casual and fun

The time was not chosen well, and the narrow backstage aisle was crowded with students who were going to receive awards and take a curtain call. Yang Sile was dragged forward slowly, feeling restless.

He went in the opposite direction and found his mobile phone in the folk music department lounge, intending to report on the phone so that they don't have to wait for him.But there was almost no signal in the background at this time, and I couldn't make calls or send WeChat messages.

After he managed to squeeze out of the crowd, he saw a corner of the auditorium where the representatives of the judges on the stage were announcing the winner of the "Best Solo Award".

As expected, it was Mu Xiangfei.

The professional course is the first, and it deserves its name.

Yang Sile was not in the mood to applaud for others, and ran to the right side of the auditorium with his waist down, just wanting to join Xie Chen and the others as soon as possible.

Seeing him coming, Chen Nan couldn't wait to discuss Shi Nian's mistake with him just now.Yang Sile didn't want to hear it, so he prevaricated by saying "everyone has a time like this".

Xie Chen didn't speak, Lin Li, who was sitting on the outermost side, glanced at Yang Sile, and asked concisely, "Worry?"

Yang Sile squatted beside her and wiped his face: "Well, Shi Nian is sick, and he's backstage. I have to go back and watch over him."

Xie Chen figured it out: "Do you need us to do something?"

Yang Sile was very grateful: "Help me take my schoolbag back to the dormitory, I will come back tomorrow to get it when I have time."

Lin Li is not a person who can't wink: "Is Shi Nian your friend?"

Yang Sile nodded.

Xie Chen added: "My childhood sweetheart."

Lin Li replied, "You still have to take Chinese class well, junior."

"Isn't it... isn't it?" Xie Chen was confused.

Chen Nan was shocked: "Fuck, is it true?! I don't know such explosive news! Let's talk about it!"

Yang Sile refused: "It hasn't started yet, so I won't talk about it."

Lin Li looked at the time: "Go to Shi Nian's place. I'll take them to a barbecue later, do you need something for you?"

"No need, you guys eat, I don't have an appetite." Yang Sile felt a little guilty, "I'm sorry, I didn't expect to encounter such a sudden | situation."

"It's important to have a 'childhood sweetheart' at a dinner party, and it's not a dinner." Lin Li deliberately added the accent on those four words.

When Xie Chen heard this, his entire face turned from white to red visibly, and he looked innocently back on the stage.He figured out that there was something wrong with his words, but he hadn't figured out where the problem was.

Yang Sile lowered his head and smiled, finally feeling a little more relaxed.

Here the awards are announced one by one, and at the end of the final show, all the contestants walked up to the stage and bowed side by side.

Only two people were absent.

Yang Sile, Xie Chen and the others bid farewell, and ran backstage smoothly before the end of the show, found his water glass, went to the nearest teaching building to get boiled water, and prepared to drink it when Shi Nian woke up.

However, when he tiptoed open the door of the lounge at the end of the corridor with a cup filled with hot water, only the dark green curtain was left on the table, and Shi Nian was completely gone.

is he all right?

Or...became more serious and sent to the infirmary?

Yang Sile anxiously went to the two officers to ask Shi Nian's whereabouts.

At that time, the boy who helped carry the musical instrument interjected: "Oh, I thought the competition was coming to an end, so I went to him with the piano and flute, and wanted to ask him what to do. After all, there are so many piano boxes in the western music lounge, I I don't know which one is his."

"He woke up? And then?"

"Then he seemed to recognize me as you... he kept thanking me for carrying him to the lounge, and told me not to mention it to others with embarrassment. The first time I saw the chief speak in this tone, I was None of them reacted..."

The boy hesitated and asked, "Uh, do I mention it to others now?"

Yang Sile didn't know that Shi Nian had such deep concerns: "It doesn't count, I'm not someone else."

The boy let out a long sigh of relief: "That's good."

Yang Sile reiterated reassuringly: "But don't let more people know about it besides me."

"Understand, I won't say it."

Yang Si Le thanked him: "I'll look for it again."

In fact, Shi Nian, who was woken up by the ending music, was also looking for Yang Sile.He didn't see anyone in the background, so he guessed that Yang Sile was going to call the curtain call.

But he managed to get over that energy, and he didn't want to face the crowd and reality for the time being, so he simply hid in the playground with his piano case on his back.The avoidance behavior is exactly the same as when I was a child.

The students of Yinzhong were particularly fond of their hands. There were only two students who ran at night and one student who was lying in the middle of the green field and realized the unity of nature and man on the playground. It was terribly deserted.

Shi Nian walked around the stands and found a hidden corner behind the rostrum to be in a daze, looking at the tall buildings outside the wall, the clouds, the ground, and his hands.

Hands playing the cello.

