learning to be human every day

Tossing and turning in the middle of the night, Gu Zhaoran sat up in his clothes, turned on the computer, and replayed the videos he had watched countless times.

When he was not at home, all personal devices should have been cleaned up, and his mother obviously knew that cleaning up the hard drive was useless, how could he not make more backups of important files?

At that time, he was weak, nervous, and the indoor lighting was not good, so it was not easy to take a clear picture of the two entangled figures.

Even if the camera shakes and the picture is blurred, he can really see the passionate love on Fu Guangzhou's sweaty young face.

His eyes are brighter than the moonlight outside the window, full of affection and lingering.

Before he was old enough to understand this look, he was already shocked by such straightforward and strong emotions.

It's a pity that this stupid guy paid the wrong person out of infatuation.

Gu Zhaoran knew from a young age that his parents were different from other people's parents, they got along well, but they didn't have the intimacy and casualness of a couple, like a model couple, usually busy with their own things, and occasionally get together to put him in the C position, Accompanied by his son to cover up the absent-mindedness and alienation in the relationship between husband and wife.

He still remembers one time when his deskmate in primary school complained cryingly that the person his father liked most was the mother, not the baby. What was his reaction at that time?Sneering at the same time envious?

He always thought that his parents were not loving enough because they were busy with their respective careers, until one day he discovered his father's secret.

It was a midsummer afternoon, Shen Qiusheng took him back from his grandmother's house for lunch, asked him about his recent situation as a matter of routine, and sent him to take a nap. Gu Zhaoran suddenly woke up after a short sleep, and went downstairs to find Shen Qiu Sheng.

He saw a scene that he will never forget.

His gentle and personable father was disheveled, kneeling on the ground like a dog, and was repeatedly hit by a young man on his back.

From his perspective, he can clearly see the connection between two people. His children's picture books have described how the body organs of men and women are combined, but none of the picture books told him that men and men can also be done.

The young Gu Zhaoran's first reaction was that his father was being forced. After all, his expression looked so painful. The child was about to break in, but Shen Qiusheng urged and stopped his hand from pushing the door.

He was voluntary, and he also offered to ask for rougher treatment.

Gu Zhaoran tiptoed back upstairs, covered his head with a silk quilt, his heartbeat was heavy and fierce, and hit his chest like a steam hammer.

In a trance, he only remembered the scorching love in that person's eyes, which was exactly the same as the way his classmate's father looked at his classmate's mother.

He was still too young at that time, and he only felt that the scene was unsightly, shameless, and disgusting.

And his father has a family, how can a family man do that kind of thing?

Later, he paid attention and found that his father often brought men back, and he could see different faces and the same ugly appearance almost every week.

He told his mother without any hesitation, that children can clearly distinguish between right and wrong, unlike adults who create so many gray areas.

His mother slumped on the sofa, looking so ugly that he thought he was going to call an ambulance for her.

But she didn't faint, quickly adjusted her emotions, and asked him calmly: "Can you do Mom a favor."

His family is rich, the old man is pampered, he gives what he wants, he has a bunch of digital equipment at a young age, and everyone takes it for granted.

Among Shen Qiusheng's cheating partners, Gu Zhaoran precisely chose Fu Guangzhou.

Not only because he stayed with Shen Qiusheng for a long time, but also because he loved Shen Qiusheng from the bottom of his heart.

He is happy to see the scene where the sincerity is trampled on, it must be very satisfying.

He wanted to see those eyes drowned in pain and despair, unable to shine anymore.

The process of collecting evidence was surprisingly smooth. Neither of the two adults dazed by love and sex ever guarded against a silent and harmless child, allowing him to record the passionate scenes in the dark. memory card.

His parents divorced cleanly. Shen Qiusheng gritted his teeth at first and refused to admit it. He blamed that unlucky guy. people.

After the divorce, he changed his mother's surname, followed Ms. Gu and flew far away, no longer caring about the storms in the city behind him.

He is still gloomy and introverted, taciturn, and has been a difficult child since he was a child, and he is used to being alone.

The electronic products have been changed one after another, and those videos have been copied from the old computer to the new computer, like a dormant virus, always occupying a place in his folder.

Life was peaceful until he had his first impulse in adolescence, not for the flamboyant female classmate, but for the passer-by who should have been forgotten in the dust of the years.

He dreamed of those bright, gentle eyes, and was agitated by them.

