casual and fun

In the last two days of the National Day Golden Week, Yang Sile thought he was sensible and didn't bother Shi Nian, but only sent him a message, asking him to give him some time to gather his thoughts.

Shi Nian never replied.

Yang Sile knew that he was angry with him, and was prepared to be left out before sending the message, so he didn't realize that something was wrong.There was another thing that troubled him.

What does it feel like to like someone, and what is the difference between family and friendship?He stayed at home, from morning to night, and didn't understand much.

He was embarrassed to ask Cen Wanping this question. After thinking about it, only Lin Li had a love history among his friends, so he seemed to be more knowledgeable.So he privately poked his confidant sister Lin Li on WeChat, and introduced the situation of his "two friends" in a tactful and detailed manner.

Lin Li was catching up with homework for the National Day. During the intermission, she finished reading five pages of unread messages at once, and made a phone call directly: "The two friends you mentioned are you and Shi Nian."

Yang Sile: "..."

Lin Li: "So you just confessed to each other just now? I thought the two of you were on good terms."

Yang Sile couldn't figure it out: "Why do you think so?"

Lin Li was speechless: "What do you mean why do I think so? Don't do anything that makes me think so. I heard from Chen Nan and your roommate yesterday that you basically had lunch with Shi Nian this semester. Did you go back to the dormitory with him after evening self-study?"

Yang Sile still had a little luck: "I have a good relationship with him, can't it be?"

Lin Li really wanted to wake him up with a hammer: "Yes, of course you can. The key is that you eat when you eat, and when you go back to bed when you make an appointment, why do you cuddle with others? Don't deny it, Chen Nan and your roommate are both seen!"

Yang Sile defended without giving up: "He is my younger brother, we have gotten along like this since we were young."

Lin Li sneered: "How old are you? How old is he? Yang Sile, have you forgotten that he came out publicly at school, and you held hands and rubbed people's heads? How would he understand that? your behaviour?"

Yang Sile had nothing to say.

Lin Li was heartbroken: "Captain, tell me the truth, do you like him?"

Yang Sile shook his head before realizing that she couldn't see, and replied lazily: "I don't know... My mind is so messed up right now that I can't think about it at all, so I came to talk to you, senior."

Lin Li didn't do his homework, and sat under the bed in the dormitory after drinking a sip of water, eloquently helping him analyze himself.

"How did you feel when he confessed to you? Happy or disgusted?"

"It doesn't seem to be... I thought at the time, I am his brother, how can I fall in love with my brother."

Lin Li didn't care: "I'm not a real brother, I didn't let the two of you talk about having a baby, what are you afraid of? I have to choose one for me, whether I prefer to be happy or disgusted. I will give you three seconds to answer."

Yang Sile murmured: "High, happy."

Lin Li continued: "When he kisses you, do you enjoy it or hate it?"

Yang Sile discovered a blind spot: "Your choices are too extreme, no matter how much Nian Nian treats me, I can't say I hate it."

Lin Li picked up the pen on the table and twirled it smartly: "Three seconds. Three, two, one."

Yang Sile blushed, and didn't dare to answer rashly, how dare he say that he was almost kissed by Shi Nian.This question is too difficult, you have to find a way to skip it.

Seeing that he didn't speak, Lin Li simply said, "Okay, I'm hanging up the phone, I'm busy preparing for the college entrance examination, bye."

"Don't, don't, don't!" Yang Sile recognized her, quickly stopped her, and said in a voice like a mosquito, "I really enjoyed it..."

Lin Li asked again: "Have you ever thought about kissing him? Kissing anywhere counts."

Smoke was puffing from the top of Yang Sile's head, and he was almost familiar with it: "I thought about it..."

Lin Li smiled: "Thought it once or countless times, there is no middle number."

Yang Sile is very familiar with it, setting a plate is like a whole sheep feast: "... Countless times."

Lin Li: "Here is a bunch of flowers for you. Do you want to give it to Chen Nan or Shi Nian?"

Yang Sile hesitated for a moment: "Shi Nian."

Chen Nan, who was practicing guitar at home, sneezed.

"In the last hour of the day, do you want to stay with Chen Nan or Shi Nian?"

