teenage lover

"I know what you think in your heart. Live in school, and then, never come back, anyway, you hate me, you hate me..." Her trembling voice grew in vain, "But you hurt me! Why do you hate me?"

"I'm just living in school." Jiang Wenyuan was convinced that Chen Lianyun was already half-crazy, but he still tried his best to reason with her.

Chen Lianyun shook his head in disbelief, grabbed his collar with both hands and announced: "You owe me, you dare to leave if you don't pay back what you owe me?"

It was like being haunted by a ghost, and what was even more frightening was that this ghost was his mother, who had a deep relationship with him.At this point, the mother always symbolizes a great sacrifice, and the children are sinners who cannot be redeemed and changed.It is original sin to be a child of man.

Jiang Wenyuan only hated why people didn't jump out of rocks, atonement against a stone is better than atonement against a woman like a ghost.

It is unrealistic to jump out of the stone. In his mind, the scene of a large number of fertilized eggs being cultivated in a bottle in a science fiction novel - in that fictional world, sex/intercourse is a sin, and human reproduction is under the control of sophisticated instruments The government is responsible for the unified cultivation of young children.The concept of "parent-child" does not exist in the whole society.

During this trance, a white thing came towards his face, Jiang Wenyuan quickly avoided it.At that moment he heard the sound of glassware smashing against the wall.

"Anyway, you're leaving..." Chen Lianyun muttered, "I might as well, why not..."

Jiang Wenyuan didn't want to listen to what she didn't finish, so he turned to enter the room, as if the hand of God poked his shoulder, he turned his head for a split second, a huge shadow appeared in his sight, he He was so violent that he crouched down with his head in his arms, rolled and crawled to avoid a few steps before he could clearly see the ashtray in Chen Lianyun's hand.

She smashed the ashtray on the glass coffee table, pulled her hair and cried bitterly.

"I only have you! I have only you! Do you have the heart? Do you have the heart to let me be at home alone?" She raised her bloodshot red eyes and stared at Jiang Wenyuan, "Have the heart to watch me die it's here?"

Jiang Wenyuan sighed and stepped forward to remove the ashtray.He picked up the cigarette case and lighter from the coffee table, lit it and handed it to Chen Lianyun.It took Chen Lianyun a long time to reach out her hand. She shook her hand when she took the cigarette, and the ash fell on her clothes.

"You won't die." Jiang Wenyuan said, he was surprised that he tried to persuade his mother, negotiate with his mother, and even talked to her in a slightly coaxing way. "I won't leave you either. I just live in school during class, and I will come back on weekends."

Chen Lianyun's face under the disheveled hair pulled out a smile that no one could see, and casually knocked the cigarette ash on the coffee table, and she stretched out her hand.Jiang Wenyuan spent all his strength to tolerate her touch without fleeing.

Only then did he realize that Chen Lianyun's hands were skinny, the thick joints were covered by a layer of white skin, and the joints were morbidly protruding and swollen.Her rough and cold hand touched his side face for a while, "Is that Rong Sheng taught you to lie to me?"

Enduring her touch, Jiang Wenyuan frowned and said, "Most of the people in our class have already boarded. The head teacher also advised us to live on campus as soon as possible."

Chen Lianyun giggled a few times, and said with a strange expression: "Do you think you can escape?" Chen Lianyun whispered in his ear: "Silly son, do you know why he wants to save you?" ?"

Jiang Wenyuan woke up with a start. He was lying on the bare bed—everything in the house was still the same as it was cleaned by the female worker that day, and no one else came in except him.

He once watched a TV series in which the hero who lost his lover cried bitterly and knelt down to pray to God: "If a person has a soul, let her soul haunt me for the rest of my life."

For the first time at a young age, he felt the sorrow of the separation between life and death, and he almost burst into tears.

Chen Lianyun's death did not make him feel too much grief of losing his mother and fear of impermanence.It's just that it's hard for him not to imagine her last meditation in bed.

Can she clearly feel the loss of life?Did her body instinctively struggle violently at the moment of dying?Still nostalgic for this world, do you regret it ending like this?Do you still hate Jiang Wenyuan for causing her miserable life?

The remnants of her living traces in the house, and her every move are played repeatedly in this house countless times.

When he sits in the dining room and sets out two bowls of rice, he can see her smashing the bowls he picked up to the ground; From the door, you can see the sharp blade shining white and the bright red droplets splashing on the ground, and see her dead eyes...

Jiang Wenyuan didn't know whether human consciousness or soul would die with the destruction of the body.

If a person has a soul, he can abandon all guilt, pain, and worries, because for Chen Lianyun, no place is more like hell than this home, and she will be happier living anywhere than here.

