miss you

When I got the confirmed case report issued by the hospital, I tore the few A4 papers to shreds. When I walked out of the consultation room and saw my mother sitting outside the door with a dignified expression, I felt overwhelmed. I walked over and said, "Mom, I'm fine." , let's go home." After hearing what I said, my mother immediately stood up from the chair and grabbed my hand to ask whether it was true or not. I said, "Why, mom, you don't believe me."

I don't believe I'm really sick, and I don't believe that I'm ultimately judged to have a split personality.

I want to break up with Ruobing, but every time I think about it, I always feel a severe pain in my chest. When I can't see her, I miss her crazily. When she is in front of me, I feel that she is so annoying.

I know I'm sick, so I tell myself to be rational and calm again and again, but when she really stood in front of me, I still couldn't control my crazy and inhuman behavior, I beat her, humiliated her and tortured her Seeing her kneeling on the ground and begging for mercy, I was so calm.I even started to be afraid of myself. In the dark space, I seemed to be able to see another me standing face to face with me. She smiled at me and said to me: "Wen Wuyou, do you like me like this? How handsome, domineering and mighty, you see that woman was trampled by you, trampled by you, she asked for it, because she is cheap, she is shameless."

I covered my ears tightly and loudly begged her non-existent self to stop talking, no, but no matter how much I begged, those words still echoed in my ears and could not drift away.

My state was getting worse and worse. I felt like I was floating in the air like a ghost when I was walking on the road. The lightness made me even more panic and afraid.

Ruobing fainted on me that night, and her words made me tremble all over. She said to me, is my worry-free still there, is the worry-free who couldn't bear to hurt her and love her still there?I put the fainted person on the bed and covered her with a quilt. Looking at her pale face, my heart ached unceasingly. I watched her staring straight at the face that I couldn't forget, the night In the past, when the sky was turning cold, I kissed Ruo Bing's dry lips and got up to leave.

Ruobing, forgive me for not having the courage to go on, sorry for hurting you, sorry for being ashamed of my mother and father, you and my son.Ruo Bing, I am a useless person, I have been so useless for so many years, I am so tired and want to rest, I really want to be relieved.

I walked on the street for a long time and then stopped on the bridge, took off my shoes, climbed up the railing of the bridge and sat there looking at the flowing river below. At that moment, I suddenly calmed down in the cold wind, and my mind was empty. His body was also soaked by the cold wind and he lost his senses, and he sat there dumbly looking at the river below.

When Zhigang found me, I was already frozen. I told him, if you dare to take a step forward, I will jump off immediately. Come on, even the fire brigade drove under the bridge.Later you came, when your voice reached my eardrums, I subconsciously covered my chest, somehow the scene in front of me turned blood red, I laughed exaggeratedly and roared loudly.

Ruobing, I am really sick, and there is no cure for it.Ruobing, I love you, I have never changed my heart, really.Ruobing, I can't take it anymore, if this goes on, you will be tortured to death by me, I don't want to see that ending, I don't want that crazy self to appear in front of you again, no.Ruo Bing, I'm sorry, I chose to leave you and travel alone again, this time I will go thoroughly, and I won't drag you down again, don't worry.

The moment I let go of my hands and jumped forward, I actually felt the unrestrained freedom I have been pursuing for so many years. I fell into the cold river and continued to sink. A lot of water soaked into my nasal cavity, oral cavity, and ear canal. His vision gradually became blurred and darkened, and eventually he lost his senses.

Ruobing, it turns out that death is not terrible, and it is so easy to seek death. If I knew, I should have chosen to leave you in this way earlier and give you back your freedom.

I don’t know if I should thank God for his great love for me. When I opened my eyes tiredly and felt everything around me, I didn’t want to say that I’m still alive. I’m still alive. What a big joke.

Looking around, my mother is here, my father is here at Huiwen, and Zhigang is here at Guyu, but she is not there. I think it’s good that she’s gone. It’s good to leave me, really.

Huiwen held my hand when I was about to lose my eyelids, and she said: "Wuyou, you are holding on for a while, Ruobing has been guarding you these days, she is at the door, I will call her for you Come here and see her sleeping."

Ruobing, you...why, why have I become like that, what are you still doing with me, are you a fool, are you addicted to abuse.

Ruobing was pushed in by Hui Wen, she lowered her head and clenched her hands tightly, I could feel the tension and embarrassment emanating from her at that time, I moved my fingers, wanting to raise my hands to reach her fingers To ease her restraint, but what is weak is that I can't lift my arm, let alone hold her fingertips.

Closing my eyes, I struggled to pull out an ugly smile, moved my lips and said weakly to her: "I'm sorry, I made a mistake, and I will change it."

When I knew that I didn't die, I was even a little depressed. Facing Ruobing, I didn't seem to know what to say other than the short nine words that was right and what I should say.

After waking up, Ruobing stayed by my side every step of the way. She talked to me, wiped my body, fed me, and took good care of me.When my right leg hurts from the cold, I could almost die. After my physical strength gradually recovered, the doctor suggested that I go to the psychology department. After the doctor left, Ruobing helped me sit up.

"Wuyou, I'll accompany you to see the psychiatrist, okay... If you don't want to go, don't go. If you want to eat fried noodles, I'll go down and buy them for you, okay?"

"Is there any smoke?"

"Worry-free..."

Most of the time, Ruobing talked to himself alone, and I would not take the initiative to intervene in the topic. After being revived, I lost interest in anything.When I woke up, I stared at the window or the ceiling in a daze, until my head was dizzy and my eyelids couldn’t hold back and closed automatically. I rarely looked at Ruo Bing’s face, and I was able to sit quietly in the dust alone.