Yang Sile was very sure about this question: "Shi Nian."

Chen Nan sneezed again, and shouted at his mother who was watching TV in the living room, "Mom! I have a cold—help me get some medicine—"

Lin Li: "Finally, I will give you a sub-question. Do you like Shi Nian, or do you think Shi Nian is disgusting?"

Yang Si Le had no choice: "...I like it."

"This is the end." Lin Li successfully completed the task, and drank the water in the glass happily, "Congratulations, I wish you a lifetime of infertility."

Yang Sile couldn't believe it: "Don't ask any more questions?"

Lin Li: "Don't ask, you're a little bit forced, can you do it?"

Yang Sile scratched his head: "Is it too hasty? I don't mind answering a few more questions."

Lin Li was about to get angry: "Yang Sile! What are you afraid of?!"

She took a deep breath to force herself to be patient, and gave Yang Sile the last blow.

"Listen, to put it simply, if a boy is confessed by another boy, the normal process should be to ask himself if he is gay. You skipped this step directly, which means that you can accept being with the same sex. Secondly, He asks himself if he likes him or not. You want to kiss him countless times, want to spend the night with him, and I don’t understand why that’s not liking.”

"So the problem you can't figure out is not whether you like Shi Nian or not, but how others and Shi Nian think about the relationship you grew up with."

"Take a step back, besides Shi Nian, is other people's eyes really important? You should know the answer to this question better than me."

"As I said just now, you are not related by blood. This is a godsend. Which couple doesn't want to know about each other's first half of life? Which couple doesn't want to be affirmed by each other's parents? Damn it, others should envy you two ! You two know the basics, who has the heart to tell you apart? You are still here, I am really convinced!"

Yang Sile thought about it carefully, and it was this reason: "So... this is liking?"

"Oh, forget it, why am I bothering, you can continue to struggle with it yourself." Lin Li couldn't stand him being so verbose, so he cut off the phone immediately.

Yang Sile sat in front of the computer for a long time, staring at the enlarged old photo on the screen - he just copied it from Cen Wanping's hard drive today - seven-year-old Shi Nian stood with him in front of a pond , each caught a small fish that had just been caught and smiled at the camera.

At that time, Shi Nian was not as white as it is now. After a summer, the skin color of their arms was divided into two parts, and there were traces of sunlight that had settled on their foreheads.

The more Yang Sile looked at it, the more he missed it, and the more he looked at it, the more excited he was, and he seemed to understand what Lin Li said about the "bestowed marriage".

He and Shi Nian should be inseparable, should laugh together, and should maintain a lifetime of intimacy.He wouldn't be able to accept any random replacement of any person in this photo.

Nian Nian likes him, and he just wants to like Nian Nian, and he only wants to like Nian Nian alone. Love is far less complicated than he imagined.

Yang Sile made a detour around the nine-nine-nine-eight-one turn, and finally convinced himself.

As soon as he slapped the table, Qi Yu stood up imposingly, and decided to apologize to Shi Nian now and restore their relationship.He had to clear up last night, start over, confess with a new identity, and then give Shi Nian a good kiss.

Yang Sile quickly carried the cello on his back, and took a taxi to the neighborhood where Fu Yi lived.

After arriving in the community, he first called his Aunt Fu, intending to ask for the detailed unit floor, and then came to bother him, but Fu Yi didn't tell him.

"I came to Shanghai with Niannian, and I'm not at home."

Yang Sile's breath was stagnant, and he had a bad feeling: "Aunt Fu, why did you go to Shanghai all of a sudden?"

The background sound from the phone was noisy, and Fu Yi said in a sullen tone, "Yeah, I didn't expect it to be so sudden."

The bad premonition intensified, and Yang Sile's heart plummeted from a high altitude to the ground, but he still couldn't see the coffin without crying: "Auntie, are you sick?"

Fu Yi said bluntly, "It's not me, it's Shi Nian."

Yang Sile had already guessed the reason.A deeper sense of guilt than last night was eating at his heart, as if it was going to suck his blood dry.

"Niannian, Niannian, he..." The urgency to know the details and the three-pointed self-blame wrestled at the same time, so that Yang Sile couldn't ask the next half of the sentence no matter what.

