[Comprehensive Writer] Lonely Hell

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————————I even lost the strength to commit suicide

Akutagawa Ryunosuke was a little at a loss, he watched the red-haired child on the opposite side suddenly burst into tears, and the tears fell one by one.He hurried forward, trying to comfort the other party: "Dazai-kun, don't cry..."

"Akutagawa-sensei... woo-woo..." Osamu Dazai grabbed Akutagawa Ryunosuke's hands, his teardrop eyes widened, "That's great... Akutagawa-sensei, I finally found you... "

"I'm sorry wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooup Jie's wrist, as if confirming that the person in front of him is not a hallucination, the strength on his wrist increased.

The guilt and self-blame that had been tormenting him all this time was like a mountain pressing down on his heart. Now that he finally saw the familiar figure that haunted him in his dreams, the suppressed emotions finally seemed to open the valve and flood out. .

"I never blamed you, Dazai-kun." Akutagawa Ryunosuke lowered his eyes slightly, and he rarely smiled sincerely: "I never regret saving you that time, if I must fall into hell, then I hope only Myself."

"I remembered everything, including what I saw in the library before and after reincarnation." The young man's tone was like a misty cloud, "Because of me, it seems to have caused you a lot of pain, I hope I can try my best to make up for you , although I don’t think my work is great.”

"No! It has nothing to do with Mr. Akutagawa!" Osamu Dazai eagerly opened his eyes wide, and the gleam of tears shone in his gilt pupils, like starlight like diamonds, "From the past until now, I was alone I am persistently pursuing Akutagawa-sensei, you are like a god sitting on the top of the mountain among the clouds, and the strength drawn from Akutagawa-sensei's works is the source that has always supported me."

There were tears in his eyes, and the tears blurred his vision.Osamu Dazai has never been like this, the joy of seeing the longing person and the unbelievable fear are mixed together: "Is it wrong to write about the dark side of human nature? Dare to put yourself, what humans most want to hide The teacher who spreads things out in the sun is the bravest person in the world!"

At the moment repeated in the dream countless times, Osamu Dazai has experienced too many times in the dream the helplessness of watching the person he most admired fall into the crack of time and space, he shouted countless times in the dream Stretch out your hand to grab, but you can only catch the despair of nothingness and air forever.

Akutagawa Ryunosuke listened blankly to the crying words of the person in front of him, something in his heart was stirred up, like the blood that suddenly surged in a river that had been silent, and the coldness that surrounded him all the time instantly Disappeared silently.

"Dazai-kun..." The words slipped to his lips and swallowed again, the young man could only murmur and call out the other party's name.

Evening primrose swayed at their feet, and the emerald green river played a low and lingering soft song beside them. The water shone brightly, and the sky was dyed a gentle rose color by the sunlight. Osamu Dazai had transparent tears in his eyes, and the corners of his mouth But more and more upward.

"Even if it's a hallucination, I don't care." The teardrops in the corners of the red-haired man's eyes were like broken pearls, streaming down his cheeks one after another. He smiled very happily, with a pure smile like a child: "The cruelest thing in the world is not never getting it, but losing it unexpectedly after getting it."

"One of the things I regret the most is that I was caught off guard and didn't save you before I heard the news of your death. I will not let you die again. I have sworn to myself that even if I have to commit suicide again, I also want to die in love with my teacher."

Akutagawa Ryunosuke stared at the man in front of him, and there was a burst of heat from the grasped wrist, like an electric current penetrated into the blood and spread to all parts of the body, which made the nerves in his whole body tremble slightly like water waves stand up.He stared blankly at the pair of extremely pure golden eyes that had been washed by tears, shining like gold, and he clearly saw his face in it, which was different from what he saw in the mirror before. Familiar, his own appearance that made the corners of his eyes warm.

The most hateful devil in the world is loneliness, so unshakable like a rock, even if he tries to suppress and forget, he finds that he can never escape from the maze of loneliness.The loneliness that could not be escaped in that world no matter what, unexpectedly received some faint comfort at this moment.

