rebirth of internet celebrity

People who have never had it must not understand what kind of disease depression is.

There is a short video that once described the inner world of patients with depression, saying that everyone has a black dog in their hearts. Some dogs are obedient and obedient, and only occasionally play naughty with you, but others are fierce and rebellious. Every moment is silently eating away at the owner's heart.

When Yang Jingzhao was most ill, he lay in bed all day, quietly letting the black dog bite him.His life is out of touch with society, and his rhythm is twice as slow as others.He can't read other people's smiles, and he doesn't understand why others have friends, but he doesn't. He lets his thoughts go, but he can't fantasize...

Then he met Huo Jiang.

Yang Jingzhao sat opposite Dr. Chen and analyzed his state of mind at this time.

"...will care about how he feels about me, and I'm afraid that he doesn't take me to heart. Any clues will cause me to doubt him... If it's like before, he and I are just friends, I won't care so much , I just need him to chat with me more, go on outings, and absorb his energy. But now, my demands on him are much higher than before..."

Dr. Chen was in a cold sweat, thinking that this person is seriously ill, but he said calmly, "I don't know if Mr. Yang has ever heard of a psychological term - 'mirror me'."

"Mirror me?"

"It's the self in the eyes of others. I found that Mr. Yang is very concerned about 'mirroring me'. The evaluation of your lover, the evaluation of you by your lover...but rarely mention the evaluation of yourself."

Yang Jingzhao thought about Mr. Chen's words carefully, and found that he was indeed the case.

"However, the information you get is not completely correct. Sometimes, things are not as negative as you imagined. For example, if you have any doubts, why don't you communicate directly with your lover? When she cares about you, you You will think 'she must like me', and when she neglects you for a moment, you guess 'she must not like me', but this is the psychological expression of secret love. Now, are you and her still in the relationship of secret love What? When you have doubts in your heart, have you tried to communicate with him first?"

Yang Jingzhao shook his head, "Well, it seems that it is indeed my problem. But if I can't control myself and keep suspicious of him like this, what should I do?"

Dr. Chen sighed, "Then we need to find out what is the problem that caused your troubles today. What is the root cause of your depression and anxiety? We can only treat the symptoms after we find the cause..."

"There is no cause." Yang Jingzhao interrupted Dr. Chen, "I am usually caused by high pressure and too many failures."

Dr. Chen naturally didn't believe what he said, so he smiled helplessly, "Mr. Yang, you don't trust me. You don't trust your lover either."

When Yang Jingzhao thought of Huo Jiang, his heart ached.

Because of Huo Jiang, he didn't want to continue living in darkness.Is he going to give up?Maybe, this time he can really try.

The floodgate in Yang Jingzhao's heart opened quietly, and for the first time confided to an outsider the secret that he wanted to keep all his life.

"My mother... when I was very young, she..."

Dr. Chen habitually opened his notebook and took out a pen to record, but this action woke up Yang Jingzhao.

As if Yang Jingzhao couldn't bear to continue sitting in the consulting room anymore, he picked up the coat on the sofa and walked out.

"Sorry, it's too quiet here, I'm very anxious. For this consultation, I will come here first."

It was too late for Dr. Chen to stay, and Yang Jingzhao had already left the consultation room.

The past that should have been forgotten once again came to my heart. Yang Jingzhao walked quietly on the street, watching the flow of people coming and going, and let out the black dog in his heart again.

In extreme helplessness, he really wanted to see Huo Jiang, immediately, immediately.

Huo Jiang was studying the cumbersome contract. In two lifetimes, it was the first time he took over such a large "business", so he had to be cautious.

Seeing the obscure parts, he couldn't help sighing, if only Yang Jingzhao was here at the moment, and he could still ask him for advice.

But in the past two days, he and Yang Jingzhao have been tacitly not mentioning this matter. They only send text messages or make phone calls when they are not busy with each other, and say some innocuous greetings... In this case, he It's really not good to take this contract and go to Yang Jingzhao rashly.

Huo Jiang couldn't help being embarrassed.

But when he was lamenting that the relationship with Yang Jingzhao was constantly being cut and messed up, the stupid dog rushed to the door and barked.

Huo Jiang looked at the door vigilantly, and after a while, footsteps sounded, and Yang Jingzhao knocked on his door.

So uninvited?I am so happy!