There was always something wrong with one of the physical and the psychological, and he was too young, stubborn and arrogant at the time, unwilling to bow to reality, and didn't bother to ask the outside world for help.

He called up those videos and watched them repeatedly in a masochistic manner. From the verge of collapse to indifference, he thought that this powerful medicine would heal him, but he didn't expect that the entanglement in his dream would become deeper and more tormented.

He dreamed that those eyes were looking at him obsessively, with lingering love, and the owner of the eyes was lying under him, gentle and docile, allowing him to do whatever he wanted.

When I wake up, I always fall into deep disgust and self-doubt, full of expectations, but also avoid it, like a smoker who has quit smoking many times, knowing that it is not good, but always unable to quit.

It became more and more difficult for him to control his emotions. He was irritable, gloomy and depressed. His heart wandered between extreme heat and extreme cold, burned by fire, and then soaked in ice water.

He had been torn apart repeatedly for many years, and he didn't go completely crazy, even he himself thought it was a miracle.

Lin Zhe has encountered so many soft nails, but he has to persevere in giving him psychological counseling, and even risked being sued to pry into the dark and unspeakable secrets in his heart.

He couldn't characterize those intricate emotions, and the two extremes of love and hate could even meet together, tearing apart the unexplored wild land in the middle.

Gu Zhaoran finally knew that what was sandwiched between love and hate was his growing desire.

He wanted those eyes to look at him, wanted that person's body and soul to be his own.

His mother found it inconceivable that a strong woman who knew her husband's cheating and could deal with it indifferently, lost her composure in front of her son for the first time. She yelled at him, threw things, and tearfully accused him of his absurd ideas, but Gu Zhaoran kept her head down, Like a solidified pillar of salt, silent and stubborn.

His mother couldn't hold him back, so under Lin Zhe's persuasion, he let him come back and have a try.

"In short, it won't be worse than it is now." The psychiatrist said.

That's right, if this attempt still fails to give him the ability to love and be loved, Gu Zhaoran, the man of heaven in the eyes of everyone, will end up living his life like a walking dead.

Perhaps within a lifetime, he destroyed himself.

Gu Zhaoran turned off the video and opened another folder.

He almost succeeded, but it was a pity that his success fell short. A well-planned reunion only got back these sneak shots.

The leading actor has been changed on the face painting, Fu Guangzhou is no longer young, but his gentle and passionate eyes finally fixed on himself.

He got what he wanted, but there was still a void in his heart.

No, he didn't get it, he was loved briefly.

His slender fingers caressed the distraught face on the screen, Gu Zhaoran pressed pause, and took a screenshot of their ecstasy and entanglement.

Ms. Gu pushed the door open with two cups of coffee in hand: "Talk?"

Gu Zhaoran looked up at her and asked, "Why are you here?"

He had moved out of the family a long time ago, and she had always had her own career and life, especially after her remarriage, mother and son rarely appeared under the same roof.

It's a good thing that at least one person wasn't ruined by that failed marriage.

"I know you haven't slept." Ms. Gu sat down opposite him and pushed the coffee to him. "Still insomnia?"

Gu Zhaoran looked at the wall clock, it was three o'clock in the morning, and it was the time when everything was still.

"Staying up late hurts your health." He moved the two cups of coffee to his side, got up and poured her a glass of water, and Ms. Gu held the glass in her hand, with a worried expression on her face: "How do you feel now?"

She asked in vain, if it feels good, who would stay up in the middle of the night?

This son has always been stubborn. When he came back, his soul still didn't know where to stay.

"Is it worth it?" she asked again.

Gu Zhaoran shook his head: "It's not worth it."

"You just want to understand." Ms. Gu thought he had come to his senses, but who would have thought that his next sentence would kill him: "I'm not worth it."

Although it was difficult to part with each other later, he had to admit that he had no good intentions at the beginning.

He didn't block the screen, and Ms. Gu inevitably saw that scene, and she was furious in an instant, raising her voice an octave: "What do you mean by taking pictures of this thing?"

I really raised a good son, who is addicted to candid photography, and the camera is still pointing at the same fucking person!

She took a few deep breaths, suppressed the urge to smash the computer, and said angrily: "You didn't shoot this thing to deal with him, but to deal with me!"

Gu Zhaoran nodded and admitted, with a narrow smile flashing in his eyes: "I know you have something against him, and I don't mind dying together."

The ammunition is ready, and I still fill it with my own future and reputation.

He made it very clear that if Ms. Gu threatened Fu Guangzhou with a small video from 20 years ago, she might see her son's small movie flying all over the sky.