——If the teacher knew that he had panic disorder and amnesia, would he still give him the same chance as others?Will you still agree to him staying in the orchestra?Will he still be allowed to go out and compete on behalf of the school?

Not likely.

Who would want a ticking time bomb as principal cello?Everyone will only express deep sympathy and regret, and then directly deprive him of the right to compete.In these respects, the campus is as rough and brutal as society.

How to do?

The spreading anxiety urgently needed to be vented, so Shi Nian buried his face in his knees and counted the numbers silently.

"1000, 1001, 1002..."

Starting from one thousand and counting until he calms down, this is the way to quickly calm down taught by the psychologist.

"1321, 1322, 1333, 1334, 1335..."

Are you counting a little too fast?

Not right.

Where do I go wrong?One thousand three hundred and three?

Fuck...can't even count the numbers right.

Fuck more desperate.

Shi Nian was self-defeating and forced himself into a quagmire of mania.

He stomped on his feet again, and kept beating his head with his fists. He went up and down with more and more force, but the painful groan from his throat became smaller and smaller until it was completely inaudible.

He would rather be able to scream up to the sky, yell "fuck | your mother", or close the door and cry with his father, Shi Zhengguo, than rely on such methods to vent.

But now he is still in school, he can't let go, and he can't do it.

Helpless for 10 minutes, deep breaths for another 10 minutes, no mood improvement.

When the lights on the playground were all extinguished and his whole body was plunged into darkness, he finally got up with difficulty and dragged himself back to the dormitory to play the piano.

You can't be bitten to death by mosquitoes before you die of anger.

He doesn't plan to practice the piano this weekend, so there's no need to carry the cello home, just bring the broken bow back and replace it with a new one.

Suspend all to-dos on the laptop, go to sleep first, and get a good night's sleep.Wake up at noon, turn on the air conditioner, stay in bed, listen to records, play with mobile phones, order takeaway, watch TV, happy and happy.

Very good, it makes people anxious to listen to.

The auditorium is empty, the school is quiet, and there is no one in the dormitory.

Shi Nian didn't turn on the light, and continued to sit idly under the bed facing the balcony window for a while, then started to tidy up his appearance, put the bow and Yang Sile's flute into a special bow case and left school.

Turning right downhill, walking along the neon-flashing Qinfang Street to the station, he met an orange cat on the road, and he recognized it as one of the cats that Yang Sile had fed last month.

He stopped, staring at it half lying by the rolling shutter door, licking the fur of its front paws leisurely.The orange cat also looked up at him, and stretched by the way, showing no sign of vigilance or closeness.

"Did you just recognize him?" After a long time, he asked the cat.

The cat yawned.

Shi Nian looked away, and smiled contemptuously: "Isn't it amazing to lie in the sun and take a nap?"

The orange cat sat up, didn't bother to pay attention to him, and walked away without a meow.

Yang Sile searched every corner of the school, including the abandoned space behind the rostrum, but found nothing.

Just when he convinced himself to give up looking for someone and was about to go to the barbecue stand for a midnight snack, he and Shi Nian unexpectedly met in front of the dormitory.

Yang Sile stood behind the bulletin board in the dormitory area and sent Cen Wanping a late return message. Shi Nian carried a long black box and pushed open the door of No. 2 dormitory building. The two were only ten meters apart, but they didn't say hello.

Shi Nian walked very slowly with his head down, so Yang Sile remembered the day when he reunited with him after a long absence. He whistled and twirled a blue folder with his fingertips, passing him like a gust of wind.

Shi Nian's daily life may be faster than the speed at which they pass each other, Yang Sile can guess.

But at least, Shi Nian seemed to be in a good mood at that time.

Having learned a lot from a pitfall, Yang Sile today no longer has the huge expectations that existed back then.He put his phone away and followed Shi Nian silently, just wanting to make sure that he boarded the bus home safely.

But Shi Nian stopped at Qinfang Street.

Sitting where the orange cat lay, he opened the black box and took out a broken piano bow.

The bow is held in the right hand, the elbow of the left hand rests on the bent knee, the arm does not move, and the bare wrist and fingertips move.

He played the cello with the most lazy and incorrect posture, trying to imitate the joy of the little girl whom he saw once a week.

After getting acquainted with her, Shi Nian once thought that the more people lost, the easier it is to be happy, because they are quite satisfied just living.But it turns out that's not the case.No matter how many good things happen every day, he and Mou Xiangfei's sister will always live in the fear and apprehension of "fear of losing".

It's really unfair and unlucky.

Yang Sile, who was hiding behind the light sign, didn't hear anything for a long time, and was tired from squatting, so he got up straight to urge Shi Nian to go home and rest.