Huo Jiang put down the contract, didn't wear any slippers, and went to open the door hopping.

When Yang Jingzhao entered the door, the first thing he did was to take off his coat, and skillfully hung the clothes on the hanger.

The second thing is to feed the dog, take apart the snacks he brought, and spread them out in front of the stupid dog—this is how the dog was turned into a traitor.

The third thing was to tease the cat. He picked up the cat teasing stick and played with Sha Mao for a while. Huo Jiang was jealous of Sha Mao's affection for him.

The fourth thing is to pay attention to Huo Jiang, asking "What's for dinner?"

Huo Jiang immediately understood that this person should have come to pass the steps, pretending to be casual, and then drew closer to each other, and then resumed the closeness of the past.

Huo Jiang was dissatisfied, but even though he was dissatisfied, his heart was still sweet, and he walked towards the kitchen uncontrollably.

"Is it cold outside? I'll eat it for you! I made a very good broth!"

Yang Jingzhao followed him to the door of the kitchen, leaning on the door frame to watch him busy with dinner.

"It's still a while before night, why do it now?"

"Knead the dough first, stay awake. I won't give you the semi-finished products bought outside. There are too many additives. I will make hand-rolled ones for you, which are fresh and fresh."

Huo Jiang opened the cabinet, poured out the flour, and kneaded the flour with milk.A pair of clean and strong hands rubbed in the basin.

Yang Jingzhao saw him wearing an apron and busy in front of the stove, and suddenly the coldness in his heart was dispelled.

Yang Jingzhao returned to the room, and saw Huo Jiang spread out a bed of materials and an open laptop.

The cleanliness Yang Jingzhao couldn't bear to see the mess, so he started to help Huo Jiang tidy up.

In "Five-Year College Entrance Examination and Three-Year Simulation", Huo Jiang was going to take the university entrance exam, he almost forgot.

"English Vocabulary List for Level [-]", has Huo Jiang already learned this?

"Photography Theory and Creative Attempts", Huo Jiang still needs to take professional courses, when will it be?When the time comes, he should go to accompany the exam, right?

"Putonghua Level Test", Huo Jiang wants to test Putonghua?By the way, being a host requires this skill, so did he sign up for the training class, or did he just take the class? The broadcasting major of C University is also the best in the country.

"Subject [-] Study Reference Materials", Huo Jiang wants to test his driver's license?He can help with this.

"Image spokesperson commission contract"... This reminded him of the stalemate that day.

Yang Jingzhao paused while packing up the materials.He remembered Dr. Chen's words, "When you have doubts in your heart, have you tried to communicate with him first?"

Thinking of the dispute that day, Yang Jingzhao regretted it.His accusation was too hasty for Huo Jiang.

Figured this out, Yang Jingzhao went to turn off the computer again, only to see strange questions hanging on Huo Jiang's open webpage.

"Excuse me, the person I like and I confessed to each other, are we together now?"

"May I ask what you should do when you are in love..."

"How do you choose a date?"

"How can I know what the other person likes? My boyfriend is a little moody, but he is very domineering!"

……

It was a mess.

Yang Jingzhao laughed. He simply took off his shoes and sat on the bed, holding the spokesperson contract to help Huo Jiang to interrogate.

Huo Jiang and Haomian saw this scene when they came out of the kitchen. Yang Jingzhao was examining the contract for him with his long legs crossed, and he was holding a pen in his hand to write and draw marks. He was dealing with Yang Jingzhao's own affairs.Huo Jiang's heart was instantly filled with emotion.

"You are so kind..." Huo Jiang walked over and sat next to Yang Jingzhao.He wanted to sit closer, but was afraid that would be too abrupt.

Yang Jingzhao put down the document in his hand and asked gently, "I'm fine?"

"Ah."

"What do you like about me? Or, in your eyes, besides being a good person, what kind of person am I?"

Huo Jiang didn't expect Yang Jingzhao to ask these questions, and replied instinctively, "A person who knows how to respect others is also worthy of respect from others."

"that is all?"

"There are also some very common advantages." Probably because of the relaxed atmosphere, Huo Jiang began to talk, "For example, rich, handsome, smart, caring and like small animals...these. But what attracts me the most is that you always encourage me with an attitude of appreciating me. When I am with you, I feel relaxed and feel that the future will be bright."

That's because people around me are mediocre, but you take life seriously, which makes me yearn for it.Yang Jingzhao thought silently.

