He couldn't stand anymore, and all the strength and determination he had pretended fell apart at that moment.

The author has something to say

no! !Have you ever wondered why Little Elf didn't write a letter to Lao Gong during those four years? ? ?Don't worry, Nozawa is just cannon fodder, and the two of them have never had a substantive relationship.The story has almost been explained by the end of this chapter. Not surprisingly, the next chapter will start to sprinkle sugar like crazy!Don't forget to bookmark, comment and vote for Star Duck, and you can follow my Sina Weibo by the way, it's okay to talk about ducks, Weibo name: Taiyiga.Thank you Dakar who accompanied me all the way, I love you, I love you!