Fever

They all regard the cemetery as a studio, and praise death with a simple heart. *You walk on dead hearts and mock, and in your jewels are the horrors of charm.

I watched the models walk intently off the stage, which made my spirit inexplicably full.I still have the habit of putting on my hat when I'm out, like the Harrow kind.I was wearing a plain shirt of my own design, dark green trousers, and a silver ring on my finger.Isa has one too, but she wears it on her chest, otherwise I think there will always be stalkers making fun of it as a love token.I still have one with me. Isa once said to me, if you meet another person you love, give it to him.

Will there be?I rubbed the ring and couldn't help laughing to myself.Their skirts are wide and elegant, just like the CD show in spring and summer of 08.I'm waiting for Natalia to show up, she's not quite up to the mark yet, but Stella McCartney's show was a good stepping stone, albeit one that was very low-key and without much fanfare.I watched as Natalia strode past with a cold face in a candy-colored gown, her platinum-blonde hair coiled up and adorned with intricate and exaggerated headpieces.The theme of this show is very sweet, and her temperament has a subtle impact on the whole show. Yisha took off her rimless glasses slightly and whispered in my ear, "LOVEIT?"

I just stared at her and said lightly, "It's better than I expected."

"In imagination, she is actually extremely beautiful, really." Isa smiled slightly, "Your goddess?"

"I hope I'm not wrong," I replied. "She'll be great."

Isa put her legs up and raised the corners of her mouth proudly, "Oh... yes, I hope so too."

And Natalia is indeed like a goddess, even though she is still unknown, I made a rough draft in my brain, and at that moment I had a feeling of intoxication like taking drugs.Her too pale skin melted into an abstract silhouette under the light, white rose!It exists alone, scattered on the dust called the stage.I slightly covered my lips with my right hand, and lowered the brim of my hat.Isa glanced at me and continued to look at the design in silence.

It was like a slow death, a reverse suffocation, a painful slow evaporation of itself into an abominable world. *I often feel a strong chill at such moments, like a wind from the far north seeping into my nerves.But I couldn't help but recognize something in it that I was after, and indeed, that was exciting.Perhaps I can only perceive this in the cold.Natalia put on a long black dress for her second appearance, and the pattern of dotted flowers on it really reminded me of the lily of the valley shaking under the night sky. In fact, the poison of lily of the valley is very attractive of.

Silver heaven.I leaned forward, suddenly feeling a little emotional.By the end, Natalia was quite the standout, and she's really a wonderful beauty, and that cemented my mind.After chatting with the other designers, Isa and I left the show, and she stood on the side of the road and said to me, "What were you laughing at?"

I looked at her with some surprise, "Am I laughing?"

"Oh...it seems like you didn't even notice?" Isa raised the corner of her mouth, "But yes, you can't realize it, but I can look forward to your finished product."

She mentioned it moderately, and I remembered that it was when Natalia was on the catwalk, and I had already sketched a rough design draft in my mind.I hailed a taxi in embarrassment, she opened the door and said to me, "Will you give me a good work?"

"Of course," I replied, "Persian cats and white roses."

Before I knew it, it was already August, and I was very busy during this period. Everything was preparing for the Milan Fashion Week in September.Alfred was erased from my memory.I kept my work a secret from beginning to end, even Isha was excluded.I stayed in the studio for a long time, and my addiction to smoking became more and more severe.Isa's most important task is to open the windows for me to ventilate every day, and spray air freshener with Alisa.And I get along with them very easily, like wearing a mask, stepping out of the room is Kirkland, closing the door is Arthur,—oh, I'm Arthur Kirkland, right?

But everything went smoothly beyond expectations, the weather was not hot, and it always kept rainy and sometimes sunny.I walked back and forth in front of the fake model, and when I calmed down, I looked at the design draft. The ground was full of rags, like tombstones piled up on a grave.I sat on the ground and picked up the rags piece by piece and put them together like a game board.When I was at Harrow, I played this kind of one-person game, staying in the design room and putting scraps of scrap fabric on the table to form different patterns.I like to find similarities among different colors, so I am proud because this is the first time I do something for love. *

With a cigarette in my mouth, I began to touch the linen, silk and cotton by instinct.I moved them together as if it were a game* ordered by the Snow Queen, which I enjoyed... I was a child.I twisted the black cloth strips, leaving the bright yellow and red in the middle, and I patiently pieced them together like a swirling sunflower.I traced the edge of the fabric carefully and carefully, like a child peeping.