"What about my shortcomings?" he asked again.

shortcoming?Huo Jiang looked at Yang Jingzhao cautiously, as if he dared not speak out.

"Say."

"It's just that I don't talk very much, and it's not easy to communicate... Don't think I'm cautious with others. In fact, I'm quite nervous sometimes, especially with you. If there's anything that I don't do properly, you Better tell me straight up, don't sulk..."

"Then put my strengths and weaknesses together, do you like me more or don't like me more?"

"Of course I like it more!" Huo Jiang was categorical. It was rare for Yang Jingzhao to talk to him so much. He had to seize the opportunity and started the third wave of confession, "You are very reliable. I feel that since I have you , I am not alone. When I was sick, I thought of you at the first time, but I called Liu Xiaoxi when I was confused. Also, as soon as I heard that you liked me, I sent a message as soon as I got home. Weibo..."

Yang Jingzhao was stunned for a moment, and couldn't help laughing when he remembered that he had lost control because of these things.It turned out that Dr. Chen was right. Some things were indeed not as negative as I imagined.

He finally concluded, "Then, would you like me to be your boyfriend?"

Huo Jiang felt that this was what he was waiting for, and he solemnly replied, "I am also very willing to be your boyfriend."

This sentence sounds very inconsistent, but it makes both of them immersed in the plain satisfaction of exchanging their hearts.

After waking up, Huo Jiang continued to prepare dinner, and Yang Jingzhao continued to review the contract.

The broth and stewed beef are ready-made, Huo Jiang boils the soup, and the beef slices are good.

There are fresh small rapes in the vegetable basket, which have been picked and washed.

Huo Jiang rolled out the noodles quickly and neatly, stretching the long noodles into the pot.

A small amount of chicken essence, a touch of salt, and a small amount of sugar are added to enhance the freshness, and chopped shallots are added to enhance the taste.

In the room, Yang Jingzhao had already set the table, and Huo Jiang came out of the kitchen with two bowls of noodles. Just as he put down the bowls, Yang Jingzhao hugged him from behind.

Huo Jiang thought of the kiss at the door of Yang Jingzhao's house last time, and felt itchy in his heart.He raised his head, restlessly rubbed Yang Jingzhao's neck to show his obedience, and couldn't help saying, "I think of my parents."

Unlike the last time he ate soup pot and thought of the misery of his parents' death, this time Huo Jiang thought of the warm reunion when his parents were alive.

But he didn't expect that Yang Jingzhao behind him stopped moving and didn't make a sound for a long time.

He wanted to turn his head to look at Yang Jingzhao, but Yang Jingzhao covered his eyes with his hand, and the arm around him tightened even more.

Huo Jiang felt a burst of wetness from Yang Jingzhao's face - Yang Jingzhao actually cried.

"In the past few days, I've always thought of one thing, wondering if I should tell you...I had forgotten it for many years, but recently I kept thinking about it..." Yang Jingzhao said in a soft voice, but the words were heavy .

Huo Jiang listened quietly, he really wanted to know what could have made Yang Jingzhao so vulnerable that he shed tears in front of him.

"My mother killed herself when I was 15, right in front of my eyes."

"I know, she died to show me...she hates my father and me."

"Sometimes I really feel that one day, I will walk on the same path as her..."

Ten years ago, Yang Qianfan's wife cut her wrists and committed suicide due to depression. 15-year-old Yang Jingzhao was gagged and tied to a chair.

His tears were all dry. His mother did such a thing in order to avenge his father's extramarital affair, which successfully made him hate his father for the rest of his life.

But what did the mother think of his son?

In this world, who else would truly love him...

When the truth of the matter is revealed, everything has a reasonable explanation.

Why is Yang Jingzhao taciturn, why is he sensitive and careful, why he has so much material but has always been sober-minded... Huo Jiang would rather not hear anything, because he really can't imagine how Yang Jingzhao endured all these years alone. pain.

People only regret it after they die, and then realize that they have made mistakes, and it is the same with Huo Jiang, but he is extraordinarily lucky and has the opportunity to start over.

I don't know if Mrs. Yang has a spirit in heaven, will she regret seeing Yang Jingzhao so sad and helpless?

He turned around, lowered his head, and covered Yang Jingzhao's chest with his hands, as if this could warm the coldness and loneliness in his heart.