"He's not well, and he's undergoing an examination right now." Fu Yi sat in the waiting area outside the CT room, rubbing his temples with a headache, "Yangyang, Auntie asked you, what happened that night? It’s fine, why did you get sick when you came back? It’s so severe that it scared me to death!”

Yang Sile's hands and feet felt cold: "I'm sorry, Aunt Fu, I told him my nickname..."

Fu Yi could hear that he was hiding something: "He knows that you are the brother Yangyang he accidentally forgot, shouldn't he be happy? It's impossible to cry until respiratory alkalosis, and lock himself in the room without eating or drinking for a whole day sky."

"He only said one word from yesterday to today, and he couldn't even ask the doctor anything." Fu Yi said in a pleading tone, "Yangyang, tell Auntie the truth so that I can communicate with his psychiatrist. Prescribe the right medicine, I really don't want to see Nian Nian collapse like that night again, okay?"

Yang Sile still didn't confess.

What Shi Nian said was: "Can I live again?" He didn't have the courage to let Fu Yi know that he was one of the culprits who made Shi Nian prefer to live again, and he was afraid that Fu Yi would not allow them to interact with each other from now on.

In the past, he was hospitalized due to allergies every year, and Fu Yi was extremely dissatisfied with this, but he was not held accountable because of the friendship between the two families.He fully understood, after all, Fu Yi resigned and stayed at home back then, spent so much effort to raise Shi Nian to be white and tender, innocent and soft-hearted, he should be angry.

At that time, he could use his young age and ignorance as an excuse to escape, but now, he is 17 years old and is about to turn [-], so he is not eligible to be forgiven unconditionally.

But he is absolutely unwilling to lose contact with Niannian for the second time. The price is too cruel for him, and it can be called life imprisonment.

He could only punish himself by not actively inquiring about Shi Nian's condition, and let himself live in the torment of worry and self-blame all the time.

He spent the first week after the National Day holiday at school in a daze.

Attending court meetings and going to the playground to do inter-class exercises must pass through the Western Building. He would subconsciously look up at the position of String Music Class 1, hoping that Shi Nian would just come out of the classroom, find himself in the crowd, and smile proudly at himself.

In the cafeteria at noon, he rejected the invitation from Chen Nan and his roommate, and sat alone at the table where the two of them used to sit, imagining that Shi Nian, who was opposite him, complained to him about the formalism of the head teacher recently, and the teacher in the culture department was preparing lessons How careless.

After evening self-study and going back to bed, he squeezed the bamboo flute box among couples and came back late. He always felt that Shi Nian had actually been away from him for a long, long time, longer than five years.

He realized that he had missed a lot of time to be happy with Shi Nian and wasted many fleeting opportunities.In fact, he didn't just "like" Shi Nian, he almost "liked him to death", he liked it so much that when he thought of the possibility that Shi Nian might stop liking him, he felt a dull pain in his chest, and suddenly lost the fun of recreation and the ability to learn.

Chen Nan teased him, but at most he pulled the corners of his mouth stiffly; three roommates took him to have breakfast together, and he had no appetite, so he had a few sips of porridge; Thoughts; Mr. Xue asked him to talk, but he couldn't say a word.

On the Monday of the second week, he couldn't bear it any longer. He blew the cold wind on the balcony for more than an hour in the middle of the night, and carefully sent Shi Nian a chick to rub his face.

Naturally, Shi Nian didn't return.

The night when the stars and the moon are not visible are the most dangerous, and the accumulated thoughts rush in like a flood. Yang Sile couldn't bear it anymore, so he called Shi Nian more than a dozen times regardless, but Shi Nian's cell phone was still turned off .

On Wednesday, the make-up exam for the school band ended.Since Shi Nian failed to take the supplementary re-examination, he was deemed to have given up his qualification automatically, and his preliminary test results were cancelled.He was forced to withdraw from the Qingjiangyin Lieutenant School Orchestra and could not continue to be the chief cellist.

On Thursday, the school announced on the official website the official list of members of the current school orchestra, folk band, and dance team. The new chief cellist is the first grader of the major, a petite girl.