Akutagawa Ryunosuke knew that this was a selfish thought that was disgusting enough, but he couldn't help but feel the joy that couldn't be ignored shaking in his chest. After discovering his companions who were struggling in a similar loneliness, he was by no means the only one. joy.

He suddenly had an impulse, which had existed since he woke up in that world that did not belong to him, but had been forced to be suppressed in the deepest part.The soft grass under his feet stained the soles of his shoes as if the tender green juice had been squeezed out. He watched the person in front of him with flame-like hair color, and slowly closed his eyes.

"Dazai-kun, you may not know...I am no longer the original Akutagawa Ryunosuke." Akutagawa Ryunosuke said lightly, briefly describing some of the things he encountered after waking up from that world, including He accepted the matter of his own memory.

"So, the Akutagawa Ryunosuke you're after is no longer the same person as me."

Dazai Osamu's pupils were wide open, he was a little confused and a little scared: "Mr. Akutagawa, what are you talking about? Aren't you just standing in front of me? No matter what you become or what you go through, you haven't changed pass!"

He immediately thought of a terrible possibility: "Could it be that you...you hate me? Ahhh, a shameful person like me is really not worthy of pursuing Mr. Akutagawa!" The red-haired young man squatted down in pain, holding his head .

Akutagawa Ryunosuke couldn't help laughing, he stepped forward and hugged Dazai Osamu, sighed, and stroked Dazai Osamu's head.The red-haired young man raised his head in shock and disbelief, and met the slightly smiling eyes.

"Dazai-kun, you are a very talented writer." The young man's eyes seemed to be filled with mist in the mountains and forests, "It's better to say that I don't understand why you want to pursue someone like me. I am already a Rashomon Those who are evil spirits should go to hell alone."

"No, no! Teacher Akutagawa is not some evil spirit under the Rashomon sect!" Osamu Dazai retorted loudly, "Although the works of the teacher are all about painful struggles in the world, behind the torture, And that hope that lurks like gold in the darkness!"

"As long as people live in the world, they will inevitably hurt others. The world is so cruel, and literature is so cold, but because of you, teacher, I can live until now!"

The tears in Dazai Osamu's eyes kept flowing, moistening his clothes, but he greedily looked at the face of the young man in front of him, and grabbed Akutagawa's sleeves as if pleading: "I can no longer Tolerance is separated from the teacher again, I absolutely cannot endure the world without the teacher Akutagawa. If I never see the teacher again, I will go crazy and die..."

The person in front of him is the existence he desires the most in his ideal, the bravest person in the world, but he, a poor coward, fantasizes about being with the other party all the time, so that he is overwhelmed by such selfish and absurd fantasies .

"If...if you must go to hell..."

The teardrops in the corners of the red-haired young man's eyes were still precariously hanging on the edge, but there was some kind of deep determination and persistence in the golden eyes.His eye sockets were still wet, but the corners of his mouth turned up, he spoke softly, his tone was like light snowflakes, but it hit heavily on Akutagawa Ryunosuke's heart.

"Then I'll jump down with Akutagawa-sensei!"

The author has something to say:

PS: The sentence in the subtitle of the text once appeared in the works of Mr. Akutagawa and Mr. Dazai

感谢在2020-03-0820:26:16~2020-03-1418:42:03期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angel who threw the grenade: Plankton~~1;

Thanks to the little angels who threw mines: 3 from me among all things; 2 from Nan Nan; 1 from Leo Fungus, Chu Minglou, Isaac, Junluoyi, Shanhe Temple, and Yingshi;

感谢灌溉营养液的小天使：Hey!30瓶；Isaac25瓶；最爱喝奶茶的沫沫、思灵念雪10瓶；AC安生、此致5瓶；子青子秦、木荒、落言晨夜4瓶；风起长歌、小花花送给你3瓶；黑银曜、Q3556、黑色曼陀罗、何、GAKUTO1瓶；

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!

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