Ah, this is the childhood I enjoyed.I take a puff on my cigarette, and a voice speaks softly to me, I'll see the light, I'll see the light, I'll see the light...*

And I'm addicted to this world.I really realized that I had become a child. My father stood at the door and watched me draw pictures. He moved the picture album and told me that these are life.The voice continued, don't hide your pain, don't hide it.

I light another cigarette and the room is almost flooded with nicotine.The room became dark, but I saw that the mosaic pattern ignited a splendid fire.When I lost my mind, I almost thought that I accidentally burned the soot on the fabric.But it turned out to be nothing more than my illusion.It did indeed form a sunflower, spreading its black petals across the floor.

Even the tattered fabric has its sexiest side.I stood up and felt that there were so many labels on my body, which made me tremble as if they were carved by a knife.Ever since I was a child, since I smoked my first cigarette, since I entered Harrow, since I was alone at St Martins - it's all been there.It's a beautiful loss, I'm walking in a place that doesn't belong, with crosses and carols.

And I—still racing in my sleep.This is Arthur, in Kirkland's kingdom, but I dare not leave.

"You should really try this," Isa threw a mirror case to me, I opened it, HOGAN* new product, popular retro aviator sunglasses, the frame hinge is covered with a leather hood, very masculine design.I smiled and hung it on the bridge of my nose, "Oh - you want me to wear this to Milan?"

"It fits the occasion." She answered me with a smile, "The sun in September is very strong, but it looks good on you."

"Give it to me?" I raised my eyebrows and asked her, she pondered for a while, then let out a vague voice from her throat, "Ah...of course you can take it if you want, or you don't have to wear it Save it for the right person."

I think she is implying that she is a suitable person. Naturally, my first reaction is Alfred.After she reminded me so subtly, I dragged him out of my memory again, but soon I pushed him into a deeper corner, and ignored him like closing the door forcefully.Seeing that I hadn't moved, Yisha couldn't help asking again, "What's wrong?"

"Oh no... I was just thinking about whether I should give you a gift in return." I picked up the magazine beside me, shook out a page and pointed to the model on it, "Thomas Sabo*, these charms earrings are really cute, aren't they ?"

Isa stared at me for a few seconds, then smiled, "Wow... Kiss, Cherry...I think it's more suitable for Alisa."

I chuckled and threw the magazine on the sofa. Alyssa had just walked into the studio and looked at us in surprise, but we all remained silent. Isa was busy packing, and she whispered to me again, "You look in a great mood."

"Anyone will be happy after finishing their work," I answered her. "Milan is a wonderful place. I haven't been there for a long time."

"Enjoy the sunshine there, Arthur." She raised her voice suddenly, and then threw the messy pile of books on the table into the storage box.I glanced over there to make sure she hadn't mistakenly piled in what I needed.Alisa was a little excited, after all, this was her first official trip to Milan as a designer.Isa patted her on the shoulder and joked in a slightly mocking tone, wishing her not to be accosted by those Italian playboys-of course this is impossible.The last time Isa and I went to Milan, we were surrounded by brightly dressed men in the square for more than half an hour. Although she really enjoyed the opportunity to talk to them, she was too smart to give any chance. .

I walk around the house pulling summer clothes out of the closet.I suddenly realized that these clothes were all very uniformly in a bleak tone, which made me laugh a little bit.I close the huge suitcase and drag it downstairs.Isa looked at me with her hands on her hips, her KENZO candy-colored bracelets glistening in the light, and she said to me, "Have you put your hat on yet?"

It's that mock-Harrow hat.I said to her, "I wear them when I go out."

She tilted her head and glanced at me, then let out a long sigh.Then she said like a conductor, "Okay! Hurry up and prepare, then you can get enough sleep before departure."

Isa got a little excited, although I don't know if she was doing it on purpose or if she was really excited, but I was in a very happy mood before heading to Milan.Before I set off, I looked at the sunglasses and hesitated for a long time, and finally stuffed them into my bag.