A person appeared out of nowhere in front of him, and Shi Nian, who was immersed in the vicious circle, was startled, opened his mouth slightly and raised his head in horror.

Yang Sile squatted down, looked him straight in the eyes, and asked in a flat voice, "How long do you plan to sit here?"

Shi Nian saw that it was him who came, and he seemed to have found the cause and solution of all the sorrow and fear at the same time.

He was extremely disgusted and stared at Yang Sile.

In a flash, he realized that Yang Sile's unauthorized surveillance had probably seen his every move just now, and new embarrassment and embarrassment rushed to his heart.

"What does it matter to you? Who do you think you are?"

He stood up abruptly, staggered accidentally, and kicked over the bow case on the ground, and the bamboo flute inside rolled to Yang Sile's feet.

It was an accident, but Shi Nian didn't intend to apologize for it, he even felt a burst of revenge from it - Yang Sile could throw the pen into the trash can with the same expression, why couldn't he?

Holding the middle of the bow, he sneered and said, "Exactly, I've been looking for you for a long time. Take your flute away."

Yang Sile lowered his head and glanced at the bamboo flute that he had carefully maintained on weekdays lying on the ground trampled by countless pedestrians. Instead of reaching out to pick it up, he raised his eyes gloomyly and asked Shi Nian, "Did you do it on purpose?"

Shi Nian snorted, "Otherwise?"

Yang Sile propped himself up on his knees and ordered him solemnly: "Pick it up and apologize to me."

Shi Nian was aroused by this condescending tone, and used his silence to show off his might.

Yang Sile: "I said it for the last time, pick it up, and apologize to me."

Their eyes met, and the two confronted each other for a long while full of gunpowder. Shi Nian suddenly let go, nodded and said, "Okay, I'll pick it up."

He bent down to pick up the bow box, put his own bow in it, and after pressing the lock, he deliberately raised the box up and shook it at Yang Sile.

"I picked it up."

After speaking, he lifted his foot and left.

Yang Sile's gaze left the flute still lying at his feet, and he grabbed Shi Nian's arm quickly and firmly, preventing him from leaving: "Pick it up or not?"

Shi Nian was forced to turn around, impatiently keeping his arms away, trying to get rid of Yang Sile's control.But Yang Sile was a drummer, so he held his hands tightly, so he didn't let him succeed.

"Are you fucking finished?!"

Shi Nian was completely ignited, and he suddenly took the bow case and pressed his wrist down.

If you can't press it, just smash it.

Yang Sile never expected that he would treat her like this, and was so shocked that he couldn't even feel the pain for a moment.

Shi Nian got his freedom, but instead of stopping immediately, he intensified his efforts, yelling in the deserted Qinfang Street: "Fuck|Your mother! You asked for it!"

The storm was about to come, Yang Sile couldn't believe it, and watched Shi Nian's fist swing towards him helplessly.

Shi Nian's knuckles were white with tension, and the blood in his body was rushing for this deliberate provocation.

Yes, that's it, no one should fucking think about it.

Yang Sile was stunned by his solid punch, and fell backwards because of his unsteady center of gravity. His right hand was propped on the bamboo flute, and the thenar under his thumb was pierced by the cracked flute hole. Not a small hole.

When Shi Nian hit someone for the first time, he was so excited that he trembled, his mind went blank, and his whole body was completely swallowed by a kind of excitement that he had never met before.

Yang Sile looked up and saw that his face was angry, but his eyes were shining with joyful and aggressive light. For a moment, he dared not admit that this was the Niannian who used to comfort him childishly and cry with him.

"Are you crazy……"

A burning sensation rose from the cheekbones and lower eye sockets, Yang Sile's brows gradually frowned, his eyes focused, and the sluggishness on his face turned into a bone-piercing anger, as if a sharp knife was cutting Shi Nian's body.

In the posture of falling to the ground, he grabbed his flute with his backhand and stabbed Shi Nian in the shoulder.

Shi Nian had no experience in fighting, so he was taken aback by his pounce, and subconsciously blocked the bow case in front of him.

Yang Sile did it on purpose.The moment he got close, he immediately switched hands, turned his palm into a fist, and swung at Shi Nian's face with an eye for an eye.

Shi Nian only heard a muffled sound in his head, and severe pain invaded his whole body.He landed on his back, his white shirt covered in dust, and the box flew out of his hands.

The viscera in the chest seemed to be pulled tightly by an invisible brute force. There was numbness in the back, tingling pain in the front chest, and buzzing in both ears. He closed his eyes tightly in pain, opened his mouth, but couldn't say anything. sound.

Taking advantage of the victory, Yang Sile pursued, walked over and grabbed Shi Nian by the collar, and lifted him roughly from the ground.

"I haven't seen you for a few years, and I've learned how to fight. That's amazing, Chief Shi." He said coldly.