The leading actor is still the same, which is really a thrilling secret of a wealthy family.

Everyone needs face, but for nocturnal animals like Gu Zhaoran, face is not worth a dime.

Ms. Gu gritted her teeth and used her trump card: "Aren't you afraid that he will use you as a substitute?"

"Not at all." Gu Zhaoran shook his head and chuckled, "He's not stupid enough to make a mistake to the end, it's been 20 years, it's time to give him a chance."

Give him a chance, and give yourself a chance, so that they can walk out of the darkness hand in hand, and love and be loved calmly in the sunshine.

All the mothers in the world are always partial to their own children, stubbornly thinking that he was bewitched by Fu Guangzhou, but in fact, Gu Zhaoran knows in his heart that he is a hopeless little bastard.

"Mom, you have to trust me." He raised his glass to Ms. Gu, his eyes filled with a gentle smile, without any haze, "I have never been a good person, don't worry that I will suffer."

He is insidious, domineering, and unreasonable. He only possesses forcefully and does not know how to protect gently.

But it doesn't matter, he still has a lot of time to learn slowly.

Fu Guangzhou also has a lot of time to teach patiently.

The spring shirt hadn't been worn for a few days, and summer came in a hurry. On Friday night, Tonight was still full. The bartender sneaked in and came over to care about Mr. Fu's love life while wiping the water stains on the table.

"You don't even order wine, so what are you doing here?" He said angrily, "When someone loses a relationship, he uses wine to drown his sorrows. What soda water do you drink? Shall I make you a wolfberry?"

Fu Guangzhou was rough-skinned and thick-skinned. He didn't even blush. He threw a stack of tips to tell him to shut up, saying that Dad likes to sit here, so he won't order alcohol to make you mad.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" The bartender put away the tip, and his tone became much gentler, "The little handsome guy wanted to add you on WeChat last time, why did you ignore him? Are you abstinent? Are you Buddhist?"

"I'm not interested anymore." Fu Guangzhou shook his head. Once bitten by a wolf, he was afraid of fresh meat for ten years. Just devour.

Gu Zhaoran walked away for several months, and he would always think of him in his dream at midnight. Those crazy demands and giving not only emptied his body, but also emptied his heart.

A young man loses his love with wine to drown his worries, an old man loses his love and can't do whatever he wants, after all, he wants to maintain his face, and all he has left is his face.

"Forget it, it's fine if you don't drink." The bartender freed up his hand and made him another glass of juice, which is perfect for beauty and health, and is most suitable for middle-aged homosexuals. Stopped by the police, ha ha."

"I didn't drive." Fu Guangzhou took a sip, frowning sourly, "I live nearby and walked here."

The bartender stared straight at him, "Isn't it?"

Fu Guangzhou said lightly: "I'm in a bad mood, so I bought a suite here."

In fact, I don't want to go back to the suburban villa, because there are too many lingering memories there.

"Fuck." The bartender sighed with one word, and his hatred for the rich soared.

Others buy a bag when they are in a bad mood, and an old man buys a suite when he is in a bad mood. If he hadn't been straight-minded, he would have fallen under Mr. Fu's suit pants long ago.

"Let's go." Fu Guangzhou was dissuaded by his health juice, waved his hand chicly, and swayed out like a merry old dog playing in the world. He raised his wrist and saw that it was less than nine o'clock. Long nights are not easy to pass.

Or go to the nearby real estate to look around?There are still people on duty in the sales department at night.

He was absent-minded and almost bumped into someone, and was about to apologize, but when he looked up to see the other person's face clearly, he choked his sorry in his throat.

Gu Zhaoran has a tall and straight figure, with a jade tree facing the wind, and a handsome face that bears the anger of heaven and earth.

Fu Guangzhou felt a pain in his chest, and only belatedly remembered that Gu Zhaoran, besides being his little wolf dog, also held shares in his company.

"Mr. Gu." He nodded coldly as a greeting, "I'm off work, see you at the company."

Gu Zhaoran didn't let him go, and he had to wrap his arms around his shoulders, with warm breath brushing against his cheeks: "I'm not Mr. Gu anymore."

Fu Guangzhou raised his head in astonishment, a trace of heat streaked across his cheek, and fell into a pair of deep eyes inadvertently.

"FD fired me, I need a new job."

"Do you still want a driver?" Gu Zhaoran stared at him intently, "Exclusive."

——Little Enemy·End——