Flying from Time Zone Zero to East Zone [-] will not affect anything, I just feel a little unaccustomed to the sunshine when I get off the plane.Italy is as hot as the sun in my memories, and the air seems to be flammable.I saw many ice cream shops in the streets and alleys. There are still a lot of tourists here, and everything is the opposite of London.Alyssa wore a wide hat, which blocked most of the ultraviolet rays, while Isa wore sunglasses, a pink knit jacket from lacostel! Ve, a white curly skirt and strappy Roman high heels, shuttling in Milan It is very pleasing to the eye in the streets.We were staying in a hotel with a great view, and Alisa suggested that she wanted to go to Venice after fashion week.

“I once had a friend in Italy,” she told me, “and now he designs for Prada, maybe I’ll meet him.”

I smiled. I went around the square alone at night, and I was surprised to find that everything was so familiar in my memory. Everything seemed to be vivid in my memory. Milan was a little chilly at night, and I sweated a lot after walking. , the short-sleeved shirt stuck to the back, and the chain of the watch became extremely cold.There are a lot of people gathered at the entrance of the church, and I stood on the square tiredly. There will be a show here soon, and tonight is a rare rest time.There are mostly young couples here, lively and noisy, all of which are not found in London.

What I once dreamed of was to be able to enjoy this kind of freedom without restraint, but at this moment I can only stay in the crowd and rely on the warmth of the crowd for warmth.I laughed self-deprecatingly, determined to leave first.

"This is where I lost face as a hero," I suddenly heard a familiar voice behind me, talking about a great adventure in an extremely excited tone, "but in the end, HERO won the victory!"

I looked back almost immediately to see if the voice was my hallucination, and it didn't disappoint.Even though it was in the crowd, I actually saw Alfred.He came to Milan from northern Europe - with a young girl.I stood there and looked at him, with a big boy's smile on his face, and the girl next to him, I realized instantly that it was the sweetheart on his phone, the American who grew up in New York.He looked at me as if he sensed something, I wanted to leave in a panic, but a step too late, he found me, and Alfred waved at me.

Oh... GOD.I could only stand there and couldn't move, but I'm sure that what I blurted out at that moment must be FUCK.He pulled the young girl and walked towards me through the crowd. I subconsciously wanted to find my hat, as if it could make me go away.

"Coincidentally, Arthur, long time no see." His smile was piercingly uncomfortable, and he stretched out his hand to me.The girl looked at me with blinking indigo eyes, and exclaimed, "Oh! Arthur Kirkland of K'K!"

I twitched the corners of my mouth in embarrassment, then took Alfred's hand.His hand was as warm as ever, but mine was terribly cold.The girl smiled at me enthusiastically, and said to Alfred, "Oh Al! You don't even ask me for an autograph!"

"You like—this Brit's design?" he said with wide eyes, emphasizing the syllables quietly, "OMG, I really don't know!"

"You don't need a reason to like something," she said quickly, and then she looked at me again, her eyes were a very beautiful pure blue, overlapping with Alfred's in a trance, her gestures Extraordinarily attractive, with a unique sexiness between a girl and a woman, suddenly I realized that she is indeed enough to attract enough people.I adjusted my mentality in the fastest time, and then said in a calm tone, "Oh... Thank you very much for your liking, and my design is also thanks to Al's excellent photography skills."

I glanced at Al as I spoke, and he just stood back, staring at me in silence.His girlfriend turned to him, as if talking about something trivial, I stood on the steps and stared at him, although he smiled at her, those eyes were saying to me——

oh.Hello.Arthur Kirkland.

I raised my hand and pointed my middle finger at him, then strode away.I feel a little insulted, and leaving like this is more like fleeing.In fact, I shouldn't be afraid of anything at all, and I am not.I just suddenly felt uneasy, and at the same time I despised myself unbearably.

Arthur.Arthur Kirkland.I don't mind if your hands are cold because you're alive, because you have nowhere to go*.