There was a lot of discussion on the Xiaonei website about Shi Nian taking a long vacation to miss the band qualification exam. Yang Sile could have expected it, but he didn't want to log on to the Xiaonei website to take a look.

On Monday of the third week, Lin Li suddenly ran to Minle Building to look for him, first said that Shi Nian was back, and then that Shi Nian would not come back in the future.

Yang Sile deliberately tortured himself for two weeks, and he was [-]% to [-]% emaciated.He didn't know what Lin Li was panicking about, and he couldn't understand Lin Li's gibberish words.He raised his head from the music theory book, looked at her indifferently through the window, and tilted his head puzzled.

Panting heavily, Lin Li kept patting the window frame of Class 3: "Shi Nian! It's Shi Nian!"

After hearing the name clearly, Chen Nan hurried past Yang Sile and opened the closed window, shaking his shoulder violently: "Brother Yang! Wake up! Chief Shi is back!"

After summarizing concisely, Yang Sile finally understood.He blinked and regained his energy. He wanted to laugh but didn't dare to laugh too early. He only asked Lin Li with wide eyes: "Is it true?! Did you see it with your own eyes?"

"A new post from 10 minutes ago." Lin Li flipped out the Xiaonei website and held his phone in front of his eyes. "The person who posted the post is Shi Nian's classmate."

Wearing glasses, Yang Sile hungrily read the densely packed Chinese characters and exclamation marks.

The first time, he read the lines in a row because he was too eager.

The second time, he couldn't laugh at all.

Before he finished reading it for the third time, he stood up from his seat in a panic, leaned on the window frame with one hand and turned straight out of the classroom, not even having the patience to go out through the back door of the classroom.

Lin Li followed him downstairs, adding information to him as he ran: "This post was sent to the group by our webmaster. He judged that the poster was not lying, and asked the on-duty administrator to pay attention to the status of the post in the building when he has time. As soon as I saw it, I ran over to tell you that Shi Nian should still be packing his luggage in the dormitory building with his mother."

Yang Sile hastily thanked him, but still had doubts and vigilance about it.

He didn't believe it, how could it be possible to suspend school every year?He has painstakingly concealed his illness for so long, isn't it just to go to school like a normal person and get the same opportunities as ordinary students?How could he be willing to take a semester off? !

If there is no sign of Shi Nian in the dormitory building, and there is no news in the Western Building, then the landlord must be spreading rumors in order to gain attention. He will give up his principles and go to the school intranet to chase the landlord and private message ten dirty words.

do as promised.

When the class bell rang, Lin Li followed him out of Minle Building and had to go back to class.Yang Sile slipped into the dormitory area of ​​Building A alone, and crawled sweating profusely to Shi Nian's dormitory on the third floor.

He hoped that he would miss out, but unfortunately, as soon as he turned into the corridor on the third floor, he saw Fu Yi standing at the door.

Fu Yi also saw him.

Different from his hometown feeling, Yang Sile was approaching a fact that he couldn't digest, as if the faster he ran, the faster Shi Nian would leave.

So he slowed down his pace and changed to walking close to the wall, step by step, slowly moving towards Shi Nian's bedroom.

Seeing him coming, Fu Yi was not surprised, and explained calmly: "I was afraid to disturb your study, so I planned to tell you at the weekend. Since you are here, Auntie will tell you face to face."

Yang Sile ran too fast all the way. At this time, his ears were ringing and he couldn't hear her words clearly. He just stared straight at the back of Shi Nian who was putting the textbooks into the storage box. His chest heaved violently, and his throat was like With a cork plugged in, I couldn't even pronounce "Niannian".

Shi Nian turned around, turned to look at him, subconsciously frowned, his eyes seemed to say, "What are you looking at?"

Yang Sile remembered that on the first day he reported to Qingjiang Yinzhong, he met Shi Nian unexpectedly on the way to the teaching building, and Shi Nian glanced at him with similar eyes.His memory is still fresh.

Now Shi Nian didn't avoid his eager gaze, but looked back wide-eyed. For a moment, he couldn't tell whether he should be happy or sad.

Shi Nian's hands kept moving, Fu Yiwu sighed, held Yang Sile's shoulder, and pushed him in front of him: "Niannian, this is Yangyang."

Shi Nian finally stopped.