On the day I was discharged from the hospital, there were dancing snowflakes in the sky. I pushed aside the umbrella that Ruobing held up for me and walked past Huiwen, then untied the scarf tied around my neck and walked in the flying snowflakes in a daze.

Ruo Bing has been silently following me, and Hui Wen is also driving along the side of the road. She stopped and turned around when she was tired. The person behind her was already covered in snow-white. She held the umbrella in her hand and never opened it. .

"Worriless, get in the car and let's go home, okay?"

Ruobing's worried eyes made me dare not look at her. In the next second, I turned my eyes and pulled the car door and sat in. In the warm compartment, Ruobing wiped off the snowflakes on my body, and she covered my cold fingers. Gently rub it in the palm of your hand.

I was afraid. After waking up, the restlessness and fear deepened day by day. I refused to look at her and stubbornly kept my eyes on the scenery outside the car window.

After arriving home, Hui Wen whispered to Ruo Bing for a long time before driving away. In front of the gate of my house, I was so nervous that my nerves tensed up. I opened the door and walked into the living room.

"I'll put hot water for you, and take a comfortable hot bath later, okay?" Ruo Bing went upstairs to fill up the bath water. I stood alone in the living room, my whole body was stiff, and I pulled open the indoor glass The door walked through the hall and stood on the open space. The ground was completely covered by snowflakes under my feet. The cold wind easily blew through the shirt on my body. I couldn't help shivering when the cold touched my skin.

"Why did you come outside, Liang, please go back to the house."

With the sound of Ruobing's voice, there was an extra coat on my body. I frowned slightly and looked at the sky. The strength from my waist then tightened. Ruobing put her head on my shoulder, and she said: "Wuyou, don't give up on yourself, please, please, love me hard once, please, look back at me, I will hug you right behind you, I am Ji Ruobing, the one you love."

Ruobing... Ji Ruobing...my love...is this...

I was hugged by Ruo Bing and stood on the snow for a long time before I turned around and went into the house. In the bathroom, Ruo Bing took off my underwear one by one, raised my legs and stepped into the bathtub. In the clear water, the bathroom is filled with the sound of running water and the faint fragrance of Ruobing.The person who came out of the water and sat next to her unscrewed the shampoo and applied it to my hair. She pressed her fingers and smoothed my long hair. The hair is already that long.

"Come and stand up, I'll give you shower gel." Ruobing came to help me while speaking, held her arm and stood up, looking at the half-bent person who was washing me up and down seriously, my nose was a little sore, after taking a bath After putting on pajamas and blow-drying her hair, she lay down on the bed.

"Aren't you hungry? I'll wash it too and you lie down first. I'll go downstairs in 15 minutes and make some delicious food for you, okay?"

When my mother came, Ruobing was cooking downstairs. When my mother came upstairs and entered the house, I was locked in the quilt. When my mother pulled down the quilt that covered my head, I moved down. .

My mother reached out and pressed the bedside lamp, and her hand was on my forehead. I heard my mother say: "Don't be afraid, don't be afraid, mom is here, mom is here." My wise mother, I think she should have discovered me a long time ago. It's just that she doesn't believe that I'm really sick as much as I do.

It was many, many years later that my mother opened her broad chest and embraced me. Although she is old, my mother's arms are still solid and reliable, and they are still warm enough to warm the ice outside the window.

During the meal, my mother sat by the bed and Ruobing held the rice bowl and fed me bite by mouthful. When my mother left, she said to Ruobing and me: "I will take care of your children first, and I will pick you up after you have cleaned up yourselves. When the child comes back, the adult's emotions should not affect the child."

I caught up with my mom at the door and I asked her, and I said, "Mom, am I embarrassing you?"

Mom said: "No, you have always been my mother's pride."

I asked again: "Then why do you always say I am wrong about this?"

Then my mother sighed and said: "Mom is also wrong. The mistake is that she is too strict with you and demands too much from you. Worry-free, mother is afraid that you will be conceited and blindly confident, so mother suppresses you. I hope you can examine To avoid being too arrogant."

I fell into silence again, and my mother also pushed the door away under my gaze. When the door was closed, Ruo Bing took my hand and went back to the room. On the first night after returning home, Ruo Bing gave me a deep love. My mother gave me a deep sigh of love, their love is so selfless and tolerant, but it is a gift in different ways.

"Worriless, let's go to the movies, shall we?"

"Worriless, I'll take you to a big meal, okay?"

"Wuyou, I love you, see if you like this flower."

Ruobing often takes me out for a walk recently, and now she expresses a lot more than before. She bought me gorgeous red roses, and presented me with chic blue enchantresses and graceful champagne roses. She will buy Come to candles to create a cozy atmosphere and share a candlelight dinner with me. She will suddenly break my head and kiss my lips in the middle of watching a movie, and hug and kiss me affectionately on the street regardless of the eyes of people around her. Such active Ruobing surprised me and made me feel fresh.

Ruobing bought me a necklace in the jewelry store, she said: "Wuyou, wear this necklace and your heart and person will be mine." Ruobing said, Wuyou, don't even think about running away Wherever you go, you can't escape my palm, so save your energy and live with me.

I laughed, very helpless.

Ruo Bing began to consciously become stronger on the outside, and the speed of Ruo Bing's change was astonishing. Before I was fully compliant, she resolutely established a new image of herself, and her great contrast made Hui Wen They were all full of admiration, and she said to me: "I'm an aunt, don't worry about what's going on in your family Ruo Bing, the little sheep has mutated into a big bad wolf, you don't even know that guy fucked the people below yesterday. It’s too much to catch up with Exterminator.”

I put Ruo Bing in the position of deputy to lighten the burden on Huiwen's shoulders. Even though I return to the company, I rarely deal with related affairs. I occasionally attend the invitations and cooperation negotiations for the next activities before, and the rest of the time All used to watch the fun in a daze.