I went back to the room. To my surprise, Isa and Alyssa did not go back to have an early rest. Instead, they gathered by the floor-to-ceiling windows of my room, chatting with wine and drinks.Alisa's face was glowing softly red, and her smile was so sweet.When they heard the sound of the door opening, they looked at me. Isa raised her glass and said to me, "Do you want to try it? With brandy and ice cubes."

"Um... I think I need a rest," I muttered as I unbuttoned two shirts and fell on the bed. "Sorry... I'm tired."

Isa and Alyssa glanced at each other, then she put the glass on the windowsill, took off her strappy high heels and sat down next to me, rubbing my forehead with her hand, "Oh... I thought you wouldn't come to Milan for a long time So much so that the water and soil are not acclimatized!"

"It's worse than this." I closed my eyes and felt her hand gently caressing my cheek, which made my highly tense heart slightly relaxed. I heard the sound of Alisa turning the chair, and she seemed to be gone too. come over.

"Are you nervous, Arthur?" she asked, and I knew she was, so I replied, "Not nervous."

Isa was silent for a while, then she exhaled, "What's wrong with you?"

I just lay there tired, without even the strength to open my eyes.My congealed blood, which was colder than ice, seemed to startle Isa, and she squeezed my hand, her fingers on my ring, and said, "Are you really all right?"

"...I'm fine, very fine." I paused for a few seconds, then seemed incoherent, "UMH...I just met Al."

I just don't want to run aground.Yes, I just don't want to run aground.Once I started to get close to the edge, I was inexplicably afraid that I was going to fall.So I'd better stay here, it's the safest place to stay.I'm a* rooted in rejection, and it used to be told to me that I was invisible to the world in order to feel the world's presence.

This works best for me.Yisha sighed again, her voice was inaudible, she seemed to bend down, I opened my eyes slightly, she was staring at me, but her eyes were helpless, she held my cold hand even tighter, and then said , "You should wear the glasses I gave you, so you won't meet him, shouldn't you?"

Whether she was laughing or comforting, I couldn't tell.I just nodded languidly, passing up any chance to justify the argument.She took the hat next to the bed and put it over my face, then got up and said to Alyssa, "Looks like we have to go."

Her warm hands were released in an instant, and my hands regained their coolness in an instant.The hat was still lying in front of my eyes in a funny posture, and I could feel the darkness without closing my eyes.My loneliness wears me down and makes me so tired that I can't even put together a meaningful sentence correctly.I finally came to the conclusion that only God knows best. I think there will always be people like me in the world, and people like Al and Isha. The good thing is that I get myself in a hoop, tighter and tighter, and enjoy this pleasure called solitude.

Am I beyond redemption?I am almost hopeless.What is my wish?To be a stranger, a rebel, all along. *Because I'm walking and my coffin catches up to me.

That night, I was always floating between half dream and half awake, in a trance, as if standing on the top of the slope and listening to the joyful tremor*, but after waking up, all this made me lose again.Isa knocked on the door, reminding me to get up and get ready for the show, I opened the heavy wooden door and looked at her, she stared at me for a while, put her hands on the wall and said, "do your hair, it looks terrible See through."

"Oh..." I replied weakly, my hair has never been handled properly, and it would be much better under the brim of my hat, so I opened the door to let her in, and she opened my suitcase on her own initiative, and spread the clothes on the On the bed, he urged me like an order.I took a deep breath impatiently, then grabbed the white fringed shirt and put it on, nagging non-stop, which made Alisa standing at the door couldn't help laughing.Although I was still a little confused, I finally changed my clothes under the force of Yisha.I felt a little hungry, this feeling was so clear for the first time, Isa touched my pocket again before I left, and then threw the lighter on the table, "No smoking today."

"Why—" I watched her quickly lock the door, and then she stuffed the key card into her delicate handbag.And then she said to me, "Oh first runway today, don't you get caught talking to nicotine all the time and ignoring people—are you wearing glasses?"

I know she is strictly restricted, so I didn't continue to ask.I thought it was not a terrible thing not to touch cigarettes for a day, but when I went downstairs, I couldn't help but want to reach for a lighter.I realize that today is going to be a tough day, and Isha is standing downstairs watching me.

