My deskmate is gay

【sorry. 】

I don't know how to stop guarding you, just like I don't know how to choose to like you.

You are special, this is my first impression when I see you.

But then I realized that you just can't communicate with them, just like you will become lively and cheerful later.

I entered the circle that I thought I would never leave very early on. The moment I fell in love with you, I also thought a lot, but in the end I couldn't help but pull you into the water.

It was despicable, but at the time I couldn't restrain my thoughts at all.

In fact, we are not very lonely. For example, Zhang Ping and the others lived a happy life. They got the understanding of their parents. After the test of time, they finally went to live abroad together. At that time, I was very envious, very envious.

I would even be alone, imagining how nice it would be if we could go out alone one day?

However, I think, by now, it should be impossible, right?

I slowly approach your life, force you to get used to my existence, and then stay with you without any waves. I like you very much. I will feel sad because of your emotional instability, and I will be because of other people. If you are jealous of you, you will be happy because you can confess your feelings to me...

Everything works with you.

I thought it was like this, we graduated, got a job, had a certain foundation, and then we could start doing what we like, but...

Everything is what I thought... everything is also my self-indulgence.

My parents regarded my childhood words as words of rebellious period. With such a background, I never seemed to have a choice.Things at work are not taken care of by others, and it starts to become tricky, and sometimes, I even feel confused...

I know once, you secretly gave the rent to Zhang Ping, carefully caring for my unbearable self-esteem, I understand, but in the face of reality, I still bowed down in pain.

I don't know how to tell you, I just numb myself every day, even sometimes, because I feel irritable, I will lose my temper with you.

I'm such a bastard, and I shouldn't be in your world at all.

Facing your stubborn smiling face, I can only hold the hand of the person next to me and say cruel words to you. I can only watch you drink up the red wine and then slide to the ground, announcing the end of us.

Our story should have ended long ago.

I pretended to grow up, you never need to grow up.

Looking at the bright and glazed world in front of me, I can only hope deeply in my heart that there will be a day when there will be a person who will give up everything to stand in front of you bravely, hold your hand, and give the promise I promised One by one to achieve.

No matter how big the storm is, it will not let go.

Maybe it's too selfish to say that, why should I let a person who may never show up fulfill my promise, it's hypocritical and annoying, but, but I really don't know how to face you other than these.

It seems to be a matter of a split second. One second you were still staring at the window quietly, and the next second you were huddled on the sofa alone and crying.

I could only watch quietly, but I didn't expect that I, who finally pulled you out of the abyss, would push you into it again.

I also hope that one day, retribution will come to me, so that my sense of guilt will be reduced a little bit.

I betrayed everyone.

Among them is you who I cherish the most.

[Sorry, my little one. 】