If not, what kind of emotion should he have towards Chen Lianyun?Glad for her relief?Or is it sad that she will never exist?For herself, if she could choose again, what choice would she make?

But once is eternity, once there is no way out, she has no chance to repent.

So there is no solution to this problem, and it will haunt Jiang Wenyuan for the rest of his life.On that hard board, he still fell into a deep sleep.

Two weeks after the start of the second year of high school, the arts and sciences will be divided into subjects, and classes will be rescheduled.

Jiang Wenyuan was at a loss, he didn't know how to find an excuse to pester Rong Sheng every day in the future.In different classes and dormitories, there is no reason for two people to meet if it is not a deliberate appointment.Their relationship, which they had cultivated with difficulty all year long, was in jeopardy.

Stranger than old friends, new tablemates, new classmates, new playmates... Jiang Wenyuan was frightened all afternoon after being woken up from his nap. He told Rong Sheng that he wanted to study liberal arts.

Rong Sheng said that his brain was convulsed, and students like him who are heavily biased towards science are asking for trouble if they study liberal arts.

Jiang Wenyuan didn't speak, he couldn't even make up an excuse, and he said after a long while: "Shouldn't liberal arts be... relaxed?"

Seeing his hesitant expression, Rong Sheng knew that he had said something against his will again, and asked him what he was possessed by, but he didn't care if he couldn't find out, so he arrogantly filled in the science and handed it in for him.

On the weekend after the shift, Jiang Wenyuan returned to her home.He ordered a takeaway and sat alone on the sofa to watch the food.

The corners of the room are hung with spider silk, and time seems to be frozen.

In fact, he has experienced many scenes that are a hundred times more bleak than today.

He stole spoons and wine glasses from the cupboard, jumped out of the dining-room window to play in the mud, and when he was done he carefully washed them and put them back where they belonged.

One day at lunch, he was suddenly slapped by Chen Lianyun, who said that she knew all the things he did all along.For a long time, he didn't dare to act recklessly in the locked room, always thinking about where the eyes were prying him.

He had eaten on the balcony kneeling with a bowl in the twelfth lunar month of winter. Because of her words, he couldn't hold back his cough all day when he was sick.

Another time when the husband and wife had a quarrel, they got impulsive and went into the kitchen to get a knife. Jiang Yang cried and stopped him, and took the opportunity to call someone to come to the house to persuade them to fight.Jiang Jian became angry, and slapped Jiang Yang directly on the face, telling him to mind his own business.

Standing in the corner, Jiang Wenyuan watched coldly as a group of them fought, persuaded, cried and wailed.

He suddenly thought that it would be great if all the people in this group died, and it would be great if he was the only one.

Now, many years later, his wish has come true.

Chen Lianyun died, and Jiang Jian almost disappeared. He lived alone, and Jiang Jian paid him a considerable amount of money from time to time.

He ate alone, watched TV, and no one would make demands on him.It would not be an exaggeration to say that this kind of life was in heaven a few years ago.

But he didn't feel the slightest pleasure.

Such emptiness and freedom were originally his pursuit and desire, but now they are abandoned by him like a shoe, making him restless.

He has learned to smoke for a long time, and his addiction is not great.Under the prohibition and kind persuasion of Rong Sheng, he hadn't touched it for several months, but today he couldn't help it.

He lay on the sofa and twitched one by one, and in his mind for a while, Rong Sheng was sleeping on the table, and when he woke up, his eyelids were drooping, with red marks on his face, and for a while, he took a bite of food and sighed three times. In a tone of voice, he said how his father was cruel to him, how partial to his sister, how wronged he was to the point of tears, and on a winter day with light snow, he was wearing a dark green windbreaker and a plaid scarf, standing under the billboard on the street and waving to Jiang Wenyuan , Blaming him for coming so late, and talking about another thing before anyone answered.

He finally admits that his love has never been selfless.Under his loose and generous mask, there is a possessive desire that is so crazy that even he can't believe it, and a desire that he dare not speak out.

On Monday morning, Jiang Wenyuan stood at the back door with a breakfast box and waited for someone. Five minutes before class was the peak time for students to arrive at the school. There was a constant flow of people, and Jiang Wenyuan was tired from looking at it.

"Morning." Rong Sheng took the lunch box in his hand and said that he would be waiting for him in front of the small flower bed after school at noon.

"it is good."

"Don't dawdle then." When Rong Sheng left, he raised the lunch box in his hand and thanked him.

Jiang Wenyuan smirked for a morning reading class. His new deskmate thought there was something wrong with him, so he didn't dare to say hello to him.