Milan's sky is not very blue, but everything is very pleasant.As soon as I walked into the show, I was almost overwhelmed by the busy atmosphere, and none of this gave me a chance to relax, people were watching you everywhere, my back was wet with sweat, and there were people in the backstage , I saw Natalia, she came under my roll call, I originally wanted to say something to her, but in the end it was Isa who walked over quickly to appease, I noticed her eyes were cast towards me up.

Everything is perfect.I said to myself, and forced myself to get to work.It went very smoothly. After I ordered everything, I left and returned to the show. Prada's press conference is about to begin.Alisa sat next to me, and I couldn't help falling asleep.It was quite rude, so I forced myself to pick myself up and complained to Isha that it was too much to take away my cigarettes.And the chaotic time ran extremely fast, and when my exhaustion value was close to the peak, it was finally my turn to show.

Kirkland`sKingdom, the black double K after the abbreviation has a strange charm.The lights got very dark, and I always enjoy this gloomy British atmosphere.When the show finally started, I closed my eyes slightly.I didn't invite those big stars to sit in the front row, because I hate that the reports will ignore the focus of attention. I should be with Isa, so my eyes are focused on the stage, and I don't worry about the situation around me, but it's cold On the ground, a hand wrapped around my waist in the blackness, and I glanced sideways—OHHJESUS!Alfred.

"Let go." I warned in a low voice, and he refused through the dim light, "You should pay attention to the flyover, your show is about to start."

"Oh yeah, can I ask you to respect my designs?" I said, "Please show some respect to my art, please?"

He raised his eyebrows, and I took the opportunity to grab his hand and throw it away in disgust.But Alfred approached me calmly, whispering in my ear.

"You look tired, do you need some sleep?"

I looked at him quietly, quietly; then I turned my gaze back to the flyover and said, "Need me order you, Alfred. Now it's my show."

And he just laughed silently. When the lights went out, he turned my face and kissed me forcibly. When the lights alternated, I saw his eyes, blue mixed with a little purple and green. , the flowing light slipped extremely fast.I clenched my fist, but he let go of me and leaned back, "Oh, it's started."

OH... SOULCAKE, SOULCAKE... Please, goodmissus, asoulcake*... I unconsciously beat the beat of the music, I subconsciously chose the traditional Halloween ballad, the violin and guitar mixed together revealing a soothing note, This slightly creepy music accompanied by Natalia's debut* is simply amazing.Black and white divide the cold world, all of which are enough to make me forget Alfred beside me, and he is indeed like being captured by the soul, staring at the runway motionless, which makes me a little proud, and this Everything perfectly meets my requirements.Natalia's makeup was pale, as if frozen.She was holding a skull in her arms—which, of course, brought about an eerie silence, but I was inexplicably excited.

She walked forward, wearing a long black dress with a silver bone pattern, and the stage also used dry ice to create an atmosphere, the corners of my mouth raised unconsciously, but to be honest, I did see a more beautiful woman in my dream than this one. A much colder and much scarier scene.For example, I once dreamed that I was stepping on my own blood, small buckets, large buckets, and it was sticky when I stepped on it, as if mixed with egg yolk.But now, it looks more like a funeral. Natalia is holding my skull, right?That's what I think, it's just about getting Arthur Kirkland's name etched on it.She turned around gracefully, her eyes were icy, without a trace of warmth, her long hair was also combed into magnificent coral branches, that black—oh—that silver!

My limbs are still cold, but the hot blood in my chest keeps swirling around my heart.The temperature of the whole show was very low, like the gods of death walking silently, but the world I saw was varied.It’s as if I just took a big sip of milk mixed with Susheng, Synthetic Pills, and Manse, or swallowed mescaline*, and the fatigue was swept away. Even if my eyes are black and white, I look out and become colorful It's gorgeous.Some irregular patterns are swaying in front of my eyes, and with the murmur of the music, I can't help humming softly, OH soulcake, soulcake, We'llhopethatyou'llbekind... This tone is indeed a bit gloomy and abnormal, Alfred Suddenly he held my hand, the instant heat made me shiver suddenly, his hand was too warm.

"You're scary," he whispered to me, with a half-smile. "Did I just kiss you? Or was it a corpse?"

"You're a bit on the tough side," I replied, in a haughty tone, "but you're complimenting me, aren't you?"

