your name is so tricky

When Hao Fang was in the art high school, he lived in the school and didn't go home often.Children who learn to paint are always different from ordinary children. They always like skating and clubbing in their spare time.At that time, he knew some gangsters, and he stayed with them all the time after school, often fighting and making trouble.

After his father was released from prison, he no longer lived on campus and lived with his father.Others said his father was a scumbag or a jerk, but no matter how bad he looked in the eyes of others, he was still a good father in his own heart.He has been in prison for several years, and Hao Fang never blamed him for not caring that he was not by his side.Unexpectedly, within a few months of the reunion, this man who had existed since his birth disappeared from this world forever.Fortunately, I didn't see his horrific appearance before his death, otherwise that scene would be with me for the rest of my life.

Some people always do some abnormal things before they die, but before they die, they say something and go out for a walk, and then never come back.The death was inexplicable, too sudden.

He was a little slow to react, and he didn't know how to cry until several days after his father was burned to ashes.He was just an adult, and his father was with him on his birthday.Sometimes I wonder if it is because I am an adult and no one needs to take care of me, so he left.

He no longer wants to hang out on the streets, fight with others for nothing, and use immature fists to prove that he is different, because he is afraid that one day he will leave this world in a humble way like his father.Time has not forgotten these things, but the things that were not known at the time avoided many hatreds that should have been bred.

He is actually very dissatisfied with his mother's remarriage, because in his eyes, his father who is not doing business still has many advantages.He can cook delicious meals, tell jokes, and surprise himself and his mother in many strange ways. He rarely loses his temper and always has a smile on his face.Hao Fang has never seen what he looks like outside, so he can't understand why such a father would hurt someone and go to prison.At that time, he was not young and had just entered junior high school.After his father left, Hao Fang was not used to it. The meals made by his mother were not at all palatable, and he didn't have much energy to bother with his picky eater.She is too weak a woman, so she can't take good care of a half-old child in the long wait. In fact, Hao Fang knows that such a mother like him is actually spoiled by his father.

He doesn't know what human nature is like, but he just thinks it's not right for the mother of another family to live so happily.If he took his new life as a matter of course, he would undoubtedly be an accomplice in hurting his father.Hao Fang has no way of knowing what life in prison is like, and how his father lived there.Every time he went to visit, his father always said it in a good manner, and of course he knew it was to prevent himself from worrying.When his mother asked for a divorce, he immediately agreed without saying anything.

Such a man, Hao Fang couldn't think that he would be a good father.

He has been away for three years, three years, presumably no matter how great the grief can be healed.Only occasionally I can still see his face in the dream, he is still smiling, showing a few teeth yellowed by cigarette smoke.It's just that he is still very young, Hao Fang knows that he will always be young in his memory, even when he is old, his father is still young.

After his father was burned to ashes, he was buried in the ancestral grave in the countryside. Every Qingming anniversary, Hao Fang would go to the grave to pull the weeds.Occasionally, my mother would follow me, but she would only stay for a while before leaving.Later, Hao Fang didn't stay with her anymore, and went back by himself from time to time, so that he could stay a little longer and say a few more words.In this world, the person who loves him the most and understands him the most is lying in the mound in front of him, even if he can no longer hear himself speak.

If you don't say something to him, who do you say it to?

On the day of his father's third anniversary, he took a day off to go to the countryside, and it was already evening when he came back.After opening the door, I still smelled the smell of food, the lights in the room were warm and dim, and the person in the room was busy back and forth, and when he saw himself coming back, he immediately showed a smile.This kind of scene has been going on for many years. When he comes back from school, someone has already prepared the meal and waited for him to come back. Everything is going on as usual, the difference is that the person in the room is replaced by Ao Ao, who should have no relationship with him. anyone in any relationship.

"I just wanted to call you to ask you to come back for dinner, but you came back by yourself. You really have a wolf nose." Mr. Ao was wearing an apron, which was given by others when he first came to buy kitchen utensils. A bear is printed on the front.Hao Fang made fun of him for a long time when he put it on for the first time, but after a long time, he felt nothing.

Mr. Ao took off his apron, washed his hands and sat down at the dining table.Seeing that Hao Fang was sitting blankly, and hadn't served any food for a long time, he got up and stroked Hao Fang's head, pretending to be serious, and said, "I'm really used to serving you, and I don't even bother to add food. You're not hungry." After speaking, she took two white porcelain bowls and went to the kitchen.

Pushing the fragrant rice to Hao Fang, he picked up the chopsticks.Hao Fang picked up the rice in silence, without speaking, he picked up a few more lettuces between his head, chewed them and swallowed them with a frown. Mr. Ao was a little puzzled, what happened to this child today, it’s okay if he doesn’t eat actively Yes, even when I saw the meat, I was indifferent.

"Why, were you scolded in class today?"

Hao Fang raised his head, a little puzzled, and said, "I didn't go to class today, how could I be reprimanded?"

"Okay, why don't you go to class?"

"I went to the countryside for something."

Mr. Ao was even more puzzled, his grandparents in the countryside were gone, what could he do there.

"Today is the anniversary of my dad's death, so I went to see him." Because he was chewing on the food, Hao Fang's speech was a bit vague, and his hand that was supposed to hold the food also paused.

There is no way to comfort something like this, let alone after all these years.At that time, Mr. Ao didn't know Hao Fang, maybe he was happy for something when he was suffering great grief, and naturally he couldn't influence each other if there was no intersection.It's just that now, the frozen past can no longer be changed, and it's too late to say anything.

When Mr. Ao was thinking about what to say, Hao Fang spoke up again, and he said: "Actually, I have been picky eaters since I was a child, but my dad cooks very delicious food, as long as it is cooked by him, I like to eat it." , It’s obviously the same thing, but the smell he makes is different. I’ve never seen him wear perfume, but there is always a scent on his body. In fact, it’s the smell of hairspray on his head. He’s quite a stinky person. People who have nothing to do like to laugh, and I don’t know where there are so many happy things all day long. Maybe he was born like this, and he hasn’t changed at all after being in prison for several years. He told me that day to go downstairs and go for a walk. He combed his hair in front of the mirror before, he was just like usual, but who knows..."

Hao Fang lowered his head halfway, his eyes fell on the remaining half bowl of rice, and the chopsticks in his hands did not move.

In the end, Mr. Ao still didn't say a word, Hao Fang's voice seemed a little abrupt in the quiet room, and the particles in the air seemed to be frozen in place, not daring to move.Perhaps Hao Fang's mood was as calm as his tone, and he was just remembering that person now, just like he usually sighs with emotion.It may also be that Hao Fang is suppressing himself, suppressing anger but only feeling a little sadness, this emotion is like a glass full of water, if it accidentally touches the water, it will splash out.

Mr. Ao has always been prone to insomnia. In order to treat insomnia these years, he stopped drinking coffee and even quit smoking.Tonight, what Hao Fang said affected him more or less, but this was not an excuse for him to lose sleep.There is no moonlight in the winter night, and the stars are noisily covering the entire sky.Mr. Ao got up and went to the balcony. He squatted down against the guardrail, and beside him were his flowers and plants.The door of the next room was closed tightly, and the people inside didn't know if they were asleep.For a person with insomnia, what he needs most is a figure by his side at night when loneliness is lingering.He smiled wryly at the little pot of purple viola, the night was the catalyst for weakness, and he seemed to be invincible at this moment.