Yang Sile and him were both startled.

He removed the aggression in his eyebrows first, and nodded to Yang Sile uncomfortably while holding two books: "Oh... Long time no see."

He looked away, blushing in shame, "...Brother Yangyang."

As soon as this long-lost title appeared, Yang Sile understood what was going on - Shi Nian forgot about him again.

But he wasn't sure how far Shi Nian had forgotten.

Did he forget that night, or did he forget that he actually liked someone, or did he completely forget "Yang Sile" and only remember "Brother Yangyang" when he was a child?

In fact, the situation was more serious than he thought.

"He doesn't remember everything that happened since he went to high school." Fu Yi told Yang Sile frankly in front of Shi Nian, "So after discussing with your Uncle Shi, I decided to respect his wishes and let him Take a semester off. I will take him to Shanghai for treatment, and return to school when his condition is stable."

Yang Sile suddenly realized how Shi Nian felt when he was about to leave Qingjiang and move to Beijing.

In the past two weeks, he had thought about many bad possibilities, and had done a lot of psychological training, but he never thought that Shi Nian would be hit by him to such an extent that he would have to take a leave of absence from school to recuperate; What should I do if I don't go back to school for half a year.

"Is that far away..."

Even if he took the train to Shanghai every Friday after school, he would at most take a quick look at Shi Nian before he had to go back.

"Shanghai's medical conditions are better. I found the doctor who diagnosed Niannian back then. He happened to be writing a thesis on amnesia and would be very concerned about Niannian." Fu Yi replied.

Yang Sile completely understood Shi Nian when he was a child.He is now 17 and a half years old, only better than ten years old Niannian, he will not say the words "I want to go to Shanghai with you", he knows very well that it is absolutely impossible.

After all, he and Niannian will usher in a second long separation.

Yang Sile pretended to wipe the sweat off his forehead, and swallowed the tears back into his stomach, but the choked up voice completely betrayed him.

"It's too far...I'm sorry...but it's really too far..."

Seeing that he was about to cry, Shi Nian didn't quite understand why he was so sad.

But for the sake of childhood friendship, he still put down the book, walked up to Yang Sile, wanted to relax, and said goodbye to him.

However, everyone is not a child anymore, and he was embarrassed to make too warm and intimate gestures, so he could only wave his hands with restraint: "Yang..."

——Calling "Brother Yangyang" is really shameful, he pursed his lips, and changed his words: "It's not that I can't come back, brother, don't be so, so exaggerated... There is no need, really no need."

Hearing this, Yang Sile simply put down his hands, revealing a pair of red eyes.

Fate tricks people, he finally made up his mind, but Shi Nian completely forgot about it.In his eyes, he should be quite funny.

Yang Sile restrained his tears and emotions, and looked at Shi Nian's face intently, as if lingering.From the forehead to the eyebrows, and then to the lips that I had made up my mind to kiss once, but it seemed that I would not be able to kiss them for a long time.

"Mainly because I think of my dad."

In order to be able to see Shi Nian's face clearly, Yang Sile didn't dare to let new tears well up in his eyes, he smiled vigorously and said, "When he was in England, we often called on the phone, I thought we were very close. "

But he still couldn't hold back, and shed a line of tears: "Actually, we are very far away, very, very...very far away. It is still so far."

A corner of Shi Nian's expression cracked, and surprise and unbearableness appeared in his eyes at the same time.

Yang Sile hurriedly wiped away his tears with his hands, took out the photo of the two of them that he had carried with him for the past few days from his school trousers pocket, and handed it to Shi Nian.

Shi Nian took a look and saw that the two children were holding a fish in their arms, smiling like illustrations in fairy tale books.

"Niannian, come on and treat your illness. When you get better, brother has something very important to tell you." Yang Sile's eyes were red, and his smile was almost exactly the same as in the photo, "Don't forget next time, Just forget about me!"

He suddenly raised his hand, as if to punch Shi Nian.

Shi Nian unexpectedly didn't hide, seemed to believe that he wouldn't hit him, and asked indifferently, "What are you doing."

Yang Sile raised his hand high and gently lowered it, rubbing his hair reluctantly: "Whatever, I'll say it again until you can't forget it even if you want to."