Living in Yokohama

Shirasaki nodded her chin, and was rarely curious about what happened to Osamu Dazai: "With so many demands, do you really want to commit suicide? Ordinary people don't care about the water or ice when they commit suicide."

"Of course! I'm a suicideist." Osamu Dazai stretched out his index finger and shook it from side to side, explaining very seriously and earnestly. If Kunikida-senpai was here, he would probably roar, "You are so serious at work", Dazai Zhi's eyes seemed to be shining because of this, "My creed is suicide that is clear and full of vigor!"

... completely incomprehensible.

Refreshing, bright, and vigorous, which of these three words is related to suicide?

Aren't there just a few reasons why people commit suicide?

Destroyed by various objective realities, unable to get what one wants, or a certain organ is broken, human beings can no longer bear the weight of living, so they seek the relief of death.

Death is very painful, and any unnatural death will inevitably suffer some torture, but for suicides who have no desire to live, living in the dark reality is more painful than death, so they don't care about the consequences of suicide. pain of.

People like Osamu Dazai who have been committing suicide all the time, but still have to pick and choose the method, location, and conditions of suicide... Shirasaki thought for a while, but couldn't think of any words to describe him.

If Shirasaki didn't know Osamu Dazai and only listened to this person's ideas about suicide, she would probably think that this person was just joking and didn't want to commit suicide at all...or he was using this to act like a spoiled child to other people, as if The children who got the sweets cried and cried, hoping to be coaxed.

"Can't you understand?" Osamu Dazai leaned back slightly, looking down at her, with very complicated emotions in his eyes, "But it's normal, Xiaobai is someone who refuses to give up the chance to live under such circumstances. , it's normal not to understand. But why does Xiaobai want to live so much?"

Osamu Dazai's eyelashes trembled slightly, as if he didn't want to look at her, but there was an indescribable longing in his eyes.

Shirasaki felt for a moment that she seemed to see Osamu Dazai two years ago.

On a rainy day two years ago, she saw Osamu Dazai squatting in front of her in a black suit. Dazai Osamu, who had just grown up, stared at Shirasaki who was dizzy due to the sudden drop in weather and fever, and showed displeasure. Confusion, confusion, and a crying expression.

At that time, Shirasaki, who had no strength due to illness, could only lean against the wall to accumulate the strength to escape, seemed to be dazed when Osamu Dazai asked the same question: "——Why do you want to live?"

...How did she answer back then?

Shirasaki recalled with blank eyes.This memory scares her for a long time, because she doesn't really remember what happened afterwards.

It seems that he ignored this question because he was too dizzy...?But she clearly remembered what she seemed to have said, because Shirasaki vaguely remembered Dazai Osamu showing a very strange expression.

At that time, it seemed to be——

'...because you never died. '……?

There was an inexplicable chill behind Shirasaki's back, she met Osamu Dazai's eyes, and asked tentatively: "Have you asked this question before?"

...Did she say those words at that time?Having said that, wouldn't Osamu Dazai know that she died once two years ago?

But the memories of her illness were too vague, Shirasaki couldn't be sure whether she said those words, so she had to look at Osamu Dazai, trying to find some clues.

Osamu Dazai blinked his eyes softly, and there was nothing unusual: "Ah, so I really want to know the answer."

...Hey, in terms of disguise and acting skills, Osamu Dazai is much better than her.

Shirasaki pressed down on the hat, rubbing her fingers hesitantly at the brim of the hat. In fact, she hadn't thought about it carefully. If she wants to live, she just wants to live. What reason does she need?She organized her words: "Why do you want to live... because if you die, you will have nothing."

Needless to say, money is something that is not brought with life but not taken away, even feelings are the same.

For the deceased, the grief of relatives and friends, the joy of enemies, and the indifference of passers-by, don't these emotions all have the same meaning to the deceased?

Because the dead can no longer accept and respond to these emotions, and the dead can no longer grasp what they want, and all the things they have obtained will be lost at the moment of death.

When you die, you have nothing. The world is so big, so many people die together at the same time, but in the end, there is only one person sleeping alone in the darkness. In the end, only darkness and loneliness belong to the dead.

How sad.Shirasaki repeated: "When you die, there is nothing left." Whether it is a unique memory or an irreplaceable love, it will be lost at the moment of death.

"Really...? But the things you don't want to lose will leave you sooner or later, and the things people desire are destined to be lost when you get them." Osamu Dazai's voice became deeper, "Is there something..." What is there? Is something worth prolonging this painful life to pursue?

"Is there something...? The next thing I didn't get." This question is too philosophical. Baisaki is not very able to answer this question. She was thinking about it, but she suddenly came to her senses: Why did she discuss such a thing with Osamu Dazai? Philosophical question? DUCK is unnecessary!

Is it because I have lived together for too long, so I subconsciously feel that Osamu Dazai can communicate...is he human? (Bai Saki swallowed the word friend back in time)

...I always feel that Osamu Dazai has been caught in it.Shirasaki let out a "tsk".