"Your... nuts about the death*," Alfred raised his right arm teasingly, which brought him closer to me, "What are you thinking about?"

"You, and your girlfriend," I replied sarcastically, "and a whole joint."

"Emma adores you," he said, looking at me, ignoring my sarcasm again, "too bad she's giving a presentation at the hotel, otherwise I think she'd find a way to sneak in, oh yes, she reminded me again to ask you signature."

I raised my eyebrows, "Oh... the perfect sweetheart, huh? She's a charming girl who seems kind-hearted and cheerful, do you think she'd be interested in our relationship?"

Al stared at me for a few seconds, then he laughed softly, grabbed my wrist, his blue eyes suddenly became a little bit aggressive, "Oh Arthur, you're not good at betting this... HERO I dare say You will be silent, just like you used to be." His tone was full of confidence, "Besides, Arthur, what do you think of our relationship?"

He did it on purpose.He violated my bottom line again and again, I turned my face and chose to ignore his rhetorical question, and just said nonchalantly, "What do you think?"

Alfred was also silent; but soon he answered me in a deep, rare tone.

"I just want to be close to you."

I felt a little ridiculous, and at the same time my heart began to grow cold.I have always been unconditionally moving forward *, all this is the instinct towards perfection *, or rather, it is all that I am seeking what I crave.But so far I can't answer exactly what I'm looking for, Al is right, I'm obsessed with death instinctively - do I love it?

This momentary thought was enough to destroy the world I had closed myself for a long time. In fact, I had circled at the center of this problem before, but kept it far away like a taboo.But I still endured tenaciously, although my body began to tremble unconsciously.Al that sentence scares me, he wants to get close to me, what a stupid joke! The music is still playing, soul cake, soul cake, if you don't have a half penny then God bless you * …

"Arthur." He laughed softly again, but it was so harsh that I closed my eyes and whispered, "What the hell else do you want?"

"Don't you have anything to ask?"

I looked at him with some surprise. He spread his hands and shrugged like a Frenchman. At this time, the show was still filled with a gloomy atmosphere.I chose to be silent, and my heart was hesitant.There is a great contradiction that seems to be rushing out, overflowing with chaos.And my brain still hurts, I can't help but complain about why there is no nicotine now, oh yes, Isa took my cigarettes, and she is not here now... so can I take sedatives?I forced myself to focus on the show, and the sound of Yoyo's violin kept stirring my nerves.Alfred is as annoying as a fire.

Eventually I got up, the show was almost over, so I went backstage and I saw Isha doing Natalia's hair there.I didn't ask why she gave up the seat to Al, the reason must be clear to everyone, I just passed Natalia's earrings in silence, and then put on a huge skull bracelet for her, and the chest embellishment With the golden ditch, it looks like the sunflowers I put together in the studio from a distance.She was silent, and before going on stage, she spoke.

"I love your designs."

It just stumped me for an instant.I looked at her back, with a figure like an ice queen, with a crown made of bones on her head, and a light breath would bring death.Isa stood beside me and said, "How?"

"...It's great." I said, the cold air permeating the show, the cold, gloomy death, and the glacier formed a huge coffin.I heard whispers outside, and even though the music was loud enough, I could hear the comments and whispers.This kind of scene reminded me of the graduation show at St. Martin's, where they whispered about the executioner and rebelled against ethics—and human morality, isn't it the respect we have to pay to the secular concept of beauty? * And beauty has always existed in every corner.I think I live up to the school motto, right?

Isa handed me the hat, so I put it on and stepped onto the bridge.The cold was real, I was wearing a very ordinary shirt, I looked very unremarkable standing next to Natalia, but the show was still quiet.I'm not good at summing up or giving testimonials, so I just coughed dryly and said vaguely, "Thank you guys...I think this will continue."

I automatically looked at Al, who smiled at me and clapped his hands.My heart suddenly relaxed, but it felt like being tied up and thrown outwards suddenly. It flew far away. During this process, it enjoyed a short period of freedom, but it will be dragged back eventually.

Don't stop!Don't stop!Keep dancing, even if the dance is death!

And at this moment, I felt deep despair.For I have been describing life* in the language of death.