The second button of the shirt was torn loose, and Shi Nian still couldn't get enough of it.

He covered Yang Sile's hand, trying to separate his fingers one by one, while trying to speak.

Yang Sile didn't hear clearly, so he leaned down and brought his ears closer: "What."

With a smug smile, Shi Nian repeated weakly: "Fuck...your mother..."

Before he finished speaking, he caught off guard and raised his right foot, kicking Yang Sile's stomach fiercely.

Yang Sile was thrown to the ground by this kick, and had to let go of his hands, knelt down and covered his stomach, sweating coldly from the pain.

"'No see for a few years'." Shi Nian slowly got up while chewing on what he just said, and said breathlessly, "Chen Zhima rotten millet, are you ashamed to mention it? Do you think everyone wants to know you?"

He rushed over, looking as if he was going to die with Yang Sile, and punched him in the face with all his strength, "As long as I meet you, nothing good will happen!"

Yang Sile was dizzy and couldn't escape, the pain spreading from his abdomen to his limbs made him lose all strength.

"Get out of here!" Shi Nian kicked him in the shin again, yelling through gritted teeth, "Don't let me see you again! Get out! Stupid | Bitch!"

Yang Sile couldn't take it anymore.

He was trampled and insulted by Shi Nian, which aroused a new round of fighting spirit.

He propped himself up on the ground and jumped up, swung his left arm in a semicircle in the air, and punched Shi Nian on the chin: "Is it cool to say dirty words?!"

Another punch on the right cheek: "Is fighting fun?!"

Aim at the stomach and punch again: "Is it cool to curse people for no reason?!"

Shi Nian didn't expect him to fight so hard, he couldn't react for a while, his tongue was bitten by his own teeth, and he missed the opportunity to fight back.

Yang Sile was like a furious lion, catching a straggling prey and not letting go, beating the same place again and again, roaring again and again: It's you who should get out.

Shi Nian experienced a panic disorder attack at night, and he had exhausted a lot of energy, and it was already at the end of his battle. After venting the anger and anxiety that had accumulated in his heart for a long time, his sanity gradually returned.

Panting and exhausted, he fell to the ground, not intending to resist, and let Yang Sile grab his collar and wave his fists mercilessly.

fine.Physical pain is better than endless self-doubt.

He had to thank Yang Sile for being willing to fight with him, otherwise this turbulent and frightening night would have been impossible to pass.

As long as the final week lasted, he suffered from insomnia. He went to bed at 06:30 every morning and left for piano practice at [-]:[-] in the morning. Now he just wants to sleep.Fighting is so tiring, so painful, and so embarrassing, is it enough for a good night's sleep?

If he could, he would not do any business after waking up. He would stay in bed, play with his mobile phone, and learn the bad habits of playing games in black Internet cafes with Zhang Qinghao. Enjoy the heart to go to a symphony concert.

He wants to live as he pleases.

I really want to live whatever I want.

Yang Sile was also extremely tired, and gradually withdrew from his anger.

He slowed down for a while, then slumped on the ground exhausted, let go of his palms, caught Shi Nian who was streaming tears, and let him lean into his arms.

Although Shi Nian was crying, his expression was calm.

He knew that Yang Sile was a good person, and he also knew that he was not a bad person, but he really didn't want to see Yang Sile again.Regardless of whether they knew each other in the past, whether they were friends, or how good friends they were.

He turned his head and buried his face on Yang Sile's shoulder, his expression and voice were exceptionally relaxed: "It turns out that fighting is like this."

Yang Sile's right hand, which was convulsed due to too much force, was covered with blood, some were fresh, some had dried up.But he didn't know it, and still put his chin lightly on the top of Shi Nian's head as before, and didn't answer.

"Give me a WeChat ID, and I'll transfer Dizi's money to you." Shi Nian closed his eyes.

Yang Sile's voice became hoarse: "Are you sick?"

Shi Nian sighed happily: "Yes, I'm sick."

Yang Sile couldn't help feeling sad, he never imagined that one day he would swear the worst words and have the most serious fights with Shi Nian.

Starting today, I have to think about it.

"So fucking sleepy."

Shi Nian didn't know if he had the same idea as him, and the mechanical tears turned into real sadness for no reason.

He suddenly choked up and called Yang Sile's name: "Yang Sile..."

Yang Sile responded, "Yes."

Shi Nian raised his hand and grabbed his collar, raised his chin and put the tip of his nose close to him, sniffing the impressive scent on him.

"Can you stop appearing in front of my eyes in the future. I beg you."

Yang Sile didn't speak for a while, until a passerby passed by and looked here curiously, then he grabbed Shi Nian's fingers and let him let go of him.

"You too," he replied flatly.