Shirasaki clicked her tongue in displeasure, she took out the cheese stick that Osamu Dazai gave her before, took it apart in twos and twos, and put it directly into Osamu Dazai's mouth: "Open your mouth and swallow it."

Osamu Dazai: ...?

Osamu Dazai slowly made a question mark, and obediently bit the cheese stick into his mouth, and then swallowed it.

Baisaki spread out her hand, and the blue plastic stick lay in her palm: "Swallowed it?...Okay, now that the cheese stick is gone, how does it taste?"

"...It's okay." Osamu Dazai smacked his mouth and gave a pertinent evaluation, "It would be great if there were canned crab meat."

Return canned crab meat, you are so beautiful.

Shirasaki stuffed the trash into Osamu Dazai's pocket, clapping his hands: "It's fine if it's delicious. People will definitely lose something when they are alive, but they will also gain something. Why do you keep looking at what you lost?"

How do you say something?The twisted melon is not sweet, and I can eat it with sugar.

By virtue of signing a contract with the game organizer, Baisaki survived forcibly. Has she lived well in the past few years?Are the days of being hunted fun?

Of course it’s not fun. If you think it’s interesting, I suggest you experience this kind of life where you don’t dare to sleep hard, and you can only find a corner for food.

Although there is no research, Shirasaki dares to say that 90.00% of the people in the world who choose to commit suicide are not as miserable as her. Randomly picking someone from Radium Street in Yokohama is happier than her in the past two years.

It's easy for her not to want to live anymore, as long as she is caught by the organizers, she doesn't have to suffer any pain, and all the organs of this body will stop functioning at the same time.

But Bai Qi wants to live, because she can always "get" if she lives, and if she keeps living, what she gets will always be a little bit more than what she loses.

As long as you remember this little bit of sweetness, it doesn't matter if your life is the same as bitter melon.

Osamu Dazai seemed to want to say something, but the rumbling sound attracted the attention of the two of them. Shirasaki turned his attention to the winding mountain road, and the retractable bridge on the edge of the cliff began to move, as if the exam was about to start.

On the other side of the elevator tower, a man in a gray suit walked up to them across the retractable bridge.

"Now everyone has their number plates?"

This was received when I got off the elevator, Shirasaki was 418, and Dazai Osamu was 419.

The man in the gray suit looked around and pointed to the winding road behind him with one hand: "The content of the test is to run."

"However, in order to increase the fun, we also added some rules."

The specific rules are as follows: everyone has their own number plate issued by the Hunter Association in their hands, as long as the yellow-clothed examiner in the elevator stamps two stamps on the number plate, they will pass the first test.

The examiner in yellow clothes will randomly stop on a certain floor of the 21st floor elevator tower, but he only stamps the first person who finds it and rushes to him, and then goes to other floors after stamping.

Everyone has to wear an additional chronograph, and the candidates who pause for more than half an hour are eliminated. Candidates who have no movement track within 5 minutes before stamping lose their qualifications for stamping once.

To sum it up, it is to keep running and looking for.

But the elevator tower has a total of 21 floors, and the winding mountain road has 21 laps. A rough estimate, one lap is at least 1000 meters, and running back and forth for 21 laps will be exhausting, and you may not necessarily meet the examiner in yellow clothes.

Although it didn't say that you can't take a break, it is also possible to miss the opportunity to get a stamp because of the break.

The most important thing is that there are so many people here, even if they are lucky, they may not be able to win over others—of course she is fine, but Osamu Dazai is not necessarily.

Shirasaki paused for two seconds, then turned to look at Osamu Dazai, not to look down on Osamu Dazai, but the content of this exam... no matter how you look at it, I think Osamu Dazai will win the first round!

Osamu Dazai raised his eyebrows, looking very unhappy when he was questioned: "Don't look at me with the eyes of 'you will be eliminated in the first match'! Am I so weak? Xiaobai is, the first match is this Is this kind of topic okay?"

Bai Saki took off his hat, straightened his hair, and replied casually: "What misunderstanding do you have about my physical strength, do you still remember that one day you hunted me down from five o'clock in the afternoon until the next morning?"

Osamu Dazai let out an "oh" and recalled: "That day, I didn't sleep all night, and Xiaobai is very good at playing hide-and-seek."

...Who forced that, please don't say such things in an aggrieved tone!

Watching the crowd gradually move towards the winding mountain road, Bai Saki said perfunctorily, "Then you go for it."

Anyway, this kind of test is not a problem for her.

"Don't worry," Osamu Dazai smiled slightly, and he pointed to the elevator tower lightly, "As long as you judge in advance which floor the examiner will go to and calculate the time, it will be much easier."

"But this matter is probably not easy for Xiaobai. How about it? Do you want my help?"

Shirasaki smiled calmly: "No need."

——Although she couldn't analyze it.

— but she can rely on intuition!Slightly slightly!